I've grown my hair from shoulder length to just past the bottom of my
bra strap, and have noticed no difference whatever in the way people
treat me.
I think it partly depends on how you act. No offense, but some
people get too obsessed with their hair and are always trying to
attract attention with it--so they get that attention, positive or
negative. For me, my hair is not a big part of my life. I just
quit cutting it and left it up to nature.
On the other hand, some of the way people treat you has little to do
with how you act, and--again, no offense--this is particularly true of
the way women treat other women. Some women are into making
others conform, and they're always trying to put everybody in a
box. When I was a teenager, I was about five pounds over the top
of my weight range, and people were always telling me to lose
weight. So I lost 12 pounds, which put me at the bottom of my
weight range. Then the the same people switched to telling me I'd
"just gain it all back again soon." They wanted me in the "fat" box and
were upset I'd gotten out.
I got old enough to be confident and assertive, and now if I ever
disagree with that type of person, however rationally, they put me in
the "rude" box. Get over 40 and people try to put you in the
"old" box--people on the net will make all kinds of statements about
how you look and how out of touch you must be, without ever having met
you or seen a picture. and against all evidence.
What I'm trying to say it, other people have no business whatever
telling you what to do with your hair; short of situtaions like you
work for a restaurant owner and they have to make all employees comply
with health regulations. So you shouldn't pay attention to random
negative comments, and I personally would tell such a person to buzz
off in no uncertain terms. But, on the other hand, trying to
attract public attention because of your hair is also unhealthy
IMO.
Whether the input is positive or negative, your self-image should be
based on your self-confidence and not the opinions of others.
Fran
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I've always had "nice" hair, I guess... lots of natural (grease? haha) shine to it... so people were always on me about that...
But I get more comments from people that already know me, because I'll wear my hair up for a few days (bun style), and it isn't very thick...so it doesn't LOOK long...and then I pull it down and people go WHOA. Which is funny, because my hair isn't THAT long.
Most of my boyfriends prefer long hair. I imagine it has something to do with getting attention from guys... but there are other aspects about me personality wise that have MUCH more to do with who I date.
I think attention from men has a great deal to do with marital
status. I've been married since I was 18 and my husband was
21--well, we lived together starting then, for 7 years before we got
married, but we were married in everything except the piece of paper.
We were college sweethearts . . . So I've been married and not on the
dating scene all my adult life. Which is wonderful, as far
as I'm concerned.
But my point is, if you're not "looking," and totally unavailable, you
just don't ask for that kind of attention from men and they do not give
it to you. As for my husband, he loves me no matter what I look like;
which if you live with someone all your life and under all
circumstances, is a very good thing.
Understand I'm not making any moral judgments--if I were single I'd be
trying hard to find someone. But people of both genders who are
trying to find someone behave differently, and one thing they do is
consciously or unconsciously try to draw attention to whatever
attractive physical features they have.
Fran
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Hmm....Fran I'm not really sure what to say here. I agree with most of what you have said and I think you are an intelligent well-spoken/written lady, however.......
I was married at 21 too, and am now 33 (today actually!) so I've spent my entire adult life as a non-single (also counting the years before I was married and just dating my now husband). I have always taken pride in my appearance and I like to look pretty/sexy when I am out with or without my husband. It just makes ME feel good and I am happy and comfortable when I know my hair/outfit/makeup are looking good. I am not at all interested in being with any other men, however I DO seem to attract some interest and I am always flattered when I receive attention from other men (and women). This is understandable isn't it? I mean most people feel good when they are complimented (be it on physical attributes or on their intelligence/personality etc). Of course my husband loves me and always says I'm beautiful etc, but it's also nice to hear it from others.
So am I a bad bad person? Happily married but also happy to be admired by other ppl? I have also admired a handsome face, nice butt etc. from time to time
Anyway, I know that this is a fun and lighthearted topic, but you just had me thinking there......
25 inches as at 1st Nov 06
Sugaree
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My hair isn't all that long yet (just below shoulders), but I have noticed lots of attention from men since I have been wearing my hair in two braids....I think they think it is cute, so I get a lot of smiles, unsolicited conversations, and heads turning. It is something I noticed, not something I have looked for.
Of course I don't think you're a bad person. I think all women
dress at least partly for themselves. I dress almost entirely for
myself--I love having good clothes and lots of them. My husband
tries to sympathize but he's the kind of guy who sometimes says, "Nice
new dress" when I've been wearing it for two years.
But women are taught, more than men, that their value to society is
what other people think of them. And that appearance should be a
large part of their value. And some, especially the insecure,
value themselves largely according to how much attention they
get. I think that's unhealthy. It's better to focus on what
you have achieved than on what others think, whether that's good or
bad.
I don't condemn others for doing it but I've never at any point in my
life dressed to look sexy. I've never dressed to look dowdy,
either.
Continued. . . . in terms of my self-image, and the way I want people
to think about me, I'd rather be intelligent, assertive, creative, a
lot of things, than sexy, or even pretty.
Yay!! Thanks girls It didn't really seem like my birthday though...just another day in the life of. I did buy myself some nice Lindt chocolate though when I went grocery shopping and my husband took me out to dinner too. 33 is kind of an interesting number though...
Fran, I don't want to debate you on this. I actually agree with what you are saying (in principal), however the SAD reality is that people are influenced by how a person looks before they get to know them as a real person. How you look is kind of the "advertising" for your "business". I just find that it is easier to get ppl to come up and talk to me if I'm looking good....even if it's for the wrong reasons....then you can really get to know each other and the whole superficial thing falls away. I enjoy meeting people, and my business requires that I network with other industry-related people, so looking good is very important to me. Using your attractiveness is powerful I think. I certainly don't base my self-worth on it, but I'm happy to use it as an assett for as long as I can. I know that I am an intelligent, creative, assertive person inside, and so do those who know and love me, but complete strangers can't and don't know that from the outset. Maybe one day somebody will come up to me and say "gee, you look intelligent", but I'm not holding my breath
If you're in the beauty business, you have to look good for
professional reasons. Amd it helps if you're in any kind of sales
full time.
I've always been a writer and editor, so people have always judged me
professionally by whether I'm smart, well read, good at project
management, and so on. I'm not saying I'm ugly, and in fact last
time I worked for another company, as a senior editor for a book
publisher, the management was always holding me up as an example of
high fashion to the other editors (a casually dressed group by
preference).
It is possible people judge others first by how they look, and of
course when I have any sort of business meeting I dress for it the way
you're supposed to. But that looks-impression phase only lasts a
few minutes, in my experience, after which you have to prove your other
qualities.
I'm not by any means saying women should not dress up, do their hair,
wear makeup, exercise etc., or that I don't do those things. I'm
just saying I think defining who you are by how you look, or letting
people define you that way (or letting them tell you who you are at
all), is a bad idea.
Fran
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I want to ask about the henna. I dyed my hair dark brown with
semipermanent dye (L'Oreal Espresso) for years, during which it really
soaked into the bottom third of my hair. I've been trying to wash it
out since mid-June. Right now it's grown out + washed out at the
top third (and I've discovered I'm more of a natural brunette than I
remembered, I always thought of my hair as a medium golden brown, but
that's more the color I had when I permed it years ago). The
middle third is reddish brown, still not quite my natural color. The
bottom third is finally starting to lighten up some--the dye goes
reddish brown before it washes out and it's getting a red tinge.
So I figure in a few weeks it will FINALLY be light enough to permanent
dye it a lighter color, which was the whole point of this
gradual-washing-out exercise.
(There seems to be no color remover that really works on semipermanent
dye--I contacted the Colorfix website and they said that doesn't
either.)
OK, so I've stored two boxes of medium golden brown permanent dye in the bathroom for 6 months. But:
I've always wanted red hair--as long as it (a) turned a natural
red and (b) did not do something really awful like go green due to
chemical reactions with my previous dye job. (I had a semipermanent red
dye job from a hairdresser that was an unnatural scarlet and I hated
it. I've never gone green but having had ombre hair all this time has
been bad enough).
So, what does henna look like assuming you (a) use a 100% natural henna
that doesn't turn your hair green (is that guaranteed?) and (b)
you put it over a mixture of brunette and gray?
Fran
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Well I'm glad you asked Henna is probably one of my favourite topics!!
If you are going to use henna, only use the BAQ (Body Art Quality) henna. Horror stories of hair turning green are usually those involving commercially sold "henna" which has additives, some of which are not even listed on the box.
One of the many wonderful properties of henna is that it does even out your hair colour. Before my first ever henna, I had been using chemical dyes (why why why??) and was getting intense roots, but faded lengths. It was always very uneven. My first henna came out totally even and for the first time in many years, I had hair that was pretty much all one colour. Incidentally, you should always do a test on harvested hair (from the shower, brush etc) before you do your whole head. I was impatient the first time though, and just went ahead and did it, even just one week after my last permanent chemical dye treatment Lucky for me, it was all good.
Henna won't make your hair lighter, but it will make it red, make no mistake. Just what shade of red depends on: your starting colour, how long you leave the henna on, the freshness and quality of your henna, what you added to your mix, how many applications you do and so on. Everyone gets a unique shade, but it can be controlled by manipulating one or more of the above factors.
Your grey hair will be lighter, and maybe even a bit orange at first. Personally, I like my lighter "highlights" where my grey was, but some people don't and prefer to use a bit of indigo to tone them down, or just re-apply the henna to those areas a few times to saturate the colour.
I recommend doing your research and an excellent place to start is hennaforhair.com Go to the mixes page and read up on what everyone uses in their mix to achieve the colour that they want. Take note of their natural colour and grey percentage to get a good idea of what your hair will turn out like.
I hope you do decide to go on the henna journey Fran....it has been totally hair-changing for me and has been the main reason I've decided to grow my hair. I am more than happy to answer any other questions you may have
Incidentally, I just saw a photo of myself today and my hair looked soooooo shiny and glossy, that it almost looked fake!!! LOL My hair would never look this way if it were chemically dyed.
There are no chemical dyes that are "gentle". They all do damage. Henna, on the other hand, not only does NOT damage your hair, it actually improves it's condition and texture.
I've been reading up on the site you mentioned and another site or
two. This is not made too explicit, but it looks like some people
mix something brown into the dye--coffee, for example--to get a reddish
brown rather than red. I did hit a site where they claimed henna
dries out your hair and makes it brassier every time you use it.
On the other hand, that is what conditioners are for and as for brassy,
I'd assume you can always add coffee if you don't like the shade you
got before. It's not like commercial dyes never dry out your hair
or make it brassy.
If you don't mind my bugging you I have another question or
three. Most of the posts I read were from people who just hennad
their hair for the first time and loved it. Which is great, but in
terms of long-ter use:
I reluctantly quit using semi-permanent dyes (after some years) because
my hair got gray enough right in front (where it's grayest) that the
gray started showing up after two weeks, and I'm not
exaggerating. I'm sure your roots show as your hair grows out, no
matter what, but how long does the henna stay on a super-gray streak?
And how long does henna last on the rest of your hair, that is how often must you redye?
Do you have to do the business where you put it on the roots, let it
sit, then just dye the rest of the hair for a few minutes? Or can
you just glop henna on all over (which I think is easier)?
Thanks,
Fran
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I was wondering if you could tell me the url of that site that said henna dries out your hair. I'm always interested in the sources of mis-information Henna does the opposite of drying out your hair. It's the closest thiing to a permanent conditioner that I've ever seen. I don't have to condition my hair hardly at all now....it's quite amazing to me as I always had to use TONNES of conditioner before.
As for brown, I add cloves and Amla to tweak it towards brown. Works a treat for me. Others use a little bit of Indigo, others use coffee. I guess it's experimentation.
I have very grey/white roots in the front and top of my hair and my hair grows fast. So every 3 weeks (when my hair has grown to see obvious white roots), I put full strength henna on my roots only with a tint brush and then mix up full strength henna with conditioner or yoghurt and slop it on the rest of my hair (just as a treatment). It's quick and easy for me to do it this way. You could just slop it all over your hair though if you wanted to, it definitely wouldn't hurt, but you'd go through more henna and thus spend more money.
Henna is permanent. It does not fade....at all. I found this quite astonishing at first, as chemical dyes always faded for me....even if it just faded a bit, it looked "old" and I didn't like it. Henna stays rich and true for ever. It does not wash out. It covers grey hair amazingly well (especially with repeat applications to increase the depth of colour) See the grey hair section on the hennaforhair site.
First time henna users are always ecstatic because they've never seen their hair look so good. Long term henna users are just quietly happy and have become used to being spoiled (like me!)
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Happily married but also happy to be admired by other ppl? I have also admired a handsome face, nice butt etc. from time to time 
my LJ
It didn't really seem like my birthday though...just another day in the life of. I did buy myself some nice Lindt chocolate though when I went grocery shopping 
and my husband took me out to dinner too. 33 is kind of an interesting number though...
Long term henna users are just quietly happy and have become used to being spoiled (like me!) 
