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They Don't Really Want My Advice.

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lycanammo View Drop Down
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    Posted: August 04 2012 at 8:58pm
It never fails.  When my friends tell me their problems, I listen carefully and then when they ask...I always give them advice.  I never give advice unless they ask first.

But when I give advice, I can tell by their body language that they do not appreciate what I'm saying, even though they specifically asked me for my opinion.

How do I learn to stop myself from giving advise that will only get me in trouble.  Case in point, last week I told my BFF, when she asked, that she should break up with her longtime live-in.  He cheats, takes her money, lies to her face and then she comes to my house and breaks down.

Now she's mad at me.  I want off this crazy circle.  Advice?  Please. 
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Ericachristina View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ericachristina Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 06 2012 at 12:21pm

A lot of the time people become mad when you tell them the truth because the truth can hurt and even though deep down they want to believe that your advice holds some merit they may feel ashamed, afraid, and in denial about whatever issues they are having. Some of the people I work with have a hard time hearing all the cold hard facts when you lay everything out in the open and address all their problems in a head on manner. It may be hard for them to cope with what you are saying and even harder for them to change. It doesn’t mean that all their anger is directed at you but just at you bringing all their issues to the table and telling them something that they may not want to hear although it is for their own benefit.  I would suggest if you know your friends will become angry at you for your suggestions and it could potentially ruin the friendship then maybe you can withhold your advice and let them learn for themselves. If they are serious about wanting to fix whatever issues they are having eventually they will turn things around for themselves when they hit rock bottom or they will continue down a destructive path until more severe intervention is needed. If you know that your advice will not end an important friendship and your friends ask for help then you can give your honest opinion, friends should be there for each other but it will not help them if you sugar coat everything and tell them what they want to hear. In the end you could be blamed for not being there for them and helping. Your best bet is to consider the ramifications of your advice based on the personality of your friend and then determine if your advice will be beneficial or a waste of time.

 

Good luck.

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Karen Shelton View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Karen Shelton Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 06 2012 at 1:00pm
Hi Erica,
I completely agree with you.  People do get mad when you tell them the truth.  I think you provided amazing advice here.

Thanks so much.
Karen
That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger or drives you totally insane. :-)
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Ericachristina View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ericachristina Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 08 2012 at 2:45pm

You are very welcome Karen. Smile

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rosaclinic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rosaclinic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 07 2012 at 2:10am
the best way to get out of this crazy thing is that always give a neutral advice and let the other person decide the final thing for him or herself. dont be the judge of the case and just give him points like a lawyer does. hope it helps!
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htt123456 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote htt123456 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: November 30 2012 at 12:08am
Hi Erica,
I completely agree with you.
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Sahara_desert View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sahara_desert Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 28 2013 at 11:02am
Very well said Erica!
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