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Forum LockedI want to cut off my hair, but I'm afraid my husband will hate it!

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Diane View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
I know that your message is directed to Mary but you hit the nail on the head. People have forgotten that it takes two to make a marriage and not this me me me concept. People forgot how love is so special that it needs to grow with respect, love, sincerety. I hope Mary listens to this.>It is because of the kind of thinking stated in this> message that our society has divorces and domestic> violence. I mean, the idea of that, if you are in a> marriage, you do what you want, and to hell with your> partner. If you are single, wear your hair as you> choose, and live with the consequences, which will be> that some men will choose not to date you or do> busines with you. It is their right to do that just as> much as it is your right to wear your hair as you> choose. But if you are married, the rules change. You> have an implied in fact agreement to consider your> husband's feelings in your decisions about your hair,> and everything else. The idea is to find a man whose> feelings agree with yours. But absent that, you have a> duty to consider his feelings, period. No one is going> to be your husband with the expectation that you do> what you wish and to hell with how he feels. A> relationship isn't just for your purposes. It is about> caring for and nurturing your partner, and that goes> BOTH WAYS.> DAVID
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Diane View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
I never said that Mary is selfish. Please do not add words. I believe that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and Mary forgot that. Her husband is expressing his love for his wife and he feels that his messages in not heard so he argues. What I do find very interesting is that this whole topic took a spin and none of us heard from Mary? Have you noticed that?Also Rich when two people give to each other the relationship isn't selfish. That means to communicate and be sincere with your thoughts. As little this hair topic is the main picture is that Mary needs to hear her husband's heart in all this.Yes in a good relationship there is personal growth and room to make mistake and all that is very forgiven when our gestures shows over and over again that we are sincere and we considerered our special person in life. Don't expect all that if the attitude is ":I can do whatever I want as I don't need permission" It has nothing to do with permission. I really don't know what Mary wants from us? Permission to disregard her husband's feelings? To me its very clear. Someone is hurting and everyone hurts when they feel that they are not listened in a relationship.Its to bad that her husband doesn't post his messagae.I been defending a man 's feelings that Idon't even know.> Right on! And what man wouldn't want that kind of> unselfish wife. And what kind of women wouldn't want> that kind of unselfish husband? I could only hope that> a love like the one you described would run a little> deeper. Giving room for personal growth or the room to> make a mistake. After all, I'd hate to have to write a> new ending to "The Gift of the Magi".> Perhaps a hair "prenuptual agreement" is in> order for some. . . She didn't seem all that selfish> in her original post though, don't you think your> being a little too fatalistic? I think they'll work> this out. =)
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Diane View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
> Dave, a well thought out and lucid argument. I was too> harsh and graphic. Oh, well I'll try to be more caring> next time. Its just that this went on,and on and on .> . .> I fatigued, what can I say? Sorry.> But hidden in your response I'd like to point out a> flaw and a possible solution at the same time. I> called no-one a jerk, you see. The shoe had to fit> first. And secondly the description for this> hypothetical man would be (by my own definition) a> "jerk". So don't take that personally. The> attitude manifests itself in many ways. And women are> turned off by it. Finally you brought up the issue of> spectator sports and addiction and not understanding,> etc.> Maybe a compromise is in order? If I can get> permission to cut my hair from you I'll allow you too> (fill in your own answer here)> Stay cool,> RichI can't believe this garbage from you . You tell him you were harsh>. Hell you knocked down your own kind>YOu insulted most men. I thought males stick together like glue. There is no reason to be so rude , YOu have a heck a lot to learn about being kind and wise.
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Dave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
Hi Rich,What a difference a day can make, sometimes....I will admit I was a bit harsh in my reply to you.Sorry. I too was a bit tired yesterday evening.> If I can get permission to cut my hair from> you I'll allow you too (fill in your own answer here)I'm not looking to prescribe haircuts! (LOL)BTW, I wonder if Mary ever resolved the issue withher husband...Peace.Dave
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Diane View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
> Dave, a well thought out and lucid argument. I was too> harsh and graphic. Oh, well I'll try to be more caring> next time. Its just that this went on,and on and on .> . .> I fatigued, what can I say? Sorry.> But hidden in your response I'd like to point out a> flaw and a possible solution at the same time. I> called no-one a jerk, you see. The shoe had to fit> first. And secondly the description for this> hypothetical man would be (by my own definition) a> "jerk". So don't take that personally. The> attitude manifests itself in many ways. And women are> turned off by it. Finally you brought up the issue of> spectator sports and addiction and not understanding,> etc.> Maybe a compromise is in order? If I can get> permission to cut my hair from you I'll allow you too> (fill in your own answer here)> Stay cool,> RichAre suggesting that Dave cuts his hair? I certainly read it that way. What is it with you anyways? Do you have a pair of mad clippers in your possession or what?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JerkyFlea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
You know, I get the distinct impression that if Mary and her husband were to read Diane's deep psychological explanation of the precariousness of their entire marriage and the fragility of Mary's self-esteem, they would have the same reaction I have:"You gotta be kidding me!"How incredibly shallow do you feel their relationship is? She was simply asking how she could cushion the blow to her husband since he likes her hair longer. Diane, you have him leaving her the minute she returns home from the salon, while poor Mary is driven to a state of deep depression of the thought of a haircut. Puh-leeze.JerkyFlea
3 pm is simultaneously too late and too early to start anything.
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Diane View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
I have heard of fleas but what is a Jerky flea? What is your real name? ARe you a male or a female?Secondly you are the one that miss the whole point. My message is about consideration, sharing, caring about the other person's feelings. Not once have I knock down Mary. In fact I totally understand Mary. You on the other hand is trying to start a fight with me and I have no time for fleas!!!!I usually call an exterminator that those things. Now if you want a serious conversation with me, you tell me who you are.> You know, I get the distinct impression that if Mary> and her husband were to read Diane's deep> psychological explanation of the precariousness of> their entire marriage and the fragility of Mary's> self-esteem, they would have the same reaction I have:> "You gotta be kidding me!"> How incredibly shallow do you feel their relationship> is? She was simply asking how she could cushion the> blow to her husband since he likes her hair longer.> Diane, you have him leaving her the minute she returns> home from the salon, while poor Mary is driven to a> state of deep depression of the thought of a haircut.> Puh-leeze.> JerkyFlea
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Rich View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rich Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> I can't believe this garbage from you . You tell him> you were harsh>. Hell you knocked down your own> kind>YOu insulted most men. I thought males stick> together like glue. There is no reason to be so rude ,> YOu have a heck a lot to learn about being kind and> wise.Diane, Since you seem to be the kind of woman who's always intent on having the last word....And now personaly assaulting me on my intent, loyalty to my gender, composure, kindness and wisdom....I'll just let you. Sheesh! In case you haven't noticed this is not the hill I want to die on. =)
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Rich View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rich Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> Are suggesting that Dave cuts his hair? I certainly> read it that way. What is it with you anyways? Do you> have a pair of mad clippers in your possession or> what?Diane, Lighten up.There is not necessarily a hair nazi in every closet!
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Diane View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> Diane, Since you seem to be the kind of woman who's> always intent on having the last word....> And now personaly assaulting me on my intent, loyalty> to my gender, composure, kindness and wisdom....> I'll just let you. Sheesh! In case you haven't noticed> this is not the hill I want to die on. =)I don't understand you at all Rich. Its not important. I ratther communicate with men that believe in long hair anyways.
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Diane View Drop Down
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> Diane, Lighten up.> There is not necessarily a hair nazi in every closet!What I learned from years of experience with men is that when I hear lighten up it means that the male is caught with words.I call a spade a spade and you just happen to come across female that called it.English is not the only language I can read but I know what you were implying in your last message and I caught it. Maybe you don't believe in long hair but stop promoting haircuts . You are certainly not my type of guy alright. I think we will both agree .
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anne View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote anne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> I have heard of fleas but what is a Jerky flea? What> is your real name? ARe you a male or a female?> Secondly you are the one that miss the whole point. My> message is about consideration, sharing, caring about> the other person's feelings. Not once have I knock> down Mary. In fact I totally understand Mary. You on> the other hand is trying to start a fight with me and> I have no time for fleas!!!!> I usually call an exterminator that those things. Now> if you want a serious conversation with me, you tell> me who you are.I for one am with JerkyFea. Please stop the madness!! In the end only you know what you want. Please there is no need to be rude to someone that you do not know. Thank you.
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Dave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
Rich,I can't speak for her, but I believe Diane had reason towonder about your statement. You said, and I quote, "If Ican get permission to cut my hair from you I'll allow youtoo (fill in your own answer here)"The key word here is "too." If you had used "to," it wouldhave made more grammatical sense -- and had one meaning.However, if you meant to use the word "too," it changes themeaning of the sentence, although it would not have been asgramatically correct.I think Diane was wondering if you really meant to say "too"as in "also."It's important to choose words carefully.Dave
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Steve View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steve Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
Amen Anne,Seems like this Diane doesn't understand that people aren't always looking for a fight or wanting to male bash in here.Love has nothing to do with hair and the quicker people realize that its the person inside that counts we would have less divorces and more happiness based on true love. Fickle reasons for love such as appearance can disappear in the blink of an eye.Like the song - "My heart will go on forever".Steve C.
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Rich View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rich Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> I don't understand you at all Rich. Its not important.> I ratther communicate with men that believe in long> hair anyways.I just couldn't resist, it's just like I said isn't it?I dare you not to post a response, can't can ya?
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Diane View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:52am
> I for one am with JerkyFea. Please stop the madness!!> In the end only you know what you want. Please there> is no need to be rude to someone that you do not know.> Thank you.I agree with you 100 % !!!There is no need to be rude as there is not reason to hide with a make up name and attack me . I am not the one that is the attacker.
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Diane View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:52am
> Amen Anne,> Seems like this Diane doesn't understand that people> aren't always looking for a fight or wanting to male> bash in here.> Love has nothing to do with hair and the quicker> people realize that its the person inside that counts> we would have less divorces and more happiness based> on true love. Fickle reasons for love such as> appearance can disappear in the blink of an eye.> Like the song - "My heart will go on> forever".> Steve C.This Diane happen to be a strong believer in honesty, consideration , openess and I have never been a male basher. How long is your hair STeven?Before you pass judgement you should really know a person first. I am one of the most real person around that understands what is true love. YOu like to past judgement on me but all I keep on in my messages was being considerate , communicate with the person that you love and that is the foundation of true love. You for some reason can't seem to be able to read the meaning of my messages and have chosen to attack me which makes me wonder why you are so angry with a total stranger. Not once have I ever attack a female on this site or any sites. I just don't appreciate the fact I need to repeat the same message over and over again as you and JErky flee refuses to try in life and understand the kindness in it.
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Steve View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steve Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:53am
Maybe its just the fact you can't type or spell to get your true ideas across.Remember - I'm from Mars - I can't read between the lines.Marvin the Martian
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Diane View Drop Down
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> Maybe its just the fact you can't type or spell to get> your true ideas across.> Remember - I'm from Mars - I can't read between the> lines.> Marvin the MartianGee thank you very much Steven. I see that is your way of trying to be friends. For your information English is not my first language so I guess I would expect you to have this perfect English.When we really want we can read between the lines. I have often been in situations that I understand another human being eventhought I had no idea what they were saying to me in another language. You just choice to knock me down. It doesn't bother me. I don't need your approval in life. Maybe Mr. Marvin the Martian should try to be nice sometimes.
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