What to do?

Hello! I definitely have fine hair, mostly straight, a bit of wave when I sleep on it wet. I also have a long face with a broad forehead, generous features spaced far apart. When my hair is long, it looks scraggly, even with minimal split ends.

I recently went from bsl to just below chin length bob, slight layering and bangs. I couldn't figure out how to style my new short hairstyle and ended up looking like a spaniel. Cute as they are, I don't want to LOOK like one!!! So I went for more of a one-length lip bob which I liked the look better and it was easier to style.

Here's the dilemma...I am tall and thin and did not realize that the long hair helped to hide my scrawny upper body! Not only that, but a big face with fine hair isn't very flattering. That tendency to go flat and lifeless, you know. I am undecided as to whether or not I will grow it long or cut it shorter. Right now it's about 2 inches above my razor-sharp shoulderblades. LOL! More layers??? I would love a style that requires the minimum of styling, less is more! Can you picture it? Tall, skinny girl with a big face and small hair?

I know most people suggest no longer than shoulder length for fine hair. Also bangs for long faces. But what kind of styles do you think might work for me?

Thank You for your informative response! I've had vertical bangs for most of my life and did not realize that I was emphasizing my long face rather than the desired effect of shortening it! A few weeks ago I had snipped them to an inch above my brows and noticed that that too made my face look longer. They have since grown out, but not yet long enough to sweep to the side. I will grow them longer, as per your suggestion.

I was thinking last night of how best to describe myself and came up with two comparisons. One is Uma Thurman's body. I've been told I am 'willowy', and yes, too skinny. The other is Olive Oil. That Popeye character. You know how every part of her body looks stretched out like silly putty? Yeah, like that! And she looks to have fine hair too, plastered to her head!!! So if you were to give Olive Oil a makeover, what would you do?! Her crewneck top is just as unflattering on me as it is on her!!!

I have found that blunt cuts seem to make the most of my fine hair. But it's strange...has anybody else noticed that the trend for stylists these days is to take a razor to the hair, giving it uneven layers and 'texturing'? It reminds me of those special scissors they use to thin out thick hair. I don't *have* thick hair, so I can never understand when my stylists insist on razoring my hair when it has the effect of thinning out what little I already have.

Am I misguided on this thought? I just know that the first cut I got from BSL to layered bob, she 'texturized' it with a razor, and my hair would not cooperate with me no matter what I did. Blown upside down, scrunching gel...vent brush and mousse...round brush and mousse...curling iron to try to flip it (and you are so right, my hair refuses to hold curl unless I shellac it with hairspray!)...YECK! If I could've gotten it to look 'messy cute' aka 'bedhead', that would have been fine; but no go! When I had 2 inches of the layers cut off into more of a blunt bob, it fell a lot better!

Now I'm at that blah tweener stage. Hair purgatory. Either way, two inches shorter or maybe two inches longer would look better than *this*! The women in my life like the shorter 'do. The men, of course, like it longer. Me? I miss the security blanket of my hair, as I was accused of hiding behind it. However, the short blunt bob seems the easiest to maintain and I feel cute when I look in the mirror. Kinda like Alyssa Milano's hair in the first season of Charmed (I see that's out on dvd now). I needed a change as I was getting sick of putting the long hair in variations of ponytails. But in pictures, I look bad with the short hair. Again, little hair on my elongated body.

Here's the other 'dilemma'...how old is too old to look 'cute'? With that chin length bob, I look around and notice the trend is looooooong hair. I also notice that most people who have the bob I favored were either ages 6 and under or a few decades older than I am (mid 30's). When are hair clips and little barettes considered to be inappropriate? And how does one pull off an evening look with this bob? Maybe this part of my post should be posted in a separate thread in a different 'room'?

Thanks!
And yes, my friend the sun is shining again today! :)
Sunrise

... I will grow them longer, as per your suggestion.

You don’t have to wait until it is longer, start wearing them to one side right now.
Since you’re cutting your fringe yourself, maybe you could try this (VERY CAREFULLY!!! Only with very small snips at the time) on your own: hold a vertical part of the fringe between two fingers (fingers vertical and repeat every inch), pull it away from your head. You’ll notice the ends get longer the more they’re away from your eyebrows. With a very sharp (hairdressers) scissor, make the straight line between the ‘bottom’ and the ‘top’ ends slightly more vertical instead of angled. Take the cut part again as guide for a new part (new part always straight from your head, the guide under a slight angle). This will add texture and hopefully some movement to the fringe (difficult to say if it’ll work on this distance) when you wear it to one side. If I’m not clear enough in describing the process or you don’t feel confident enough don’t attempt it. Every error will be highly visible, especially in your kind of hair.

So if you were to give Olive Oil a makeover, what would you do?! Her crewneck top is just as unflattering on me as it is on her!!!

Here goes Olive! Maybe choose a hairstyle (it would be shorter then) that emphasises your long neck... many men find it attractive (basic reason for updo's). Avoid hairstyles that give the impression you’re a 'mop' turned upside down. Sorry for the unflattering comparison, but that's the image we get when your hair gets at or below shoulder length. The hair length only stresses the skinny length.
When going out choose a halter style dress (front covered, round neck opening in front, sleeveless, open back). This will distract the attention from your length, emphasise your back (instead of the front) and still cover the shoulders. Otherwise, try to break the line between head and feet by colours (eg a T-shirt that peeks out under a sweater/vest) and keep away from V-neck T-shirts, sweaters, ... No short skirts/trousers, buy clothes with heavy (nice) prints at chest level, they'll create visual volume where you like it.

I have found that blunt cuts seem to make the most of my fine hair ... I don't *have* thick hair, so I can never understand when my stylists insist on razoring my hair when it has the effect of thinning out what little I already have. I just know that the first cut I got from BSL to layered bob, she 'texturized' it with a razor, and my hair would not cooperate with me no matter what I did. Blown upside down, scrunching gel...vent brush and mousse...round brush and mousse...curling iron to try to flip it ... but no go! When I had 2 inches of the layers cut off into more of a blunt bob, it fell a lot better!

Sunrise, maybe you're trying to get your hair to do stuff it just won't do (flip up, messy bed head look, ...). Just like curls, they won't hold unless a lot of mousse etc is used. The reason why they want to texturize it is simply add something to otherwise dull looking (blunt cut) hair. If your hair resists holding a curl/flick/... it looks better layered. In your case I'd suggest even layers (practically same length everywhere), making the hair look very neatly trimmed and the lack of motion only emphasises that point. OK, this is not hip and trendy, but it will give you a hairdo that's manageable. This layering can be done at several lengths (the bob length you prefer too). If the hairstylist is into uneven layering, she/he is imposing fashion upon you, no matter what. And that’s is obviously very wrong.
The other reason why some layering is done is because fine thin hair that gets just a bit greasy looks very bad. It removes all of the volume (the bit you managed to put in there) and forces you to spend a lot of time on your hair.

... The women in my life like the shorter 'do. The men, of course, like it longer. Me? I miss the security blanket of my hair, as I was accused of hiding behind it ... But in pictures, I look bad with the short hair. Again, little hair on my elongated body.

Men are said to have a thing for long hair. When asked they associate long hair with he girls from adult mags. That is what they are shown as their interest in the opposite gender starts to surface. I guess there the link long hair = attractive comes from. Unfortunately the long hair isn't a guaranteed attraction for men. It still has to suit you, look nice (have volume and movement) and is just part of the stereotype package ('volume' at chest level in front, halfway at the back). Then again, women who have these features complain they only get superficial men, out for just one thing. So never mind the men that complain stereotypically about long hair. Make the most of what you've got and notice the men will start to notice you too. A self-confident woman who knows how to dress (hair and clothes) in style, will attract only those seriously interested. Versus those who just run behind their ....
I have to admit, the self-confidence is the hardest part, but comes naturally when you have found a style that flatters you. When you look in the mirror each day and start to say "that's better than before" the self-confidence will pop up. I guess this answers the "inappropriate (hair)dressing" too. Choose what really suits you, not what you used to wear/have before.

You wrote too you look bad with shorter hair. Was it the hair length or the cut or the general picture? (see Olive's treatment for what to do and what to avoid).
It is easier to say: I didn’t look good with that hair length than admitting the general styling isn’t right. Take a gorgeous woman with the perfect and ideal hairstyle, dress her in such a way the wrong parts are emphasised and many will tell there’s something not right. She might even point the finger at her hair, since most women are unhappy with their hair in the first place: too thick, too thin, too straight, too curly, …

To wrap it up : I think your nick indicates you’re ready to head in the direction of growing self-confidence and self acceptance! Just look at each (small) step you’re taking in the right direction and enjoy each sunrise to the fullest! If I was able to help you just advance one inch in that direction, you've made me happy too.

**You don’t have to wait until it is longer, start wearing them to one side right now. **

=chuckles= Actually, before I read this latest post, I wet my bangs down and brushed them to the side, trying to train them to sit sideways! ;)

**Since you’re cutting your fringe yourself, maybe you could try this ...If I’m not clear enough in describing the process or you don’t feel confident enough don’t attempt it. Every error will be highly visible, especially in your kind of hair.**

I read your directions very sloooowly and carefully. I think I have attempted this same process myself before a couple of times. And you're right, it's very unforgiving if you do it wrong!!! LOL!!! I have definitely mangled my fringe!!! LOL!!! But I'm never afraid to try at least! I've gone in after self-cutting my hair to at least give the stylist a better idea of the cut I am aiming for. I let them tidy up what I started. ;)

**Here goes Olive! Maybe choose a hairstyle (it would be shorter then) that emphasises your long neck... **

LOL!!! Yes! I DO have a long neck!!! I guess my 'Olive' comparison was better than I thought!!!

**Avoid hairstyles that give the impression you’re a 'mop' turned upside down. Sorry for the unflattering comparison, but that's the image we get when your hair gets at or below shoulder length. The hair length only stresses the skinny length.**

Do you mean when the hair hangs at one length, minimal layering?

**When going out choose a halter style dress (front covered, round neck opening in front, sleeveless, open back). This will distract the attention from your length, emphasise your back (instead of the front) and still cover the shoulders. Otherwise, try to break the line between head and feet by colours (eg a T-shirt that peeks out under a sweater/vest) and keep away from V-neck T-shirts, sweaters, ... No short skirts/trousers, buy clothes with heavy (nice) prints at chest level, they'll create visual volume where you like it.**

WOW!!! Fashion advice too!!! I struck GOLD when I found you all at this site!!! Yes, halter styles look pretty okay on me! Crew necks, shallow v, and T-shirts look AWFUL. The high necks just elongate my torso. This is cool...it's like getting nominated for 'What Not to Wear' without having to throw away my wardrobe or fly to NY!!! THANKS!!! :)

**If your hair resists holding a curl/flick/... it looks better layered. In your case I'd suggest even layers (practically same length everywhere), making the hair look very neatly trimmed and the lack of motion only emphasises that point. OK, this is not hip and trendy, but it will give you a hairdo that's manageable. This layering can be done at several lengths (the bob length you prefer too). If the hairstylist is into uneven layering, she/he is imposing fashion upon you, no matter what. And that’s is obviously very wrong.**

YES!!! I was guessing that even layers was not the 'in' thing to do, because anytime in the past few years I have asked for those layers, the stylists keep giving me those wispy uneven razored edges!!! I have even gone so far as to say, "NO razored edges or thinning shears!" My hair looks like crap that way, unhealthy like the ends broke off or something. Totally untameable, as I'll brush it and 5 minutes later, I have this frizz static wayward 'do. Not cute messy bedhead in the least!!

**The other reason why some layering is done is because fine thin hair that gets just a bit greasy looks very bad. It removes all of the volume (the bit you managed to put in there) and forces you to spend a lot of time on your hair.**

Now here's where my hair dye dilemma comes into play. I've been going grey since 20 and use Natural Instincts semi-perm. color. I try to make the color last by washing every other day. Yet on the second day, I admittedly have the problem you describe above. Oil, limp hair. When I had the long hair, I could get away with a lazy ponytail to disguise it! I am reluctant to go with a permanent color since the roots are more noticeable with the perm. colors on me.

**Men are said to have a thing for long hair. When asked they associate long hair with he girls from adult mags. That is what they are shown as their interest in the opposite gender starts to surface. I guess there the link long hair = attractive comes from. **

That was very true for my ex, exactly what you wrote. I think he fell in love with my hippie style waist length hair when we met 12 years ago! My husband, from my observations, seems to favor short hair on women. Meg Ryan, Keira Knightley's new short 'do. When I told him I wanted to cut my hair and asked for his opinion, he was picking cuts shorter than bobs. Even now he says I hide behind the hair of my bob, says I'd look better with it off my face. No way! Not going that short!!! Then it turns out when I pushed him for a preference, he said the sweet safe answer that I am beautiful all ways, but the long hair was better on me. *sigh*

** I have to admit, the self-confidence is the hardest part, but comes naturally when you have found a style that flatters you. When you look in the mirror each day and start to say "that's better than before" the self-confidence will pop up. I guess this answers the "inappropriate (hair)dressing" too. Choose what really suits you, not what you used to wear/have before. **

The last time I went from below bsl to above shoulders cut (I was a member here back then too and posted about it in the long hair section, but I can't remember my username!), 'mop' would be a good description. I couldn't look in the mirror for MONTHS, I felt so ugly. I also noticed the dip in being noticed after the cut. The guys passed me right by. Then this last time I went from long to short, I was ready to make it work, felt more confidence. It was then that I realized it's really more about confidence that is attractive, less on any particular hair length or style. Lately though, my confidence is wobbly with this tweener style. I'm gonna have to do something soon!

**You wrote too you look bad with shorter hair. Was it the hair length or the cut or the general picture? (see Olive's treatment for what to do and what to avoid).
It is easier to say: I didn’t look good with that hair length than admitting the general styling isn’t right. **

I think the first cut with uneven layers was all wrong for me. And looking at the photos yesterday, I'm thinking also the length, as it is at that same length now (with less layers) and looks bad. So yes, it's this overall length that's not flattering.

** She might even point the finger at her hair, since most women are unhappy with their hair in the first place: too thick, too thin, too straight, too curly, **

SO TRUE!!! What I would GIVE to have full curly hair!!! At least then my big face and generous features would have some balance!!! I used to be told that I look like Mariah Carey before she went blonde. Can you picture Mariah with fine short hair?

**To wrap it up : I think your nick indicates you’re ready to head in the direction of growing self-confidence and self acceptance! Just look at each (small) step you’re taking in the right direction and enjoy each sunrise to the fullest! If I was able to help you just advance one inch in that direction, you've made me happy too.**

Awww, thanks! :) Just thinking about the suggestions you wrote yesterday had me altering my bangs first thing in the afternoon! Now I also know to be direct in demanding even layers, no wispy stuff. And I will also let you know if I try to texturize my bangs again! I think I might even go in and have an inch or two cut back as this length is just having me feel ugly!

THANKS AGAIN!!!

**Sunrise, you made the sun rise over here (although it's grey, cloudy and chilly) **

GOOD MORNING!!! Come on over and enjoy the sun shining here! :) It's a lovely day!!! (why oh why do we have to work?!)

**Yes, same length, minimal layering at the ends. oeoeoeoeoh .... shiver me timbers **

*chuckles* I am in danger of morphing into that dreaded MOP!!! At the moment, I do have minimal layers at the ends. The overall length is right where the neck slopes into the shoulders.

**Consider getting a permanent colour anyway. The grey hair is unfortunately there to stay**

Yes, and steadily increasing over the years. I will proudly sport my 'silver threads of wisdom' when my hair resembles my mom's, which is a gorgeous salt and pepper, more 'salt' at the temples. That's where mine show thru first as my color is rinsing out.

**... Upside: permanent colouring makes the hair in fact look a bit thicker; not because the colour pigments are glued on top of the shaft . Just because the colouring contains chemicals that open up the shaft, "insert" pigments and try to reclose it. The 'trying' part is never 100% succesfull, making the same shaft of hair a tiny bit thicker. Frequent recolouring is necessary, but you could make it last longer by touching up with a semi permanent colouring. **

I didn't know any of this. Thank you for the information. Would it be okay to dye permanent over a semi?

**Some hairstylist offer (in exchange for money ofcourse) semi permanent colours to clients with the exact colour mix they used (permanent one). For the DIY in you (I still remember the fringe ), that combination is available too in good shops. What some like to do is to mix two basic colours (eg dark blond and light brown) to get a more sophisicated colour.**

*chuckles* I have to give them MONEY?!?! This is not the first time the thought has crossed my mind that I should venture across the street and enroll myself in beauty school so I can learn how to do ALL of it myself!!!! LOL!!! I also didn't know they could get the same shade for permanent color and semis. Thanks again!

**Sure he didn't give you the answer you wanted? He indicated prefering short... Then finally came first the safe answer, then in the end he gave in because you kept insisting? Could it be he got the impression you didn't like his opinion (short) and then changed it to long, just for you? If he did, he's a gem!**

Here's how it went: Basically I told him that I am unhappy with my hair no matter what, long or short, I don't have a preference for myself. So since I couldn't decide and he has to look at me every day, I would like to know what he prefers seeing. My H is very humorous, so I took a silly approach. That's when he said that I am beautiful no matter what, long, short, bald, whatever. But if he HAD to state a preference, I'm the long hair 'type', long hair suits me. That's when I began popping biotin and bought a month's supply of HF37!!! LOL!!!

**Time to get a haircut then ...

Or add more layers?? Still undecided!!!

**Glad to hear I helped you! Bmail if you like.**

Is that 'board mail'? I'll look around for the button to click on....Just like my hair, I'm not afraid to click around on a computer and figure it out! I also don't know how people post pictures in here...

THANKS BUDDY!!!