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To tell a friend or not...

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Regina View Drop Down
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Joined: July 18 2001
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    Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:50pm
Hey everyone!I have a friend who has hair a couple of inches below her bra strap. She refuses to get any type of a hair cut that would take off more than half an inch. This would be totally fine if her hair was healthy! The last four inches it looks like it is thinning itself out and looks scraggly. I hope everyone knows what I'm trying to describe! How can I or should I even try to tell he rto get rid of the scraggly ends?She also tortures her hair. Always blowdries and never uses conditioner (she uses a cheap sprayin). Would it be ok for me to get her some good quality brands as a gift or is that tacky? AAAAAHHHH I just don't know what to do! I need to sdave my frinds hair but can't thinkof how to do it!Regina
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Diane from Canada View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane from Canada Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:50pm
> Hey everyone!> I have a friend who has hair a couple of inches below> her bra strap. She refuses to get any type of a hair> cut that would take off more than half an inch. This> would be totally fine if her hair was healthy! The> last four inches it looks like it is thinning itself> out and looks scraggly. I hope everyone knows what I'm> trying to describe! How can I or should I even try to> tell he rto get rid of the scraggly ends?> She also tortures her hair. Always blowdries and never> uses conditioner (she uses a cheap sprayin). Would it> be ok for me to get her some good quality brands as a> gift or is that tacky? AAAAAHHHH I just don't know> what to do! I need to sdave my frinds hair but can't> thinkof how to do it!> ReginaI have a rule that I normally follow it goes like this. If someone doesn't ask for your advice don't give it.I find that people get very insulted by they receive advice that they weren't seeking.Diane
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Lurker View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lurker Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:50pm
> I have a rule that I normally follow it goes like> this. If someone doesn't ask for your advice don't> give it.> I find that people get very insulted by they receive> advice that they weren't seeking.I second this idea. This is just what has been discussed on this board lately: the consensus seems to be to not tell people to get a haircut for any reason, their opinion about their own hair is the one that counts.Even if YOU feel that you are doing it for the "right reasons", the person who is the target of your comments or suggestions may feel otherwise.Thus, just don't say a word. You may think that her hair looks bad at the ends, but to HER it may be just what she wants! Don't risk an insult that may affect your friendship.
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote H. Taylor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:50pm
Hi, Regina!If her birthday or another special event is coming up, you could always put together a "beauty basket" for your friend, filled with a few cosmetics, shades of nail polish, shampoo, conditioner, and so forth. That way you wouldn't be giving advice at all, but offering a gift that she would hopefully consider fun. Or you could put together a "hair helper" -- in honor of her growing out her hair, you could give her a new brush/comb set, some hair accessories, and then some products from a good line. There doesn't need to be any mention that you feel her hair is unhealthy -- just that you wanted to encourage her to keep growing it. That way both of you can feel good about the gift and there wouldn't be any negative undertones to it. After all, you two are both growing out your hair, right?! :)
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KAREN View Drop Down
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Joined: May 30 2002
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KAREN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:50pm
Gosh this is such a touchy topic.There is a guy where I work who has visions of Dave hair (Dave don't worry this guy will never make the glory of your hair) but his hair is thinning like crazy. I don't just mean thinning at the top but everywhere.When he walks you can "see through" the entire hair which hangs below his collarbone and is split and ragged.Not once, no matter what, have I ever said a word to him about his hair.One time he did ask me who my stylist was because "he wanted to grow his hair longer" and I gave him the phone number of Shelley, my long hair specialist. I knew that she would gently guide him to at least remove the horrible ripped ends but that she would not make him uncomfortable in any way.I have watched her carefully and gently encourage people to remove really damaged hair.He did not go see her. He told me that he believed that getting his hair trimmed would slow the growth. Well I carefully told him some hair facts and why getting any dead ends cut off would help but he was not open to that concept.So I still see him in the halls and his hair is paper thin and wispy. Oh well.The sad thing is that several people have commented to me that if he knew how horrible his hair looked, he would probably cut it. Maybe. Maybe not.To each their own. Diane is right.I do like the concept of offering a gift of a basket of hair care goodies or even a gift certificate to a hairstylist.Beyond that, I think it is a hard call.Thanks Regina. Great topic.Karen> Hey everyone!> I have a friend who has hair a couple of inches below> her bra strap. She refuses to get any type of a hair> cut that would take off more than half an inch. This> would be totally fine if her hair was healthy! The> last four inches it looks like it is thinning itself> out and looks scraggly. I hope everyone knows what I'm> trying to describe! How can I or should I even try to> tell he rto get rid of the scraggly ends?> She also tortures her hair. Always blowdries and never> uses conditioner (she uses a cheap sprayin). Would it> be ok for me to get her some good quality brands as a> gift or is that tacky? AAAAAHHHH I just don't know> what to do! I need to sdave my frinds hair but can't> thinkof how to do it!> Regina
TAKE CARE WITH YOUR HAIR!
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dj View Drop Down
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Joined: February 10 2002
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:50pm
> Just a thought - I would only mention anything if SHE ever says something like "I just can't get my hair to grow any longer than this - I get so frustrated, what can I do?"At which point I would steer her to this site, and let her discover for herself what she's doing that keeps her hair from getting any longer.
DJS
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Jade21 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jade21 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:51pm
Hey, Regina!Hope you've been well and that I would add my two cents. The title of the message is what my mom would have said, "To each his own taste." I have to say that I basically agree with Diane and Lurker. But......Since the girl is really your friend, you might do something really indirect: Criticize yourself. I did this with a friend and she actually brought up the subject herself. I said something like, "you know my ends used to get so dry until I started using that jojoba on a regular basis. Now, my ends are nice and conditioned. No more straw." Just the fact that I said this made her say to me that she had been having an awful time trying to find a good overall conditioner. Now, those ends of hers look pretty nice:)The other thing I think you might consider is the fact that your friend probably knows what her hair truly looks like. It's no different than someone who is balding and doesn't like it, and tries to grow as much hair as possible, no matter how thin, whispy and spotty it is. The person knows it and if it makes them feel better, so be it.Take care and all the best,Jade21> I have a friend who has hair a couple of inches below> her bra strap. She refuses to get any type of a hair> cut that would take off more than half an inch. This> would be totally fine if her hair was healthy! The> last four inches it looks like it is thinning itself> out and looks scraggly. I hope everyone knows what I'm> trying to describe! How can I or should I even try to> tell he rto get rid of the scraggly ends?> She also tortures her hair. Always blowdries and never> uses conditioner (she uses a cheap sprayin). Would it> be ok for me to get her some good quality brands as a> gift or is that tacky? AAAAAHHHH I just don't know> what to do! I need to sdave my frinds hair but can't> thinkof how to do it!> Regina
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