I am a wife with short hair, currently growing out a shaved head into a style I haven't decided on yet ;-) It is about 3mm at the moment. I adore pixie's, but I don't know yet.
My husband has never dated a short haired woman before we met, he only knows me with short cuts, wild spikes, buzzed very short and the occasional shaved pattern and prefers that over the pictures of me with longer hair. I am a tomboy and it suits me, he says.
There is not only black and white, there is also grey
My first reaction was to agree with Hairalways but the more i think about it the more I wonder. We really never know what causes reactions in people and he may not either. I think you need to have a really long talk with him so both of you can discover whats going on.
Debbie
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The first thing that you need to ask yourself is: Does he wear his hair the way that he wants to? Is so you should be allowed to do the same! Just explain to him that untill he starts to wear his hair the way that you want him to; you will wear yours the way that you please. Good luck to you! Please let us know how it turns out! A woman should look the way she wants to though! And you did say you felt pretty afterwards! Just my 4 cents (inflation) Debbie
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I really appreciate the fact that some many people read my post and shared their feelings with me. It seems alot of people felt that I should confront my husband and make it an in your face issue. That was not what I intended at all. Last night I was at the drug store and I ran into the girl who cut my hair. It has been over 2 1/2 months since the event and she looked and me and commented that my hair looked shabby and I needed to see her to get it a haircut again to get it back into the style. MY bangs were well below my eyebrows into my eyes. Well I was a little taken back, then I unloaded on her. I told her she was a selfish, manipulative, horrible person for doing such a terriible thing to me and my hair. That she ruined the relationship I had with my husband and I hope that she was happy for the trouble she caused. She got really quiet, started trembling, teared up and through tears said she was sorry that she caused such trouble for me at home and walked away. I just stood there numb for what seemed like an hour, even though it was only a couple minutes. And then I felt like a real jerk. I had just blamed MY problem on her and it really wasn't her fault. She may have gotten a little scissor happy, but it was because I had said OK for her to do it. After the damage was done, she was only trying to console an upset customer. Again she was not being mean, only trying to make ME feel better. So I went out to my car and I cried for a very long time. Then I sat thought about my situation and realized the person to blame for my situation was me, I could not blame the stylist and I could not blame my husband. He was not some evil dictator who needs to be confronted, he was my husband who I loved, and I hurt him because I didn't keep my word. He was never mean to me, he was just hurt. So I drove home. When I got home, the kids were in bed and he was at the desk, paying some bills. I walked in and he looked towards the door. I just started sobbing, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry". And I went over to him and he hugged me. I told him my whole story and apologized for having hurt him. He started to cry like a baby. He told me he loved me and what had really hurt him that was not just that I hadn't kept my word, but what was worse to him was that I essentially told him he was not important, but that strangers outside our relationship were more important to me than he was or his feelings. I had never really thought of it that way. So between the tears I asked him what do we do now? He said, "I accept you apology, I would never leave you, I was hoping that we could talk, but I couldn't bring myself to it because I did not want to start a fight and hurt you and me more by saying things I did not want to say." So I aked him what do we do now? My hair is still awfully short. He hugged me and said, "It will grow back." I said it will take a long time and he told me we have our whole life time for it to grow back. I asked him about the bangs in my eyes and he reminded me he used to trim them for me when we we engaged and newlyweds. I told him I would really appreciate it if he would trim my bangs, but don't touch anything else, because I am growing my hair out. He smiled through his tears and told me he loved me. And yes he would trim my bangs for me. He trimmed my bangs for me this morning, we were too busy making love last night and we fell asleep in each other's arms. we were involved with other details to deal with my bangs last night. I feel like I had a fifty pound weight lifted off my shoulders. I still am about 60 pounds heavier than the day we got married and I decided this morning I was going to lose that extra weight. My husband had never made an issue of it, but I decided I need to do it for my health and well being as well as our children. I want to be able to dance at their weddings, not be too heavy and out of shape that all I could do was sit there,wheeze and miss out on the fun. My husband is very athletic, he exercises regularly and coaches both of our children's sports teams. He still looks great. I decided he deserves a lady who takes of herself, rather than one who took him for granted. Did I surrender, NO WAY, I got MY way, I won! I have my great relationship back. I did not let a great guy get away to some other woman that would have loved to get a hold of him. I have my very attentive, loving husband back. It was more than just a few inches of hair that caused the rift. And I was smart enough to mend it. YES, I AM A WINNER!! We all make mistakes. This afternoon I called the girl who had cut my hair. She was busy and she called my back a couple hours later when business slowed down. She really deserves a lot of credit for calling back a crazy lady. I apologized to her for berating her in the drug store. No one deserves to be treated the way I treated her. She was very gracious and accepted my apology. She said she had never had an angry customer call and apologise to her before. She then asked if I was coming in again soon. I told I would not be but that mending the hard feelings was something that I had to do, because I wasn't being fair and she didn't deserve to receive the verbal abuse I gave her. I know this post wasextremely long, but I just needed to vent. Thank you one and all for being so supportive and putting up with such a long winded post.
Zoie. Wow you and your husband really got emotional, just over you getting a short hairstyle that if he should have liked anyway!!! What's wrong with him that he didn't like you in short hair? SHAME ON HIM! HE WAS SO WRONG!!!
Oh well, the crisis is over. You and your hubby are lovey-dovey again. A divorce-(or worse)- has been averted.
Now if you could just learn to eat in moderation, exercise a little and lose all of that extra fat! Good luck with your diet Zoie!
ssjockey
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It sounds to me that not only did you and your husband make peace with the events, but that you both learned something about each other, and strengthened the bonds between you.
Thank goodness you didn't follow the `in your face' advise some of the others were offering.
I am speaking from the position of a) a short hair lover, b) a stylist, and c) one half of a relationship where hair issues, right or wrong, can affect emotions.
Although it is, indeed, only hair, and it is your hair, the two of you have entered into a partnership where sometimes the boundaries are hazy, but essentially the two of you have agreed that the others feelings are important.
Don't be hard on yourself. You couldn't have known that he would take it this hard, but it seems like you learned just how important he felt it to be. To your credit, you decided that his feelings about this were more important than digging your heels in.
I fully expect that at times, he will make the same concession for your feelings. That sounds like a wonderful partnership to me.
The stylist in me felt for your stylist when you confronted her. Every time I make a major change to a client, I pray that regret doesn't happen, but often I wonder, particularily if they don't return for some time.
On the other hand, your integrity in calling her back probably made her day. Congratulations in having the courage to do that.
You have a lot on the ball. I'm very impressed!
Best wishes for the future happiness in your marriage and your life.
Kuroneko
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I don't advocate arguing over petty things, but I also don't advocate giving in to a husband just because he throws a tantrum. Just like indulging a spoiled child who kicks and screams in the toy store, all it does is teach him he can get anything he wants if he just acts out long enough. So catastrophe was averted this time, but what happens the next (inevitable) time he's displeased about something?
I think there was something more. I for one really like short hair on a woman if she has the features and figure for it. Short hair done properly looks great, but if cut badly it looks horrid. But then again when I see a woman with long hair that is damaged and the ends are uneven, I just want to reach for my scissors. Long hair is camouflage, it covers up a lot of he body''''s imperfections like a blanket. When removed, they all shine through. When I met my wife her hair was nearly to her waist. I have been cutting it for her for a number of years and I brought the length up gradually. No drastic chops that would have traumatized her. Now it varies in length dependant on how often I cut it and what style she wants, but is generally short. A couple summers ago I cut her hair quite short, similar to Zoie''''s style. It was kind of spikey and my wife loved it. But she has the features and fabulous figure to carry it off. Sounds like Zoie at 60 pounds overweight probably wasn''''t a good candidate for such a short style. Once she loses the weight, it may be a different story. Also she mentioned her husband loved her long hair and used to trim it for her. I don''''t know why he no longer did, but if she had discussed styles with him first, took him with her for the drastic change, or even asked him to do the cutting for her, I think they would have both been much happier with the situation. JMHO
I'm going to boast a little here, in case anybody wants to live vicariously.
Mrs. Happy's last cut was a finger-length pixie. She also lost 60 lbs. last year and she is HOT.
She has let me cut her hair since before we were married. She wore it long for the wedding, and after the honeymoon she let me run with scissors.
During our first year married, she lost 50 lbs in addition to letting me cut all her hair off. In the 16 years since, her hair has been long (mid-back) to short and back more than once, and I've knocked her up 3 times. Each kid left 20 on Mom as an end-of-pregnancy gift. Now that the kids are in school, she decided to go back to Weight Watchers and get rid of the weight. Took her less than a year this time.
Now my biggest whine is that I want her to grow it long and cut it short again, and she just laughs at me. So I'm starting at the other end, buying her some tall boots with heels. Hubba hubba.
And that's why they call me, Mr. Happy
DakotaDiva
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i'm like your wife mr. happy. i have gone from long hair to meduim hair to short hair and back to long hair again like it is now. maybe i'll go real short with my hair again.
Zoie, you are brilliant! Your husband sounds like a great guy, but it''''s hard for most men who love long hair to explain their passion for it. He does not sound like a control freak from the way you describe him; he''''s just a guy, like me, who believes that long tresses on a woman is the most beautiful sight in the world. When my wife first cut her hair short 7 1/2 years ago, I sulked like your husband for a few days. Then, when I learned that the cut was not spiteful, and that she chopped it because she needed a change, I was OK with it. (She''''s since grown it back.) But then, I never *hated* short hair on women. My wife''''s brother, on the other hand, would reject a date with *Cindy Crawford* if she wore her hair above her shoulders! There is no rational reason why some of us guys simply find most women so much more sexy with long hair;it''''s simply hard-wired in us. You were right to apologize for breaking your word, but you couldn''''t have known *how* important it is to your husband. To me, you are one wonderful woman, and your husband''''s lucky to have you. P.S. I believe that a stylist should be extremely wary of suggesting a drastic change to a woman who has not thought long and hard about it, and yes, also informed her s/o if he is passionate about her present look. Too many beauticians try to sell a new look which will keep the client coming back; to hell with her husband''''s feelings! You were magnanimous to apologize to her, too, but I''''d be a bit resentful of her, were I your husband. God bless your relationship, Zoie! Hugs, Bob
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Erm, no. . . Maybe if you're five pounds overweight, long hair might cover up for that a bit, but if you're sixty pounds over people are gonna know you're fat, no matter how much hair you have. However, if you are fat, and you just grow your hair as long as it'll go in hopes it'll cover the fat up, you'll just end up looking like the fat lady with the long, stringy hair in no partifular style, which isn't very attractive. That'll contribute to the perception that large women are slobs who never bother with their hair or clothes because they're not supposed to look good anyway. That's an outdated notion, since now there are all sorts of stores and websites selling fashionable clothes for larger women. If a big woman dresses well and keeps up a nice haircut, she'll look much more attractive than the ones who think they're too fat to bother and just grow their hair shapelessly and try to hide in sweats all the time. It's not only the size sixes of the world who deserve to look good. All women, regardless of size, can look pretty if they just put a little more time and effort into it. Cute clothes and hair aren't only for the thin anymore.
Kevin C wrote:
I think there was something more. I for one really like short hair on a woman if she has the features and figure for it. Short hair done properly looks great, but if cut badly it looks horrid. But then again when I see a woman with long hair that is damaged and the ends are uneven, I just want to reach for my scissors. Long hair is camouflage, it covers up a lot of he body''''s imperfections like a blanket. When removed, they all shine through. When I met my wife her hair was nearly to her waist. I have been cutting it for her for a number of years and I brought the length up gradually. No drastic chops that would have traumatized her. Now it varies in length dependant on how often I cut it and what style she wants, but is generally short. A couple summers ago I cut her hair quite short, similar to Zoie''''s style. It was kind of spikey and my wife loved it. But she has the features and fabulous figure to carry it off. Sounds like Zoie at 60 pounds overweight probably wasn''''t a good candidate for such a short style. Once she loses the weight, it may be a different story. Also she mentioned her husband loved her long hair and used to trim it for her. I don''''t know why he no longer did, but if she had discussed styles with him first, took him with her for the drastic change, or even asked him to do the cutting for her, I think they would have both been much happier with the situation. JMHO
More awesome than a manatee!
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My wife has short hair, and has had it for several years now. We both like the cut and the look it gives her! Actually is getting a reverse wedge cut today! Congrats on your wife having short hair!
*From a lesbian perspective I have to agree that short hair can be so sexy on a lady. *In my relationship with Tina, I'm the "butch" the "husband" in our relationship and my hair is nearly to my shoulders, whereas Tina is the "femme" the "wife" in our relationship yet she wears her hair short. *So much for stereotypes on hair length.
Laine1998
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I'm sorry for the problems that you have encountered from cutting your hair. I too have long hair, a few inches up from my waist. My husband also loves my long hair, and normally isn't too keen on me cutting it.
Maybe he is hurt by the fact that you made such a drastic change in your appearance without first talking to him. I don't mean getting his permission, but just saying, "hey I'm thinking about doing this..." and see what his reaction is. If he likes it, great, if he is not so sure, I guess he will find out when you get home.
Hair will almost always grow back, please don't let a hair cut ruin your relationship. Talk to him about it, and see what happens!
Mark E
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Brent, Greetings from Michigan. Yes it is extremely nice to be married to a woman with short hair, in my opinion - there is nothing better! Keep in touch!
Mark E
enfys
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If you read my posts, you will know that I have, and love my long hair, but that doesn't mean I don't admire it on other people.
Zoie, I hope that this has been a good chance to get your relationship with your husband in perspective, and vice versa, and I hope that you have realised what is truly important. Not a hair style, but trust and love for each other. Good luck!
I did find some of the comments about stereotypes interesting. I find it incredibly odd that some people still think that any woman with short hair is a lesbian. Particularly when they are married. Ho-hum
I also noticed a few messages about long hair covering the body, so only a size six supermodel can have short hair and look good. I don't agree with these kinds of views at all. Some people who are *whisper it* fat actally look better with short hair. Some thin people look equally as good with longer hair styles. Also, I think that with many very thin people, short hair tends look better than long because they aren't particularly healthy people because they are too thin. That is my experience, anyway.
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