Long Hair is a crutch??????

Steve,I'm sorry to hear that your wife is being treated so rudely and mean-spiritedly.It sounds to me as though the other woman is expressing some felt "need" to be the "only" one with long hair (and feels compelled to "eliminate" the "competition" -- namely, your wife), because this other woman thinks that this is the only way to improve her own low self-esteem. The other woman is projecting her own insecurities onto your wife. I feel badly for this other woman (for the havoc she is stirring).May your wife have the courage to slough off these insults, like water off a duck's back.Dave

Hi Steve, Dave & Laura Jane,I have discovered that some women can be incredibly jealous of other women's best features. There is a woman in the office where I work who makes a point of telling me about other women she has seen, met, knows, etc. that have longer and better looking hair than mine. I always find that so weird.For weeks she told me that her best friend had just stunning long hair. Well one day the best friend came to pick her up for lunch and she insisted taking me out into the lobby to meet "the hair". I was stunned. This woman had hair to her shoulders and it was dry and split and sticking out all over.However, the woman I work with made this big deal out of how long and beautiful her friend's hair was. She even told me not to feel bad, that some day my hair would be that nice.OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Very strange. Considering that my hair is below my waist. Also that I think my hair is in pretty good condition.So what was up with that bizarre scene? I guess the woman I work with feels threatened or something.I never listen to people when it comes to my hair. I only listen to my own head. You would not believe some of the strange emails I get about my hair.They tell me it is too long, too short, needs short bangs, longer bangs, curls, streaks. I am saving all the crazy emails and someday I may publish a "tell all" book. :-)So Steve, please tell your wife about my bizarre experience. Maybe it will help her see how nutty and rude and crazy people can be. Giver her a big hug for me and tell her to hang in there.Best wishes,Karen>> It's certainly understandable that your wife> would be hurt by a friend saying such a thing.> It's just another example of the amazing rudeness> people feel they can get away with these days.> (I've been noticing a lot of bad manners recently,> so this has been on my mind.)> Overreacting to this is not going to help> your wife handle the situation well. The best> thing you can do for her is agree that it was> rude and mean-spirited, and that the person in> question obviously has her own issues that need> to be dealt with, and then shrug it off. Focus> on supporting and appreciating your wife, not> on giving her rude friend more attention.> The other question is - and don't take this> the wrong way - maybe your wife was so hurt because> she is afraid it is in some sense true. What I> mean by that is, does she feel as though her hair> is the only attractive thing about her? (It doesn't> matter here what you think, only what she feels.)> If she does, the nasty remark that her friend> made hits a little too close to home. If that's> the case, you can help by appreciating other things> about her. Again, the most important thing for> you to do is to support your wife.> For your wife, my best advice is not to discuss> issues of personal appearance with that friend.> Just avoid the subject if at all possible. If> not, and her friend is rude again, your wife should> politely say so. After all, if their relationship> is close enough that this friend feels she can> make personal remarks about your wife's emotional> relationship with her own hair, certainly it is> not out of bounds for your wife to request that> her friend not make such mean-spirited comments.>> Good luck to you both.> Laura Jane lswanson@sunflower.bio.indiana.edu>

Yes, people do get pretty weird about long hair. Usually they're complimentary, esp. older folks.As far as long hair being a crutch, well, jeez, you just have to laugh. Talking too much, brushing your teeth excessively, eating only tacos all time, so many things can be crutches. How does one person know what another person's crutch is?Dont' we all know someone whose biggest crutch is insulting other people? Hey, there's a common one! So maybe this lady is jealous who knocked your hair. That's her problem. Your only problem is what you do now.Blow it off. You and your hair are fine, have been, will be, and let her be petty if she wants. She'll have to live with that. Ick.Like someone else said, if it really bothers you, keep at it because there's a reason it bothers you. And if there isn't, you'll soon lose interest in her opinon of your hair.Swing that hair! RunningWild> Hi Steve, Dave & Laura Jane,> I have discovered that some women can be> incredibly jealous of other women's best features.> There is a woman in the office where I work who> makes a point of telling me about other women> she has seen, met, knows, etc. that have longer> and better looking hair than mine. I always find> that so weird.> For weeks she told me that her best friend> had just stunning long hair. Well one day the> best friend came to pick her up for lunch and> she insisted taking me out into the lobby to meet> "the hair". I was stunned. This woman> had hair to her shoulders and it was dry and split> and sticking out all over.> However, the woman I work with made this> big deal out of how long and beautiful her friend's> hair was. She even told me not to feel bad, that> some day my hair would be that nice.> OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Very strange. Considering> that my hair is below my waist. Also that I think> my hair is in pretty good condition.> So what was up with that bizarre scene? I> guess the woman I work with feels threatened or> something.> I never listen to people when it comes to> my hair. I only listen to my own head. You would> not believe some of the strange emails I get about> my hair.> They tell me it is too long, too short, needs> short bangs, longer bangs, curls, streaks. I am> saving all the crazy emails and someday I may> publish a "tell all" book. :-)> So Steve, please tell your wife about my> bizarre experience. Maybe it will help her see> how nutty and rude and crazy people can be. Giver> her a big hug for me and tell her to hang in there.>> Best wishes,> Karen

> Seems a friend of hers just told her to get> rid of the hair - all it is is a crutch for your> low self esteem to lean on!!The truth is that putting someone down like this is the crutch.Last week I was visiting my brother in New York, and one of the things we discussed applies generally to people, I think. That is that there are two basic ways people progress in whatever their endeaver is: 1) excelling at what they do, and 2) tearing down those that excel. My brother is increasingly becoming aware that the more he becomes someone in the first category, the more people he attracts from the second category. The solution is not to buckle under the #2 people, but to maintain your excellence.Related Link:Men's Long Hair Site