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My story, your opinions wanted

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IfOnly View Drop Down
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    Posted: June 05 2003 at 3:59pm
Thanks for the perspective Hal, sounds like youíve had experience in this arena too, and for the eloquent response Uzma. I'm sure we will work it out. We haven't dedicated nearly 20 years of our lives together for nothing and hair certainly isn't that important.

My main problem is that she thinks I hate longer hair simply because I wanted her to try shorter hairstyles. It couldn't be further from the truth but she won't believe that. In my opinion constantly making promises to me, and then breaking them doesn't exactly help our relationship either.

I would be happy to help her grow her hair out into a bob like she wants (and I love bobs too, probably as much as shorter styles) especially if she would just do what she said she would do. We had reached a clear understanding, and I had refused to cut her hair in a pixie at first, that if I did this, at her request even, and if I also cropped my hair short, also at her request, then we would wear our hair like that through the summer and into the fall, including a few trips to a salon. This was so we could pursue an active outdoor lifestyle as well without worrying about hair. Well that was February and summer hasnít even gotten here yet and a cut that should be trimmed every 4 weeks has only been trimmed once in that time.

Well Iíll keep my promise, which was to do whatever she wants. Iíll try and put my feelings aside and do this for her in order to insure domestic tranquility. It wonít be easy, she opened the floodgate as far as my liking this hairstyle again when I specifically asked not to do so lightly.
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Hal View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 05 2003 at 9:53am
I have to agree with Uzma. Sounds as though she is really tring hard to please you. I think you must realize (as I do about myself) you are the odd one. She is making an effort to meet your needs but as some of us may know one of the things that happends to people with these sort of feelings is the more you indulged them the more they nee to be induldged. Hope that makes sense. Take a step back .. look at your situation from the outside. Be thankful for what you have.. it could be much worse!!!!!
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uzma View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote uzma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 05 2003 at 6:56am
What about her happiness?

She has compromised her own desire for long hair by allowing it to be cut short repeatedly.

A loving relationship takes many forms and I am not one to judge what is right or wrong.
However, I am of the opinion that hair is a personal part of ones body just as much as a hand or an eye. It is not an object external to the person or "owned" by anyone else.

She loves you and wants to make you happy - great.
You say cutting her hair makes you happy - OK.
She says growing her hair makes her happy - OK.

If you make your happiness conditional on her unhappiness....and the destruction of a part of her body mass....where is the love gone?

I was in a similar situation as your wife a few years back (but my partner had different motivations to yours). I can image the confused desires and feelings.
There needs to be open and honest communication of what each party needs and wants.
There needs to be mutual understanding and respect.
Boundaries need to be agreed upon if you are to move forward together.

If you love her - love all of her, inside and out, long hair and short.

"Love wants for the beloved" - Sir Walter Scott

Finally, I do not mean to make presumptions about your relationship. These are just my opinions and I mean no offence to you.

Best of luck. I hope you two can work things out and move forward together.

Uzi
Uzi

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IfOnly View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IfOnly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 05 2003 at 12:02am
Wow, a forum devoted to short hair! I want to say hello and tell you a little about myself. I've been married for nearly 20 years now and things have been wonderful except for one thing. I love short hair on women (I find it electrifying!) but my wife loves long hair.

This has caused many problems over the years. I wanted to be a hairstylist and had finally talked myself into going to school when she was pregnant with our first child. She specifically asked me not to go and the opportunity has never come up again and I'm not sure I'd want to go through the program now even if I could get out of working all the overtime I need to do in order to support my wife and my family. In any case I taught myself to cut hair better than most of the salons my wife ever went to at my urging.

Well long story short, we worked things out (so I thought) and I no longer ask her to have any particular hairstyle. The only thing I ask is that she commit to any hairstyle she chooses long enough for me to learn how to cut it repeatedly including a trip to the salon for pointers. She currently has a grown out pixie, a hairstyle chosen by herself over other short hairstyles that I pefer like the cap shaped crops, but now after only two haircuts she has decided to grow it out. She repeatedly says she wants to do thing to make me happy. Well short hair makes me happy and if she would just wear any particular style longer than 6 weeks she would have been back to longer hair a long time ago! I wouldn't want her to keep the same hairstyle forever and I like longer hair quite well too especially when it's well cut and styled, something my wife never did either by the way when her hair was longer.

Since I am not a trained hairstylist, creating short hairstyles are incredibly emotionally draining on me especially when her concept of a long time is a month. I'm at the point of refusing to cut her hair any more (she hates going to salons by the way) but I really love cutting her hair for her. I've never required her to keep her hair short and if she had ever kept her word about how long she would wear a particular hairstyle she would be back into a longer style already!

I really don't know what to do now. Part of me wants her to keep the cute pixie through the summer like she said she wanted. I feel people should keep their promises! She even asked me to cut my own hair which was I was wearing in a bob, short too so that we could share being cropped together. Well I did cut my hair and I feel like I got the short end of the stick.

She says she loves having me cut her hair and she also claims to want to do anything to make me happy so I don't understand the problem.

Anyway I'd appreciate any input from all of you. Feel free to tell me off, I already feel like a villain. I promise future posts will be less negative as this is a great place to share my love of short hair on women. Personally I feel women look their most feminine and sexy when they have a shorter hair style. To all of you guys out there who have wives who not only have short hair but also like short hair I can only tell you how lucky you are and be rather envious of you.
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