Binge Eating

Demodoll;
Please, please do not blame yourself for you daughter's eating disorder. Sure upbringing has something to do with addiction but I believe that other things like deaths or painful situations, genetics, and school environments have more to do with it. I've been struggling with an eating disorder since I was 13 (I'm 16 now) and my mom has been nothing but wonderful and willing to help me, whatever it takes. There is only so much that you can do and to me it sounds like you're very well informed and very willing to be there for your daughter. I've known girls that have eating issues and they have everything that could ever possibly be given to them (loving family, wealth, friends, good grades and looks), yet somehow they started a vicious cycle of self destruction and they simply can not stop. I'm sorry for writting such a terribly depressing post. I just wanted to say that I hope you don't blame yourself for your daughter's disorder. I wish you the best and if you ever want to talk to someone that's in your daughters shoes or you have a question that a therapist can't answer etc, please also feel free to email me at emgem@surfy.net.
Best Regards,
~ Emily

Dear Deep,
It sounds as though you have an eating disorder that could really affect your health. I have a 17 year old daughter who binges and purges and we have been trying to help her for the past two years. I have never been up against something as baffling and heartbreaking as this and there is no easy answer for fixing it. I see it as an addiction, and unless you are totally committed to stopping and really want to stop, and are willing to work at it almost minute by minute it is very difficult to stop. It is very complex and hard for people on the outside to understand. I feel terribly guilty because as a mother I think I must have done something to my daughter to make her feel so badly about herself that she has to do this. At this point she is totally denying that she has a problem and we are at a standstill. She is seeing a therapist but right now they aren't progressing.

Here is what I know so far. Paxil (the antidepressant) is helpful in at least reducing the need to binge and purge. It controls the impulsive behavior somewhat. Second, it is almost impossible to completely recover from an eating disorder and you need to have a support group you can rely on 24/7. Third, the need to do this is so profound and complex that you need the help of a professional who specializes in eating disorders to work with you. Fourth, unless the person wants to stop they won't no matter what kinds of interventions are tried. Because many people are somewhat successful in controlling their weight this way and like how they look as a result, they will not be persuaded to stop no matter what. You have to desperately feel that you have a problem and be willing to reach out for help and do the hard work to get to the bottom of the problems. It is extremely painful.

If you haven't sought professional help please, please do so quickly. There are several organizations on the internet who can point you to experienced professionals in your area. If you can't afford that, try OA. They are a big help too. There is nothing about the way your body looks that is worth losing your health and even your life over.

And please don't think I am judging or preaching to you. I know you must be in a great deal of pain. Just believe me, there are other ways to deal with it that in the end will make your life so much better. There are no easy answers but dedication and determination will see you through to the other side of this. Don't stop looking for help until you find the right solution for you. You can't do this alone and there are lots of people out there who can and will help you if you give them an opportunity.

I think you may be wrong about how many people know or suspect that you are binging and purging. The behavior becomes obvious to those who are around you pretty quickly. They may just be afraid to confront you about it. It is a very scary thing to be up against as a parent or significant other and sometimes it is easier to just ignore it. If you open up to your boyfriend or your parents, you may find that they knew and just didn't know how to help you. Asking for help is the first and hardest step toward recovery.

Good luck. Stay on the board and let us know how you are doing. Asking here for information is a great step forward. Keep on looking.

I was also active in OA for a number of years, and it really changed my life. I too delved very deeply into the root causes of and influences on my eating behaviors. Some of that was very painful, but it was very helpful. OA helped me to identify certain personality traits that were holding me back, things I didn't like about myself, and gave me tools to use to change these things. All of this in turn helped me to stop overeating. Unfortunately, I did return to overeating after leaving the program but my symptoms have become progressively lighter over the years.

I still carry with me, and apply, most of the things I learned in the program in my daily life. I think the most important thing I learned in the program was this: in conflicts with others, I learned to look at how I have been at fault or how I contributed to causing or carrying on the conflict. I learned not to blame others, but to take responsibility for my own dissatisfaction with people, places and things. This certainly has nothing to do with eating and dieting, but in the program people believe that it's all connected. When I'm living as a good, honest, compassionate person, I'm a lot less likely to overeat.

For more information, check out http://www.overeatersanonymous.com/

Elissa

Has anyone been part of any of the 12 step programs designed around binge issues? If so, did you find that they helped or not?

Cora

Hey, hey.

Okay, here's my tips to not binge eating, and it works pretty well.

1) My triggers to binge eating is that I can still taste the food I just ate in my mouth, and for some reason, I still go onto eat more. It's weird, yeah, but that's what it is. I usually drink a lot of water after, or before, I eat. That way, I feel full, and there's less of a chance that I'll binge eat when I'm already bloated.

2) Just simply avoid the kitchen, and any food that's left out for you to pick at. Go to your room, go watch tv, go on a walk. Keep yourself occupied.

3) Don't ignore your cravings. Chances are when you've binged, your body wanted something. If you have a craving, satisfy it in small amounts. If you ignore it, you're more likely to snap, and eat a whole tub of ice cream rather than just have a cone.

4) Give yourself a nice time interval after you've eaten. Say, five, ten mintues. Let the food go down, and wait and see if you're still full. If you're not, then don't eat anymore. If you are, then continue eating slowly, or until you feel like you're full.

Hope that helps!

~Stinka