New experience as a long-haired lady

Just for the heck of it, I bought a long-haired wig. It isn't a dead ringer for the real thing, but it is good quality and in no way resembles the October specials for Halloween long-haired wigs!Although no one has said anything directly to me in public, sometimes people speak so loudly that it's hard *not* to hear! Some things said in regard to "my" long hair:"Who does she think she's fooling? That isn't real.""Isn't all that hair just awful? Somebody needs to take a pair of scissors and hack through it.""Look at her -- I bet she thinks she's hot shit.""There's no way that's real. Blondes can't grow their hair that thick.""Look at that mess all over her back and shoulders. Hasn't anybody told her that it looks terrible?"Interestingly enough, every single one of these people who spoke so loudly (that they *want* you to know what they're saying) had short hair and were probably a bit less than average at best in appearance.I have to admit that I didn't give much thought to the posts that said total strangers said and acted upon "less than polite" issues with long-haired people. Obviously, many different types of people (different ethnic groups, obese people, and so forth) get hassled, but I've never had hair as long as the wig so I hadn't experienced it.I just stood as tall as I could, pretended I didn't hear, and smiled to make myself look as attractive as possible so anyone listening would think of the perpetrators as the ones making asses of themselves. And they were!I was quite surprised that people were as rude as they were.

Jena,Thank you for not only sharing your experiences but for also putting yourself in "our (long-haired) shoes". It is very easy as humans to criticize others for something we don't understand, but when we "walk where others walk" we share in their experience.I developed a speach for Toastmasters several years ago that told of a little brown skinned boy with long dark hair. When he moved to a foreign land he experienced ridicule because of his clothes, speach patterns (accent), hair, etc. After changing all these "external appearances" he discovered the one thing he couldn't change was the color of his skin. It was only then that he learned that his self worth as person must come from within and not from what others think. Perhaps sometime I will write out this story and share it on the board.I just wanted to let you know I appreciate your open-mindedness and concern for what some of us go through on a daily basis. I respect you for your thoughtfulness and caring.Kent

>> "Isn't all that hair just awful? Somebody needs> to take a pair of scissors and hack through it."lol Hey Jena if that would have been me I would have taken off my wig and handed it to them and say okay you want to cut my hair as I would look straight in their eyes and see their embarragements. (Diane)> "Look at her -- I bet she thinks she's hot> shit."Oh Gee people still say this? I remember wearing a pair of daisy duke shorts and some old lady said that and I just turn around and smiles. (Diane) lol You have to laugh Jena.> "There's no way that's real. Blondes can't grow> their hair that thick."Now that is getting rich. Like you are surounded by blonde experts that know how thick or thin hair can grow. I remember in elememtary school this girl had very thick blonde hair and it reached her waist. ( Diane)> "Look at that mess all over her back and> shoulders. Hasn't anybody told her that it looks> terrible?"If that was me I would have laughed and said" heck some men would pay big bucks if they could mess up my hair like that and I would laughed and walk away .Jena be like a duck in the water. water can pour but the duck brushes it off quickly. ( Diane)> Interestingly enough, every single one of these people> who spoke so loudly (that they *want* you to know what> they're saying) had short hair and were probably a bit> less than average at best in appearance.Well Jena a lot of people are unhappy and don't want to see others happy. (Diane)>> I was quite surprised that people were as rude as they> were.I am not sure where you went but this is not like that all the time. Personally I haven't had such remarks thrown at me. I have had remarks about getting a hair cut but nothing like you experienced. ( Diane)

Jena,I would like to add few more comments:> I never really thought much about this, but you're> absolutely right. When someone has an appearance that> falls out of what is usually seen (very high or very> low weight or height or bald women or men with ultra> long hair and so forth), he stands out in a crowd.> Someone with not a lot of self-confidence couldn't> stand the pressure -- seriously!This is one of the reasons I have found growing my hair long has strengthened my character. For years I cut my hair when it started to get long because of a lack of self-confidence and pressure from others. Recently, as my hair has gotten longer (than I have ever had before), I have found I have more perseverance and self-confidence than I ever realized. :-)> I've often remembered times when a> friend or acquaintance would get a new short haircut> and tell me I ought to get one, too!I've never understood why people find it so "easy" to encourage others to cut their hair, as if everyone should look like them. What happened to individuality?> But when> others follow our lead, it tends to make us more> confident of our decisions, which I suspect is what> happens.It is gratifying when we can influence someone else, especially if it can be seen in a positive way.> Actually, I'm really not sure that's the reason.> Unless a person has had long hair and then short hair,> a short-haired person doesn't understand the social> implications that accompany a long style.Amen!> Also, we're> a "quick" society. We have drive-through> banks, fast food joints, and even a drive-in chapel in> Las Vegas to get married! A lot of women I know want> an easy, quick style. Wash'n'wear.I must confess I can fall into that "want it now" category too. I'm learning a lot in "trying" to be patient as my hair grows. But many times I fail and "wish my life away" thinking how long it COULD be if I hadn't cut it short so many times. I'm learning to enjoy what I have "now" and look forward to what I will have "later"!> And a lot of people> don't like the feel of long hair. Since I've now had> both, there definitely is a different> "feeling". Even though in hot weather, one> can put up long hair, I do have to admit it's cooler> with shorter hair.I'm learning that more and more every day. Fortunately, I like the feeling of long hair. I must admit it can be uncomfortable in hot weather, especially since I prefer to wear my hair loose rather than in a pony tail.> I do have to say that wearing the long wig (it goes> below my waist and is wavy with layers, I'd LOVE to> have natural hair like that!!)....If you decide that is what you would like, I hope you are fortunate enough to attain it. Don't give up if you set that as a goal! Believe me, if I can do, YOU CAN TOO!> ....for awhile and then> going to my very short hair is a very, um, how shall> we say this, "funky" experience! Ultra long> to ultra short. And back again. It's a bizarre> feeling!When your hair is long, you can do that too (at least in a way) when you wear a pony tail. It can be fun to "change" the look every day.> Dave and Kent -- thank you for the comments,> gentlemen. :-)Most happy to share my feelings. Good luck to you.Kent

> Jena's comment was made in the context of women who> cut their hair short who coax others to take similar> action. Those who need such affirmation of their> action FROM OTHERS are not truly confident in their> choice.I thought back to many, many years ago when I was a subject in an experiment in a poly sci class in college. I was part of a group of 8 people, and we were given a problem to solve. Majority rules for the solution. Well, one time, I came up with a totally different solution than everyone else. In my mind, I knew I was right. Yet it bothered me that no one else saw what I did, so I kept running the problem through my head, wondering if I missed some critical piece of information somewhere. No one saw it my way. Before we gave our answer, they asked if I still didn't want to vote with the majority. I was hesitant, but followed what I thought was right. Well...when it was all done, guess what? I was right in my solution, and everyone else was wrong! But standing alone is not a terribly comfortable position, even when you know you're right!

Dave,> Jena's comment was made in the context of women who> cut their hair short who coax others to take similar> action. Those who need such affirmation of their> action FROM OTHERS are not truly confident in their> choice.Thank you for pointing this out and clarifying Jena¹s comment. You make a good point, affirmation should NOT come from influencing someone else to make a change (particularly if they do not desire to do so). That only serves to reinforce the person¹s need to prove their decision by making others do the same. They really aren¹t sure themselves that they made the right decision.I think my comment to Jena was off base and spoke more regarding having a positive influence on someone else. If I influence someone to change, I would not feel good unless that change was made in a direction they were already leaning, or they were at least happy with the change after they made it. Otherwise, I would be totally out of line for influencing them. Does this make sense? As far as actually coaxing someone to make ANY change, I wouldn't do that. I would even have difficulty doing that with my grown children.Hey dude, you are forcing me to read AND think. That is good, but I must confess (at least today) it is difficult. Perhaps I¹m just tired and my brain is muddled. Age does that (at least to me). Thank you, though, for keeping our focus on the right track!Kent

> Jena said: "But when others follow our lead, it> tends to make us more confident of our decisions....> Kent said: "It is gratifying when we can influence> someone else, especially if it can be seen in a positive> way."> ...........Those who need such affirmation of their> action FROM OTHERS are not truly confident in their> choice.Uhhh....you mean like all the long-haired people who post here in a kind of "mutual aid society" to keep each other confident that "give me long hair or life is just not worth living" is the ONLY correct way to think?So, Dave....you are saying that all the long-haired people who post to this board are "not truly confident" in their choice? Is this what you mean?Z.

> Uhhh....you mean like all the long-haired people who> post here in a kind of "mutual aid society"> to keep each other confident that "give me long> hair or life is just not worth living" is the> ONLY correct way to think?> So, Dave....you are saying that all the long-haired> people who post to this board are "not truly> confident" in their choice? Is this what you> mean?> Z.You've completely missed the point.I said that a person who encourages others to cut their hair short tofeel better about their action isn't truly confident in their choice tohave cut their hair.I was not aware that there was a "mutual aid society" for long-hairedpeople... where can I get a membership form?And the slogan you propose is clever! Thank you! We certainly know now,despite some rumors, that you AREN'T one of those malcontent infiltrators"lurking" around within the LHC! :-)Dave

> Uhhh....you mean like all the long-haired people who> post here in a kind of "mutual aid society"> to keep each other confident that "give me long> hair or life is just not worth living" is the> ONLY correct way to think?> So, Dave....you are saying that all the long-haired> people who post to this board are "not truly> confident" in their choice? Is this what you> mean?> Z.

What a horrible experience! Some people have too many opinions and don't know when to keep their mouth shut. I hope that your experience at the mall hasn't left any lasting scars.Now about two years ago I cut my hair from mid back to 1/2 inch all around (a real pixie cut). Everone at work as well as all of my closest friends and family loved it and the comments that I heard most were "It's good to see that you have finally grown up" and "Thank God you finally cut your hair off." I hated it and decided right away to grow it back. (That's when I found this site!)Last Halloween I bought one of those horrible wigs for fun to go with my Medieval Maiden costume. I wrapped gold ribbon through it and tied it at the base of my neck. The wig went down past my waist. The people at the party that didn't know me kept commenting how beautiful my hair was and wasn't it great that my hair was so long. They were always shocked when I told them it was a wig. The people that I did know at the party kept touching my hair and saying how well it suited me. I guess that I suit long hair.I think what the experiences have taught me is not to listen to what other people say. My hair is now half way down my shoulder blades and it was easy to grow out through the awkward stages and all. Every once in a while I have my doubts and feel like I should conform more to fashion and society's dictates. I wear my hair up for work and usually when I go out, but mainly so that it doesn't get caught in car doors, eaten by my dog, covered in liquid paper and trimmed in the paper cutter when I am leaning over. And especially so that my freinds' kids can't grab my hair and stuff it in their mouths. Last I heard baby saliva is not a good conditioner.Last week I went to the Body Shop to buy some Henna and the girl that was ringing in my purchase said out of the blue 'I wan't hair just like yours.'I'm going to a family wedding this weekend and am wearing my hair long and loose and I can assure you that I will ignore any comment that is made.I hope that my experience may make you feel less alone. Long hair or short hair - people will always have a comment. They are always out there. Trust in yourself and what you love and follow your heart. I don't think that anyone has ever gone wrong being true to his or her self.