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What short hair has taught me

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Jena View Drop Down
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    Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:58pm
I just read the thread below where Zorak the frisbee and others got into quite the debate about whether or not we would ever *change* in regards to how we feel about our current hairstyles.Well, I've now been on both sides of the fence. Up until just a few weeks ago, I had long hair almost half-way down my back. I became defensive if anyone suggested that I cut it, and I was *very* attached to it! Then, one night, just in response to stress and I guess just feeling in an ultra-daring mood, I just started trimming and didn't stop until I ended up with (as JerkyFlea described it pretty well) an ear-length bob with the sides cut straight, so it looks like my hair is tucked behind my ears in a straight line. I previously described my hair as being "butched" (which is exactly how it felt to me) but it's easily a hairstyle that is a generic, TV news anchor type of style.Obviously the next morning I woke up feeling very depressed, horrified, and unfeminine. However, as time goes on, I'm getting used to it. I plan on growing it back, though, because I definitely prefer a longer style on me.When I read the posts of women who say they will *never* cut their hair, I have definitely been there and know how you feel! However, now that I no longer have long hair, I have to honestly admit that when I used to say that I'd never cut my hair, it was a sign of insecurity. I am not saying, by any stretch of the imagination, that people with long hair are insecure. I'm growing mine back but for a very different reason. But what I am saying is that a strong, defensive, almost fearful reaction to cutting the hair I do think is a bit insecure. That is a different reaction from saying, "I wear my hair long simply because I like it. I don't want to change it now, but someday maybe I will. Or maybe I won't." Do you see the difference? It's like holding onto something and never even acknowledging that we *may* change.I am definitely not a short-hair fanatic, and I am definitely not a long-hair fanatic. But now having experienced both short and long hair, I realize that, as someone mentioned elsewhere, hair is just hair. Yes, I *very* much want my long hair back -- don't get me wrong! I'm even going as far as putting extensions in my hair because I so much prefer the longer look on me. But when we are so vehemently opposed even to the *idea* that we may change, I don't think it's healthy.I'm not trying to talk anyone out of long hair at all!! But I'd like to suggest that not being so close-minded to the idea of change is good. When my hair gets longer, maybe I'll keep it that way indefinitely. But I hope I do so because I like the look, not because I'm opposed to change. Or maybe someday (hopefully a long time from now!) I'll decide I want it short again. I don't know. But I think we should simply open our minds to the fact that maybe we will change in the future.One thing I've learned is to never say never.....
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Diane from Canada View Drop Down
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>>> Obviously the next morning I woke up feeling very> depressed, horrified, and unfeminine. However, as time> goes on, I'm getting used to it. I plan on growing it> back, though, because I definitely prefer a longer> style on me.Jena you need to take care of your soul. Pampar yourself okay.You are beautiful inside. NO hair style or length will solve that. Diane from CanadaI'm growing mine back but for a very different reason.> But what I am saying is that a strong, defensive,> almost fearful reaction to cutting the hair I do think> is a bit insecure. That is a different reaction from> saying, "I wear my hair long simply because I> like it. I don't want to change it now, but someday> maybe I will. Or maybe I won't." Do you see the> difference? It's like holding onto something and never> even acknowledging that we *may* change.Its our nature to change in our character , our taste etc. We do it as we mature.I am not sure if not wanting change is being insecure.It might be more a way of stability for some reason. My husband was like that. I am not a professional to comment on that. I understand what you are saying and I don't think anyone here said that they fear changes. Some people hate changes. Personally my change is growing my long hair and when I reach my goal for it to reach my knees, I might cut it back to my waist because for me it wouldn't be practicalto have it longer but I know I wouldn't cut it short because short styles don't suit me. I been there. Diane from CanadaI am curious when was the last time you had short hair?> I'm not trying to talk anyone out of long hair at> all!! But I'd like to suggest that not being so> close-minded to the idea of change is good.Yes for many reasons change is good as it can be devastasting in certain cases depending on the human being and the situations. Stability is very important also and so are goals. Diane from Canada> One thing I've learned is to never say never.....Yes that is true. I learned that years ago. Diane from CanadaI wish you the best in your choices. Enjoy your hair style and enjoy the growing process. Think of it this way, this time you can really pamper your hair to make sure it grows healthy the way you want it.Diane
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Jena View Drop Down
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> Jena you need to take care of your soul. Pampar> yourself okay.You are beautiful inside. NO hair style> or length will solve that. Diane from CanadaThank you very much, Diane! Actually, I don't want to admit it, but I think that I just had too much emphasis placed on my hair as part of my attractiveness and self-confidence. Certainly, hair can be a big part! But it's important to realize that there are many other factors, and as you say, it truly is what's on the inside that projects our most attractive traits. :-)> Personally my change is growing my long> hairWe share the same goal!> and when I reach my goal for it to reach my> knees,Wow! 2/3 down the back is the longest I've ever been able to grow it. I don't know why, but it just doesn't seem to go any longer.> I am curious when was the last time you had short> hair?I had to think awhile on this one! In junior high, it was barely above shoulder length, but for actual "short" hair, I must have been 9 or 10. My mom always used to make me get pixie cuts, which I *detested*. My best friend and I vowed to have long hair when we grew up!I appreciate your comments, Diane. :-)
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Zorak View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zorak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:59pm
> Up until just a few weeks ago, I had long hair almost> half-way down my back. I became defensive if anyone> suggested that I cut it, and I was *very* attached to> it!> Then, one night, just in response to stress and I> guess just feeling in an ultra-daring mood, I just> started trimming and didn't stop until I ended up with> (as JerkyFlea described it pretty well) an ear-length> bob with the sides cut straight, so it looks like my> hair is tucked behind my ears in a straight line.WOW. That is really an amazing story. As you said, you must have been insome kind of "ultra-daring mood"!!!> When I read the posts of women who say they will> *never* cut their hair, I have definitely been there> and know how you feel! However, now that I no longer> have long hair, I have to honestly admit that when I> used to say that I'd never cut my hair, it was a sign> of insecurity.....what I am saying is that a strong,> defensive, almost fearful reaction to cutting the hair I> do think is a bit insecure....That is a different> reaction from saying, "I wearmy hair long simply because> I like it. I don't want to change it now, but someday> maybe I will. Or maybe I won't." Do you see the> difference? It's like holding onto something and never> even acknowledging that we *may* change....when we are so> vehemently opposed even to the *idea* that we may change,> I don't think it's healthy.Thank you. This is pretty much what I was saying a few weeks ago. I had notthought much about the "insecurity" aspects until lurker (with a lower-case "L")recently brought up the issue, but your experience is exactly what I had in mind.> One thing I've learned is to never say never.....I bet you have!!! Think of this as a personal growth experience.Z.
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Zorak View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zorak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:59pm
> Up until just a few weeks ago, I had long hair almost> half-way down my back....Then, one night, just in response> to stress and I guess just feeling in an ultra-daring> mood, I just started trimming and didn't stop until I> ended up with an ear-length bob with the sides cut> straight.....Uhh, just out of curiosity, did you actually mean to cut it that short? Irrespective of how you feel now about the style, when you started cutting did you have any picture in your mind of what you wanted, or was it just kind of like "hey this is fun, lets see what it looks like just a wee bit shorter"; or was it more like "this is a good length, so I'll just cut it off here above the ears"? Also, how did you get the back part straight?Z.
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Jena View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jena Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:00pm
> Uhh, just out of curiosity, did you actually mean to> cut it that short?Nope.> Irrespective of how you feel now> about the style, when you started cutting did you have> any picture in your mind of what you wanted, or was it> just kind of like "hey this is fun, lets see what> it looks like just a wee bit shorter";Yeah, pretty much, sort of. Well, I feel pretty stupid now about it, but here's what happened. On a Thursday, I had an appointment with my stylist for highlights and a trim. The last trim was in January and I probably should have taken off a *wee* bit more then, because the ends were really getting thin. It did need about a 3" trim. However, in the past, when I've needed the same length of trim, I've usually looked around the salon at all the short-haired people and said, "No way! Let's just take off a half an inch or an inch at the absolute most."I wanted my hair to be healthy, so I knew I needed the trim. I decided to eradicate the "chickening out" part by simply quickly cutting off a few inches at home, and then the next day, my stylist would simply even it up. So, Wednesday night, I cut my three inches, and it looked a lot better. It's important to understand my frame of mind at this time. Don't laugh, but I honestly was having a rather severe case of PMS. I was also dealing with a difficult personal problem and was very fatigued due to lack of sleep. After the initial trim, the hair was definitely thicker at the bottom, but I thought that maybe just "one more" inch would make it even thicker. So, I cut off another inch and left it. An hour or two later, I was in the bathroom and noticed that it wasn't exactly straight, so I tried to even it up.After that, I honestly don't even remember each step, but I just kept taking a little more off. As I think I described elsewhere, it was almost like a game of Russian Roulette. How far would I go? The thing is, once it started getting short, it was easier to go shorter. I knew that I'd most likely never have it this short again, so I thought I'd push the limit. Remember, we're not dealing with a total coherent and rational person at this point! Finally, I got it to about ear length but it was pretty much all the same length around which was not flattering at all, so I started cutting the sides real short. I cut the hair above my ear so it looks like my hair has been tucked behind the ear. Fortunately, I do have natural wave, so it flows and blends nicely, but there's not enough hair to tuck behind the ear. God only knows why, but then I started lifting my hair in back and cutting underneath the long layers, very close to the scalp.> Also, how did you get the back part straight?Interestingly enough, it wasn't bad, but the next day the stylist cut it straight in back and put in a few layers and used blending shears and used clippers underneath the long layers so the hair would be even when it grew out.Looking back, it was one of the weirdest experiences I've ever had! I've trimmed the ends of my hair before with no problem or inclination to go hog wild like that. But I think the combination of starting the trim combined with fatigue and stress just took a nasty turn into self-destruction.I could drive myself crazy thinking about what happened or simply try to forget it for now (I still cringe when I look in the mirror) but not forget it for eternity so that it never happens again!I keep thinking -- hair extensions in two weeks...hair extensions in two weeks....!!
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Diane from Canada View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane from Canada Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:00pm
>Dear Jena:That is great that the stylist had no problems fixing it.You look great both ways . You are a very attractive lady so you don't need those extensions if you don't want them. No matter what style you end up with you are certainly someone men would easily look and pay very nice compliments to.Enjoy your short hair cut is is very stylist.>
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Jena View Drop Down
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If the outside of you even bares the slightest resemblance to the inside of you, you are one gorgeous lady. :-)
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Zorak View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zorak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:01pm
> Well, I feel pretty stupid> now about it, but here's what happened...I decided to> eradicate the "chickening out" part...So, Wednesday night,> I cut my three inches, and it looked a lot better...An> hour or two later, I was in the bathroom and noticed that> it wasn't exactly straight, so I tried to even it up.> After that, I honestly don't even remember each step,> but I just kept taking a little more off...it was almost> like a game of Russian Roulette. How far would I go?..so> I thought I'd push the limit.> Looking back, it was one of the weirdest experiences> I've ever had! I've trimmed the ends of my hair before> with no problem or inclination to go hog wild like> that..I could drive myself crazy thinking about what> happened or simply try to forget it for now (I still> cringe when I look in the mirror) but not forget it> for eternity so that it never happens again!OK. Now I get the picture. You are beautiful, Jena!I want you to understand that I don't think you are crazy, nor self-destructive, nor irrational. Don't let comments from some on this board make you feel bad.What you did is OK. If you are not happy with the physical outcome, then that is part of the lesson.Overall, I believe that you are a much better person for having gone through this experience. I am serious, and I think that in time you will come to understand this too.Sometimes you have to lose something that you care about to understand who you are.I know that you probably feel sorry for what you did, and that is part of the lesson. But remember: you don't really know yourself until you do "push the limit" as you so aptly state. Pushing the limits of who we are helps us to grow and mature.Your physical outcome, while shocking to you, is not permanent. Your hair will grow back. But the change to your person is probably for keeps. You will learn and grow from this. It will help you in the coming years to understand who you are in a way that you could not before.Use the "growing out phase" as part of the lesson. Take it as a "refractory" period in your life to study new things like history or a foreign language. By the time your hair gets long again, you will be an expert in a new field of study!Some people will laugh at all of these suggestions, but they are probably the ones who don't understand the true concepts of "pushing the limits" to reach new stages, they are the ones who stagnate and ossify."To throw a pebble into the ocean is to change the universe forever" You have cast the pebble, now watch the ripples expand!Z.
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Jena View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jena Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:01pm
> But remember: you> don't really know yourself until you do "push the> limit" as you so aptly state. Pushing the limits> of who we are helps us to grow and mature.Absolutely. Without a doubt. I am real tired of people complaining about jobs, social lives, sex lives, and so forth, yet when a suggestion is made to bring a change, they cringe and refuse to budge. Obviously not all change is good! But I'd have to say in all honesty, I'll take the bad with the good rather than stagnate. People don't become successful by saying, "Oh, I'd better not." Or, "someone else will do it." Or "That's the way it's always been done." Or "Someone told me I couldn't do that."> Your physical outcome, while shocking to you, is not> permanent.That's important to keep in mind! I just received some slides today that were taken a couple of days before the haircut, and I just cried. I look perfectly "fine" now but I simply looked my best then. And I'll get there. In the meantime, I am challenged to find new ways to make me feel feminine and sexy.> Your hair will grow back.Would you kindly send a little note of encouragement to my northern region, sir? {grin}> But the change to your person is probably for keeps. You > will learn and grow from this. It will help you in the> coming years to understand who you are in a way that you > could not before.One thing it has done is bolster my self-confidence, but not because of the way I look. The style isn't severe, but the change is. Therefore, when people see me for the first time since the haircut, the word everyone keeps using is "shock!" I can melt down and wither away or hold my head up and smile. In JerkyFlea's column, I saw the pictures of Liv Tyler before and after. Oh God.....before was a picture of a beautiful, sexy siren. After, well, I mean absolutely no offense to Ms. Tyler, but the haircut is rather dorky. Kind of like an establishment-60s type of conservatism being thrown into a pot party -- it looks out-of-place and rather nerdy. Well, that's *exactly* how I feel! I am very much a free spirit but this hairstyle is simply too "stuffy" on me. I feel like little Suzy Sexless Homemaker. It's a great look for the PTA but not the VSL (Victoria's Secret lingerie!). Anyway, I can sit around, mope, and feel sorry for myself or simply pretend that I still look the same and realize where the most important sex organ is (the brain, which never has a bad hair day!) and where the most important beauty asset is (the heart).> Some people will laugh at all of these suggestions,> but they are probably the ones who don't understand> the true concepts of "pushing the limits" to> reach new stages, they are the ones who stagnate and> ossify.It's interesting that you chose "pushing the limit" on which to concentrate on your post, because I feel that is wholly underestimated and underexercised in most of our lives. My initial change quickly showed me where my limit was! But you know, I will have to admit that even though I don't care for the outcome, I'm still glad I pushed. I now found the limit. I think we find security when the limits have been pushed. Sometimes we think we know the boundaries, but unless we've actually challenged them, we're just guessing.Well, nothing like a bit of a philosophical discussion on a hair board, no? {grin}Oh, one more thing is I have become less stringent on my views of hair. I still prefer long hair on me, and *very generally* on most women, though certainly not all. But (I'm going to get into trouble saying this, but I speak with an honest tongue) I also used to think that women with short hair somehow weren't as feminine as those with longer hair. I now see more beauty in women who like their short hair. And although I don't want it short again (!) it isn't an unknown fear anymore. I hate to admit it, but I was kind of one of those who would say, "Absolutely I'll never cut my hair, and gosh darn it, you can't make me!" It's already been done. I don't like it short, but it's no longer some threat or forbidden fruit. And I'm slowly learning (though I'm not there yet....) that my femininity and sexuality are not completely tied up in the length of my hair. But long hair helps. ;-)> "To throw a pebble into the ocean is to change> the universe forever" You have cast the pebble,> now watch the ripples expand!And sometimes some of us like to drive speedboats to make bigger ripples. {grin}Thanks Zorak for your thoughtful words.
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Zorak View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zorak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:01pm
> Absolutely. Without a doubt. I am real tired of people> complaining about jobs, social lives, sex lives, and> so forth, yet when a suggestion is made to bring a> change, they cringe and refuse to budge.Amen to that! One hears SO MUCH whining these days about issues that are not really that signifigant. Health and happiness, that is what counts.> People don't become successful by saying, "Oh, I'd better> not." Or, "someone else will do it." Or "That's the way> it's always been done." Or "Someone told me I couldn't> do that."Hear Hear!!> That's important to keep in mind! I just received some> slides today that were taken a couple of days before> the haircut, and I just cried. I look perfectly> "fine" now but I simply looked my best then.Hey, life is full of suprises. You may just now be on the verge of something new a great that you never before suspected could happen. Don't look back in regret over what has happened, look forward with a smile.BTW, before you have the hair extensions put in, think about NOT having them put in. It may be a good thing to go ahead and just grow out your natural hair in due course...you might discover somewhere along the line that you have found something even better than what you had!> And I'll get there. In the meantime, I am challenged> to find new ways to make me feel feminine and sexy.Well.....it may take you time to discover that being sexy and attractive is really a matter of the soul. Now that you don't have to depend on long hair to substitute for true sensuality, you might discover something new!> Anyway, I can sit around, mope, and feel> sorry for myself or simply pretend that I still look> the same and realize where the most important sex> organ is (the brain, which never has a bad hair day!)> and where the most important beauty asset is (the> heart).Well, you don't have to pretend anything to be a sexy and good person, just feel that you are and become what you feel. In fact, you sound pretty much like you have it together already anyway!Takc care!Z.
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Simone.(C) View Drop Down
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Hi There,as I always had long hair when a salon disaster struck & I ended up with 3 inch locks, short hair taught me I have a good face/ it was easy to look after- but I hated it!!, I simply look & feel better with longer hair- it is just part of my personality & I feel more sexy(can I say that?),maybe I should say I just am happier with long hair. It is only 14 inches at the moment but I'm growing it for Myself no-one else,long hair is me what else can I say?!!!Take Care Everyone,Simone. (C). :)
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Jade21 View Drop Down
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> Hi There,> as I always had long hair when a salon disaster struck> & I ended up with 3 inch locks, short hair taught> me I have a good face/ it was easy to look after- but> I hated it!!, I simply look & feel better with> longer hair- it is just part of my personality & I> feel more sexy(can I say that?),maybe I should say I> just am happier with long hair. It is only 14 inches> at the moment but I'm growing it for Myself no-one> else,long hair is me what else can I say?!!!> Take Care Everyone,> Simone. (C). :)
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Jade21 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jade21 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:03pm
> Hi There,> as I always had long hair when a salon disaster struck> & I ended up with 3 inch locks, short hair taught> me I have a good face/ it was easy to look after- but> I hated it!!, I simply look & feel better with> longer hair- it is just part of my personality & I> feel more sexy(can I say that?),maybe I should say I> just am happier with long hair. It is only 14 inches> at the moment but I'm growing it for Myself no-one> else,long hair is me what else can I say?!!!> Take Care Everyone,> Simone. (C). :)
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