women with short hair, and men

Hi Lina,

I agree with you that women should wear their hair however they feel they want to since we all look what we feel is our best with our hair at different lengths and styles. I`ve had my hair to my hips and as short as a bob at jaw length. I enjoyed both actually. It was fun to sit in the hairdresser`s chair and try out new styles. She knew my hair type and face structure and lifestyle which she took into account and always gave me terrific styles. It was like trying on clothes at the department store. When your hair is short, the wider range of options seem possible since there are so many different ways to cut and color hair. The only problem I had was deciding if the present cut was the best... in the back of my head I wondered if there was a better cut out there waiting for me. When my hair was long though, I did, at times, find myself "bored" with the few styling options. Sure there were the French braids and other types of braids but my ability to do these by myself were fairly limited and I didn`t always have someone there to assist me. I loved wearing it up on my head in a pretty bun. I got the most complements on it that way actually and since I was a nurse it was more sanitary and professional worn up. I also used these fancy huge combs and that was nice. I finally got bored enough that I began to get spiral waves done. My hair was shiny and straight before. The waves were beautiful though and pretty well cared for. I finally decided to cut my hair when my grays started arriving. With all the long hair slightly damaged by perms I was afraid I wouldn`t be able to have my long hair be the same color from roots to ends. I guess I was ready for a change too. So, my hair since then has been to the top of my shoulders with feathers cut around the face and long bangs. Oh yes, I`ve had many complements on this style, definately. Right now though, I`ve decided to let my hair become as natural as possible... I`m letting it grow out long again and let the grays have free reign! I plan to keep my hair at shoulder length until the grays reach there and then let it all grow. I want to be one of the old ladies with beautiful silver hair piled on their heads one day. On the other hand, if the grays look awful to me or my hair isn`t healthy looking, I will change my plan somehow. I agree there is not a much sadder sight than to see long, straggly, split end hair... healthy hair is best... long or short! I will say that my best memories of long hair as compared to short hair is that styling long hair was a bit easier as far a decision making went. I mean, the options were braids, ponytails, combs, barettes, buns or free flowing. On the other hand, with short hair I had to wonder if another "cut" would look better, or another color would look nicer, etc. I was often scouring the magazines for ideas. I also had to constantly be sure I had my hair appointments made. I guess there was less to think about with long hair and that led me to a rather simpler, quieter life as far as hair care was concerned. As I think about it however, I do believe that for myself, I felt more feminine when my hair was worn long and flowing. I can`t explain why... I simply felt that way.

As for women being more accepting of men going bald, I feel that is because we KNOW they basically have no control over male pattern baldness. If the tables were turned and it were the women going bald from genetics and the men kept their hair I`m pretty sure they would be as accepting of us too. As I have aged (I`m 40) I`ve discovered appearance to be incredibly less important than what is inside a person`s head as compared to what`s on it. Maybe it`s because from puberty until mid-thirtys we are focusing on finding a mate and establishing a career... society and anthropology tells us how important "looks" are to mating and establishing dominance in our groups.

In the end, as I said in the beginning, the best hair style is the one that YOU love... long, short or somewhere inbetween. And, you will love the one that you feel looks best on you. If my mate truly loves ME he will love the hair style that makes me feel terrific. After all, I`m a lot more fun when I`m happy than when I`m frustrated!

Warmly,
Anaclaire

i wish to make several points after reading this thread. First of all, the main/initial question seems to be "why do some men....". This question seemed pointed towards physical aspect(s) of a woman, and, not the other aspects. The response from several men was that they feel that longer hair is more feminine and more sexy. Why isn`t that answer acceptable? Perhaps the answer reflects immaturity or closemindedness, but, i don`t think the original question required a completely logical, mature, openminded response. It simply asked "why?". If you don`t like that answer, then, the "issue" becomes something else.

A next point concerns some comments that women are just as feminine and sexy with short hair. That is true, just as some women are not feminine or sexy with long hair. But, many men prefer women to look different from men (and, this is not a "latent homosexual" problem). That means, narrower shoulders, bosoms, rounded hips, and, longer hair. Some women with short hair (flatchested and narrow hips) look like 12 year old boys. Sure, some men like that look, but, some men don`t. So, why is it a bad thing for some men to not like that look on a woman? It should be acceptable for some men to like a certain "look" about women just like it is acceptable for some women to like a certain "look" about men.

Lastly, long hair on a woman is a "rare" thing. Men (and women) know that it is not easy to take care of long hair. And, as a counterpoint to the argument "it will grow back", it takes months if not years for it to grow back as long as it was. That adds to the "rareness" of long hair. This concept also applies to blonde hair (being more rare than brown hair). So, there is the natural (?) attraction to something that is rare. Once again, why isn`t it acceptable for some men to like that?

Is a man immature for threatening to terminate a relationship if a woman cuts her long hair? Probably. Is it a control issue, or, a perference issue? Differs from person to person. Is this issue something worth harping on? Not really, cus different people like different things, and, that`s the way the world is.

This would be a good post for the hair politics board. It`s a subject I`ve been putting a lot of thought
into. I think it`s time the issue were summed up into several points:

-peoples` tastes vary. A large percentage (not necessarily a majority) of men loves long hair, another group
likes medium-length hair, another likes short hair, or even shaved hair. Another group doesn`t care. Women
seem to generally like short or shaven hair on guys, but some like long hair. I`d say that a period like the
Victorian period, where you virtually HAD to have long, big-styled hair, or the 1920s, where you were
more or less expected to have a short bob, are awful periods to be alive in, because they`re narrow-minded
and don`t allow people with other tastes to express themselves or seek a partner who looks different. (I
can just imagine this scene. It`s 1926. "And so, Rapunzel and the prince were married and lived happily
ever after" - "mom?" - "yes, Priscilla, darling?" - "if Rapunzel`s long hair was so beautiful, how come ours
doesn`t go past our mouths?" Heh, heh, lol.)

-Both sexes should have an ULTIMATE right to do what they want to do what they want in a relationship,
but a relationship is give-and take; this is just a suggestion: if your partner likes the way you look, keep
your look as long as this is not uncomfortable to you, and as long as your partner has a similar commitment.
Here`s an interesting historic example. king Louis IX of France had an apparently happy marriage with his
wife, though he was very sober, whereas she was very girlish. One day, she said to him: "I wish you`d
dress more fancy." Louis replied "very well. Husbands and wives are supposed to please each other. So
I`ill dress more fancy if you`ll dress more simply." The queen wouldn`t hear of it, and everything stayed the
way it was. See the mutual respect? This, though, is an example of changing. You can`t expect to change
someone the way they already are (for example, it would be really silly if you dated a girl with short hair
and expected her to grow it long for you).

-Change is not necessarily a good thing. It is natural - like aging, but you don`t have to like wrinkles, gray
hair, etc (ultimalely, I think it`s healthier to live with that kind of change). But is something on you, like
your hair or beard, pleases your partner, it can be a valuable thing in your relationship. In this age of
divorces, it`s good to do things that keep people together. Some people neglect themselves, such as
women who chop off their hair after marriage, thinking they don`t need it any more, now that they`ve
gotten their boy to tie the knot. As I always say, if it isn`t brrrrroke, why fix it? (Thankyou, Cogsworth.)

-I agree that if your partner cuts her/his hair it`s usually a silly thing to break up with them, but to a point.
How can you commit to someone who`s gross to you. Thus, if I had a girlfriend who cut off her beautiful
long hair into a pixie (and generally, I think pixies look totally mannish), I don`t think I`d break up, but I
would let her gently know I can`t like it. However, if she got her head shaved and covered with tattoos,
Idaknow.

-For the record. As a guy, here is my aesthetic position. I like very long hair on girls, but also like bobs,
depending on the girl. Generally I don`t much care for real short hair, but sometimes it looks good, like
on Josie Bisset. As for guys, I think more guys should have long hair. Generally, long hair on guys looks
good in a ponytail. In an ideal world, therewould, I think be somewhat more of both sexes with long
hair, but people would be respected for whatever lenght they have, from shaved to Dianne Witt`s double
her height. It should be an aesthetic thing purely - but you can`t blame people for being attracted to
a member of the opposite sex due to how their hair looks. Hair does grow and can be cut, but it`s still a
part of your body. You likely wouldn`t date someone with a nose you don`t like, so why hair?

When I was talking with my husband about cutting my hair shorter, he said not to because my "hair is gold, and it`s beautiful". Well, knowing it wouldn`t hurt anything because two people couldn`t be closer, I did it anyway. (I had damaged ends). He took one look at it afterwards and said I looked like a princess. A stretch, but it was thoughtful. It`s like when I love his hair grown out a bit on top, but I`ll take him bald any day! It`s the whole principle of being in love. This might not answer any of the posing questions, but in my opinion if your man treats you bad or acts less attracted to you because of a haircut, he was in love with your hair-not you.

Actually I take the opposite from the King Louis example. As long as something`s comfortable and ok enough -- not neccessarily a preference -- I`m willing to undergo a superficial change in appearance if I think it`ll make someone happier. To me it`s less of a problem to do this than to submit to completely unreasonable *behaviorial* change demands (made-up example: "why must you always play golf on Saturday morning? Mow the lawn first!"), which change not the apperance but the person. If something so silly makes someone so happy and it`s easy to do (like change of clothing styles that isn`t any more expensive or moderating hair length as long as it will look good), I`ll usually do it. In fact, I`ve discovered a few things I ended up liking because of this! :)

I have known not only men but women too who consider a cut just below the shoulders to be "short" whereas I`d consider it medium, or even long. Me, I wouldn`t call anything longer than jaw/chin length short.

I think the extreme reaction of "I`ll break up with you" is indeed a bit over the top but like others have said there is something behind it. I hate tongue studs for example, I wouldn`t threaten to break up over one, but I wouldn`t be terribly comfortable with it either, and it would end up showing through.

I think it`s a mixed bag. Some guys probably are just controlling jerks. A handful might be long-hair fetishists. Others might think or know it really would look terrible and can`t comprehend why you`d want to do it (I myself can`t see why many women get perms, I find them hideous). Others might just be insecure and not like it, until they see it, and then they do. And others may just have a personal preference and aren`t able to express it in a healthy manner.

I think the healthiest reaction would be something like: "I don`t really like the idea but I`m at least willing to give it a chance." Call me superficial if you must, but I do think for any relationship to work, the people need to be physically attracted to each other at least a little bit, especially early on (first 2 years, biology is the prevailing factor, until people`s bodies acclamate to each other). After all ... I`ve never once heard of "If you cut your hair short I`m going to divorce you!" :)

Yeah, you`re totally right in saying that physical attraction is important. But ideally, mates are attracted to each other for more than just one physical structure. So, just like being attracted to a woman exclusively for her hair, you couldn`t fairly be attracted to a person merely for his/her nose/mustache. Yes, obviously, certain body parts draw more attention than others, or sell the "package" better, like for breast men, or hair men. But you don`t ususally see superficial people dating others for only one aspect of their body, for instance, a looks-obsessed guy dating a woman with a huge chest but otherwise unpleasant looking.

Same thing with women.. a lot of women prefer a man to have a full head of hair, if possible; some even let a bald head impact on their opinion of a man, especially since the first impression usually does count. However, I`ve never heard of a woman divorcing a man who went bald.

Things like hair, or bodies, or style can attract us to people, and allow us to get to know them, but hopefully, in a serious relationship, a couple will have looked past that initial physical aspect, grounding their attraction both in the personality aspects of the mate, as well as finding other little things that attract them physically.

Just one more thought:

Let`s be honest -- the basis for romantic relationships is sexual attraction. Sure, a mature love can and will move beyond that, but if there is no sexual attraction, a romance simply will not happen! And perhaps (I`m only suggesting) your boyfriend will not find you attractive in short hair; thus his strong opinion against it.

If that is the case -- you need to decide what is more important to you -- your hair or your relationship with him. There really is no right or wrong answer because we each have our own priorities in life.

Jennifer

"Dear Lina, men who don`t like woman with short hair are typically control freaks, insucure (sic), and sexist. Its old school think back in the caveman days when men draged (sic) woman around by there hair. They also think that your less of a woman if you cut your hair short because it makes some look like guys. As a guy who likes short hair on woman..."


I agree with what you wrote AFTER the above quoted excerpt. However, don`t you think that what you wrote (quoted above) is a case of inaccurate generalization? Would you be pleased to read "a guy who likes long hair on women" write that "men who don`t like women with long hair are typically control freaks, insecure, and sexist...." etc? I really doubt that you would.

And the "caveman days" when men supposedly dragged women around by their hair is either conjecture or regurgitation of old Hollywood period piece plots. There was a discussion just the other day in another hair forum about this notion, and learned people involved in it firmly stated that the notion that cavemen dragged women around by their hair is a myth.

First of all, thats a non biased opion. From my experince with long hair lovers and what I`ve read in chat rooms Is a girl wants to cut her hair but her boyfriend won`t let her, he will break up with her or kill her as some have stated it. Second I like woman with long hair as much as short hair and if I were to date a woman with long hair I would never push my beliefs onto her. Yes some of what I said Iis a little wacky but just remember its only my opion and were all entitled to one, so don`t start going off on me because you don`t like what I say just disagree in a nice way instaed of name calling. And I don`t think woman should shave there heads in fear of a man grabing them and draging them I don`t know where you people get this stuff. Not all long hair lovers are controll freaks just like not all short hair lovers want to shave every ones heads.

No one should ever have to apologize for liking what they like.

I like women with long hair. I`m attracted to women with long hair. I`m sometimes attracted to women with short hair. But if I`m attracted to a long haired woman and then she cuts it short there is no guarantee that that attraction will continue.

What turns a person on is what turns them on and will probably not change. One should not have to apologize for being who they are.

Having said that, there has to be a lot more to a relationship than physical attraction to survive the loss of physical attraction.