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Why did you cut it?

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Jennifer View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jennifer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 04 2003 at 1:38pm
Sure, I'll keep this hair-oriented. The fact is this: not everyone thinks of hair in the same vein. To some, a bad haircut is something of a minor nuisance until it grows out. To others, it can be much more. Unless you know someone intimately, you cannot tell if that person feels the same way you do or not.

Thus, one should respect the privacy of others and not assume to measure his feelings against one's own. Thus, when giving unsolicited comments on someone's appearance, proceed with caution.

Personally, I greatly appreciate it when someone says, "Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but I couldn't help noticing your hair."

First of all, the person is acknowledging that he is intruding. Secondly, if he is being polite about it.

I find nothing polite about strangers or acquaintances touching my hair without an invitation (happens all the time) or making comments assuming that I will be grateful to hear them.

This pertains to all of life, but also of hair: a little respect and privacy and attempt to view the world through eyes not our own (not always so easy) would go a LONG way towards a lot more tolerance and understanding in the world.

Btw, Tina, I really do not hate short hair (I just don't like it on me!). I'll admit that I do not care for buzzcuts on women (and it's only an opinion, not a judgment on anyone's personality), but there are some short styles that are extremely feminine and lovely. Audrey Hepburn wore very little hair and was extremely graceful and beautiful!
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tina m View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tina m Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 04 2003 at 7:38pm
Americans have low self-esteem? Speak for yourself Jennifer. You are projecting your own insecurities on a whole country. America's a pretty big country, you know everyone here? Do you really?
Most foreigners I meet have told me the opposite, that Americans are, if anything, TOO self assured, too self-confident, almost to the point of arrogance.
But in reality there are many types of Americans with many different personalities. That much I DO KNOW!

By the way Jennifer if you read any of Brent's posts on some of the other boards he seems very worldly to me and he mentioned , -(I believe it was either to Uzma or Kathy Ann)-, that he had traveled in Europe. He seems pretty aware and bright, -(whether you agree with everything he says or not, he does makes some good points)-.

I think Jennifer you are stereotyping all Americans as being forward and rude and being too concerned with looks. I don't know where you live in America but in the cities I lived in; Milwaukee, Chicago, Los Angeles, Madison, and Minneapolis/St. Paul-( as well as rural Wisconsin where I grew up)-, I met different kinds of people. Some ARE too forward and rude, some ARE vain and too concerned with people's looks, but many people ARE NOT all that concerned with looks, and some Americans aren't forward at all, they are shy, just like people in any country.
We all stereotype and generalize about countries and people, I do it too, but it isn't good to do it too much. And northern Europeans AREN'T superior to us, they have their problems too, and I don't think we are better than them either. People are people, you find different types everywhere I'm sure.
Anyway PEACE and I suppose we better get back on topic or Haitrguy will get mad at us.

.....Why did I cut my hair?....., well I already discussed that on this thread.
Can anyone else explain the reasons they went to a short hairstyle?.
tina
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Jennifer View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jennifer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 04 2003 at 8:25pm
>>>>I think Jennifer you are stereotyping all Americans as being forward and rude and being too concerned with looks.

Please read more carefully. You're twisting my words around to read what you want them to read.
Never did I say that all Americans are like that, but if you ever travel internationally (especially dozens of times in many countries), Tina, you will indeed find that certain generalities among people of a nation are common. A generality is not inclusive of all that nation. We can spew anecdotes galore, but there are certain attitudes that generally are true about Americans. Personally, I can spot an American a mile away when I'm in Europe.

It is a very common scene for a woman with a new haircut (especially something drastic) to walk into her office and receive many comments on it. That scenario is not at all common in France, Belgium, or Holland. I've actually discussed this subject with several people from many countries and have traveled enough over the years to find it is right on the mark.

When you've experienced more of the world, I'll be glad to discuss the topic with you, but if I understand correctly, you've probably never left the borders and thus have nothing with which to compare your experiences.
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tina m View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tina m Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 04 2003 at 8:59pm
You stereotype too much Jennifer and I will never be convinced that the Europeans are culturally superior to us. I read somewhere that over half the movies in the west European theaters are American films. I'm sure we have as many good cultural and social things as they do.

.... and I get a little tired of some Europeans and even some "socially superior" Americans talking about how west Europeans are so socially and culturally superior to us "crude", "unsophisticated" Americans. Many Americans get tired of hearing that.
Like Brent said Jennifer, if you really like the Europeans better, then MOVE THERE. Don't lecture us like you are some sort of superior, more worldy person than we are. You don't know what our experiences have been. Don't pretend you do!

I've got my hands full trying to raise my daughter, have a good relationship, make ends meet. etc........ I'm healthy, I don't overeat, I exercise, I try to be a good person, I have traveled some am well read, and I am writing a book,... and I don't really need a lecture from you.
You don't seem any more "enlightened" or "worldly" to me than many other people who post here.
Let's drop the subject, please, this is really getting nowhere. Go move into Europe with those "socially superior" people over there if you want to. What do I care?..... but I don't need a lecture, I'm just as smart and hip and aware as you are in my own way, and I have had plenty of experiences of my own, more than most women my age, as you can find out if you go to General Hair talk and read my conversation with Uzma on ARE THERE ANY WRITERS ON THIS BOARD, where I tell a little about myself.
SO PLEASE,..... PEACE!

tina
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tina m View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tina m Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 04 2003 at 9:04pm
I have of course been to Canada, .... also Mexico and Jamaica. Never been to Europe but my lover Kathy has, as has my ex-husband.

If all of the Europeans have the attitude that you have, that Americans are socially and culturally crude and unsophisticated,(which I doubt most of them have actually, I give them the benifit of the doubt), I won't bother going there, who needs the lecture!!! Maybe we should lecture them about some things, like why as Brent pointed out, they are declining, dying civilzations without enough children.
Now that seems "socially and culturally" backwards to me!!!
tina
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tina m View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tina m Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 04 2003 at 9:06pm
....But like I said PEACE.
tina
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Jennifer View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jennifer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 04 2003 at 10:38pm
Again, you're reading words of mine that I didn't write. My attitude is simply that Americans and Europeans do indeed have two distinct cultures (yes, even with hair). What is easily said or accomplished in one culture may be quite rude in another.

I will say one thing, and that is that traveling to other cultures completely different from our own (beyond Europe, even) brings a new perspective to life that you cannot get from simply reading books.

If you ever have the opportunity to really travel (and I don't mean some group tour for a couple of weeks!), you will see that it really helps to open our eyes and detect cultural differences between countries. It's when we don't acknowledge that there are differences that peace does not reign!

And again, to bring this back to hair: I'll repeat again: One should respect the privacy of others and not assume to measure his feelings against one's own. Do you not agree?

If a person enjoys unsolicited comments on her hair, she may think that others will, too. We simply need to look beyond ourselves and realize that people don't always react the way we wish they would.



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tina m View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tina m Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 04 2003 at 11:33pm
There, .....now we agree Jennifer, people don't always react the way we want them to!
..... And cultures are different from each other, one isn't necessarily "better" than another! True!

Sure I would like to travel more, and I will, but I have to raise a kid right now and I might have another kid soon as well. I am in that phase of my life right now, my wild days-( and I was VERY wild if you read some of my other posts on General Hair Talk)- are over for now.
I am only 27, I have time to travel later.

I do enjoy my life where I am living now, and the way I am living now. I'm not doing too bad, I enjoy myself.
I enjoy my very short hair too, -(to get back on topic)-, although I enjoyed having very long hair and a bob cut too. I liked those styles also!
I'm staying with a short crop for now though!
tina
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rhodygirl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 05 2003 at 8:26pm
I had long hair, down to my waist, most of my adult life. My only concession to style was to pull it back in barrettes. If anyone even suggested to me that I should get it cut, I became very defensive.

Then one day, I was feeling kind of blue, for no apparent reason. So, I went out shopping, and while I was walking around the plaza, I saw a woman walking out of a salon with a great big, confident smile on her face, looking like she owned the world, and I envied her. I literally dared myself to go in, and I did. There was no waiting, so I didn't have time to talk myself out of it. I didn't look at any magazines. I didn't ask for any advice. I just told the stylist she could do anything she wanted as long as she didn't cut it any shorter than to my shoulders, and that's what I got, a shoulder length bob--no tears, no muss, no fuss.

It's funny, it took that little "dare" to make me realize that it's only hair, and besides, change is good for the soul. Since then, I've cut it shorter, let it grow out, cut it again, etc. I understand why women with long hair agonize over the decision to cut it--the whole "my hair is my identity" thing--but me, I'm over it! I don't think I'll ever go back to long hair again. In fact, my hair is as short as it's ever been (cut to the nape, in sort of a chin-length bob).
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rod Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 05 2003 at 9:33pm
rhodygirl, it's nice to hear a positive story about how your decision to change your hair empowered you. I especially like how your hair isn't your identity. You rule your hair, not the other way around.

Even as a guy, I've had a similar experience. First, when I went to a new hairdresser and she gave me a subtle but different style and then when I colored my gray for the first time. Making changes in my life made me feel really good. That's why I started this thread.

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tina m View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tina m Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 06 2003 at 6:15pm
Good Rhodygirl, glad you enjoy your hairstyle, it sounds pretty!
tina
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote beachgerl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2003 at 5:08pm
For many years I had long hair, down to my butt or to my waist. Occasionally, I'd have the mood to just cut my hair to chin length bob. Then I'd let it grow out long again. Finally, I had my hair cut several months ago and is hovering above my shoulders in a layered bob. I realized that short hair is sexy, so can long hair.

It's odd...as I get older, I start to like shorter hair than when I was younger. I mean, looking at myself in mirror, I realized that long hair is the thing of girls or young women, while shorter hair is for ladies with modern & funky edge, changing with times. Totally confident. Long hair feels like I'm trying to re-live my childhood. Also, I'm trying to get away from that stereotype of an asian vixen with long hair. I don't know if I'll ever return to my former long hair!

I really like Mandy Moore's haircuts. It's not too short or long. Very feminine. :)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jennifer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2003 at 6:43pm
Beachgerl, a lot of older women feel like you do. There comes a certain point and they adopt the uniform of most older women, short hair. If women want to cut off their hair, of course they should. But I hope women don't do it because of age.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote beachgerl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2003 at 6:55pm
Lol. I can imagine when I'm in my 40s or 50s, I bet I probably have long hair again like Demi Moore. She looks fantastic at her age. But I'm in my 20s, so I like shorter hair now. Who knows? It depends where I am at in my life. :) No, I don't let haircuts dictate my age and shouldn't dictate anyone's else, too. I know some older women with long hair, they look great. It all depends what looks good regardless of age.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tina m Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2003 at 7:13pm
I have seen alot of young and middle aged Asian women with bobs or short pixies and they look great!!!
Some Asian women do wear super long hair and some of them look great, but these days I think Asian women are like the rest of the women and wear mid length or shorter styles. That seems to be more the norm for Asian women, like other women.
tina
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rod Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 10 2003 at 8:39pm
Age has a lot to do with why women cut their hair.

Long hair often makes a woman look younger. In their 20's or 30's some women find they want to look more mature, adult, or more their age. On the flip side, women also reach an age where they don't want to look their age and if long hair makes them look five years younger, then they grow it.

There are psychological reasons a woman grows it or cuts it. Long hair makes some women feel more feminine. It can be alluring to the boys. Shorter hair can make a woman feel more confident, more grown up.

I don't think it's the uniform of older women. It's not a sense of conformity or I'm old, I better take my attractiveness away. I think it's the opposite. Many teenage girls have long hair because daddy thought girls should have long hair or because the boys like long hair. Cutting the long hair short can be a conscious decision of individuality.

Every woman doesn't feel or look more mature with shorter hair, but many do. I'm sure some do cut it to conform to what they are supposed to be, but wondering this was what started the thread.
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Leah S. View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Leah S. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 19 2003 at 11:17am
I had long hair all through high school and college; always about 4 or 5 inches past my shoulders. I always wore it either down/straight, down/curled, ponytail or a french braid. I always looked the same and it was starting to bother me a little. I wore the same clothes and lived in a sweatshirt and jeans most of the time. I never bothered myself with finding a 'style'.

I had just gotten a new job and everyone there seemed to be treating me like a child. In retrospect, I think they were just being nice to the new girl. I decided that I needed to improve my looks and buy some dressier clothes that made me look like an adult rather than a student. While I was at it, I made an appointment to get my hair cut a little shorter, maybe three inches. I still planned to keep it long, just to my shoulders or a little below because I didn't know what else to do.

While I was waiting at the salon, I saw a woman who had just gotten her hair cut. It was really short and I thought it looked awesome. I decided that very moment that I was going to get my hair cut like hers. As luck would have it, my appointment was with the same person who had just cut her hair.

I got very nervous while she was cutting my hair. When she cut the side to reveal my ear I started crying because I thought I might have made a terrible decision. I didn't... I've had it short for about a year.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rod Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 19 2003 at 8:56pm
Leah, that was incredibly brave and gutsy. For most women, going short gradually is easier. Have people stopped treating you like a child? Do you feel more like an adult? How short did you go and have you kept it that short?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kuroneko Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 20 2003 at 7:48am
I was raised by very conservative parents who totally bought into the whole "girls should have long hair and boys should have short hair" stereotype, and in fact that was how they taught me to identify gender. I remember the first time I found out girls could have short hair was at a friend's house, where the teen-aged brothers and sisters were watching MTV, and the video for "Sweet Dreams Are Made of This" came on. I was just totally mesmerised watching Annie Lennox with her crew cut because she was the total opposite of everything my parents believed and had taught me. I developed an obsession with short-haired women right then and there, which I've had ever since, even though for most of my life I've had to keep closeted about it (and still do, to an extent-- even the people who know I prefer short-haired women usually don't know about my haircutting fetish).
I was made to keep really long hair throughout childhood, but immediately had it cut boyishly short as soon as I hit high school and it's rarely been longer than chin-length since (often and preferably much shorter, above the ears). I actually get angry with myself now if my hair gets too long, because I see it as letting myself fall too much into my parents' and society's expectations!
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Leah S. View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Leah S. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 20 2003 at 12:16pm
Rod:

I don't know that it was all that brave or gutsy. I had decided to try something different but I couldn't really decide by looking at photos. I didn't decide until the moment I saw this woman at the salon up close and how her hair looked in back, front, sides and on a real person. Her haircut just looked great and I decided I wanted that haircut because it was cute.

Like I said in my orginial message... I don't think they were really treating me like a child. Rather, they were treating me like a new employee who didn't know anything about her job yet. I never really felt like I wasn't an adult but I thought I needed a more sophisticated look since I was no longer a student. Since I changed my hair and started dressing less casually, I think I perceived differently. I believe that people draw a great deal of their first impression from your appearance.

How short did I go and have I kept it that short? It's hard to describe the cut but my stylist calls it a pixie sometimes and sometimes she calls it a short shag. I guess it depends how scissor-happy she happens to get. Since she first cut it short, she's left it a little longer and also had it cut a little shorter than the original cut but it's basically been the same style. Suffice it to say, it's really short.

I'm a little bored with my hair again. I like it right after it's cut but about two weeks later it looks a little plain. I'm looking for a new hairstyle again but I haven't found one that really appeals to me.
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