nephew's hair

I respect you for asking other people what their opionions are on this matter...
Anyhow, I probably wouldn't push him to get his hair cut, or use it as a punishment/reward. First off, I'll assume that he has a lot of issues going on in his mind, such as living with a new relative, maybe going to a new school, dealing emotionally with family problems and adolescence in general (I'm only assuming these things, I haven't read all the posts from you). The last issue in the world that he should be pressured about is his hair-- unless it's so inappropriate that he'd be expelled from school or totally ostrasized for it, which I doubt would happen too much to him from other young people. I remember being in a similar situation, and it made me totally despise my mother at the time. Of all the issues I had to deal with while being 12, she had to focus on how I wore my hair-- she didn't like the fact that I wore it in a tight ponytail, she wanted me to tease it (I'm a female)-- despite the fact that I had much worse issues to deal with-- I was depressed, had no friends, wrote suicide notes. To me it seemed as if she just wanted infantile bodilly control over me, and didn't exactly enrich our relationship together. I'm not saying that you don't have his best interests at heart, but he'll probably think it's just an attempt to control him in a trivial way, and he may isolate himself from you, or rebel. Long hair simply isn't an issue to create warfare over, in my opinion. I've met many guys since Jr. High who had long hair, or strange hairdos, and most of them were the nicest, most congenial, mellow people I have ever met. Having a pony tail might give him a sense of identity, of being different from kids at school who all follow the same trends. I wouldn't use it as a reward/punishment. It seems so cruel to cut hair as a means to punish or reward anyone, let alone a child or preteen. Just my $0.02.

> He shaved the kids's hair because they didn't behave> in his army style class thing.> He said that they had to own the right to wear their> hair.> I am not saying anything. It just reminded me of the> funny movie. Have you ever watch it?Diane,No, I've not seen the movie. Tell me more about the funny movie, can it be rented? Thanks for the "light" reading.I must say that when we join the service though, the induction cut is a method the services have of enforcing conformity and discipline. Hopefully, parents will not rely on such strong disciplinary measures.

> Jenny,> You are open minded not to allow your personal> preference for shorter hairstyles for boys to> influence your decision with your nephew. You still> need a win-win situation. Allow him to maintain the> present length, but set boundaries on how long he can> grow his hair. Maybe following the hospital incident,> he is ready to appear more boyish. If he is willing to> accept the consequences of his action, let him rebel> but don't protect him from the consequences of> non-conformity.oh bull let him grow it as long as he wants he aint hurting anyone....down to his butt if thats what he wants

> I would be stunned if there were anybody that didn't> have at least some friends that have short hair! We're> talking odds here, and the odds of having no> short-haired friends are, um, long. ;-)what are you talking about

Bob,No one is going to kidnap you and force you to cut your hair, for heaven's sake! Haven't you ever had a specific preference about clothing, hairstyles, or cars? Just because you may not care for a specific color or style of clothing doesn't mean that you're judging the person by that piece of clothing! Most of us do have preferences in various aspects of life. Why, I'll even bet some of the very long-haired women here have friends who wear {gasp} short hair!! I personally know several men who wear their hair long. Although it isn't my favorite hairstyle on men, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the friendship. I certainly wouldn't like "them" as people any more if they had short hair. But I'd like their hairstyles more! {grin}Jena

> Good news -- there are plenty of both kinds of men for> each of us!> ;-)> Jenai CAN NOT BELIVE THIS BROARD........MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT LONG HAIR ON BOYS AND MEN HAHAHA I THOUGHT WE GOT OVER THAT IN THE 1960S WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM IF YOU ARE THat closed minded maybe you shoudnt have him in the first place its his hair leave him be.........its only hair no big deal...i am 46 and have long hair nobody cares

> I fully support any man who wishes to have long hair.> It's simply a matter of aesthetics. However, my own> personal preference is that I find very short hair on> men (not women!) *extremely* attractive! A muscular or> burly type of guy sporting a marine-style> high-and-tight or a crewcut can make my head spin> faster than, well, I don't know what! {grin} I just> personally find long hair more feminine and short hair> more masculine. That has nothing whatsoever to do with> the actual person (I love you Dave and Jeff!) but> simply a matter of personal taste, rather like a> person prefering one color of clothing over another.> I would never think less of a man because he has long> hair or not "like" him as well. Hey, I'm> stuck with short hair at the moment, and I don't think> the short hair makes me "un"feminine but> it's just that I feel long hair makes a woman> "more" feminine. Same concept with men. Just> in my opinion, a man can look masculine in long hair,> but I just think he can look "more"> masculine in shorter hair!> JenaHi Jena,Thank you for sharing your thoughts.I'm just guessing here, but I wonder if Jim and Jenny, in saying that they "don't think that men should have long hair," actually intended to say that they don't *like* long hair on men. There is a big difference between those two statements. I have no specific interest in their likes or dislikes, but if they truly meant what they said (that "men should not have long hair"), then I'd sure like to hear the explanation.Dave

Well, this is a difficult issue to deal with... On one hand, it really isn't my place to be telling someone else how they should be raising what is essentially (at least for now) their child, but on the other hand, I really don't think that an adult, even a legal gaurdian, should be trying to impose his/her fashion preference on a child this old so long as the child's preference is harmless. (And I think long hair on men is harmless at worst...) So, this is just my opinion: the boy is old enough to decide how he wants to wear his hair.ErikaP.S. BTW Jena, I have to politely disagree with you on crewcuts. :-) I've never liked any men's haircuts that were even close to shaved. (Again, just personal opinion)> I fully support any man who wishes to have long hair.> It's simply a matter of aesthetics. However, my own> personal preference is that I find very short hair on> men (not women!) *extremely* attractive! A muscular or> burly type of guy sporting a marine-style> high-and-tight or a crewcut can make my head spin> faster than, well, I don't know what! {grin} I just> personally find long hair more feminine and short hair> more masculine. That has nothing whatsoever to do with> the actual person (I love you Dave and Jeff!) but> simply a matter of personal taste, rather like a> person prefering one color of clothing over another.> I would never think less of a man because he has long> hair or not "like" him as well. Hey, I'm> stuck with short hair at the moment, and I don't think> the short hair makes me "un"feminine but> it's just that I feel long hair makes a woman> "more" feminine. Same concept with men. Just> in my opinion, a man can look masculine in long hair,> but I just think he can look "more"> masculine in shorter hair!> Jena

If the boy needs stability, then all the more, he should keep his long hair. We've been told he wants to keep it. Stability means not changing that which already exists. It could mean retaining something from his life before to that which it is now, and that's important, too, when facing larger adjustments such as he's gone through. Such consistency is good for children.Jennifer Eve> I agree. The child really needs to feel love and he> really needs to find stability. Right now his ponytail> might be dear to him or it might not but he really has> to feel he has a home and he can build a relationship> first and then maybe the ponytail won't be such an> issue and he might agree to cut it. I am talking from> experience not about the ponytail but stability. My> children lost their father and stability is> everything. ( Diane from Canada)

Right after reading Jenny's post, I was going to say *exactly* what you just said!! I have to tease you, because you and I generally have differing opinions on a subject like this.Hey, great post!Happy Holidays!Jena