nephew's hair

Aesthetically, I very much agree with you. However, there are two issues. One is that obviously something has happened to his traditional family (divorce, abuse, death, or something like that) that created the circumstance of him living with you. So, he has a lot more going on than a child who wasn't dealing with those circumstances. His stability has been uprooted.Also, he's just heading for adolescence -- a time of mass confusion. He's desperately trying to find out who "he" is. Also, maybe his ponytail is his security at this point.You're most likely going to encounter a lot of battles during the next few years. I'd make them be over important issues -- drugs, jobs, responsibilities. However, there are some things upon which you should insist with his hair -- 1) it should be clean 2) it should be relatively neat (no rat's nest!). And although a ponytail is extremely passe' for a guy, it's better than purple spikes!Whether or not either of you realizes it, it's most likely a tough transition living with a new adult "in charge." He needs structure and discipline but not any rules that aren't absolutely necessary. I'd bite your tongue on this one. As long as it's your major "problem" with him, I'd consider yourself mighty lucky. Also, if he senses that you don't like it, he may be holding onto it for rebellion (which is not only natural but actually good for him) and security. I'd say just go with the flow.And my very best for you and your nephew. :-)Jena

Hi Jenny,> I don't think women should have long hair. I have long> hair, I always have, and I don't intend to cut it.I know this is off the point of your original inquiry, but I can't help but wonder how you resolve the contradiction within these two sentences.Given your e-mail address, I wonder, are you a professional hairstylist?> However, my nephew, how he behaves and how he is> percieved by others is my responcibilty.Although you are responsible for his upbringing, you have more control over how he behaves than with how others perceive him. I think how others perceive him will be based far more upon his behavior (his actions) than in his appearance. These days, teenage boys who choose their appearance to maximize shock value typically do stuff that's far more unusual than wearing their hair long.For what it's worth, for several years in my early teens I had long hair, and from what I could tell, I think I was perceived as a fine young man by adults because I was a good student and I was polite, well-behaved and well-mannered.I hope this helps.Dave

> My nephew has recently come to live with me. He is> twelve years old and has a ponytail! I would> desperately like to cut it off as I don't believe boys> (or men for that matter) should have long hair. But> I'm frightened that if I do make him have it cut he> will hate me for it as he is very attaced to it. What> should I do?Hello Jenny,I have several questions for you. (1) Are you now his legal guardian, and if so is it on a permanent basis, or is his residence with you only temporary? (2) How responsible/mature is he for a 12-year old boy? If he is a good student, well-behaved, etc, then he would seem to be fairly well-adjusted, and if so, why rock the boat by imposing your will onto him? If he isn't such a model student or person, then perhaps you may want to set some reasonably achievable goals for improvement in his grades and/or behavior, and tell him that he has to earn the right to wear his hair the way he wants by working toward and then meeting these goals (presuming, of course, that you are his permanent legal guardian).Final question for you, related to your belief that boys/men should not wear long hair... by the same token then do you believe that women should not wear short hair? Or do you feel that it is okay for girls/women to wear either long or short hair, but only okay for boys/men to wear short hair, and if so, why the inconsistent standard?Dave