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How do people respond when you say you're growing out/cutting your hair?

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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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    Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:45pm
After having decided to grow out my hair, I received several different responses.Since I attend law school, the majority of my friends there were horrified because "it's not professional." Hmmm. . .I need to direct them to some of our posts here! For one, I won't be going into a traditional legal setting for a career, and secondly, even if I did choose to do so, how I wear my hair is my decision, not my employer's. And, of course, long hair can be decidedly professional, as Karen and others have proven.My boyfriend was thrilled with my decision, and absolutely shocked tonight when I told him I was growing my hair to waist-length. He had hoped that I'd "regain" my long hair, but never expected me to add onto it! :) He's happy with the prospect.My parents, however, are not. They tend to agree with my law school peers, and would prefer that I keep it at the "flattering" length of just below chin-level now. My mother used to have gorgeous long, blonde hair, but cut it off in her thirties because she felt she was "too old" to wear it long. Never mind that she was Catherine Deneuve's twin! I will never give in to this mindset. Short hair may be what she wants, but it's not what I want.My best friend, who definitely has an artistic bend, is happy because we'll be going through the ghastly growing-out process together. She basically said to forget what's considered professional or not. . .and I agree.I share these opinions because I want to emphasize that although I appreciate everyone's viewpoint, what matters most is what *I* want. I want long hair. I don't care whether it's trendy or not. . .I'm not into "keeping up with fashion." I want long hair because I feel so much more feminine with it, and I feel that it's a physican expression of spirit. Of course, it's just as well for somebody to want short hair for different (or the same) reasons -- it's a matter of personal preference. I do find it funny, however, that most women react somewhat negatively to me once I say I'm growing my hair out. . .whether theirs is long or short! Go figure.What have reactions have other posters received upon changing your hairstyle?
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> After having decided to grow out my hair, I received> several different responses.> Since I attend law school, the majority of my friends> there were horrified because "it's not> professional."> My boyfriend was thrilled with my decision, and> absolutely shocked tonight when I told him I was> growing my hair to waist-length.First, I would like to say "thanks" for your reply to my original post a few days ago. I really appreciate that you took the time to respond, and I especially appreciate that you liked my post!Now, as to your decision: more power to you! Absolutely do what you want. I think that long healthy hair is very beautiful, and the fact that a woman takes the time to grow her hair says something good about her. Don't worry about what your parents might say...it is your life. It is especially good that your boyfriend likes the idea.In the past, my wife has had her hair long and short, and all lengths in between! I like it all. She probably would not have grown it much past her shoulders, but I encouraged her to do it. When she decided to cut it last summer, I made an event out of it. I want her to do what she wants, but I also have an opinion. I am glad that she listens to my desires, but I also know that when she wants a change, it is something that I just have to learn to like. Of course, I usually want to see her change, it is for me the most fun that way!She is in the "ghastly growing-out process" as you say: it is just now to chin-length, having been cut twice since the big cut at Sassoon in Atlanta. The last cut is why she decided to grow it out: the idiot that she went to for a trim decided that he would layer it out, not at all what she had wanted. Oh well, it does grow back!I hope that she gets it back to below-shoulder-length by the next winter, her hair does grow quite fast. The best part for me is that after her last bad cut, she told me that she wants me to trim it every couple of months or so!I really did like the Sassoon cut though, it was so cute! It exposed the bottom half of her ears, and had the best shape in the back, a great wedge with perfectly tapered nape. Just delightful, and a big change from years of long hair. But hey, I have many more years of changes to look forward to! Maybe in two or three years we will make another appointment at the Sassoon salon in Atlanta for a "special trip".> My parents, however, are not. They tend to agree with> my law school peers, and would prefer that I keep it> at the "flattering" length of just below> chin-level now.Well, that IS a very good length. But, since you have made the decision to grow it out, go for it!> I do find it funny,> however, that most women react somewhat negatively to> me once I say I'm growing my hair out. . .whether> theirs is long or short! Go figure.There seem to be many people in the world with opinions about how others should live, who cannot even keep their own lives straight! Go figure.> What have reactions have other posters received upon> changing your hairstyle?Well, my wife loves my latest (see the previous post) cut, I will probably keep it for a while. She has even suggested that I go REALLY short for the summer (like 1/8 inch all over)....I probably will do it. Of course, you know my reaction to her changes....I love to make it a big deal so we can make a romantic event out of it!Ciao!
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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Hello, Lurker, and thanks for your response! I think it's absolutely great that you make an event out of big haircuts -- that sounds like fun! I also think it's great that you're not adverse to change, because I certainly know many guys who are. I'm very fortunate -- I didn't tell my fellow that I was going to cut my hair, and just came around the corner one day with the Meg Ryan do. I was halfway to tears, and what did he say? "Wow, you look like Princess Diana!" It made what I considered a bad decision not half as painful! :)Thanks for the encouragement. . .and here's to your wife not having any bad growing-out days!!!
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> Hello, Lurker, and thanks for your response! I think> it's absolutely great that you make an event out of> big haircuts -- that sounds like fun!Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Buying the earrings and dresses afterwards was kind of like my own private fashion show. Afterwards we went back to the hotel and got drunk on champaigne. I was just kind of in a daze for the first 24 hours afterwards: the change was just so awesome! But, it was the quality of the haircut that made it so good...that stylist was an artist (he was in fact the artistic director of the salon).This was the biggest all-at-once change that my wife had ever made. Previously since we had been married, she had gone from long to short in stages, although twice in the past (high school and college) she had made big changes, just not THIS big. This time she just decided to "go for it" and had it cut all at once! On the way to the salon that day we were both kind of quiet; I had butterfiles in my stomach in anticipation, I can guess what my wife felt! I took "before and after" pictures. I wanted to take the video camera into the salon, but she drew the line at this: she just said that she would be too embarrased. I guess that she was too nervous to even consider it. I did keep a lock of hair though...about 15 inches long!> I also think> it's great that you're not adverse to change, because> I certainly know many guys who are.Well, I guess that maybe since I am 40 years old that may have something to do with it. Back when I was younger in my 20's, I probably would have freaked out. I even lost a girlfriend once who wanted to cut her hair and I did not want her to. She decided that I was too controlling....maybe I learned a lesson? Maybe I was too controlling back then!> I'm very fortunate> -- I didn't tell my fellow that I was going to cut my> hair, and just came around the corner one day with the> Meg Ryan do. I was halfway to tears, and what did he> say? "Wow, you look like Princess Diana!" It> made what I considered a bad decision not half as> painful! :)Hey, keep this guy! He obviously likes you for who you are, not just because of the way you look. Any man who can just suddenly adjust to a big shock like that must be pretty good! I guess that if my wife did this I would like it too, but I would rather be in on the whole process.> Thanks for the encouragement. . .and here's to your> wife not having any bad growing-out days!!!She already has, unfortuantely. After the last bad haircut (the layered one that was NOT what she asked for), she was pretty bummed for a while, but she is getting over it now that it is growing out again.
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niki View Drop Down
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I'm trying to not only grow my hair out longer but grow out the relaxer I've been wearing since I was 7 or 8 years old... The big response I've been getting from several of my friends and acquaintances is "Why don't you get a weave?" I couldn't figure out why they asked me this, but I've decided that it's based on the whole stereotype people have that black people can't grow their hair out very long. I know that it's a stereotype though cause when I was younger my hair was almost waist length and my sister-in-law now has waist length hair-- it would be longer but she cuts it when it gets too much past her waist. So I just ignore them now, although at the time I told them that obviously it's not the same!My husband doesn't say much about it, probably because he thinks it's just another one of my hair whims but once it's long, he'll love it because he loves long hair!
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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Niki, good luck growing!!! Let's prove to everyone that it's not another hair whim! :)
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jj View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:46pm
H -I got my bra length hair cut when I went to law school (partly because of pressure and partly because I decided to stop perming my hair straight on top/curly on bottom, is a stupid look). I had a chin length bob for a couple years and then a really short crop cut (1-2 inches on top, shaved to about 1/4 inch in the back and slightly above the ears)for two years after that. When I decided to grow my hair out, my boyfriend was against it because he loved my crop. My stylist was against it and refused to give just a trim (needless to say, I stopped seeing him). My family made constant references to how great my hair looked when I had it short. But I really didn't care what they had to say - I wanted it long (and it is my hair, isn't it). It's now almost 2 years later and my hair is almost bra length (yay!)I stopped getting pressure to cut it when it hit my shoulders and started looking nice. I plan to continue growing my hair until it is waist length as long as it is healthy and I think it looks good. I told my mother this and she said "normal people don't wear their hair that long" and "don't you think you're a little old for that" (I am only 27!!!) So I simply told her I would do what I wanted and we dropped the subject.Now as for bad growing out hair days.... I pretty much had one every day when my hair was growing out from chin-length to shoulder-length. My hair had no style/shape to it and I was too afraid to get it trimmed. My solution -- hair clips and barrettes. I bought many, many, many clips in all styles and colors and wore my hair half-up or in a ponytail for months on end.Now my hair is healthy and, if I say so myself, beautiful and I am very happy with it.....so all i can say to people growing their hair out - persevere and take good care of your hair and you will be happy and the naysayers may change their tune!!!good luckJJ
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Hi H,Very interesting question. Well, my mother has told me a few times that she thinks I should cut my hair, which is odd because she has had long hair her entire life, probably where I got my insparation from. Maybe she thinks i don't keep my hair neet enough but it is not my fault she married a man with unruly hair genes. My dad likes it because, like you, he considers it feminine and has always considered me a bit too boyish. I never really thought of it this way, mabey because a lot of guys around me hasve long hair also. My freinds and siblings don't have any reaction except to say, "wow, your hair is relly getting long".I don't think long hair is neccesarily unproffesional (as long as it is neat), in fact I think it has an air of authority. Have you ever seen the show "Ally Mcbeal"? The lawyers with the long hair are the tough ones.
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Hi JJ,> so all i can say to people growing their hair out - persevere> and take good care of your hair and you will be happyI agree with you 100%. It IS difficult to perservere during thatawkward stage you mentioned -- bad hair day after bad hair day. But asmy hair got past my shoulders, it got better and better. I too grew myhair from a very short layered haircut with 1-2 inch layers, and I alsoendured the critics and second-guessers. Had I listened to just a one,I would not have the below-the-waist-length hair that I have today.I consider myself fortunate to have had the strength of character toignore the naysayers. For me, growing my hair very long was actuallya character-building experience.Dave
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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> I don't think long hair is neccesarily unproffesional> (as long as it is neat), in fact I think it has an air> of authority. Have you ever seen the show "Ally> Mcbeal"? The lawyers with the long hair are the> tough ones.Right on, Serena! :)
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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Thanks for the great response, JJ! Good for you for growing it out -- perseverance, indeed! :) As for normal people not having their hair that long -- which could have come from my mom's mouth, too! -- normalcy is, in this case, overrated! LOL!!!
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>Hi, H. Taylor!I was glad to see the question and and your post in general.I wanted to give you my peek into the hairstyles of legal professionals. I am located in Crystal City, Virginia, just a hop from DC. I work as a legislative consultant for myself, but come in contact with many attorneys in law or consulting firms, government and those who have chosen not to practice law per se, but use their degree in another field.I think that you are wise to do as you please, specifically to grow your hair long. Especially in large law firms, long hair is an anomoly, but I would definitely say that is changing. I used to expect wild looks when I would go to a large firm with my hair from the support staff to the professionals. Mostly, as I indicated to a message that Karen posted, they were just surprised and highly curious. Over the past couple of years, I have watched women's hair become longer in this area. I think DC is much slower than Northern Virginia, but it is changing. Shoulder-length hair has become very popular. THe styles are also much more natural looking.An attorney with whom I have dealt for nearly two years surprised me last summer. He is my primary contact at one of those super-large law firms in DC and is in his 40's. First, he started his question by saying, "I don't want to appear sexist in any way" and then he asked me if I could recommend a good conditioner for him. He said that his hair was too dry and was breaking off. He also said that he was tired of going to get his hair cut every week. Since that time, he is wearing his hair longer. Somehow, I think he was experiencing some of the things you were talking about. I think he feels much freer with the longer hair length. His appearance is still extremely professional and well-tailored; and, his great mind is still intact:)I also wanted to say that in the long run, I think that even if you ever wanted to work for a large law firm, the long hair would not hurt you professionally. As I have noted previously, along with others, long hair is easier to style on a daily basis and you also have the opportunity to wear your hair in a variety of styles.Bye for now,Jade21After having decided to grow out my hair, I received> several different responses.> Since I attend law school, the majority of my friends> there were horrified because "it's not> professional." Hmmm. . .I need to direct them to> some of our posts here! For one, I won't be going into> a traditional legal setting for a career, and> secondly, even if I did choose to do so, how I wear my> hair is my decision, not my employer's. And, of> course, long hair can be decidedly professional, as> Karen and others have proven.> My boyfriend was thrilled with my decision, and> absolutely shocked tonight when I told him I was> growing my hair to waist-length. He had hoped that I'd> "regain" my long hair, but never expected me> to add onto it! :) He's happy with the prospect.> My parents, however, are not. They tend to agree with> my law school peers, and would prefer that I keep it> at the "flattering" length of just below> chin-level now. My mother used to have gorgeous long,> blonde hair, but cut it off in her thirties because> she felt she was "too old" to wear it long.> Never mind that she was Catherine Deneuve's twin! I> will never give in to this mindset. Short hair may be> what she wants, but it's not what I want.> My best friend, who definitely has an artistic bend,> is happy because we'll be going through the ghastly> growing-out process together. She basically said to> forget what's considered professional or not. . .and I> agree.> I share these opinions because I want to emphasize> that although I appreciate everyone's viewpoint, what> matters most is what *I* want. I want long hair. I> don't care whether it's trendy or not. . .I'm not into> "keeping up with fashion." I want long hair> because I feel so much more feminine with it, and I> feel that it's a physican expression of spirit. Of> course, it's just as well for somebody to want short> hair for different (or the same) reasons -- it's a> matter of personal preference. I do find it funny,> however, that most women react somewhat negatively to> me once I say I'm growing my hair out. . .whether> theirs is long or short! Go figure.> What have reactions have other posters received upon> changing your hairstyle?
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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Jade21, thank you for your response! It definitely perked me up. :) I'm glad to hear that you think women are going back to longer hair, or at least feel free to do so, and that you see evidence of men feeling and doing the same! Congrats on helping out your contact in the big firm -- that's fantastic, and I love the quote that his "great mind is still intact!"How long is your hair now?
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> Hi, H. Taylor!I was glad to comment because I like your question so much. I should see this gentleman again in about one month and I am going to ask him how the growing is doing and what he thinks. He is truly an intelligent attorney and wonderful person. I know how much trash attorneys take from the general public, but there are some ethical, devoted lawyers out there.Anyway, as to my hair length, it is approaching my derriere and well, I am going to be asking for some suggestions very soon. It is getting warm here and I know that my growth rate is going to increase even more. I am trying to grow out some shorter strands of hair which I cut short thinking that my face would be framed better. I think closer to all one length is my preference at this point.If you see a post from me here or in the Original Hair Talk, please help if you can:)All the Best,Jade21Jade21, thank you for your response! It definitely> perked me up. :) I'm glad to hear that you think women> are going back to longer hair, or at least feel free> to do so, and that you see evidence of men feeling and> doing the same! Congrats on helping out your contact> in the big firm -- that's fantastic, and I love the> quote that his "great mind is still intact!"> How long is your hair now?
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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Hi! If there are any funky problems with this message going through, please know that I just set up the Internet on my laptop after my desktop Netscape absolutely crashed, virtually destroying the rest of my desktop computer in the process. :(Jade21, I think your hair length is fantastic! To have hair so long must be great. When it does become warmer, how do you prefer to wear it? Do you wear it all down frequently? You and Karen are my inspirations! :)
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>Hi, back to you, H. Taylor!I usually wear my hair down, even in the warmer weather. But when it gets extremely humid and sticky here, I wear it in a chignon or single braid. I think my neck enjoys the chignon especially:) I am a person that sweats in the summer. I don't perspire:)A lot of people here have really given me the encouragement to grow and take care of my hair well, without even knowing it. No doubt, I admire you for growing your hair, too. I have enjoyed myself so much on Hair Boutique. I would miss this site greatly!I am so sorry about your computer crashing. It's a horrible experience. What's up with Netscape these days? When I updated not long ago, my system did some major belching and I was afraid of an imminent crash. Luckily, no crash.Have a Happy Easter!Bye for now,Jade21Hi! If there are any funky problems with this message> going through, please know that I just set up the> Internet on my laptop after my desktop Netscape> absolutely crashed, virtually destroying the rest of> my desktop computer in the process. :(> Jade21, I think your hair length is fantastic! To have> hair so long must be great. When it does become> warmer, how do you prefer to wear it? Do you wear it> all down frequently? You and Karen are my> inspirations! :)
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> I usually wear my hair down, even in the warmer> weather. But when it gets extremely humid and sticky> here, I wear it in a chignon or single braid.I think that long hair is so much more versatile, and I can't wait for mine to grow out. I have to wear it down right now, simply because it's too short to pull up! I've seen girls with tiny ponytails (we're talking two inches in length), and it looks absolutely ridiculous. . .there's no way I'd go that route! :)Hopefully my hair will be covering my neck by the summer, because otherwise I'll end up with a sunburn! One more beauty of having long hair, right?! LOL!
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>Hi, H. Taylor!You made me laugh to myself about the two-inch ponytail. It brought to mind a funny story. My mom had super-fine, black hair and a ton of it. Her growth rate was simply tremendous. You could just sneeze and it had grown another two inches. Anyway, normally she never let her hair grow past her shoulders and she tried many shorter styles, but seemed to always come back to around that length. She got a bad haircut one time, and I mean bad, and she knew it was too short when she couldn't really put it in a ponytail. The clip kept sliding off and she tried to play it off like it was nothing because I had asked her why did you have that done to your hair. In a couple of months, we had a good laugh, but she was rather upset at the time, even with my question and she wasn't one to get angry about something like that. She decided to stay away from that salon:)All the Best,Jade21I think that long hair is so much more versatile, and> I can't wait for mine to grow out. I have to wear it> down right now, simply because it's too short to pull> up! I've seen girls with tiny ponytails (we're talking> two inches in length), and it looks absolutely> ridiculous. . .there's no way I'd go that route! :)> Hopefully my hair will be covering my neck by the> summer, because otherwise I'll end up with a sunburn!> One more beauty of having long hair, right?! LOL!
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I have been changing my hair constantly since I was 13. People have always had something to say but I never really let it get to me. I think most have given up now because they know there is no point. What is really driving me crazy is now I have a two year old daughter and everyone seems to feel that her hairstyle is their business. My daughter hates having her hair messed with, and somehow keeps it in such a state that one might think it was never combed. Because of this I keep it short. It is still a girlish look but short. I am sick of the rude people who ask why I don't let it grow long. I don't feel it's their business and find myself wondering why they are so obsessed.
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> What is really driving me crazy is now I have a two> year old daughter and everyone seems to feel that her> hairstyle is their business.....I am sick of the rude> people who ask why I don't let it grow long. I don't> feel it's their business and find myself wondering why> they are so obsessed.If you read this message board, you will find that a central theme in lots of the experiences posted here is that other people seem to want to make it THEIR business how you wear YOUR hair (or in this case your daughter's).For some reason, this seems to be a recurring theme in our society: some people are just obsessed about telling other people how to wear/cut/color their hair! It is often masked in the guise of "business matters", and often it is in the context of "family relationships" or it is between partners/lovers, etc.I don't know WHY, but this does seem to come up A LOT. I guess that it is just a powerful issue for some reason....
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