QuoteReplyTopic: Long to Short + Baby Posted: September 22 2009 at 3:56pm
My wife has long layered hair down to about mid-back. We have 2 kids and she wants to try for a third. I am not sure if I want to. So, I was going to see what she is willing sacrifice, since I am going to sacrifice to have another child. I know this sounds selfish, but I have been trying to have her cut her hair for about 6 years now. I was going to suggest if she agrees to cut her hair in the style of my choice and wear it any way I choose for the next 2 years, then I would agree to having another child. Is this wrong to do?
I was thinking about making her an appointment this Sat at her salon without her knowing and talking to her about it Sat. morning. I am not sure her stylist will actually cut itshort. She talked her out of it about 6 months ago. If I don't get an appointment at her salon, I was just going to say, okay lets go somewhere and get it cut it now (Saturday). The kids will be with grandma this weekend, so I can go with her to the salon, then we could get to work. This is the style I was thinking of:
Please let me know what you think about the whole situation.
loveshorthair
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Very cute style - my wife has a similar cut but with bangs. To say you are way off base would be wrong, since I has similar thoughts when my wife had long hair. Though I must say I think your approach may be too strong. Making an appointment, taking her there, giving no choice.... Maybe you could talk to her about how you understand her strong desire to have another child is like your strong desire to have her with that hair style. That her unwillingness to cut her hair is how you feel about another child, but that you would be willing to make the sacrifice for her and would hope she would make a sacrifice for you. Well, that is my 2 cents - good luck I really like the style, expecially if it is a little shorter in back.
jhorner14
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Making the appointment was just to make sure we could get it done on Saturday, I was going to make one for myself too. I wouldn't force her to go Saturday, but I don't want her to back out after the deed has been done. The last time she cut it short, about 6 years ago, we went to the salon together, I thought she was just getting a trim, but she suprised me wby getting her waist length hair cut into a bob just above the shoulders. She made me do something too, blond highlights and and spiky/messy style. She just asked me to go along, I didn't know she made an appointment for me or that she was making the big cut. I just wanted to surprise her as well. I just think that I will be making a huige sacrifice, hair grows back fast, kids grow quite as fast (Thank God).
Here are some other styles I was considering for her, she has a round face, and thick dark brown hair. I like the hightlights in all these pictures as well.
Snipette
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I think it is a fair deal if she cuts her hair you have another baby. Her hair will grow back way before the child grows up so she can't really say no.
If you do not think her normal stylist will cut it short then take her somewhere else.
Good luck and let us know how you get on. You never know she might be ready for a change and want an A line bob with a buzzed nape
Katherine
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My husband and I had the reverse situation. He agreed to switch churches and join mine if I promised to keep my hair LONG in return. I had just grown it out while pregnant and then nursing our first child. Like you, he was giving up a lot by switching churches, while I wanted to go back to my favorite shoulder length, so I was giving up something too. That was almost 20 years ago.
Since then, I'd varied between long and shoulder length, while he urged me now and then to have a long-to-short makeover, which I finally agreed to. Earlier this summer, he surprised me by making an evening appointment for a short cut and sprang the idea on me over dinner. (The kids were out of town). HOWEVER, we had been talking about it for a long time, and I was ready, plus the wine over dinner helped.
If your wife is not ready yet, I would recommend patience. It ended up being years before we had a long-to-short with kids out of town experience, but it was worth it. Be loving. Enjoy the (possibly years of) build up and be supportive. The experience should bring you together, depending on the timing.
jhorner14
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Well, we had a conversation on the whole situation. Her hair length didn't even come up. She wasn't willing to sacrifice anything, so I didn't even get to bring up the haircut idea. There will be no 3rd child, heck, there may not even be a relationship anymore. Apparently I am supposed to sacrifice everything, including career aspirations and home renovations. Oh well!
Katherine
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So sorry you two are not seeing eye to eye. Hopefully you can work out an understanding on things before long and celebrate with new hairstyles! Good luck!!
Bob S
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OK, I'm going to throw out a few ideas, jhorner. It's very common in marriages for each spouse to feel underappreciated. I strongly suspect that this is true for her as well as you.
The way you make it sound, your sixyear desire for her to cut her hair short may have made her feel as if she is NOT super desirable in your eyes. Now, even I, a lover of long hair on women, often mused in my mind that certain styles I'd see would look cool on my long-haired wife. I'll go further: Now that her hair is super-long again, as beautiful as it is, if she could change her hair, but then have it *all* back in a couple months, it would be fun.
Two things that MAY be annoying your wife now: One, the fact that you view an extra child as a *sacrifice*, and not as another symbol of love for your wife, as she sees it. (There may be valid reasons not to have more kids, perhaps, but you appear to be making it seem as if everything will fall upon YOU.) Two, chances are very strong that all the other guys she knows probably think that her hair is a killer, yet her own husband is dissatisfied.
I suggest that in the future, that you not make disagreements personal, prefacing your opinions with "I feel" or "I believe". For smaller issues such as hair length, "I think you look super hot and perfect now, but don't you think a new look might be fun and exciting?" would suffice, and leave it at that. I wish you well. Bob
jhorner14
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Well, I was finally able to make the proposal last night. She asked again for the baby, so I asked for her to cut her hair short and let me pick the styles for the next 2 years. She didn't balk at the length of time, but the length of hair. She siad she would only go shoulder length, I wanted chin length. We couldn't agree. I told her to think about it, and the offer stands, if and when she wants to go ahead with it. I am so close. I tried to approach it the way you guys said, with the your long hair is beautiful, but wouldn't you like a change. Didn't work. She has been to shoulder length several times, its the chin length that she has only been once, and I absolutely loved it, she looked so hot.
Bob S
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J, my hair remarks were an aside. I do NOT think it's fair of you to hold the hair ultimatum over your wife, period.
Also, she clearly perceives her long hair as a treasure, and I fully relate to that opinion. Martin Luther called women's hair their "richest ornament", and I concur.
I hope that you work out all issues in your marriage. Life can be very tough, but your kids depend upon a successful resolution. Bob
haller
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I agree with Bob. It's a little bit shocking that you'd be willing to trade impregnating her if she'll cut her hair. Compromise in a marriage is good, but a baby should not be be born from a weird compromise over a haircut. Sorry.
Hair both grows and can be easily cut. A baby is forever ( or at least 18 years.)
Most importantly, it's her hair, not yours. A baby would belong to both of you. If you really don't want one, you need to be honest with her.
I just checked the dates on this and I'm clearly late to the party. Needless to say I find this post disturbing.
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