QuoteReplyTopic: selfish?? Posted: May 23 2003 at 10:10am
i want you guys opinion. my stepdaughter always want to play with my hair accessories amoung everything i own. the thing is she is not careful with them. so it REALLY bothers me when she wants to use them. she is 7. i'm not kidding one minute she can have something and not know where she put it next. she doesn't even really want to use them for herself but on her dolls. the thing that also bothers me is she doesn't ask she just goes and takes them. i have started hiding them from her. am i just being selfish?
I definitely would not call that selfish. In my opinion, a 7-year old is capable of listening and respecting other people's possessions. How about hiding your hair goodies and buying some inexpensive hair bands and barrettes for her to play with/misplace and use on her dolls? Of course, there's always the chance that she might not be as interested in these. From my own experience, children are more attracted to things they are not supposed to play with. Nonetheless, your stuff should be off limits if she is not going to take good care of it. She'll respect you more if you set limits for her. I've found this out the hard way. When I'm Nice Mommy all the time my kids walk all over me and I wind up angry and resentful. When I set limits we're all better off (if not happier) Good luck.
"I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me."
princessmonica
Members Profile
Send Private Message
Find Members Posts
Add to Buddy List
Member
Joined: February 26 2003
Status: Offline
Points: 653
I definitely would not call that selfish. In my opinion, a 7-year old is capable of listening and respecting other people's possessions. How about hiding your hair goodies and buying some inexpensive hair bands and barrettes for her to play with/misplace and use on her dolls? Of course, there's always the chance that she might not be as interested in these. From my own experience, children are more attracted to things they are not supposed to play with. Nonetheless, your stuff should be off limits if she is not going to take good care of it. She'll respect you more if you set limits for her. I've found this out the hard way. When I'm Nice Mommy all the time my kids walk all over me and I wind up angry and resentful. When I set limits we're all better off (if not happier) Good luck.
thank you caramia for a reply. i do give her my old hair ties and clips but she also wants my good ones. i try to be fair.
I too have little ones who like to take my things and use them. I don't allow them to. They know that my things are off limits, unless they ask and I allow them to share. Caramia is right...limits work for everyone and teach respect.
Yep, got to tell nope, it's not yours, it's expensive and you cannot play with it. I have an 8 year old niece who would play with ALL my toys if I would let her.
On the one hand, there is the setting of clear boundaries and respecting of the property of others.
On the other hand, children need to learn the lesson of sharing, in theory and practice, and by example.
I guess the key thing with this is that your step-daughter
(a) be taught to ask before she touches your hair-toys
(b) is allowed to play with some of them on condition that she is careful not to damage them
(c) is told that if she damages them she will not be allowed to play with them anymore
(d) has (c) enforced strictly
The relationship between the two of you needs to be mutually respectful for domestic harmony and (importantly) your relationship as a family.
The consequences of potential actions (both good and bad) on the part of the child, must be plainly explained and she must learn to bear responsibility for the outcome of her behaviours.
Best of luck Monica - parenting is tough!!!
Uzi
Uzi
princessmonica
Members Profile
Send Private Message
Find Members Posts
Add to Buddy List
Member
Joined: February 26 2003
Status: Offline
Points: 653
On the one hand, there is the setting of clear boundaries and respecting of the property of others.
On the other hand, children need to learn the lesson of sharing, in theory and practice, and by example.
I guess the key thing with this is that your step-daughter
(a) be taught to ask before she touches your hair-toys
(b) is allowed to play with some of them on condition that she is careful not to damage them
(c) is told that if she damages them she will not be allowed to play with them anymore
(d) has (c) enforced strictly
The relationship between the two of you needs to be mutually respectful for domestic harmony and (importantly) your relationship as a family.
The consequences of potential actions (both good and bad) on the part of the child, must be plainly explained and she must learn to bear responsibility for the outcome of her behaviours.
Best of luck Monica - parenting is tough!!!
Uzi
uzma as always you make good points like i said she loses things easily. she may not mean to damage or misplace it but she does. she is human this i understand. she needs to be taught she can't keep losing stuff. not to make my husband sound bad he doesn't get it at times either. he feels she should be able to play with what she wants. don't get me wrong if she wants to use a scruchie in her hair i let her. when though i ask it back and she flat out tells me no i get mad. this behavior has made me not want her using my stuff. off the topic of hair my mom gave her a ring. she had it on minute and then she forgot where she put it. we searched everywhere. finally a couple days went by she found it outside where she took it off.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Topic Options
Post Options
Thanks(0)
caramia wrote:
like i said she loses things easily. she may not mean to damage or misplace it but she does. she is human this i understand. she needs to be taught she can't keep losing stuff. not to make my husband sound bad he doesn't get it at times either. he feels she should be able to play with what she wants. don't get me wrong if she wants to use a scruchie in her hair i let her. when though i ask it back and she flat out tells me no i get mad. this behavior has made me not want her using my stuff. off the topic of hair my mom gave her a ring. she had it on minute and then she forgot where she put it. we searched everywhere. finally a couple days went by she found it outside where she took it off.
