QuoteReplyTopic: Does anyone like long hair anymore? Posted: March 05 2002 at 12:46pm
I`m a 23 year old female, and I have had long hair since I started growing it out when my grandmother chopped it off in fourth grade. It`s about waist length, and I have it trimmed every few months for split ends.
I like my hair this length, I always thought long hair was beautiful. But everyone I know tells me I should cut it. I`m the only woman my age I know of from any of my high school, college, or grad school acquaintences who doesn`t at least have a boyfriend, if not engaged/married. I`ve lost a lot of weight but am still not attractive enough for anyone to go out with me. Will cutting my hair help? All of my friends tell me I should. I thought people liked long hair, but is it considered passé? Unprofessional? Just plain ugly?
I know if I do cut it I will cry for at least a week, but maybe it`s worth it if it will make me more attractive.
Never. Ever. Cut your hair because you think it`s what other people would want! If you know you would cry, then there`s you answer... don`t do it. Not having dates has nothing to do with your hair. Maybe if you feel you have to do something different, try a few light, wispy layers. Ask a stylist what would look best, but dont give in if they tell you to chop it off.
-Kera aka princess of the air force (they just don`t know it yet)
ladyO
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I`ve sort of been in your boat. I haven`t had tons of luck with dating either...but I think it is terrible to think that you are not good looking enough to date.
Camryn Mannheim is heavy, and has terrific long hair... Liz Taylor`s short hair is great...but you need to be happy with the way you look and hair is one of the easier ways of doing something about the way look in order to make yourself feel better (um and one of the cheaper ways too, I might add)
I`ve been a short fat woman (think hobbit with non-hairy feet) with both long and short hair. Bottom line? Depends on whether or not you think of your hair as part of who you are. If you feel that you should change your hair because it would make you feel more confident...then go for it. If you are happy with it and it makes you feel attractive...well, if it ain`t broke, don`t fix it.
But whatever you do, do it because you want to and not because your friends think you should.
LadyO
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How the heck did that happen? I`ve logged in and gotten LadyKera`s name at the bottom of my post!
Sorry LadyKera...!
Oh, and to answer your question...a recent poll at some snotty school suggested that people saw women with straight, long, blonde hair as the most attractive and successful (I`m guessing because of the amount of money it would take to have hair like this for most people!)
Anyhoo, I also don`t think it`s unprofessional either.
LadyO
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How the heck did that happen? I`ve logged in and gotten LadyKera`s name at the bottom of my post!
Sorry LadyKera...!
Oh, and to answer your question...a recent poll at some snotty school suggested that people saw women with straight, long, blonde hair as the most attractive and successful (I`m guessing because of the amount of money it would take to have hair like this for most people!)
Anyhoo, I also don`t think it`s unprofessional either.
You don`t see much long hair and I think it is because we live in a "gotta have it now" society. You can`t make a "dramatic" change TO long hair -- you must wait and they don`t want to.
Perhaps a bit of "me thinks thou doest protest too much" or "long hair envy" !
dianefromcanada
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Kim, KIm , Kim giving you lot of hugs. I have no idea what age you are but I remember one story in my past that happen to someone I knew. This girl never put on makeup or took care of her hair or eyebrows and it wasn`t her fault because her parent were very abusive and my mother step in. Her father was a very mean man that would hit the girl`s mother and really abuse the children. Her mother was practically nuts. My mother had enough of this learning that this girl was going to graduate and the girl was depress and she decided to take matters in her own hand and the child`s parents didn`t stop her because you got to know my mother. She will move a mountain if she thinks it out of way.
Anyways this girl came over and my mother shaped her eyebrows. Then my mother brought her to the stylist to have a new style ( her hair was already short but not stylist and I am not suggesting that you cut your hair by no means) and paid for her to have a new look. Then my mother brought this girl somewhere else to show her how to apply makeup and guess what.
Do you ever see Ester on Young and Restless? How the plain looking maid is really a knockout? Well the girls give this girl compliments and she had a nice guy asked her for a date. Her confident grew.
How about you go to the nearest makeup counter and let them do a free makeup thing? How about you go out and buy yourself something nice to wear afterwards? And maybe you could do something with the bangs or find yourself trying a new braid or something fun. When you walk with comfidence you become a person that everyone wants to be like. Sometimes confidence starts with a bit of makeup.
Lots of hugs.
dianefromcanada
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We are in a "gotta have it now" society and no one has the patience to grow hair long and care for it - that is why use longhairs are unique and beautiful and envied. Unless your hair is scraggly or thin looking I would keep it long. What is your hair like? Color? Thickness? CONGRATULATION ON THE WEIGH LOSS. Men dont like fat girls - I know because I used to be one. I mean FAT not just curvy and full-figured.
Spaci32
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Okay I`m glad we got to this subject. I am actually a 23 year old graduate student who is trying to grow out my hair after a bad stylist incident a few years back. It`s a few inches below my shoulders now and want it as long as it will go. Many of my friends are married/engaged or dating too. Well I`m pathetically single as well and have been for quite a while but what I noticed that did affect how I got dates and my other friends as well was just your attitude. If you feel good and think you`re the queen of the world (which of course is true because we`re women) then it shows. But if you feel that you`re not worth anything then that is projected in body language and your attitude and people do pick up on that. I hate to do it but look at some of the more famous people. Do they act like they`re not worth anything? No they all think they`re the best and that`s shown on how they walk, talk, and approach people. It`s not going to be easy but just take little steps and start appreciating yourself. You`re obviously a very competent person who cares for others and yourself. It sounds like you`ve got a great job and am happy at it. And just think about those other people. They`re probably telling you that because they`re jealous of your hair and want you to look like every other person. Well I say stand up taller and be proud of what you`ve got. You`ve got one person here who`s jealous of your hair and would trade it in a minute. This is so cliche too but it`s not what`s shown on the outside. Basically all your outside is is just your inside feelings being projected out. And if you ever want to chat anymore feel free to write me. I love talking to new people.
Traci
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Excuses are the refuge for cowards- Morgenstern`s "The Princess Bride"
A wish is a desire without any attempt to attain its end.
Highland Colonel
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Ms. Kim, it`s good you asked the question and I am glad that the above posters have told you to be cautious. Judging from what you write, it is clear that you should plug your ears when people say to cut it. Some may be jealous; if not, it is clear that your taste is for waist-length hair and that should prevail. If you would cry for at least a week after cutting it, then you certainly shouldn`t. Your hair is part of who you are and satisfying yourself is what is important, not pleasing the crowd. Who cares if really long hair is passe. Fashion should serve you, not you fashion.
As to partners, it is just possible that there is someone out there who doesn`t much care how you look otherwise, but really loves long hair. (of course, there`s more to you than just your looks, and he should realize that).
Finally, as far as your weight is concerned, you should not be dieting if it endangers your health. If you are naturally plump, it is healthy to just live with it, because that is the way you are naturally intended to be. I hope you are not on your way to becoming a bulimic or anorexic person. If you insist on losing weight despite the best advice and against your health, please consider the following facts:
-you could die from not getting proper nutrients -acid from binges corrodes your teeth -normal men don`t like women who are thin as sticks and certainly don`t enjoy an obsession with dieting in them. -it`s terrible for a date when he takes you to a steak restaurant and you order salad (not that I`m suggesting he should force you to eat, just that dates go to restaurants for a PURPOSE) -some men actually like "big" women, so who knows what opportunity a bit of roundness may bring!
The bottom line is be yourself. Take care of yourself but don`t work against the natural you. Believe me, you will regret it sooner or later.
Colonel John Doe
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I`ll bet your hair is gorgeous, don`t cut it. There may be many reasons why you haven`t been asked out, and cutting the hair you obviously love because of some peoples` opinion could be a big mistake.
Oh - and being too thin is gross. Do eat right.
gmoney
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I don`t know what is wrong witht he guys around where you live, but they must have a problem not to be interested in you! You hair sounds absolutely adorable and I am sure that you are a wonderful girl and have plenty to offer. Please don`t go and do something drastic that you will hate and regret. Pity you don`t live where I do, because I would certainly go out with you, you sound like an angel!
Gord
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I'm a 23 year old female, and I have had long hair since I started growing it out when my grandmother chopped it off in fourth grade. It's about waist length, and I have it trimmed every few months for split ends.
I like my hair this length, I always thought long hair was beautiful. But everyone I know tells me I should cut it. I'm the only woman my age I know of from any of my high school, college, or grad school acquaintences who doesn't at least have a boyfriend, if not engaged/married. I've lost a lot of weight but am still not attractive enough for anyone to go out with me. Will cutting my hair help? All of my friends tell me I should. I thought people liked long hair, but is it considered passé? Unprofessional? Just plain ugly?
I know if I do cut it I will cry for at least a week, but maybe it's worth it if it will make me more attractive.
-Kim
I hate to be this brutal, but it kind of sounds like someone is fishing for compliments, although I would think you would get tons of compliments from every passerby, except the shy ones who admire you quietly. I would never, ever recommend cutting your hair. That is your call. If you asked me -- which you kind of did -- I would say, let it grow, let it grow, let it grow. Long hair rocks.
RedHairDiva
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Long hair will always be beautiful, and it will never be "out of style". Maybe you should try wearing it in an updo for a week or so, then letting it down again. Your friends (and you) may be suprised at how beautiful it is after it`s been out of sight for awhile.
Thanks for your support, everyone. I really don`t want to cut my hair, I`m just trying to figure out how to stop being so lonely. I don`t have any friends here, and I`ve lived here for a year and a half now. I think maybe if I`m attractive, maybe someone will like me.
Also, as to the diet, don`t worry, I`m a card-carrying Weight Watchers member, and they don`t let you be unhealthy. I eat my minimum calories every day, get in five servings of fruits/veggies, two servings of milk, usually around 80 oz. of water, etc. Believe me, I will never get sickly thin, but at least I`ll hopefully stop looking like I`m through my second trimester. :/
-Kim
Spaci32
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Where exactly do you live? I`ve moved 5 times in about 4 years so I understand how hard it is to find friends and get settled. Some have been large cities but also rural areas. I could give you some suggestions but that would take too long right now. So just let me know!
Traci
A wish is a desire without any attempt to attain its end.
Well different people like different things. Personally I don`t like short hair, because it doesn`t suit me. My b/f was instantly attracted to me because I have long dark brown hair. and that is his favourite look on a girl, but then fell in love with the real me and not some superficial piece of hair. I was talking about getting a shorter haircut and he said it wouldn`t worry him, because he thinks I would look beautiful any way I had my hair. I guess I am extremely lucky to have him. But my point is that no long hair will never be out. Take a look at all the popular celebritys, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and the list goes on. Even Jennifer Aniston is growing out her hair. If you like your long hair, keep it. Don`t ever let what others think sway your own opinions. I think you need to work on your self-confidence. If you are confident it will come through and guys will probably approach you more. Good luck.
Short hair won`t make you (instantly) more attractive, and neither will long hair. But changing your look might give you a bit of extra confidence.
And confidence is the key.
I noticed this sentence particularly:
"I [..] am still not attractive enough for anyone to go out with me."
Why are you so sure? I`ve seen a lot of women think they were unattractive, and few of them were. But if you`ve gone through puberty thinking you were unattractive, this perception can be a difficult thing to change.
Which may be why your friends have told you to cut your hair. I`ve noticed that some shy long-haired women tend to "hide behind their hair" -- to avoid glances or to hide blushes.
Like dianefromcanada said, there are other ways to change your appearance, but changing your hairstyle might be the most effective one in your case.
But don`t go to the salon intent on cutting your hair. Go to a good stylist you trust. And ask her how she could improve your appearance.
Then get a nights sleep.
And then decide what you want to do.
And remember. The whole point of the game is to gain more confidence. Try to convince yourself you`re a person worth going out with.
Traci: I live in rural central-western Pennsylvania. It`s a university town, but there are so many grad students (I guess I`m kind of giving away where I am) that unless you are a minority, you socialize exclusively within your department--other than a nascent unionizing movement (which I oppose), there are no non-departmental campus organizations that welcome grad students. And in the community, your social circle is entirely determined by which church you belong to, and I am not Christian so that limits my socialization outside school. I think maybe if I can be attractive and look like everyone else here, maybe it will increase my likelihood of making friends through chance encounters.
Felix: Thanks for the advice. I actually don`t trust any stylists in town; as I don`t have any friends here, I have no one to ask where they go (plus no one has long hair so I don`t know of any stylists that would be able to handle me in any way other than chopping it off). I have actually been told I`m selfish for not cutting my hair and donating it to wigs for kids with cancer, which all the salons here push, which is why I`m so afraid to go to one even if I don`t want my hair cut short. What I do is about 3 times a year go to this really cheap place and just have them trim my ends, which they can`t screw up too badly.
-Kim
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I happen to love long hair. Very striking. It takes time and commitment to grow it and to care for it. You should be commended for that.
You can`t go by models or celebrities. They can`t take the time to grow their hair long so they often use extensions. The fashion of long hair goes in cycles. My wife has hair to her thigh and has had it long for almost 20 years. She was not always in style but when long hair did come back into vogue she was invariably told "I wish I hadn`t cut my hair. Your hair looks so great!"
I found a long hair salon in Pennsylvania:
Richard Kroll Total Image Allentown, PA (610) 266-1177
This salon will respect your decision to have long hair and will not try to get you to cut it. You will be pampered. It isn`t inexpensive but they usually ask you come just twice a year so that isn`t so bad. You deserve it! ;)
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KimJ wrote:
