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Rude comments about my long locks...??

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Cynthia View Drop Down
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    Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:51pm
Hello,I am a 24 year old nursing student who currently works as a medical assistant in an emergency room. I have long light brown hair to my waist line. Well at work or school I always wear my hair up in some fashion...usually to braids as a ponytail or one braid often give me a headache, I try to be creative and wear knots etc. The problem is I have gotten rude comments such as you have too much hair to be a nurse etc from other women, some of these females being patients. My hair has never gotten in they way of my work and always looks proffesional. I also worked on an ambulance for 4 years and got similar comments. Why do some women make such rude and unthoughtful comments??( not once has a man made a rude comment BTW!) I do have to add the complements out weigh the negatives...but its the negatives that seem to stick! Any suggestions on how to deal with this?? Thanks~
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Dave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:51pm
Hello,> The problem is I have gotten rude comments such as you have too much> hair to be a nurse etc from other women, some of these females being> patients. My hair has never gotten in they way of my work and always looks> proffesional. I also worked on an ambulance for 4 years and got similar> comments. Why do some women make such rude and unthoughtful comments??> ( not once has a man made a rude comment BTW!)Hi Cynthia,I'm sorry to hear about these unpleasant encounters. Look at it thisway -- their rude comments are a rather poor reflection on THEIR character!The put-downs stick because they want you to feel badly about your choice.Unfortunately, they have succeeded... but what does that say about themotives of those who would say words designed to hurt?Could it be jealousy? After all, men haven't criticized you. Besides,men are more sensitive to other's feelings than women are. (yeah, right!)Webster defines "jealous" as "hostile toward one believed to enjoy anadvantage." If indeed these women are jealous, then they are acknowledgingthe appeal of your long hair. So, in a way, once you understand the motivebehind their put-down, you can actually see it for the compliment that it is!Laughable? I have heard similar, expressed by friend or acquaintance, in anon-hostile manner as such: "I hate you!" I know they don't really hate me,but what they're saying is that they may be (just a tad) envious of what I have.You've got it (going on)! Don't let their put-downs rob you of it.Dave
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Jade21 View Drop Down
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Hi, Cynthia!I guess that I would say sometimes the rudeness just goes with the territory of long hair or anything different. I do not understand why some women can be so biting and insensitive. Sometimes, I think I honestly agree with Dave that men are genuinely more sensitive than women in many ways. Most of my real friends have always been guys and I've always been amazed at some of the things that they have said to me in the course of a friendship.In your question, you brought up a very interesting topic. That is, professionals with long hair. I've seen glimpses of this for some time in some of our discussions of other topics. There's something as if "professional" and "long hair" don't go together. I noticed how you always try to make sure that your hair is "in line" for work like the way you style it because you don't want someone to say something about that. We are around the same age and I have to say that I have always tried to do the same. I can remember writing to a regular here [H. Taylor] about a male attorney in a large firm who was letting his hair grow longer because he was tired of cutting, and noting that "his stellar brain was still intact." As far as work, don't worry about these petty comments and just continue doing the good job which you've been doing. It's your choice and not theirs---unless you let them make it for you:)I'll leave you with this. I remember when I was working a summer job as a teenager, there was woman who made a rude comment in front of quite a group of people. I remember doing some computer work and this woman walked into the office. I had seen her before and we started to greet each other. My hair was just about mid-back,not heading for my derriere as it is now, and this woman in front of about five men with whom I worked said something like "Your hair is long now, but you'll have to cut it someday." She was very snide and demeaning in the way she said it. I gave her a puzzled look. Before I could say anything, one of the guys said, "Why would she ever want to do that?" The woman left the room speechless and to a bunch of men laughing.Take care and all the best,Jade21> I am a 24 year old nursing student who currently works> as a medical assistant in an emergency room. I have> long light brown hair to my waist line. Well at work> or school I always wear my hair up in some> fashion...usually to braids as a ponytail or one braid> often give me a headache, I try to be creative and> wear knots etc. The problem is I have gotten rude> comments such as you have too much hair to be a nurse> etc from other women, some of these females being> patients. My hair has never gotten in they way of my> work and always looks proffesional. I also worked on> an ambulance for 4 years and got similar comments. Why> do some women make such rude and unthoughtful> comments??( not once has a man made a rude comment> BTW!) I do have to add the complements out weigh the> negatives...but its the negatives that seem to stick!> Any suggestions on how to deal with this?? Thanks~
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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Geeps, Jade, you've had to deal with a bunch of morons! :) That was about as rude as saying, "You may be pretty now, but one day you'll grow old and ugly." In other words, the person speaking HOPES that's what will happen. Ugh. Anyway, I'm glad you continued to grow your hair out and didn't take comments such as these to heart!
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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Bravo, Dave! You summed it up beautifully. :)
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Jade21 View Drop Down
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You're right, H. Taylor!I've met a few folks who could definitely use a brain transplant:)I can remember me and my grandmother going out sometimes when I was little and people would stare in a rather curious way. [She was a striking woman.] When I asked her why people were staring, she turned to me with a very lovely look and said, "Sweetheart, don't be upset, you have to feel sorry for them. They don't know anything better than to stare." That seems to keep most things in perspective:)Hope you have been well. I know school exams must be approaching soon. You will survive and life will move forward:) Break a leg!Bye for now,Jade21Geeps, Jade, you've had to deal with a bunch of> morons! :) That was about as rude as saying, "You> may be pretty now, but one day you'll grow old and> ugly." In other words, the person speaking HOPES> that's what will happen. Ugh. Anyway, I'm glad you> continued to grow your hair out and didn't take> comments such as these to heart!
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Dave View Drop Down
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> Anyway, I'm glad you> continued to grow your hair out and didn't take> comments such as these to heart!The sad truth of the matter is that many women have not beenas firm in their resolve as Jade has been -- and have givenin to the pressure to cut, despite their feelings that theydidn't want to do so.Jade's, or any woman's, determination to grow her hair longis an indication of strength of character, which, by theway, is very attractive attribute... I'm not flirting, justmaking an observation and a comment.DaveThanks, H.Taylor and Jade, for you kind words :-)
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H. Taylor View Drop Down
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> I've met a few folks who could definitely use a brain> transplant:)Isn't this the sad truth. . . . LOL!> I can remember me and my grandmother going out> sometimes when I was little and people would stare in> a rather curious way. [She was a striking woman.] When> I asked her why people were staring, she turned to me> with a very lovely look and said, "Sweetheart,> don't be upset, you have to feel sorry for them. They> don't know anything better than to stare." That> seems to keep most things in perspective:)Beautifully put! Your grandmother gave you some wonderful advice!> Hope you have been well. I know school exams must be> approaching soon. You will survive and life will move> forward:) Break a leg!Thanks so much -- I start on Monday and am finished the twelfth! I can't wait to be able to reeeelax for a few weeks before working.Keep smilin'! :)
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Cynthia,I'm in agreement with Dave-of course it's jealousy! You're letter pretty much answers itself, in that only the women make comments. Maybe there are a tiny few who do feel that very long hair isn't professional looking, but I still think it's jealousy, knowing how some women are (not all, thankfully!). I might understand the comments if you had hair down past your thighs and you let it hang that way for work, but you obviously wear it in proffesional, stylish 'do's and I'm sure because it looks great the jealousy bughas infected your patients and they need medicine quick! :)Start taking it as a compliment. I'm curious, though, what do you say to these people when they make the comments to you? Hope this has helped.Holly
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jj View Drop Down
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Cynthia,I am sorry to hear that so many people have said disparaging things about your hair.But I put forth the hypothesis that it is not simply a hair issue. Yes, there are people who feel that there are hair rules regarding age and professional life. However, I think the point isn't that some people have a set of opinions, but that they feel it appropriate to insult you for not fitting their ideal, either in a straightforward or backhanded manner. These people are just plain rude. I think you might suffer more than others because your profession brings you into contact with a large number of people daily, people who will, most likely, never see you again, and who are perhaps frightened or anxious because of medical emergency. These are factors which tend to remove inhibitions and encourage rudeness.I live in New York City (capital of rudeness) and receive unwanted, unwelcome and uninivited comments, advice and insults from strangers on a daily basis. They have run the gamut of physical attributes. All of the examples that follow are things that have actually been said to me.When I wore very very short hair, I was told that I looked like a boy, that I should grow my hair out to be feminine, that I would be pretty if only I grew my hair out, and from time to time accused of being lesbian because of my hairstyle. Now my hair is just about bra-strap length and I generally don't get comments on my hair (simply because long hair was "in" on the runways this year), but from time to time a stranger will comment on its style - you are too old for pigtails, your face looks fat because you are wearing a bun, etc.Other areas people feel free to comment on:acne - what's that on your face?, did you know you have a pimple on your nose {NO! really, I hadn't noticed, thanks for pointing it out for me, i will remove it immediately. LOL) you should use sulfur soap.....clothing - that dress is too short, that blouse is too big, that outfit went out of style last year....weight - you would be pretty if you lost 20 lbs., maybe you should have a diet coke, and my personal favorite exchange:salesgirl: are you pregnant?me (mortified): no.salesgirl: oh, but you look like you are.me (angry): i assure you that i am not.Sorry to ramble on so Cynthia....but i just wanted to let you know that a lot of people are rude for no reason and in a number of ways. don't feel that you are being singled out for any one reason, or that they have a legitimate point just because you keep hearing it. they were just raised poorly.I generally try to smile and ignore what has been said, although i must confess that more than one day has been ruined.On the bright side though, there are nice people too - think about the times someone has complimented your hair, your smile, or better still, your personality, intelligence, great work....Have a nice dayJJ
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Jade21 View Drop Down
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Hi, Dave!Thanks for the compliment. You're a very strong person yourself. I'm glad to have read so many of your posts to get your experiences and opinions on many things. It's been extremely informative.I also think you're very nice, too. Don't worry about the flirting:)I was interested to read your post about a stylist who was a bit rough on your hair. What's up with this? I went to a salon today for the first time in a long time via a recommendation from a friend because they did long hair. I had to stop the stylist twice because I felt like she was tugging a bit hard. She apologized and said she tended to be a bit heavy-handed. It turned out nice, though. I have never seen so many curls in my hair. Let's see how long it lasts:)Hope you have been well.All the best,Jade21The sad truth of the matter is that many women have> not been> as firm in their resolve as Jade has been -- and have> given> in to the pressure to cut, despite their feelings that> they> didn't want to do so.> Jade's, or any woman's, determination to grow her hair> long> is an indication of strength of character, which, by> the> way, is very attractive attribute... I'm not flirting,> just> making an observation and a comment.> Dave> Thanks, H.Taylor and Jade, for you kind words :-)
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Dave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:52pm
> Hi, Dave!> Thanks for the compliment. You're a very strong person> yourself. I'm glad to have read so many of your posts> to get your experiences and opinions on many things.> It's been extremely informative.> I also think you're very nice, too. Don't worry about> the flirting:)> I was interested to read your post about a stylist who> was a bit rough on your hair. What's up with this? I> went to a salon today for the first time in a long> time via a recommendation from a friend because they> did long hair. I had to stop the stylist twice because> I felt like she was tugging a bit hard. She apologized> and said she tended to be a bit heavy-handed. It> turned out nice, though. I have never seen so many> curls in my hair. Let's see how long it lasts:)> Hope you have been well.> All the best,> Jade21Hi Jade,As usual, thank you for the compliment. I like to believethat I have accurate and helpful insight, interpretations,etc, on the subject(s) of discussion... it's nice to knowthat what I have to say is appreciated!As for my stylist being a bit rough, I think it may have todo with the fact that she is able to get away with beingrough on her own extensions because if/when she brushes herextension hair too hard, it is not directly connected to theroot of a single hair ( or several hairs), but rather iswoven into the base braid of the extension. So extensionhairs lost from excessively forceful brushing are just notfelt at all -- but we all know how it feels to have one ortwo or three hairs plucked out (ouch!)She also told me that she replaces the extensions afterawhile because "they get too thin." No wonder! Her ownhair would never grow as long as her extensions are, givenhow roughly she treats the extension hair.Glad to hear your experience at the new salon was a success,overall. :-)Dave
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Cynthia View Drop Down
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Hi,Its great to know I am not alone in our mculturre of short hair~LOL~ I love my hair and plan on it being long as long as its healthy and possible!~ I also wonder why people think long hair is not professional...hmmm~ Thanks again!
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