Will ASH Turn Pale Yellow Hair Grey?

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   I have pale yellow hair (nearly white in some areas) and I would like
to put an extra light ash blonde demi-permanent color over it.  My hair
is very pourous and I have no experience with toners, so that's why I
chose a demi over other options.  It's my understanding that I need a
color with a violet base to neutralize the yellow, but I have a few
questions...

1)  I was considering using Wella color charm or Clairol complements, but do you think one is better than the other?

2) Will my hair just look grey with a level 10 ash color?

3) Color charts tend to look more natural than the hair samples at the
beauty supply store, but which is more accurate?  They told me the hair
sample is the pure color applied to white hair, but I'm just hoping my
hair won't look that ashy and grey.

Thanks for any help! 