my parents hate my long hair

Hi,

Oh what a dilemna. I totally relate since I have endured parents, lovers, friends & bosses lean on me at various times in my life about my hair being too long or too blonde or too whatever. This is a very hard one to resolve because of your age and the fact that you live with your parents in their home.

One thing I would suggest is to get an adult that your parents respect and listen to as a mediator. Are you close to any of your teachers or a school guidance counselor? What about a priest or preacher or someone from your church? Or someone from a youth group.

I think if you can talk to another adult and let them know the problem and ask them to help you negotiate with your parents you might be able to find a win/win solution for everyone. It really sounds like you have hit a roadblock where your parents believe one thing and you another. So if you can break the block w/ an advocate that can show your parents that letting you compromise and have your hair a way that you can both live with, you will all be happier.

I know that when I get stuck like this I always look for a third person that is objective to both sides that can help me negoiate the situation.

Is this a possibility for you?

Hang in there. I am sure you will find a way to work this out.

Best wishes,
Karen

You are at a cross-road.
Parents are there to nurture their children into healthy adults, to guide them and above all to love them.
Your having long hair is not going to compromise your health, moral values or anything else critical to your proper development.
It is, therefore, not their business.
Whatever their personal prejudice about this matter, I would advise you to do one thing - and it will take every fibre of patience you have: IGNORE THEM AND DO NOT RESPOND TO THEIR COMMENTS OR THREATS.
You hair is part of your body and it is totally your choice what you do with it.
If they persist and you really cannot bear it, do not give in to their demands to cut it off. Tell them to post their point of views on this board and see the responses they get.
If that's no-go, and things get really serious, go see your high-school counciller, doctor, priest (sorry, I don't know your lifestyle, but basically I mean anyone who is an adult in a position of authority) - see them all and explain how this is affecting you. Ask those who are sympathetic and approving of your choice if they could speak to your parents and tell them to cool it.
Hell, if you were local to me, I'd do it myself.

This really makes my blood boil because it is an infringement of your basic, God-given right to be yourself in your physical person. Of course, this is also spilling over into your psychological and emotion relationships with your family, but remember to remind them that it is THEY who choose to cause the distancing you spoke off.

Be careful, be brave, be determined and maintain your dignity. You will soon be an independent adult and can walk away. And please, let it be just their words and control you walk away from - not their love.

For what it's worth, you have the support of myself and the other posters to your message.

Best wishes

Uzma

I say follow your heart and talk to your parents. Don't cut your hair because it will make you unhappy and if you work at this thing you can find a win/win. I think asking another person to help mediate is very wise.

C

Hi Dave,

I have to agree with you that cutting the hair will only make PrettyBoi feel bad since he has been very clear with all of us that he doesn't want to cut his hair. I still vote for keeping his hair and getting a mediator. Just my 2 cents worth.

Karen

It really doesn't matter what anybody likes or wants, other than the young man in question.

Personally, every time my hair was forcibly cut I felt an intense sense of loss that was disproportional to the actual act of cutting hair. That's because hair had become a battleground. Because it represented the possession and control of my identity by others and the act of hacking it off was their asserting control of it.

Prettyboi's hair is as much part of him as his arms and legs. Just because it grows if cut does not make it less so. Other people owning and modifying one's body parts carries strong hints of slavery.
These "parents" need to engage brain and see that their behaviour and attitude - not their son's hair length - is the problem.

Yeah, I know I'm getting really heavy on this one (sorry).

Uzma

Yes, so maybe his parent support him financially, but that doesn't mean they can make all of his decisions for him. I mean, that's part of growing up, right, you're starting to make your own decisions and learning from them? And hopefully your parents support you (and not just financially).
And the fact that he's a minor shouldn't make any difference here, it's not like getting a tattoo!

The way you look, and the way your hair looks, is such a personal thing, I don't think other people should make decisions for you in that area. Giving advice, or expressing concerns, that's fine, but that should be it. It doesn't really matter how old you are.
I would have thought that the people who post on this board would all feel this way, considering we all have an above average interest in hair and therefore realize how important hair can be to people. And by this I don't mean important to other people, but how important your own hair can be to yourself.

I think if you don’t want to cut it, don’t your 15 your parents can’t throw you out they WILL deal with it. When I got purple streaks in my hair, my parents were mad and demanded I get my hair dyed to its original color, my parents said I was going to be mistaken for a lesbian because only lesbians dyed their hair purple. I was 14 so they could not force me to do anything. They told me I was punished till I dyed it back to its original color I told them I would purposely fail my classes if they punished me. I was punished and after a week I go tone of my teachers that understood my situation to call my parents and say I wasn’t doing my work, if I continued not doing my work I was going to be taken out of honors classes and I would start high school in regular instead of honors (she lied). After that phone call I was unpunished and was allowed to dye my hair whichever color I chose. Seeing that they were okay with it I eventually decided to give my original hair color another try and currently I am a happy with my hair being a golden dark-brown

*Princessa*

I agree with you Dave to a point. It depends how outlandish the hair style is. Also as far as clothes go, would you let your daughter wear something so skimpy that she looked like a stripper or a streetwalker? And if you would let her wear something like that, in a way you are telling her that you don't care much about her, that maybe she isn't really worth much.

I believe that some children act out and wear outrageous clothes or dress like a tramp because they are looking for some discipline. They are hoping their parents will care enough about them to give them some rules. As much as I hated being told what to do when I was a teenager, I knew my parents loved me and wanted the best for me. That meant much more to me than being able to do, or wear, anything I wanted whenever I wanted.

My parents were fair with me but they did have some rules, including not looking like a punk girl or a tramp, and I'm glad they did. I still to this day allways try to look neat, clean and presentable. I learned that from them. And it has helped me with my self respect and my ability to get along with others.

I have to go with Brent on this one.

Also Princessa, I think when Brent was refering to self indulgent and bratty children he may have had someone like you in mind. I was hardly a perfect kid but you sound not only stubborn but a little spoiled, manipulative, and bratty. Some parents would have thrown you out on the street. Your lucky your parents indulged you, although that may not be good in the long run being that manipulative. You pull a stunt like that in the workplace and try to manipulate your boss like you did your parents you may find yourself out of work and into the poorhouse. Many people don't go for that sort of manipulation.

Sincerely,
Maria

I agree Josie that people who believe long haired men are gay are living in the stone age. Where have they been the past 30 years?

The point that myself and others were making though is that parents do have some control over their children until they are eighteen and earning a living. If I had a teenage son I would let him have long hair,(my fiancee has long hair and I assure you he isn't gay!). But there are some forms of clothing or hair I might not allow for my son or daughter.

A meditator isn't a bad idea, that could work for everyone involved.

. But I still content that teenagers have to learn they can't allways get their way. I had to learn it.(Example- My parents let me pierce my ears but wouldn't allow me to have a pierced nostril. I didn't get my nostril pierced until I was an adult).

(This is really long)

Lady Maria,
I have a couple of things to address to you:
1) learn to spell “Brent was refering to self indulgent”. REFERRING is not spelled correctly the way you wrote it.
2)You refereed to yourself as “I WAS hardly perfect”, obviously you still are not perfect since you can’t spell.
3) I am not bratty, a little spoiled and stubborn maybe but what you considered bratty and manipulative was just a form of trying to get some freedom, you are not me and unless you were you wouldn’t understand what my life is like. If you knew what my life was like you would see that what I did was not bratty and what my parents gave me was a form of psychology. Indeed my aunt is a psychologist and told my parents that what I did was forming my individual identity.
4) If I am manipulative and I do that in the work place I might be out of work but not in the poorhouse. I think the only reason parents would want to throw someone out would be if they were thought they knew everything, like YOU.
5)Although “people don't go for that sort of manipulation” I found it to work when parents don’t understand. My story is my parents are way too strict and don’t give me much freedom I finally got some freedom through “that sort of manipulation.” I just thought that Prettyboi is in the same type of situation. Just because you don’t agree with my ways, doesn’t mean I will change (<- my stubbornness) for you. Or anyone.
Last but not least, the message I wrote was not for you, it was for Prettyboi.
THIS MESSAGE REFLECTS MY PERSONAL VIEW, I HOPE NONE OF THIS OFFENDS YOU and THANK YOU! I was really refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. I can see your point but I still think your full of it.
Thank you Isla Q. for seeing my point.
*Princessa*