Growing It Long Just To Cut It

Actress Ashley Scott spent most of the last year growing her hair out to shoulder length. She didn't have it at that length for long before cutting it shorter.

Not long ago, a friend of mine with short hair mentioned that, at the urging of her husband, she was growing her hair to her bra strap. She expected to have it up every day, leaving it down only the nights they go out. As soon as it reaches her bra strap, she's cutting it short again.

Why do women do this? If you want it short, keep it short. Why spend all this time growing out your hair, just to cut it?

Maybe they're closet hair fetishists of the type that really enjoys getting a lot cut off at once, so they have a pattern of growing it long and cutting it off over and over.

if ur hair is too short and you want a differenmt cut, wouldnt u have to grow it out 1st in order to get the 1 u want ? duh...

Kuroneko wrote:

“Maybe they're closet hair fetishists of the type that really enjoys getting a lot cut off at once, so they have a pattern of growing it long and cutting it off over and over.”

A fetishist frequently deals with a lot of shame around their fetish. This shame is reinforced by our being in a “closet” about how we think. There is a high price to pay to stay in that closet. For 30 years I have “needed” to constantly repress a compulsion to talk about a subject that I cannot even stop thinking about.

So some of us, including myself, use this forum as a place to try to explain ourselves. We are trying to explain ourselves both to a (hopefully non-judgmental) audience and to ourselves, through the act of writing and sharing.

You may notice, I am being very careful to choose language that is inoffensive. I apologize to those who are not interested in this topic, and ask you to simply skip the rest of this post.

I am ACTIVELY SEEKING reinforcement of the idea that this fetish is not something to be ashamed of. Discussion of fetishism anywhere on these boards is met with disapproval. The aim of this, I understand, is to prevent this from turning into a sex board. I support that. But I would also like to have a conversation that is “real.” Please respond.

I use the nom de coiffe of Mr. Happy, both to protect my anonymity and to force myself to keep a mental state that is not judgmental of myself when I talk about this.

I am exactly the fetishist that Kuroneko imagined, and I am in the closet almost everywhere but here. My wife knows, and several members of my team of brain care specialists know. But I am in my 40’s and have only shared this information with perhaps a dozen people since the early 1970’s when this took over my thinking.

Cutting off your hair. Is it a symbolic act, or merely superficial? I’ve made my opinion pretty clear just with the way I worded that question. I meant superficial in the most literal sense, that hair meets the dictionary definition of the word. But by phrasing it the way I did sure made it sound like I was being judgmental, saying that hair was unimportant.

I know that hair is a powerful part of our self-image, and a way to express either conformity or individuality. It is a huge business as well a matter of some social import.

But growing up as a middle class boy in the late 60’s and early 70’s, I was told hair is not important for me. It’s a girl thing, hair. Superficial, like make-up. Not something that “people like us” thought was important. Education? Important. Appearance? Not important, especially for guys. Hair? Women were “indulged” with the time for primping and playing with hair, but it just isn’t the manly thing to do.

And what if you grow up surrounded by women? In my family, the adult women were in charge at home. There was a clear pecking order. Dad was ultimately in charge, or at least he thought so. For that, he was entitled mostly to be left alone. But at home he “deferred” to the women, as long as that meant that they prepared and served the meal, and cleaned up afterwards while he enjoyed drinks and stimulating conversation. Not quite barefoot-and-pregnant-and-chained-to-the-sink, but it was close enough to that thinking that you didn’t joke about it.

And so the kids lived in a world where the primary adult interactions were with women. And I was born #6 out of 7 kids. And the only boy. So now, I am surrounded by other kids, who are allowed, as an indulgence of their gender, to wear their hair however they wanted, and spend whatever time and energy they wanted in playing with it. I, however, was not. The primary adults in my life, being women, had basically the same deal as the girls, although far less time and energy for play. Those odd father creatures treated hair as something like a contractual obligation. There was no playing.

Of course, I was still a child. So I didn’t have to go with Dad every week when he had his crewcut tightened. Every other week I could sleep in on Saturday, and only on the even weeks did I need to submit to the clippers. The men in the barbershop were always kind, but I wasn’t offered (or expected to want) any choice in the matter. It was a friendly place, although a bit scary for a 4 year old. My return home was always greeted by my 9 year old sister. She would put her hand flat on my forehead then slide it to the crown of my head and back and pronounce “iron filings,” as it stood straight up under her palm. She would then fling her waist length braids as she ran away.

Elementary school. Cool kids with indulgent parents were starting to mimic the look of The Summer of Love. I was allowed 4 week intervals between shearings. Eventually I think my sisters intervened, because I was permitted, by the time Nixon was re-elected, to let my hair grow. My father’s barber was actually pretty cool, and left me enough to cover half of my ear, but that is where the indulgence ended. I knew I wanted it longer. I honestly do not remember whether I asked and was denied, or was unable or willing to even broach the question. But I was 10 years old, and I had a plan. When Saturday came, I played sick. I knew I couldn’t get away with it for school, but I thought that it might get me out of a haircut. If I could keep getting out of haircuts, my hair would grow!

And it worked for several weeks. One Thursday, however, Mom and I were out running errands when she pulled into a dirt parking lot. Dad’s barber was in a nice shopping plaza. This was a converted house on a two lane country road, with a barber pole out front.

I’m going to stop rambling here, because I can’t continue the story without going deeper into my personal life than may be appropriate in this forum.

Thanks for listening.

Mr. Happy

I'd probably be one of those people who grows it out and cuts it repeatedly just for the change, but I really hate long hair, so I end up going a couple of months at most before it gets annoying and I trim it anyway. *sweatdrops* Ah well, guess I have to live vicariously. . .

Over the past 9 years I have grown my hair out to bsl or thereabout 4 times! I grow it to about bsl and then tire of having it long after a few months so i cut it really short....like over the ears. After a few months of this really short look, I start the growing process again.I think it is a a"grass is greener" syndrome that i have. When it is short, I remember how much sexier i felt when it was long. When it is long, I remember how easy and cool it was when short.....

I am on the grow right now and plan on ending this vicious cycle once and for all!!

jacqui

Hey IMO the more hair that hits the floor, the better

Tina - I still haven't seen a picture of you...I imagine you looking like Josie Bissette or Anne Heche...am I close?

Jacqui

hairalways wrote: Over the past 9 years I have grown my hair out to bsl or thereabout 4 times! I grow it to about bsl and then tire of having it long after a few months so i cut it really short....like over the ears. After a few months of this really short look, I start the growing process again.I think it is a a"grass is greener" syndrome that i have. When it is short, I remember how much sexier i felt when it was long. When it is long, I remember how easy and cool it was when short..... I am on the grow right now and plan on ending this vicious cycle once and for all!! jacqui

I am so glad you posted that you have grown your hair out and than cut it over the course of many years. So have I, (bsl only once, usually just past the shoulders a few inches) and I thought I just couldn't make up my mind, but maybe it is the "grass is greener" like you said. Both long and short hair definately have both advantages and disadvantages at least to me. Anyway thanks for posting that, it made me feel better concerning my own lack of direction about my hair.

Twanda