Red undertone dilemma . . . plus.

I was born with it . . . lived with it and hate it. My hair is dark brown these red undertones, just barely visable. But whenever I put in any lighter color it turns out Auburn. My mom, said I cant die my hair anything lighter or it will turn out red. I am so ticked off. I want light brown hair, but it comes out Auburn EVERYTIME.

See when I was a todler I was a red head, and then it slowly turned to this strange Ashy blonde color, then brown, then dark brown. everytime it has these red undertones that shows ESPECIALLY in the sunlight. I have no idea why my hair color changed color over the years, I didnt know hair color could. I avoid dying it, but I really would like to have lighter hair. To add on to it, my mom has natural Strawberry blonde hair, we have irish in the family, and I found out the hard way, I dyed it. the box said light brown, but It came out Auburn. YIKES.

What should I do?? What color can neutralize this red mess. I cant live like this. sorry. any ideas I can do myself without spending lots of money at a beautician?

Thanks