hair and advice

Hello. I have a question, especially for people who have strong opinions about hair style and length. What do you say when a friend asks your opinion on cutting or growing their hair? Specifically when it's opposite to your personal tastes? I recently had a friend ask me if she should cut her very curly, shoulder-length hair. She had been thinking about it for months, and she pointed out that it would set off her long neck and nice features. She also said that she gets tired of dealing with it in all the humidity. My first impulse was to squeak out "eeeeeeekkkk!Noooooo!" but I restrained myself. I told her I was very partial to long hair, especially curly, but I did agree she has nice features and could empathize on the humidity issue. I suggested she might like to try one of those hairstyle computers first to see how it would look.I was trying to be supportive of our decision (she had obviously been considering this for awhile) and at the sametime honest about my own opinions. I don't know if I wasbeing wishy-washy or considerate. When it comes right down to it, her friendship is more important to me than whetherI like her hair. What do you guys think?---Kim

> I was trying to be supportive of our decision (she had> obviously been considering this for awhile) and at the> same> time honest about my own opinions.Exactly. If you actually lie and say you love the style, then you aren't really doing your job as her friend. But at the same time, you want to be supportive of her decision.One thing I've learned is to never give "advice" with the words, "you should ......." Then what happens is *you* take responsibility for the outcome. If you say, "You should cut your hair," or "you should not cut your hair," and she follows the advice but doesn't like it, then *you* get blamed for the outcome!True story: When we moved to a new house, our clothing was getting rust spots after being laundered. A friend of mine said, "oh, the inside of your washing machine is rusted and you'll need a new machine. That exact thing happened to me." I was a little reluctant since the machine was only 6 years old and we'd never had trouble before, but I sure didn't want to ruin our clothing with rust spots, either. So....$500. later with a new machine and guess what? You guessed it -- rust spots! It turns out that we needed an iron filter for our water conditioner, and we just threw away a perfectly good machine! Although it obviously wasn't my friend's fault, subconsciously I was kind of miffed at her since she told me to buy a new machine.So...relating this to hair, what you said was perfect, Kim. You let your friend know that you really like her long hair and suggested that she try a "computer" haircut first (a great idea in my book!) yet you are supportive if she does decide to cut. The goal is to give your opinion but leave the responsibility of the decision up to her.I've had this situation with clothing and my friends. One of them likes to wear a dusty rose color and she has beautiful auburn hair and just looks *horrible* in the color. Seriously, it just ruins her beautiful skin color and complexion. But it seems to be her favorite color and she's always trying to get me to say that it looks good on her and I won't! I am never mean, but when she asks about a new outfit or if we're shopping together and she puts up a dress or shirt with that color in it up to her face and asks my opinion, I'll comment on the fabric or style. If she asks about the color, I'll say something like, "I think what would look really great on you is a rust hue to bring our the highlights in your hair." Which is a nice way of saying, "That rose color makes you look *sick* darling!";-)Or another way to look at it is to not criticize her choice but show enthusiasm for the look you personally think looks best on her. That way you aren't putting down her decision or opinion yet you're being honest and offering your own.

Hey guys, thanks for the support. It will be interesting to see what decision my friend makes. She's going out of state for three months, and that always seems to be a good time to change your look. She has asked a lot of people their opinions, and said she would probably go in for a consultation first, so I'm sure she'll make a decision she feels comfortable with.Anyway, thanks again.---Kim