Hmm....Fran I'm not really sure what to say here. I agree with most of what you have said and I think you are an intelligent well-spoken/written lady, however.......
I was married at 21 too, and am now 33 (today actually!) so I've spent my entire adult life as a non-single (also counting the years before I was married and just dating my now husband). I have always taken pride in my appearance and I like to look pretty/sexy when I am out with or without my husband. It just makes ME feel good and I am happy and comfortable when I know my hair/outfit/makeup are looking good. I am not at all interested in being with any other men, however I DO seem to attract some interest and I am always flattered when I receive attention from other men (and women). This is understandable isn't it? I mean most people feel good when they are complimented (be it on physical attributes or on their intelligence/personality etc). Of course my husband loves me and always says I'm beautiful etc, but it's also nice to hear it from others.
So am I a bad bad person? Happily married but also happy to be admired by other ppl? I have also admired a handsome face, nice butt etc. from time to time
Anyway, I know that this is a fun and lighthearted topic, but you just had me thinking there......
I think attention from men has a great deal to do with marital
status. I've been married since I was 18 and my husband was
21--well, we lived together starting then, for 7 years before we got
married, but we were married in everything except the piece of paper.
We were college sweethearts . . . So I've been married and not on the
dating scene all my adult life. Which is wonderful, as far
as I'm concerned.
But my point is, if you're not "looking," and totally unavailable, you
just don't ask for that kind of attention from men and they do not give
it to you. As for my husband, he loves me no matter what I look like;
which if you live with someone all your life and under all
circumstances, is a very good thing.
Understand I'm not making any moral judgments--if I were single I'd be
trying hard to find someone. But people of both genders who are
trying to find someone behave differently, and one thing they do is
consciously or unconsciously try to draw attention to whatever
attractive physical features they have.
Fran
letmecount123
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I've always had "nice" hair, I guess... lots of natural (grease? haha) shine to it... so people were always on me about that...
But I get more comments from people that already know me, because I'll wear my hair up for a few days (bun style), and it isn't very thick...so it doesn't LOOK long...and then I pull it down and people go WHOA. Which is funny, because my hair isn't THAT long.
Most of my boyfriends prefer long hair. I imagine it has something to do with getting attention from guys... but there are other aspects about me personality wise that have MUCH more to do with who I date.
I got old enough to be confident and assertive, and now if I ever
disagree with that type of person, however rationally, they put me in
the "rude" box. Get over 40 and people try to put you in the
"old" box--people on the net will make all kinds of statements about
how you look and how out of touch you must be, without ever having met
you or seen a picture. and against all evidence.
What I'm trying to say it, other people have no business whatever
telling you what to do with your hair; short of situtaions like you
work for a restaurant owner and they have to make all employees comply
with health regulations. So you shouldn't pay attention to random
negative comments, and I personally would tell such a person to buzz
off in no uncertain terms. But, on the other hand, trying to
attract public attention because of your hair is also unhealthy
IMO.
Whether the input is positive or negative, your self-image should be
based on your self-confidence and not the opinions of others.
I've grown my hair from shoulder length to just past the bottom of my
bra strap, and have noticed no difference whatever in the way people
treat me.
I think it partly depends on how you act. No offense, but some
people get too obsessed with their hair and are always trying to
attract attention with it--so they get that attention, positive or
negative. For me, my hair is not a big part of my life. I just
quit cutting it and left it up to nature.
On the other hand, some of the way people treat you has little to do
with how you act, and--again, no offense--this is particularly true of
the way women treat other women. Some women are into making
others conform, and they're always trying to put everybody in a
box. When I was a teenager, I was about five pounds over the top
of my weight range, and people were always telling me to lose
weight. So I lost 12 pounds, which put me at the bottom of my
weight range. Then the the same people switched to telling me I'd
"just gain it all back again soon." They wanted me in the "fat" box and
were upset I'd gotten out.
strawberryfine
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It's been really strange; I'll be 50 in January and just got my 3rd (not a very good track record, I admit) divorce and I have had more dates and some very persistent ones at that than I ever did when I was younger and single with short hair. I seem to be getting a lot more attention with my hair longer, but I agree with Anais, I feel better with longer hair and I'm not looking for a relationship, in fact, I am avoiding them for a while and I think attitude and self-confidence is as much a factor as length, but I am very attracted to long hair on guys so what do I know?
SF
But it is flattering to be my age and still get the nice feedback.
strawberryfine
2aFii
12/25.5"/terminal length after reaching "small of my back length"
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Anais..I didn't know you did a henna!!!! When? Good on ya
Sugaree, I HIGHLY recommend henna, not only as a hair dye but as a treatment for your scalp and hair. If you have dark hair, then you would not get alot of colour change (henna does not lighten), but you would get amazing firey red highlights in the sun.....red like you wouldn't believe!
As long as you use body art quality henna, you should not get any reactions to anything. The reason why henna has a bad rep is because alot of the commercially available hennas are mixed with other things and are not pure. The "other things" react badly with some previously chemically dyed hair. But, I would still recommend doing a hair-ball test, even with pure henna.
The benefits of henna are many! Includes:
Amazing colour that NEVER fades.
Reduces hair-loss
Provides a healthy alternative to chemicals.
You can do it yourself and vary the mix to suit you
stronger, thicker, shinier hair
I personally would never be able to grow long hair if I hadn't made the switch to henna.
So, Sugaree, make sure you use only pure BAQ henna. You can get more info from www.hennaforhair.com (I swear, I am not the owner of this site!!!! hehehe)
Here's a picture of my "after" henna next to my "before" henna. My hair is a dark brown. I think the most important thing is to do a strand test to avoid having weird chemical reactions between the old dye and the natural henna.
missrini, your hair colour is nice. What do you think the effects of henna
would be on dark hair? Mine is a dark chocolate colour with some red in
it. What are the benefits of using henna over regular hair dye?
Don't let the man get you down ~ me
1c MC iii Dark Brown, 22" Goal: Waist
missrini
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I'll just add in my comments here...even though I don't have long hair (yet!). I know a lady who has VERY long hair (classic), but it is not in good condition (it's bleached and always looks fried to me). However, she always gets attention because of her hair. IMO it's because of the length of her hair (obviously not it's condition or anything else). So I guess ppl do treat her differently because of her hair.....can't decide whether that's a good or a bad thing though
I have to say though that total strangers stop me on a regular basis and compliment me on my hair colour. I usually start extolling the virtues of henna. I must have bored so many ppl!!! I really should get T-shirts printed........
25 inches as at 1st Nov 06
DaveDecker
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Personally I do think that some people treat you differently
because you have long hair. From experience I have noticed that most men seem
to be more attracted to long hair, not all of course but I think most do. My
boyfriend loves my hair and he would probably be distressed if I talked about
cutting it. But a lot of guys notice you when you have longer hair…amoung the other
things they notice, I don’t know why though.
Because it's aesthetically pleasing.
gossipqueen
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Personally I do think that some people treat you differently
because you have long hair. From experience I have noticed that most men seem
to be more attracted to long hair, not all of course but I think most do. My
boyfriend loves my hair and he would probably be distressed if I talked about
cutting it. But a lot of guys notice you when you have longer hair…amoung the other
things they notice, I don’t know why though.
Bob S
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Before a dog found our home, my wife would get stopped all the time along the street by guys asking if she needed a ride. (Nice folks, I guess, but they never asked me when *I* was alone!) She was basically ignored before she had long hair. Only family members hassle her about its length, esp. a couple of my daughters.
Well, I suppose it's too late, but I hope you changed your mind, Tally. Friends and family always will compliment a new 'do, as they think they must say something if it's an obvious change. But the true indicator, IMO, is what unprompted strangers will say. Oh well, if you view long locks as "trouble", you may as well not have them. All the best, Bob
DaveDecker
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What troubles are you having with your long hair, Tally? We may
have a few ideas about what you can do to address your concerns that
don't involve hacking off a lot of length...
Like Sunsailing, as I started to grow it longer, I struggled with
issues of confidence with the decision to grow long. Anymore, I'd
say the way in which people treat me differently than the usual person
(imagining the short-haired doppelganger) are either that they: (1)
assume I'm a musician, (2) compliment me, or (3) target me for
charity-based haircut solicitations. Sometimes (3) is immediately
preceeded by (2). The most recent (really annoying!) instance on
a recent weekend at a restaurant with a lady friend, we were minding
our own business enjoying our dinner when up walked a woman and stood
there hovering over our table pressuring me to agree to cut my
hair! I tried to be polite but still... the nerve of some people!
Tally
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Over the past 2 years I've grown my hair from shoulder length to waist length and I haven't noticed a difference in the way people treat me, however I have noticed that I get a lot more compliments. When it's shorter often I will get compliments from friends or aquaintances but strangers never approached me. Now that it's long I'll be at a restaurant or the grocery store and strangers will just come up to me with compliments. It's very flattering but honestly not worth the trouble of long hair! Hence I'll be cutting it short again this weekend.
I think it makes a difference if you behave differently after having long hair. Then people would definitely treat you differently because they'd react differently to you as a person. My attitude changed a lot after having long hair, mostly in the confidence department, and felt a lot more feminine. So for example, people may not be treating me nicer than before but I might be more persuasive than before.
When I first began growing my hair, I was very self-conscious of it. I probably acted differently, thus people treated me differently. Now that I've had it long for about five years, I'm much more comfortable with it. I just seems natural today. I don't notice anyone treating me differently. I do dress and act very conservatively, which probably helps. About the only non-conservative thing about me is my hair.
I'm sure women have a much different experience when they grow their hair long compared to men in general. There will always be more people reacting negatively to long hair on men as compared to long hair on women.
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Happily married but also happy to be admired by other ppl? I have also admired a handsome face, nice butt etc. from time to time 
That's always a good thing when you're trying to get some length. Waist length here I come!!
my LJ
gossipqueen wrote:
