Inappropriate Touching Of Long Locks!

Karen!!!

Shocking.
That is such a horrible experience.
I understand that you could not respond immediately, nor communicate your offense, but it sounds like the waiter knew it and was taking advantage of the situation. Why do I make that presumption? Because you jerked away from him and because you changed your hair position/style twice!!!
He had no right to touch you at all. That is totally unprofessional behaviour and an invasion of your privacy.
I think you should have turned to him calmly and quietly the first time it happened and said “Please do not touch me – I do not like it”. Even if it took 30 seconds away from your guests. If he was just being “friendly” (which I doubt) he was also being insensitive and invasive.
In your position, I would now call up the manager of the restaurant and tell him what happened. Tell him to direct his staff not to touch clients in future.

Similar experience? Yes, but not as nasty as yours.
I wore my hair loose to work a couple of weeks back on dress-down Friday (normally I bun/pony it for work – this was the first time of loose wearing).
One of my colleagues who is in a more senior position felt compelled to pull it/flip it every time he passed me in the corridor/by the coffee machine/on the stairs. The first time he did it, I pulled away (unfortunately causing myself pain because he had a hold of my hair) and said “get off”. I didn’t smile even tho’ he did. Yeah. Big joke.
Anyway, later that afternoon I was waiting for the lift. Just as it arrived I felt a hand stroking my head. Lift opens and his fiance who works for the same company but in an adjoining building, saw it. Well, if looks could kill….
I spoke to her the following day. She was pretty upset but said that the look of disgust on my face at the time had assured her that it her partner who was out-of-order. They had had words. And he’s avoided me ever since.
Consequently, I will not be wearing my hair loose at work. Funny thing is, my hair is not long. It’s just past shoulder-length. I wouldn’t have thought it would warrant such attention.

It’s hard to know what the appropriate response is in these circumstances.
Maybe we women rely on non-verbal communication to get offence across to guys. In my case, maybe I didn’t say the words strongly enough because it was an unexpected incident? I guess it’s time to get tougher and more verbal in such situations. We have to protect ourselves from these people.

Hope you are having a nice Sunday.
I’m trying to write a report but keep getting distracted by the hair boards as usual.

Take care, ((((((Karen)))))).

Uzi

Karen! Yikes! Men are such pigs. Well, most of them.

I had a similar thing happen to me once about 4 years ago, though not nearly that severe. I was picking up Chinese take-out and the restaurant was not busy at all, and the guy at the front, I don't know if he was the owner or a waiter or what, but he asked if he could touch my hair. I thought it was rude to say no, so I said "Um, okay." He made some comment about liking blonde hair.

The funny thing is, my hair at the time was REALLY damaged!

At the time, I just figured it was curiousity about hair from a different race. But it's still a rude thing to ask a complete stranger. I suppose in his mind he thought he was being complimentary.
At least he asked! I don't know what I would have done in your case, Karen. I think going to put it up in a bun was a good idea.

Some men get a kick of making women feel uncomfortable. Like when you wear a new dress and some slimey man says "Aren't you looking nice today, little lady?" with a sneer and a gross twinkle in his eye. Makes you want to run back home and change clothes.

Thanks for sharing that story!
Traci

PS That was the worst Chinese take out I ever had! The food was as greasy as the man!

If only we were in a world without reproach....


I'd humiliate the waiter on the spot, I'd tell you how, but a comic strip could do better. I'll work on that, and show you what I come up with.



And then warn his manager when leaving that if he pulls a stunt like that again, you'll break his arm in 4 places :P --- 3 places for the 3 times then, one for the final screw-up.



Edit : If you could have pre-apologized (ask him to wait, chotto matte kudasai) and post-apologized to your client (Gomen nasai [I'm really sorry], where were we ?), a no-holds barred attack on Mr. Waiter would have been welcomed :P


Or maybe not. Best way to know would have been to politely try

Hi Kintaro,

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I can't wait to see the comic strip. I am sure it will be fantastic.

And Uzma....

You never cease to amaze me with all the things you have studied and done. How fascinating to study Wing Chun. I have always wanted to study marital arts but alas...too many things to do and not enough hours in the day.

In fact, I owe my editor at 101 Celeb my monthly HairDoctor column today and I am feeling blah from working so hard all weekend. So I am sitting her being distracted...pleasantly...by you and Kintaro instead of writing about hair problems. :-)

Thank you both for your feedback, great ideas and wisdom.

Best wishes,
Karen

There is the “use the opponent’s energy against them” technique.

The first time Creepy-guy was bending down to molest Karen’s back, she could have quickly stood up and whacked her crown chakra force into his solar plexus – or upper-cut him with her head.

Yes it would have hurt her too, but she would be in control of that manoevre. Mental victory.
And, if Karen had had a deadly Ficcare in her hair at the time, there would have been blood.

Creepy-guy would likely have been shaken-up and confused sufficently to forget his secret harassment mission. Also, neither Creepy nor the other guests would have known if it was just bad timing or a deliberate counter-attack on Karen’s part.

Ugh. Sorry to hear you were put into such an awkward position, Karen.

I understand the reasons you didn't want to make a scene in front of important business clients. Quite valid.

Do you know the waiter's name? You could talk with the restaurant manager and explain what happened. Leave it up to the manager to decide the waiter's fate.

Karen

How creepy for you! That is totally unacceptable behavior. I liked the suggestion of removing his hand in a way that all could see. Put him - and others - on notice!

My wife has hair to her knees and the ones that touch it the most often are WOMEN! We were grocery shopping a couple of weeks ago and a woman behind her in the check out lane lifted her braid up and said "Is this all yours?" She said, "No. You're holding a figment of your imagination. Please don't touch my hair." Not bad.

I really don't know how complete strangers feel they can just grab anyone's hair anytime. I recall though that Vidal Sassoon was arrested on a London bus for grabbing a woman's hair. She sat down in front of him and her hair so gorgeous he just "had" to put his hands in it. She screamed, the driver stopped the bus, a bobby was called, and Mr. Sassoon was hauled off to jail. Of course, this was well before he became famous but he said it taught him a lesson: if you want to touch hair, become a hairdresser.

I certainly hope incidents of this kind don't happen to you in future Karen. The world has a lot of ill-mannered people but we don't have to put up that kind of behavior.

Hang in there!!

I don't think a day goes by that it doesn't happen to me. My hair isn't nearly as long as Karen's, but I wear several strands of synthetic extensions that are brightly colored. Complete strangers come up to me, touch one of the strands, and demand, "How'd you do this?"

NEVER happens in Europe. I've finally figured out a way to educate people without being rude in return.

I simply pull back and say, "Do I know you?" The implication is that the person is being WAY too personal to someone he doesn't know.

The worst situation is an acquaintance. That person isn't a complete stranger, yet isn't a friend. Strangers are actually easier to handle.

Although I never have, I've often fantasized about reaching over to the offender's hair and saying, "Since hair is public property, let's scrutinize your hair. Is it real?"

"Is it real" is a question that I'm also often asked. If someone said, "Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but I couldn't help noticing your hair. Do you mind telling me how you put the color in?" I would gladly engage in conversation. But when people touch my hair or act as if I am obliged to answer their questions, I find it incredibly rude.

Long hair or hair that is unconventional seems to have an unwritten rule that it is indeed public property. Can you imagine walking up to a short-haired woman (and perhaps as you're complimenting her haircut) and running your fingers over her head?! I can't, and I bet most people cannot, either.

Yet, it's perfectly acceptable to do to long hair. That makes no sense. Perhaps they think that if they touch the hair that's farther from the face it isn't as personal? Well, it is.

I have a related experiance. Whilst my hair was thigh lenght I got into a conversation with a friend who loves my hair and wants hers as long (right now its very short on her and she keeps cutting it when it goes past her ears). Anyways she was saying how amazed she was that my hair was so healthy looking even though its so long. I said that I do have split ends especialy since its so hard not to sit on it or get it stuck in things. She said it wasnt very apparent.

Causualy then, a few moments after our attention had passed from the conversation to a TV program, she picked up the ends of my hair which was laid out on the sofa next to me and between us and inspected them. Grrr! It was a violation if you ask me. Its one thing when a girlfriend absentmindedly plays with your hair and a total other thing when they look at the ends for damage. I certainly wouldnt lift up someones hand to inspect their nails or cuitcles for chips and flaws.

maybe Im overly senstive...but grrrr!

To elaborate a bit more, I dont like it when strangers touch my hair with out asking at all no matter what lenght my hair is or what thier intention. Even with close friends if they dont ask before they touch I get perturbed. Ive got a couple friends with whom Ive come to expect it and thus tolerate it (they have a different meter of personal space...such as the friend who picks up my mail and starts to read it if i dotn say something). At least these few are gentle enough that I am not concerned as much.