nephew's hair

> Aesthetically, I very much agree with you. However,> there are two issues. One is that obviously something> has happened to his traditional family (divorce,> abuse, death, or something like that) that created the> circumstance of him living with you. So, he has a lot> more going on than a child who wasn't dealing with> those circumstances. His stability has been uprooted.>I agree. The child really needs to feel love and he really needs to find stability. Right now his ponytail might be dear to him or it might not but he really has to feel he has a home and he can build a relationship first and then maybe the ponytail won't be such an issue and he might agree to cut it. I am talking from experience not about the ponytail but stability. My children lost their father and stability is everything. ( Diane from Canada)>>>

Thanks, everyone, for all your advice. I'm sure you will all be pleased to know that he still has his ponytail. What worries me, though, is that with his hair so long, he looks like a girl. People I meet in the streets think he is one! Yesterday I took him and my own daughter (who is ten) to visit a friend of mine in hospital. A nurse there asked me if my two daughters would like something to drink! I was too embarrased to correct her. I am sure he was embarrased as well, although he hasn't said. If only he would let me trim it a bit shorter. The way things are at the moment it is just going to grow and grow and grow. Soon it will be as long as my daughter's! I'm really worried what the other kids will say to him when he starts his new school after Christmas. Anyway, thank you all again for the advise.

> Thanks, everyone, for all your advice. I'm sure you> will all be pleased to know that he still has his> ponytail. What worries me, though, is that with his> hair so long, he looks like a girl. People I meet in> the streets think he is one! Yesterday I took him and> my own daughter (who is ten) to visit a friend of mine> in hospital. A nurse there asked me if my two> daughters would like something to drink! I was too> embarrased to correct her. I am sure he was embarrased> as well, although he hasn't said.If your nephew was embarassed by the nurse's mistake, then it's up to him to decide how to handle, and what to do as a result of, that embarassment. Allowing him to deal with it is a lesson for him in the process of maturing.Also, I don't understand why you felt embarassed for the nurse's mistake. It was her mistake, not yours. You could have calmly told the nurse, "No thank you, my daughter and my nephew are just fine."> If only he would let> me trim it a bit shorter. The way things are at the> moment it is just going to grow and grow and grow.> Soon it will be as long as my daughter's!There is a difference between allowing him to keep what he already has, vs. allowing him permission to grow his hair longer. Kira has suggested some good ideas about guidelines, to which you may want to add to fit the situation.> I'm really> worried what the other kids will say to him when he> starts his new school after Christmas.How did the other kids treat him at his previous school?Even if they don't receive it well, it is up to your nephew to decide how to deal with the situation at school.> Anyway, thank you all again for the advise.Good luck, and keep us posted.Dave

Right after reading Jenny's post, I was going to say *exactly* what you just said!! I have to tease you, because you and I generally have differing opinions on a subject like this.Hey, great post!Happy Holidays!Jena

If the boy needs stability, then all the more, he should keep his long hair. We've been told he wants to keep it. Stability means not changing that which already exists. It could mean retaining something from his life before to that which it is now, and that's important, too, when facing larger adjustments such as he's gone through. Such consistency is good for children.Jennifer Eve> I agree. The child really needs to feel love and he> really needs to find stability. Right now his ponytail> might be dear to him or it might not but he really has> to feel he has a home and he can build a relationship> first and then maybe the ponytail won't be such an> issue and he might agree to cut it. I am talking from> experience not about the ponytail but stability. My> children lost their father and stability is> everything. ( Diane from Canada)

Well, this is a difficult issue to deal with... On one hand, it really isn't my place to be telling someone else how they should be raising what is essentially (at least for now) their child, but on the other hand, I really don't think that an adult, even a legal gaurdian, should be trying to impose his/her fashion preference on a child this old so long as the child's preference is harmless. (And I think long hair on men is harmless at worst...) So, this is just my opinion: the boy is old enough to decide how he wants to wear his hair.ErikaP.S. BTW Jena, I have to politely disagree with you on crewcuts. :-) I've never liked any men's haircuts that were even close to shaved. (Again, just personal opinion)> I fully support any man who wishes to have long hair.> It's simply a matter of aesthetics. However, my own> personal preference is that I find very short hair on> men (not women!) *extremely* attractive! A muscular or> burly type of guy sporting a marine-style> high-and-tight or a crewcut can make my head spin> faster than, well, I don't know what! {grin} I just> personally find long hair more feminine and short hair> more masculine. That has nothing whatsoever to do with> the actual person (I love you Dave and Jeff!) but> simply a matter of personal taste, rather like a> person prefering one color of clothing over another.> I would never think less of a man because he has long> hair or not "like" him as well. Hey, I'm> stuck with short hair at the moment, and I don't think> the short hair makes me "un"feminine but> it's just that I feel long hair makes a woman> "more" feminine. Same concept with men. Just> in my opinion, a man can look masculine in long hair,> but I just think he can look "more"> masculine in shorter hair!> Jena

> I fully support any man who wishes to have long hair.> It's simply a matter of aesthetics. However, my own> personal preference is that I find very short hair on> men (not women!) *extremely* attractive! A muscular or> burly type of guy sporting a marine-style> high-and-tight or a crewcut can make my head spin> faster than, well, I don't know what! {grin} I just> personally find long hair more feminine and short hair> more masculine. That has nothing whatsoever to do with> the actual person (I love you Dave and Jeff!) but> simply a matter of personal taste, rather like a> person prefering one color of clothing over another.> I would never think less of a man because he has long> hair or not "like" him as well. Hey, I'm> stuck with short hair at the moment, and I don't think> the short hair makes me "un"feminine but> it's just that I feel long hair makes a woman> "more" feminine. Same concept with men. Just> in my opinion, a man can look masculine in long hair,> but I just think he can look "more"> masculine in shorter hair!> JenaHi Jena,Thank you for sharing your thoughts.I'm just guessing here, but I wonder if Jim and Jenny, in saying that they "don't think that men should have long hair," actually intended to say that they don't *like* long hair on men. There is a big difference between those two statements. I have no specific interest in their likes or dislikes, but if they truly meant what they said (that "men should not have long hair"), then I'd sure like to hear the explanation.Dave

> Good news -- there are plenty of both kinds of men for> each of us!> ;-)> Jenai CAN NOT BELIVE THIS BROARD........MAKING A BIG DEAL ABOUT LONG HAIR ON BOYS AND MEN HAHAHA I THOUGHT WE GOT OVER THAT IN THE 1960S WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM IF YOU ARE THat closed minded maybe you shoudnt have him in the first place its his hair leave him be.........its only hair no big deal...i am 46 and have long hair nobody cares

Bob,No one is going to kidnap you and force you to cut your hair, for heaven's sake! Haven't you ever had a specific preference about clothing, hairstyles, or cars? Just because you may not care for a specific color or style of clothing doesn't mean that you're judging the person by that piece of clothing! Most of us do have preferences in various aspects of life. Why, I'll even bet some of the very long-haired women here have friends who wear {gasp} short hair!! I personally know several men who wear their hair long. Although it isn't my favorite hairstyle on men, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the friendship. I certainly wouldn't like "them" as people any more if they had short hair. But I'd like their hairstyles more! {grin}Jena

> I would be stunned if there were anybody that didn't> have at least some friends that have short hair! We're> talking odds here, and the odds of having no> short-haired friends are, um, long. ;-)what are you talking about