Embarrasing Story re: Emergency App

 

 

You are SO crazy Fugee. I like that

 

Only difference between me and the super fine cop is that I knew about his perimeter and he didn't know about mine.

 

I am happy you are ok and thank god for your dogs!

 

Okay so earlier this evening I got out of the shower and wrapped my hair before putting on my wig cap. So I get my pajamas on and I'm feeling all cute sipping on a glass of Pinot Noir and taping my wig cap down when I hear the ghetto bird (aka: police helicopter) hovering around about 5-6 blocks away from my house. When I look out the window I can see that they are shining their spotlight down looking for someone. My neighborhood is normally VERY quite BUT.....what can you do?..... I guess crazy people live everywhere.

 

Anywho, I go back into my master bathroom to finish putting a layer of Vapon NT all around my perimenter. A few minutes later I noticed that I didn't hear the ghetto bird anymore. So now I'm just sipping my glass of wine and waiting for my adhesive to dry because I had already put tape around the perimeter of my lace last weekend.

 

All of a sudden I hear my 2 dogs going ABSOLUTELY CRAZY in my back yard and it's sounding like they are tackling and chasing someone. Okay so now I'm really tripping cuz my back yard is fenced in and it's sounding like someone has hopped my fence and it's probably whoever  the ghetto bird was looking for just a few minutes before. I froze for a minute to listen because I just knew I could not be hearing that. Both of my dogs are big (a little over 100 pounds each). Then I heard the distinct sound of someone running through the dry leaves in my back yard and running into my wooden fence REALLy hard as my dogs were attacking.

 

It's funny how a million thoughts can race through your mind at once when you're scared because as I'm reaching for my 9mm all I kept thinking is "OMG I hope whoever is in my backyard doesn't shoot or stab 1 of my dogs" and "OMG, I CANNOT go out there with this wig cap on my head looking like Captain Pickard". So I run down stairs with my gun and turn the light to my back patio on and I can only see about 10 yards out and the rest is just darkness. I can't see any movement but I can hear that my dogs are still attacking whoever is out there and I hear the person(s)  banging into my wooden fence (probably trying to hop back over) but I can't see jack. I don't know if there's 1 person out there or 3 so I'm not about to carry my wig cap wearing but out there in the dark in my pj's with no underwear on and no shoes on.....gun or no gun. My daddy didn't raise no fools.

 

So I run upstairs and call 911. I'm on the phone telling the dispatcher that my dogs are attacking a prowler in my back yard when it suddenly dawns on me....."OH SH*T !!!!!.......she's gonna dispatch a bunch of Officers to my house and I'm standing here with a wig cap taped to my scalp and a bunch of adhesive on my skin.   This is SO not cool".

 

So the dispatcher is asking me a gazillion questions and all I can think to myself is "I gotta go cuz I gotta do a lf app in the next 60 seconds". Not even 5 seconds later I could hear police sirens in the distance and now I'm REALLY starting to freak out on the inside cuz a bunch of cops are gonna be knocking on my door any second now. So while the police dispatcher is still asking me questions like "are all your doors and windows locked" I'm telling her "I'm gonna have to put you on speaker phone"so my hands can be free. At the same time I'm thinking "I wish some fools WOULD run up in my house while I'm here  cuz it would be on and poppin!"

 

As soon as I set the phone down I started ripping the backing off the tape that was already adhered to my lace and I could hear the sirens getting closer and closer. My dogs are still going crazy in my back yard and I can hear someone running through the leaves again before I hear their body slam into the wooden fence again.

 

Now I know I'm not supposed to get my fingers on the tape but all 10 of my fingers were ALL OVER that tape. I grabbed the unit from underneath the front hairline and plopped it directly on top of my  wig cap when the dispatcher interrupts to say "I don't hear your dogs going crazy anymore". I was SO focused on trying to line up that front hairline that I didn't even notice that the barking, growling and sounds of struggle in my back yard had stopped.

 

Then she says "the Officers are establishing a perimeter right now and will be at your door any second". Now I can hear that the ghetto bird is back up in the air and I peep out the window and see them shining their spot light down in my neighbors back yard. All I can think now is "oh crap I'm gonna look SO crazy if I don't get this lf on". So I grab the unit from underneath the front hairline again and lift it up off my wig cap when I hear the police banging on my front door down stairs.  So I have no choice but to position the entire front hairline at once. I stuck the entire top of the forehead down in the mirror then took off to run down stairs and answer the door.  As I'm running down stairs I stick the left side down with 1 big pull and a smack then I stick the right side down with 1 big pull and a smack. As I'm walking accross the living room to the front door I bend my chin down towards my chest, yank on both sides of the nape at the same time and slap it down on my nape. Wheeeew ! 

 

Good thing I did cuz the cop standing at my door was sssssooooooooooooo FINE  it  wasn't even funny!!  If I hadn't got that lf on my head right he would have been like  

 

Anywho, the prowler had already gotten outside of the perimeter they established on the ground but the helicopter continued to pursue him....don't know if they ever caught him.

 

I came away from this experience knowing 2 things for sure:

 

1. There is NOTHING in this world like a good, loyal dog.

2. I now know I can do a darn good lf app in less than 30 seconds when I get a little fire under my butt.