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Christine View Drop Down
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    Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:42am
I read with interest Brandee's dilemma. Sharing a similar experience, I believe having long healthy, hair can really make a person feel good about themselves because they know they are looking and feeling great. Not to mention the compliments one gets! This is a psychological factor that most short-haired people don't seem to understand or empathise (in my experiences). I wonder if such people are secretly envious? Thereupon they constantly wonder aloud about the inconvenience and maintenance involved in the upkeep of long hair. Actually, the high cost of salon hair products we use is offset by the low cost of maintaining long hair. And we know the results are worth every cent!On the other hand, I am constantly being made to feel bad about my decision to keep long hair and hate it when criticised by short haired people around me. Comments on the frizziness of my hair (through no fault of mine but the humid climate's) really get me down as I try everything possible to tame it. Most days, my environment (in every sense of the word) really gets me thinking about whether to chop it all off! That would reduce all the hassles of dryness, frizziness, etc. and criticisms.I am considering cutting my past-shoulder length hair into a mouth-length bob. Judging from the responses to Brandee's message, I agree that it's our own hair, not other's so we can do what we like with it and feel comfortable. But is it really worth it to put up with all the nastiness and comments from people who like short hair? Would anyone talk me out of cutting it short?Long-hair fans of the world, unite!!
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Here's a funny story for you Christine. When I was young my mother would literally drag me to get my hair cut. I grew up during a time when long hair was not only "in" it was mandatory if you wanted to be cool. No one I knew had short hair, and I longed, nay, anguished over being forced to cut mine. I hated myself, hated to look in the mirror and I hated my mother for tormenting me. She would say it was for my own good, my face was too fat for long hair, blah, blah, blah, pick any lame excuse short haired people use for why you should cut your hair. Well, recently my mom came to visit. I hadn't seen her in about 10 years. I haven't cut my hair in twenty years. Everywhere we went, stores, restaurants, at the beach, I do mean everywhere, at least one person and usually two or more during the course of our trip would come right up to me and tell me how lovely my hair was and how much they admired it. This is a regular routine for me, its been happening for years now, but my mothers jaw dropped nearly every time it occurred. I worked it more than usual, chatting about hair tips, offering the Hair Boutique web address, discussing and encouraging as each encounter warranted. My mother said nothing about these encounters, not one word the whole visit, but I know she felt those comments even more deeply than I did and I think for the first time ever was finally forced to accept how much a part of me my hair truly is. Toward the end I think it actually made her mad when people would compliment me. Did I enjoy that? You bet I did! I know it was wrong but I loved every minute of it. Some people don't want you to have that power. It makes them feel insecure. Don't let those people sway you. If you want long hair, you go for it. Try some products just for curly hair, read all Karen's advice, do whatever it takes if long hair is what you want. My long hair heals a part of me that words can't even explain. I don't wear it this way for the attention, its an unavoidable consequence, but the ego strokes can really make your day and all the negative comments will fade into the obscurity they deserve. Accept the hairstyle choices that your friends make as their personal perogative and let them know in no uncertain terms that you expect the same courtesy in return. Long hair isn't for everyone, but neither is short hair and you have a right to your own preference. Exercise that right without guilt, its a very special thing.Good luck with your hair!Very best wishes to all!Dawn
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> Here's a funny story for you Christine. When I was> young my mother would literally drag me to get my hair> cut. I grew up during a time when long hair was not> only "in" it was mandatory if you wanted to> be cool. No one I knew had short hair, and I longed,> nay, anguished over being forced to cut mine. I hated> myself, hated to look in the mirror and I hated my> mother for tormenting me. She would say it was for my> own good, my face was too fat for long hair, blah,> blah, blah, pick any lame excuse short haired people> use for why you should cut your hair. Well, recently> my mom came to visit. I hadn't seen her in about 10> years. I haven't cut my hair in twenty years.> Everywhere we went, stores, restaurants, at the beach,> I do mean everywhere, at least one person and usually> two or more during the course of our trip would come> right up to me and tell me how lovely my hair was and> how much they admired it. This is a regular routine> for me, its been happening for years now, but my> mothers jaw dropped nearly every time it occurred. I> worked it more than usual, chatting about hair tips,> offering the Hair Boutique web address, discussing and> encouraging as each encounter warranted. My mother> said nothing about these encounters, not one word the> whole visit, but I know she felt those comments even> more deeply than I did and I think for the first time> ever was finally forced to accept how much a part of> me my hair truly is. Toward the end I think it> actually made her mad when people would compliment me.> Did I enjoy that? You bet I did! I know it was wrong> but I loved every minute of it. Some people don't want> you to have that power. It makes them feel insecure.> Don't let those people sway you. If you want long> hair, you go for it. Try some products just for curly> hair, read all Karen's advice, do whatever it takes if> long hair is what you want. My long hair heals a part> of me that words can't even explain. I don't wear it> this way for the attention, its an unavoidable> consequence, but the ego strokes can really make your> day and all the negative comments will fade into the> obscurity they deserve. Accept the hairstyle choices> that your friends make as their personal perogative> and let them know in no uncertain terms that you> expect the same courtesy in return. Long hair isn't> for everyone, but neither is short hair and you have a> right to your own preference. Exercise that right> without guilt, its a very special thing.> Good luck with your hair!> Very best wishes to all!> DawnThanks for sharing your story with us. Just wondering if you have any sisters and if your mom also did the same thing to them and what hairstyles doe she/ or they wear today? I am glad you got to show your mom that your hair is very special to you. I know you have touched many lives here with your long hair and hairjewelry. Cher~
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I would talk you out of cutting your hair. I cut my hair from below my shoulder blades to 1/2" all around. A real pixie cut. Everyone around me loved it - except me. Almost as soon as I had cut it I decided to grow it long again. Everyone around me was horrified. They wanted me to keep my short hair. It was more chic, more modern, more urban, more mature - but it wasn't me. And it certainly wasn't easier to take care of. Now my hair is just starting to brush my shoulders and I love it! I am planning on growing my hair down to my butt and with all the information from this board it is healthy enough to do that. When I am around all of the people who don't like my hair longer I wear it up in a twist or french braid it and tuck the ends under. Then there are no comments because they have no idea how long my hair is. I am sure that your hair is beautiful. Enjoy it and ignore all of the comments from the people around you.
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> Actually, the high cost of> salon hair products we use is offset by the low cost> of maintaining long hair.This is something that just struck me the other day, actually. My husband and I were trying to estimate how much we spend on my hair (making a budget...yawn!), and we started thinking about how much a typical person might spend. In spite of the expensive products I use, I don't think they spend any less, because they have to pay for haircuts. I haven't paid for a cut or trim in five and a half years!> Most> days, my environment (in every sense of the word)> really gets me thinking about whether to chop it all> off! That would reduce all the hassles of dryness,> frizziness, etc. and criticisms.If you like your hair, don't cut it! Think about what you can do to control it. Try wearing it up, or braided. Take advantage of the tendency to fluff up, and go for soft, slightly messy styles (the kind my hair won't ever do because it's straight).> But is it really worth it to put up with> all the nastiness and comments from people who like> short hair?I've rarely encountered any real nastiness. Some people are a little negative, but it really isn't that bad. Actually, recently, I've gotten compliments from complete strangers! This has never happened before, but in the past two or three weeks, I've been approached in various places about my hair. I'm not sure what's different now--maybe my hair has just reached a critical length (it's waist-length), or maybe the change in my appearance because of my contact lenses means people actually see me rather than my glasses? I don't know. It's going to take getting used to, since I tend to be nervous around strangers, but it's sort of nice.Laura Janelswanson@sunflower.bio.indiana.edu
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Christine,I myself may not prefer short hair, but I would never dreamof criticizing a short-haired woman in the manner they havecriticized you. The short-haired people who offer(presumably unsolicited) criticism of your choice to wearyour hair long are not respecting your wish to wear yourhair as you like. So they -- and their opinions -- are notworthy of your respect.I also live in a humid climate and I find that using a tinybit of conditioner or oil spread very sparingly on my hairhelps tame the frizzies.You must decide for yourself which is more important: beingwho you are and having what you like, or denying yourself ofwho you are and what you like to quell the external noise.I suspect, however, that the latter might result inincreased internal anxiety.Be true to yourself.Dave
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Hi Kira (and everybody else),I wanted to comment on the notion generally proferred in oursociety's media about the concept of short hair being morechic/modern/urban/mature/etc than long hair.This notion is, in a word, false. In other (and more)words, it is part of a slickly-marketed campaign aimed atselling the desirability of short haircuts. The campaignhas been so successful that even people (such as yourcritics) who don't have any vested financial interest inpromoting haircuts have unwittingly become advocates ofhaircutting "services."Long hair is not promoted as is short hair because stylistscannot give you long hair in a 30-minute salon session (andI'm not talking about extensions).I wish you the best of good fortune in achieving your hairlength goals, Kira!Dave
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> I read with interest Brandee's dilemma. Sharing a> similar experience, I believe having long healthy,> hair can really make a person feel good about> themselves because they know they are looking and> feeling great. Not to mention the compliments one> gets! This is a psychological factor that most> short-haired people don't seem to understand or> empathise (in my experiences). I wonder if such people> are secretly envious? Thereupon they constantly wonder> aloud about the inconvenience and maintenance involved> in the upkeep of long hair. Actually, the high cost of> salon hair products we use is offset by the low cost> of maintaining long hair. And we know the results are> worth every cent!> On the other hand, I am constantly being made to feel> bad about my decision to keep long hair and hate it> when criticised by short haired people around me.> Comments on the frizziness of my hair (through no> fault of mine but the humid climate's) really get me> down as I try everything possible to tame it. Most> days, my environment (in every sense of the word)> really gets me thinking about whether to chop it all> off! That would reduce all the hassles of dryness,> frizziness, etc. and criticisms.> I am considering cutting my past-shoulder length hair> into a mouth-length bob. Judging from the responses to> Brandee's message, I agree that it's our own hair, not> other's so we can do what we like with it and feel> comfortable. But is it really worth it to put up with> all the nastiness and comments from people who like> short hair? Would anyone talk me out of cutting it> short?> Long-hair fans of the world, unite!!chris,i don't have much to interject other than you seem to have a lot of support from this site as well as many suggestions on how to "hide" your long to avoid busy-bodies.what ever you decide to do, grow your hair or to cut it, do it for you. it is the only way you'll be happy. i myself am generally attracted to women with long hair but there are many women with short hair that will turn my head as well.steve
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Christine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:43am
Dear Dawn,Ooohh, I bet you really rubbed it in when your mother was around and you received compliments!! Coincidentally, my mother is a main source of these unsolicited comments on hair and I hope to do the same like you did, one day :)Now I am just wondering what to reply when she says I am 'too pre-occupied' with my hair. Heck, most of us are not that lucky to be born with beautiful hair and we need to coax it into that perfect state. Does that qualify to become a pre-occupation?
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dear Kira,I just had my hair trimmed 1/2" to shoulder length and it already feels 'short', much too short. This is what I mean by a psychological feel-good! I think it is short though some people wouldn't consider it short at my length.When I was much younger, someone cut my hair real short. I remember crying immediately after coming home. It was so short, the head prefect in school reprimanded me!! can you imagine the awkwardness I felt then, except that most people said it was such a great cut with high precision (yeah, right!).my hair doesn't grow as fast as most people so I am swearing off any trims even, till next year. I shall follow your example and tie my hair up so people won't comment too much. Thanks for sharing.Ta!
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Dear Dave,Thanks for the tip on taming the frizzies. I have tried it once before with Apricot E oil, but found my hair was unduly sticky but 'dry' to the touch at the same time.You are right about the increased internal anxiety - I feel it whenever people make negative comments about my hair, but then I tell myself not to be sensitive.Nevertheless, I am very grateful to everybody who has replied to my message and am so glad there are people I can turn to for support who share the same passion as I do.Thank you to everyone. ^_^Christine
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You are such a sweet woman I just love you! Its these kinds of responses that make is easy to share what are really very personal details about one's life. But it feels so good to do that and then find that the stories really connect you to someone else, that they show how much we all share the same needs and desires in life.Anyway, my mom has never had hair longer than her collar and for all of her adult life has worn it about ear length struggling to poof it out a bit with tons of hairspray. I'm the child of a first marriage and my three brothers and two sisters are the children of her second marriage and no, she's never treated my sisters the way she treated me, but they would probably shave their heads if she told them to, its that kind of a relationship. Both of my sisters wear their hair barely shoulder length at its longest and both spend hours on end fiddling with it, curling irons, rollers, sprays, mousse, whatever, very conventional, very fashion forward kind of do's over which they seem to agonize constantly about whether its coming out right and are rarely satisfied with the results no matter how long it seems to take them to achieve the "look" they're aiming for. They all think I'm crazy, out-of-date, radical, just plain stubborn or tormented by the demons of the past and unable to cut the stuff even though I'm too old for long hair as they say. But my hair isn't fashion, its me and so we leave it at that, both sides keeping their opinions to themselves because we know there's no real common ground to stand on regarding the issue. Its grown into a comfortably quiet acceptance over the years. This summer's outings were my moms first real encounter with my daily life and I know the hair thing came as a shock to her but it did feel good to make the point that it wasn't some fad I wanted as a 11 year old, it was an integral part of my identity and she should have respected that years ago. I swear I didn't work it too much, just enjoyed the moments when they came my way! ;)Thanks for your kind words. You always make me feel it was ok to go ahead post this craziness!Very best wishes,Dawn
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Somehow I knew you'd appreciate that story Christine!I think its hardest when its someone close to us that makes such comments because you tend to give them more weight and there's always this nagging feeling that they might be right. All I can say is be who you are, wear your hair how you want regardless of your moms opinions, after all its not her head is it? Fooling with your self image to please others only leads to more anxiety. We're here for you if you need support!And though I know its grounds for an argument, I still think that shorter hair needs more fussing and makes one more preoccupied with it than long hair. With short hair you have to "do" something with it. Long hair does its thing by itself.I wish you all the best in your quest for longer lengths!Good luck!Dawn
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> I think its hardest when its someone close to us that> makes such comments because you tend to give them more> weight and there's always this nagging feeling that> they might be right.The ironic thing is, relatives feel free to say things to you that they'd never dare to say to a stranger, no matter how justified it might be. It's sort of a double blow - they're more critical, and get taken more seriously - and you end up all out of proportion about it.I'm lucky as far as my mother goes. She never gives me a hard time about my hair, unless I mention cutting it. Even then she only says to think about it carefully, because it would take a long time to grow back. She tells me to do it if I'm sure it's what I want, but to leave it alone if I'm not sure.Not all of my relatives (ones I was born with or ones I acquired when I got married) are so supportive, and some are downright nasty. After a while, though, you learn who is slightly (or very) neurotic about which issues, and you just ignore them. Admittedly, it's more difficult when it's your mother.Laura Janelswanson@sunflower.bio.indiana.edu
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Hi everyoneI reiterate Dave's comments on commercialization of short(er) dos. Of course longer hair isn't popular with salons, they don't get you to spend $$$ on fixing it up all the time because you already have tons of options without their help.Too often a commercialized idea becomes *common* knowledge: An idea accepted by the majority that is really a matter of taste and should be left at that. But no, now we have to deal with "Well, everybody knows that people with long hair ... " (shouldn't be over a certain weight ... or shouldn't be over a certain age ... or should have this type of facial shape.)I think people with long hair should have hair. That's all. They can paint it green, they can stand it on end, they can sing songs to it. Hell, we can name it if we want, and put doll clothes on it! ... Jeez, it's a free country, tell them that!OK, so I got nutty there, but it's all to make a point.RunningWild
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"Too preoccupied" for what? Living your life, having fun, holding a job, making friends? Somehow, I have a feeling that this "preoccupation" is not debilitating, and that you mangage to live quite well AND take care of your hair at the same time. I would just say, "Yes, in fact I am preoccupied with my hair. So what?"
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Hello Christine,I just wanted to share with you that when I used to be a short hair female I had dry hair and now I have long hair and its still dry. My point is you might be the type of person that just has dry hair. I learned that the most importantt thing is using a very good shampoo and then usiing conditioners. I also take hair vitamin sot that my hair can grow longer a lot faster. I talked to a lot of people in my profession and I had often heard from a long hair woman that cut her hair that she regretted.I really don't know why you woud want to cut your hair. Lets face it we long hair ladies can change our hair style every day of the week but a short hair lady can't. We can be very creative with hairdos . I believe that you will regret it if you cut it.> I read with interest Brandee's dilemma. Sharing a> similar experience, I believe having long healthy,> hair can really make a person feel good about> themselves because they know they are looking and> feeling great. Not to mention the compliments one> gets! This is a psychological factor that most> short-haired people don't seem to understand or> empathise (in my experiences). I wonder if such people> are secretly envious? Thereupon they constantly wonder> aloud about the inconvenience and maintenance involved> in the upkeep of long hair. Actually, the high cost of> salon hair products we use is offset by the low cost> of maintaining long hair. And we know the results are> worth every cent!> On the other hand, I am constantly being made to feel> bad about my decision to keep long hair and hate it> when criticised by short haired people around me.> Comments on the frizziness of my hair (through no> fault of mine but the humid climate's) really get me> down as I try everything possible to tame it. Most> days, my environment (in every sense of the word)> really gets me thinking about whether to chop it all> off! That would reduce all the hassles of dryness,> frizziness, etc. and criticisms.> I am considering cutting my past-shoulder length hair> into a mouth-length bob. Judging from the responses to> Brandee's message, I agree that it's our own hair, not> other's so we can do what we like with it and feel> comfortable. But is it really worth it to put up with> all the nastiness and comments from people who like> short hair? Would anyone talk me out of cutting it> short?> Long-hair fans of the world, unite!!
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Hi again Christine,I have never heard of Apricot E oil. Is it specificallydesigned for use on hair? You may want to consider tryinga high quality oil. A number of people on the board haveraved about Aveda's beautifying oil.Like many things, it takes a few attempts to figure out howbest to spread the oil. Err at first on the side of toolittle, spread it so thinly on your hands that you canbarely tell it's there, then go through your hairthoroughly. When that is not enough, repeat until it startsto feel (tamed) the way you want.I'm sorry I wasn't clear in my prior post about anxiety. Imeant to say that if you succumb to other people's pressureto cut, they may quiet down, but your sense of "who you are"and "what you like" may become increasingly upset.You have said that you like your hair to be long. So takestrength in your preference, so that when others criticize,their comments won't bother you.Dave
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Christine View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Christine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:44am
dear Diane,Yep, I do have dry hair, but I also have an oily scalp. These days I just wash the scalp and let the suds trickle down the lengths. Anyway I am always messing up the conditioners, and what seemed to be a reputable Goldwell ended up as a cuticle-tightener-acidic-rinse instead of a moisturizing conditioner! Guess I need to stay with that until it finishes till I can get a proper one. Actually, I can't afford to get salon ones (very tight budget with no credit card) so it will be some time till I get my Aveda!!I know I must sound like a complete klutz, but I don't know much hairstyles for long hair (horror!) except for twisting it all up with a hair grip. I have lots of hair clips (metal ones) when they were the rage years ago, and I know lots of people don't like those :) Mine are all of a special brand called Evita Peroni and come in all types of materials and pretty designs: bows/plastic/wood. I have found they do NOT pull my hair out if they are eased out patiently, slowly and gently from the hair.Right now my hair is a little layered so I can't do a French twist or bun yet without untidiness. I'm saving up to buy those special combs that look like claws for my French twist. It will be some time till my shoulder length qualifies for other cool styles.Ta!
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hi Dave,Apricot E oil is oil extracted from the Apricot plant/fruit (not sure which) plus some Vit E mixed into it. The instructions on the bottle are for dry skin and as a lubricant but I put it on my hair anyway :)I think I must've put a tad too much last time, so I'll take your advice and err on the side of too little when applying.Thanks.
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