complimenting women coworkers

I say.....DON`T!!!

The biggest reason: these, dear Sir, are the days of sexual harassment complaints and lawsuits. Personally, no, of course I wouldn`t consider a single comment about my appearance harassment. But I`d highly suggest you not do it because you never know how others will accept it. Unfortunately, there are some crazy people out there.

Secondly, compliments about appearance in the workplace can be very tricky. Although YOU know that your intent is merely friendly, others don`t. Some woman might think you`re trying to make a pass at her. Or, if someone recently cut her hair and does not like it, you will only make matters worse (oh yeah, I have a lot of experience on this one!).

I know your intentions are honorable, but I strongly suggest you keep your opinions to yourself on this one.

Instead, come to this forum and tell US about them!

{grin}

Jennifer

Well, I see you removed your earlier message (and mine responding to it), but the truth is Diane that not all women think the same way. Almost every guidebook for interaction in the workplace will advise (especially men) NOT to give personal, unsolicited comments to women at work. Even when delivered in a very polite manner, the comments can be misconstrued and disciplinary actions and lawsuits can result.

I`ll be the first to agree that it`s a very sad commentary that a person can use what was supposed to be a friendly comment against the person, but it has happened. Personal comments on someone`s appearance at work are not professional and can cause a lot of problems.

Jennifer

I`m torn on this.

On one had you want to complement these people because they look nice, but on the other hand you don`t want to come off as some sexually harassing oddball who will get into trouble.

My advice is to test the waters on a friendly person first. Gauge their reaction and go from there.

I guess what I am saying is just complement the ones you might be friends with. That way you won`t come off as an oddball and they will thank you for it.

If you`re going to compliment someone, tell them how great that last project was, or how well they handled yesterday`s presentation. Personally I dish out hair-related compliments left and right, but I`m also a female and such gal-to-gal interactions are usually regarded as more common, at least in my corporate environment.

Honestly, it pains me that people of either sex can`t compliment each other freely without risking damage, but the truth is you can`t be too careful in today`s ultra-litigious society. When I worked as a reporter, I had an editor who unknowingly broke every sexual harassment policy in the book each time he spoke to me. He complimented my hair--which is perfectly fine with me--but then it would go to my suit, my makeup and then my figure. It got worse from there. While I`m pretty thick-skinned (journalism does that to you) it is still distracting when you`ve got a 45-year-old guy leering at you across the newsroom each day when all you want to do is finish your story.

My advice: if you wouldn`t say it to a male coworker, don`t say it to a woman. Even if you`re just being the nice person you are, it can still go the wrong way: you can`t control how another person interprets a given phrase.

Simple rules.

Don't compliment when:

1. At work. (You need your job)
2. When she's with some guy. (Unless you want to engage in a fight)

Do:

1. If it's someone you know (not at work where others can hear, but somewhere else like happy hour) that's feeling blue AND you mean it.
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I dated a co worker from 1977 to 1981, although we left the company in 1979 about a month apart. We met cause I thought she was beautiful and I told her so after asking her for a drink when we both worked late. She had long hair when we met, but cut it short shortly after. She was beautiful with both long hair or short. At work, we maintained our distance.

What an interesting subject!
I would say it very much depends on the environment you're in, and how close you are to the person in question. And remember not every person can take a compliment.
But I can only speak for myself. If a male coworker complimented me, it would be fine, but a simple compliment would suffice and not an ode to my hair. Keep it simple!

And, Karen, I have had that experience as well, that strange people touch my hair. When it happens - which isn't that often btw (and I don't know if I should be happy about that or sad) - I just pretend it's nothing and quickly change the subject and/or get away from the person in question, because I does make me uncomfortable.

It's a bit like when people touch a woman's belly when she's pregnant, which I think is very rude, and maybe more so than touching some stranger's hair.

And what a weirdo on that elevator! You said at least he had an excuse, but checking if someone on your elevator has fake hair is just weird! I mean, have any of you ever pulled an unknown man's hair to see if he's wearing a hairpiece? Of course you freaked out!

Hi Lyris...

You are too funny. Ah yes...that would have been bad if Elevator man were wondering about other things on my anatomy. But you know...I have actually been with co-workers who did discuss that from across a bar while watching some women. Of course they didn't touch them...thank goodness..but you know it borders on the same. :-)

Thanks for making my day.
Karen

My hair is not that long and only is to bra length but if some stranger touched me on an elevator I think I would say something to them like "Excuse me but please keep your hands to yourself" or something like that. It is just too creepy.

Thank you for the Ann Landers quote. Very good info. I am going to borrow it for the future.

I worked in hospitals and offices for 25 years and got every kind of compliment and harassment you can possibly imagine. Believe me, I knew the difference between a compliment and some jerk making offensive remarks. I enjoyed and still enjoy a true compliment. The other type is pretty easy to blow off. That said, I suppose in this litigious society we have made for ourselves you do have to be sort of careful. But if you are respectful, I don't think you have much to worry about legally. I actually had a male coworker who would critique my outfits every day. I sort of enjoyed it because he had a great eye and saved me from wearing some pretty awful outfits more than once and gave me great ideas for accessorizing (and no, he was not gay). And if he liked something I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it looked pretty good. I had other male coworkers who would remind me when it was time to get my roots touched up or would tell me if my hairdresser hadn't quite gotten it right with my latest haircut. I found all of that sort of touching and amusing. Now that I am old enough to be pretty much beyond that sort of scrutiny (middle aged women are invisible) I find that I sort of miss it....