What shade is really neutral?

Somehow when I asked for highlights, the salon got my hair to turn darker. They keep swearing that''s my natural color without grey, but my natural color was a shade or so lighter than my brows long before I got grey growing in, and the color I came out with was the same shade as my brows.

All the professionals I''ve talked to want to solve the problem with highlights. But stubborn me wants to lighten my hair to its normal color before putting highlights in, so I thought I''d try it myself.

My question is this. My hair color is naturally a dark dirty blonde, according to my hair stylist, although to me it looks like a very light mouse brown. It is completely neutral in tone, sort of mousey, with no yellows or golds or reds. I can''t tell from the packages which color would be correct. Ash doesn''t look right, but I don''t want to end up with warm tones either. What I''d really like is the blonde I had as a child, a few shades lighter than I have now, but also completely neutral. Sort of a mousey tan rather than a mousey brown. But I''d happily settle for something resembling my current natural color.

What would be the technical name for this shade? Or is there one... I can imagine that not too many people want completely neutral hair. :)

If I can''t get my natural color back, my skin tone is yellowish in winter and a nice golden tan in summer. Would ash or golden be a better choice?

Thanks for any insight. I have absolutely no talent for anything artistic, including my hair.

Dinah