Banishing Bad Hair Days since 1997!™
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - My boyfriend wants me to cut my hair off!
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Forum LockedMy boyfriend wants me to cut my hair off!

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Brandee View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Brandee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: My boyfriend wants me to cut my hair off!
    Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
Please help me! My boyfriend wants me to cut my waist length hair into a short pixie. I love my boyfriend and want to please him, but I've had long hair my life. What should I do? I don't want to lose him.Brandee
Back to Top
Ally View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie
Avatar

Joined: June 02 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 55
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ally Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
Brandee--Are you for real? Your boyfriend is prepared to dump you over something like this?If you think YOU want a short haircut, talk to at least two stylists. Ask them if they think a pixie would suit your features. Most women don't make such a drastic change all at once. They go shoulder length, then chin length, then ear length, then SHORT--maybe a month at a time, so they get used to the idea of less hair.But don't cut your hair to please someone else--even your boyfriend! It's your hair, for God's sake! Any man (or woman, for that matter) who pressures you into changing yourself against your will is NOT worth your time or affections. Especially if he threatens to walk out over something so superficial.Ally
Back to Top
Laura Jane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Laura Jane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
> Please help me! My boyfriend wants me to cut my waist> length hair into a short pixie. I love my boyfriend> and want to please him, but I've had long hair my> life. What should I do? I don't want to lose him.First off, if he's going to dump you over your hair (assuming it's not disgusting - by which I mean not clean - or something), he's probably not someone you really want to be serious about anyway. If he loves you, your hair just won't be that important to him. How seriously did he say this? Did he actually threaten to dump you, or was he just expressing a not-very-strong preference?A few questions to ask yourself: Do you feel strongly about your hair? If you do, don't cut it for him, because it's *your* hair. You deserve to feel good about yourself and your appearance, and while it's nice to make someone else happy, that shouldn't mean you have to sacrifice your own happiness.If you don't much care - which is how I used to feel about length - you might decide differently. Though I don't get the impression this is the case with you, doing your hair to suit someone else really can work if you don't *mind* (a characteristic true of few people, I suspect). I've always preferred my hair short, but some years ago, before we were married, my husband asked me to let it grow. I said I would, since I really didn't care much, with the warning that if it started to annoy me, I was going to cut it, and he wasn't to give me a hard time or make a fuss. Well, that was about 5 and a half years ago, and I haven't had more than a trim since. However, this only worked because I didn't feel strongly about keeping it short. If I had cared, I would have worn my hair to suit myself.Another thing to consider is whether or not a pixie would suit you. Talk to stylists, friends, family; look at photos of people with pixies; consider getting one of those computer images done where they take your photo and change your hairstyle so you can see it ahead of time, since it's something so drastic. (You could give him a copy of the altered photo, perhaps - if it's awful on you, he'll be able to see that; and if it looks good, maybe it will be enough to have the picture and he'll stop pressuring you if you tell him firmly that that's all you're going to do.)If you are actually considering it, don't do it immediately - my mother (who is a very sensible person and is very much in favor of my long hair in spite of wearing her own short) made me promise to wait at least 3 weeks if I ever thought I wanted to get my hair cut, to make sure I really meant it.All of this is probably irrelevant, anyway - I get the sense from your message that you want to keep your hair the way it is, and if that's what you want, then that's what you should do. I wish you luck in resolving the situation, whatever you choose.Laura Janelswanson@sunflower.bio.indiana.edu
Back to Top
Jen View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: December 21 2000
Status: Offline
Points: 12
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
After I got married two years ago, I started to seriously grow out my hair since I had always wanted long hair. It's nearly to my waist now, despite the fact that my husband prefers shoulder-length hair on me. He loves me and is happy that I'm happy with my hair, though, and he encourages me to take excellent care of it. But his opinion is that shorter hair is more modern and attractive.I know how disappointing it can be when a loved one isn't as enthusiastic about your long hair as you are. But, you have to go with your heart. Fortunately, I know my husband loves me no matter what. If he wanted to break up over a hair issue, however, I would be appalled.Hang in there, Brandee, and do what you feel is right. If you decide to stay with long hair and he leaves, know that you'll find someone fabulous who loves you for all your qualities.
Back to Top
Kira View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kira Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
If he's going to leave you if you keep your hair long - Run! Run Fast. Run Hard. Just Run. Been there done that! Not good! Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't love all of you. Always remember that if you remain true to yourself you will be happier than if you follow someone else's expectations.My two cents!> Please help me! My boyfriend wants me to cut my waist> length hair into a short pixie. I love my boyfriend> and want to please him, but I've had long hair my> life. What should I do? I don't want to lose him.> Brandee
Back to Top
gigi View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: January 28 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 2
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote gigi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
Dear Brandee, I don't normally get involved in these things, because I find that people pretty much do what they want to do anyway. But, you happen to have touched on a lesson that it took me a very long time to learn, so for what it is worth here's some advice from a broad who has "been there, done that." It never, never works to change yourself to suit what someone else wants from you. He may start out wanting you to change your hair, then the way you dress, then maybe he'd prefer you not talk or make jokes in a certain way. Perhaps he would rather you have a different sort of job. Perhaps he thinks basketweaving, which you adore, is a really dumb hobby and wouldn't you really rather rock climb like him? Your running program is getting in the way of his time with you on weekends, and it would be much more convenient for him if you would stop, and oh, by the way, he hates your new friend Karen, so don't plan on having her over anytime soon...and on and on it goes. In the end, he will dump you anyway because you will be so boring and predictable. Of course you will, he created you. Some mysterious, unpredictable woman is going to catch his eye, just like you did before you let him make you over, and you will be history. Not only left, but left in a mess, having no idea who you are anymore. You might as well learn this now, because the laws of the universe are pretty much the same for all of us. Change if YOU want to, for you. If you don't, don't. You are responsible for your own life and your own decisions. Whether you decide to run your own life or let someone else make decisions for you, you are the one who has to live it. Frankly, if you love your long hair, tell him that he can either learn to love it or hit the road. If he would leave you over something like this, he is going to leave you eventually anyway. Don't kid yourself. The only question is what do you want your hair to look like when he is gone?
Back to Top
Cher View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cher Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
> Dear Brandee, I don't normally get involved in these> things, because I find that people pretty much do what> they want to do anyway. But, you happen to have> touched on a lesson that it took me a very long time> to learn, so for what it is worth here's some advice> from a broad who has "been there, done> that." It never, never works to change yourself> to suit what someone else wants from you. He may start> out wanting you to change your hair, then the way you> dress, then maybe he'd prefer you not talk or make> jokes in a certain way. Perhaps he would rather you> have a different sort of job. Perhaps he thinks> basketweaving, which you adore, is a really dumb hobby> and wouldn't you really rather rock climb like him?> Your running program is getting in the way of his time> with you on weekends, and it would be much more> convenient for him if you would stop, and oh, by the> way, he hates your new friend Karen, so don't plan on> having her over anytime soon...and on and on it goes.> In the end, he will dump you anyway because you will> be so boring and predictable. Of course you will, he> created you. Some mysterious, unpredictable woman is> going to catch his eye, just like you did before you> let him make you over, and you will be history. Not> only left, but left in a mess, having no idea who you> are anymore. You might as well learn this now, because> the laws of the universe are pretty much the same for> all of us. Change if YOU want to, for you. If you> don't, don't. You are responsible for your own life> and your own decisions. Whether you decide to run your> own life or let someone else make decisions for you,> you are the one who has to live it. Frankly, if you> love your long hair, tell him that he can either learn> to love it or hit the road. If he would leave you over> something like this, he is going to leave you> eventually anyway. Don't kid yourself. The only> question is what do you want your hair to look like> when he is gone?Bravo.. well said.. Go girl.. etc.
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
> Please help me! My boyfriend wants me to cut my waist> length hair into a short pixie. I love my boyfriend> and want to please him, but I've had long hair my> life. What should I do? I don't want to lose him.> BrandeeFirst all of I am beyond shock that your boyfriend could actually open his mouth and say that to you.I think that is the one of the most insensitive , heartless , cruelist thing that a boyfriend can say to you.Gorgeous men are a dime of dozen ..Hair takes a hell of a long time to grow . It is part of you. It makes you very feminine and beautiful. You will are very special person . Don't allow any man to dominate you or abuse you with such commnents. You are very intelligent. Actually I strongly believe his has no brains to tell you stupid things like that, you on the other hand can have another gorgeous boyfrend that will actually appreciate the woman you are.I vote dump the boyfriend keep the long hair .
Back to Top
andy View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: April 28 2004
Status: Offline
Points: 1
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote andy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
> Please help me! My boyfriend wants me to cut my waist> length hair into a short pixie. I love my boyfriend> and want to please him, but I've had long hair my> life. What should I do? I don't want to lose him.> BrandeeIf you want long hair have long hair, if you want short hair have short hair, if you want green hair have green hair. You are his girlfriend, not his dress-up-doll.Sure you should be interested in his opinion and if you agree that you'd like to try short hair then go for it, but if you aren't sure, then don't do it!Andy
Back to Top
Dawn View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: April 16 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 9
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dawn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
Well! Touched a nerve with this one huh?Assuming that this is a legitimate message and not a troll the question that hasn't been asked is why? Why did your boyfriend ask you to cut your hair? Did he actually say he would leave you if you didn't? That's not clear either.I think the gals are reacting so strongly Brandee because of your last sentence where you say you don't want to lose this guy. It sort of implies that the relationship is somehow tenuous and that not cutting your hair would be a reason for him to walk. Like Gigi said, if its a control issue, that's not a good sign. But maybe this was just an offhand comment and he didn't realize how much it would hurt you. A good test of the relationship would be if you two could just talk about this issue. Ask why he said it and honestly express how it made you feel. If you can't even do that, there are problems way deeper than a haircut involved here.Believe in your own self worth and stay true to your own heart, the other gals are right, its the only way to find real happiness. But oh, what we won't do for love huh? Just don't hurt yourself in the process, Brandee, and then whatever you decide you'll be able to live with.Easy girls! A few male dominance issues of our own triggered by this post eh?Best wishes to everyone! May your men be eternally faithful and supportive!Dawn
Back to Top
Steven View Drop Down
Junior Member
Junior Member


Joined: January 04 2001
Status: Offline
Points: 97
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steven Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:43am
Brandee,Let me tell you a little story.I have always loved long hair and my wife is fabulous looking with her blonde waistlength hair. BUTTT!!!For some stupid reason - I at times have wondered what she would look like with short hair - and this is the crux. She doesn't have to cut off years of painstaking growth to suit my stund desire to see what she would look like with short hair. Tuck it under a short pixie wig and see if thats what YOU Want. Other wise dump the dick! He has somehow succumbed to the sick desire to see you defeminized or he has a perverted desire to watch you lose something very precious to you to due to a control thing he has.You must make choices in life that are for your well being and are YOUR CHOICES - if you allow yourself to be manipulated by those around you - depression and a feeling of worthlessness will set in as a result of you not allowing yourself to be in control. Your boyfriend is exerting his control right now and you need to make a statement as to who truly is in control. He might appreciate you more or leave - but I ask you, If you surround yourself with persons that build you up and accept you for what you are - do you really want the persons around you that want you to change and fit their mold of what is acceptable and what you should look like to please their eye????As for me - I am thrilled with my wifes beauty and will never ask her to do anything other than what she wants. MY PLACE IS TO ADMIRE THAT WHICH I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH and not try to change or manipulate for the greener grass on the other side (which by the way always turns out to be browner than the lawn you had before)!If someone is the light of your life - don't snuff it out!Steve
Back to Top
Brandee View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Brandee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:43am
I would like to thank everyone for their kind words and encourgement. I'm going to have a talk with my boyfriend tonight and let him know that I want to keep my long hair and if he doesn't like it then he can hit the highway.Again Thanks for you helpBrandee
Back to Top
gigi View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: January 28 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 2
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote gigi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:43am
No, I don't think it is so much a male dominance issue as it is a being-tired-of-everyone-and-their-dog-trying-to-manipulate-a-woman's-physical-appearance issue. Men, for the most part, really don't even worry about these things. Women, on the other hand let fashion and crazy whims drive them to alter (sometimes permanently) their hips, breasts, faces, hair, nails, and every other part of their bodies. Can you imagine a man wondering whether his breasts are in style this year? Whether Paris says flat chested is in or out? Or sitting in a salon for an hour or more while someone superglues plastic to the tips of his fingers, so that he can hardly even button his shirt or dial a phone without assistance? Yes they are often vain, but rarely are they as hard on themselves as we are about our appearance. The other issue is that women tend to think that having a man will solve all of their problems,and they will do anything to get and keep one, including cutting off their waist length hair. The truth is that the only way you will find happiness is to look inside yourself and be the person that you are, as unique, quirky, and short or long-of-hair as you please. Sometimes the things we think we do for love are the antithesis of keeping it. I have been very happily married to my very best friend for many years, but I can tell you that being married is not the be all and end all of one's existance. Do what you have to do to be happy and complete right now, without a man, and you'll never have to worry about having one because they will flock to you, mesmerized by your originality and spirit.
Back to Top
Scoty View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Scoty Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:46am
> Please help me! My boyfriend wants me to cut my waist> length hair into a short pixie. I love my boyfriend> and want to please him, but I've had long hair my> life. What should I do? I don't want to lose him.> BrandeeI say dump him and call me :-) I love long hair and even if I didn't there's no way i'd tell someone else how to look!!!
Back to Top
jose View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: December 25 2004
Status: Offline
Points: 2
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:49am
You are both so right, but there's no need to be angry. Just because society sucks doesn't mean everyone is a victim. Choices is what makes us what we are and one must make their own choices based on who and what they are, not on what other people, or society thinks.Brandee, good for you. I hope it all turns out ok.Jose.> No, I don't think it is so much a male dominance issue> as it is a> being-tired-of-everyone-and-their-dog-trying-to-manipulate-a-woman's-physical-appearance> issue. Men, for the most part, really don't even worry> about these things. Women, on the other hand let> fashion and crazy whims drive them to alter (sometimes> permanently) their hips, breasts, faces, hair, nails,> and every other part of their bodies. Can you imagine> a man wondering whether his breasts are in style this> year? Whether Paris says flat chested is in or out? Or> sitting in a salon for an hour or more while someone> superglues plastic to the tips of his fingers, so that> he can hardly even button his shirt or dial a phone> without assistance? Yes they are often vain, but> rarely are they as hard on themselves as we are about> our appearance. The other issue is that women tend to> think that having a man will solve all of their> problems,and they will do anything to get and keep> one, including cutting off their waist length hair.> The truth is that the only way you will find happiness> is to look inside yourself and be the person that you> are, as unique, quirky, and short or long-of-hair as> you please. Sometimes the things we think we do for> love are the antithesis of keeping it. I have been> very happily married to my very best friend for many> years, but I can tell you that being married is not> the be all and end all of one's existance. Do what you> have to do to be happy and complete right now, without> a man, and you'll never have to worry about having one> because they will flock to you, mesmerized by your> originality and spirit.
Back to Top
Rod View Drop Down
Member
Member
Avatar

Joined: April 16 2003
Status: Offline
Points: 690
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rod Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
> Well! Touched a nerve with this one huh?> Assuming that this is a legitimate message and not a> troll the question that hasn't been asked is why? Why> did your boyfriend ask you to cut your hair? Did he> actually say he would leave you if you didn't? That's> not clear either.> I think the gals are reacting so strongly Brandee> because of your last sentence where you say you don't> want to lose this guy. It sort of implies that the> relationship is somehow tenuous and that not cutting> your hair would be a reason for him to walk. Like Gigi> said, if its a control issue, that's not a good sign.> But maybe this was just an offhand comment and he> didn't realize how much it would hurt you. A good test> of the relationship would be if you two could just> talk about this issue. Ask why he said it and honestly> express how it made you feel. If you can't even do> that, there are problems way deeper than a haircut> involved here.> Believe in your own self worth and stay true to your> own heart, the other gals are right, its the only way> to find real happiness. But oh, what we won't do for> love huh? Just don't hurt yourself in the process,> Brandee, and then whatever you decide you'll be able> to live with.> CAN IT ONLY BE THAT THIS MALE PIG PREFERS SHORT HAIR TO LONG. WHY MUST IT MEAN MORE THAN THAT. BRANDEE GET REAL HE'S NOT ASKING YOU TO CUT OFF AN ARM OR A LEG FOR GOSH SAKES. IT'S A DIFFERENT HAIR STYLE NOT A DIFFERENT LIFESTYLE. WHO KNOWS YOU MIGHT ENJOY THE EASE AND COMFORT OF SHORTER HAIR WITH A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY THAT IT MIGHT IMPROVE YOUR APPEARENCE
Back to Top
gigi View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: January 28 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 2
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote gigi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:52am
: )
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down


Copyright 1997-2020, hairboutique.com, All Rights Reserved.
Terms of Service, Privacy Statement, Advertise, Contact Us, Press, Disclaimer