Being a lesbian who lurks on these boards I feel obligated to respond before going back to lurkdom. I'm actually happy when people ask such questions as long as the question is honest and not an excuse to gay bash. Here are my two cents.
I can tell you that there are many gay women with long hair, short hair and in between hair. This mirrors hetero women. What I think IS different is that a gay woman with very short hair is more likely to be openly out of the closet. Therefore, someone who is not part of the community is more likely to know that the short haired woman is gay and less likely to realize that the long haired woman is. Being gay is one thing. Being openly gay is another. A discussion of this is complex and doesn't really belong here but I do think looks play a part.
Personally, I started to experiment with short hairstyles before I realized I was gay. After I figured it out I continued to experiment with shorter and shorter styles. I don't know if the two are related. Eventually I found my limit at about crew cut length. With this style I felt ugly and too boyish and discovered that it was still important to me to feel pretty. Looking like a pudgy little boy was not a turn on. My hair is now approaching shoulder length. I don't think you would know that I am gay to look at me. While I am out of the closet to family and friends, I don't advertize my sexuality.
I'll go back to lurking now.
katay
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I'm back from my Honeymoon! Mexico was soooo BEAUTIFUL!! Especially with my loving Husband Steve!!!:)
I read you've decided on keeping your long hair, with your natural curls,;) Sounds great, I wish! But in Puerta Vallarta Mexico, my hair was so full of body and a bit of wave due to all the humidity, wow, vavava voom!! Now I'm back in dry air cold Madison Wisconsin, lol,....oh well:)
Take it easy, God Bless You Sarah! ;)
God Bless,...
Katie
Rosalie
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I was going to let this just subject just drop but I've just got to answer this.
I don't mind if someone says I looked awful with my old haircut, it was ages ago anyway and I doubt I would have returned to that exact style anyway. What I do mind is judging people on their sexuality. Good grief this is the 21st century, what does it matter if someone is gay or straight? Okay I have had lots of boyfriends and I have also had one girlfriend, I might or might not have more who knows? Or I might find a nice man settle down and have kids, who cares? Surely there are more important things going on in the world than if a girl apparently looks like a dyke to some people because she happens to have short hair?
And the other thing is, when I had short hair I got hit-on far more often than now it's long and what's more by MEN!!! So work that one out?!
I am still not having a go at anyone, just giving you my 2 cents worth.
When did I judge someone on their sexuality!? I'm a transsexual so I'm in no position to judge. I really hate when people try to make me out to be a bigot, because I despise bigots more than anything in the world.
Heratic
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If you want my honest opinion, RHG, that picture you posted with short hair was awful. Maybe you could look good with short hair, but that looked like a real knife and fork chop up. Personally, I think red heads look great with longer hair.
I LOVE your honesty . I payed a lot of money to look like that back then . I loved it so much as soon as it was long enough I got extensions . Thanks everyone who's replied! Can we close this subject now, my hair is staying long and it's now very curly, which is "new image" enough for me. Everyone pretty much thought it looks better long, so I've gone with the majority opinion.
fatmoogas
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If you want my honest opinion, RHG, that picture you posted with short hair was awful. Maybe you could look good with short hair, but that looked like a real knife and fork chop up. Personally, I think red heads look great with longer hair.
Heratic
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I am not a hair fetishist, I joined this site for help and ideas for my hair and to help anyone else I feel I can do .
What I would add though is what is wrong with being polite? I don't believe in being nasty or upsetting people, why would anyone want to do that? Maybe I'm just naive or something but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or "vent" just because I don't agree with someone's viewpoint.
Kuroneko
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Honesty is a good policy, though we all have to remember that what, to us, feels like an honest truth may not be held as a universal truth.
And if the fetishists here are "overly polite", we should be glad! I've known many fetishists (on HB and other boards) who didn't even bother with the niceties -_-;;; .
Rosalie wrote:
I'd rather be honest if someone asks an honest question. If you want to look that way fine, but just so you honestly know what it looks like. Most people here are "overly polite" and fetishists(well I suppose I am too but I'm all for all different lengths of hair) so you're not going to get a straight answer from them.
More awesome than a manatee!
Debbie
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I think these are honest opinions.just because its not the same opinion as yours doesnt mean its not honest.
Quote:Rosalie
There's no point saying anything if it HAS to be nice. I'd rather be honest if someone asks an honest question. If you want to look that way fine, but just so you honestly know what it looks like. Most people here are "overly polite" and fetishists(well I suppose I am too but I'm all for all different lengths of hair) so you're not going to get a straight answer from them.
Quote:Rosalie
And redhairedgirl,You are a very pretty woman.I think you could pull off a short cut.Its hard to go by the pic.I just understand how hard it can be to grow your hair out.I get the urge to cut frequently,lol.
redhairedgirl
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I was going to let this just subject just drop but I've just got to answer this.
I don't mind if someone says I looked awful with my old haircut, it was ages ago anyway and I doubt I would have returned to that exact style anyway. What I do mind is judging people on their sexuality. Good grief this is the 21st century, what does it matter if someone is gay or straight? Okay I have had lots of boyfriends and I have also had one girlfriend, I might or might not have more who knows? Or I might find a nice man settle down and have kids, who cares? Surely there are more important things going on in the world than if a girl apparently looks like a dyke to some people because she happens to have short hair?
And the other thing is, when I had short hair I got hit-on far more often than now it's long and what's more by MEN!!! So work that one out?!
I am still not having a go at anyone, just giving you my 2 cents worth.
I was talking to someone yesterday and I was giving her some examples of how these things happen.
Lets say you have 4 people.
2 of them live in one state or country and 2 of them live in another.
One day 2 of them are out on the street walking and one of them points to a person and says "That person looks Dykish"
1000 miles away in the other place the other 2 are also out walking and the same thing happens.
Now consider this. in each place one of the two people has never heard of a Dyke. In one place the person was pointing to a person with a mullet and in the other it was a short cut.
Yes that could happen.
So now you have 2 people who don't even know what a Dyke is supposed to be yet suddenly they have a mental image of what they were told is one. Now they're going to assume everyone with those cuts is a Dyke.
What happens when someday these people are all in the same place? Suddenly everyone with mullets or short cuts are going to be assumed to be Dykes.
You may be being honest but you could be wrong. Oh and think of this. What if Sarah-Jane was one? I do not recall seing anywhere on this site that said No Gay People.
You may be being honest. But you're only showing that you don't like gay people and that if she gets that cut it's going to bother you. And if that's not what you intend unfortunately your words are saying otherwise. I know it's easy to be misunderstood. If you want to clarify what you've said maybe I could understand better. But based on what you said all I can assume is that you don't like them.
My Dad does similar things. He's always bringing up how certain people are always going to be poor or criminals because that's the way they are. I do not agree with him and I wish I could stop him from saying such things. But I know that it's more important that I learn not to judge people. I'm sorry for judging you. But I have to be honest too.
I'm not Gay. But I am trying to change the world and not just keep things going the way they are. Maybe you are too. But my version is different than yours.
Edited by PurpleBubba
Rosalie
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It is an interesting point that Rosalie mentions. Are the majority of women with very short hair (i.e. like traditional "boy" hair) lesbians? Or perceived to be so by onlookers? Or is that too stereotypical an approach?
I only have one close female friend who has properly short hair so it's difficult to know.
It's not the length(I have short hair), it's the style. I think she could look nice with short hair, just not that particular style, or perhaps that particular length. I mainly judge hair by style rather than length. That style in particular looks like one often worn by butch/dykish lesbians, or butch women in general.
There's no point saying anything if it HAS to be nice. I'd rather be honest if someone asks an honest question. If you want to look that way fine, but just so you honestly know what it looks like. Most people here are "overly polite" and fetishists(well I suppose I am too but I'm all for all different lengths of hair) so you're not going to get a straight answer from them.
Edited by Rosalie
Rosalie
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Because it does make someone look that way. I'm only being honest because I doubt you're going to get a lot of that here. I personally think it doesn't look nice at all.
PurpleBubba wrote:
Are we ever going to live in a world where people can wear their hair any way they want without other people putting labels on them?
Why can't we just look at it as a short haircut without saying it makes the person something?
I just think about how for all those years of growing up how I saw all kinds of different people with all different hairstyles. I never looked at someone and thought they were something because back then I never heard of those words. My dad's nickname was Butch. Never conjured images of a short haired female. When is it going to end?
Sarah-Jane your short hair looked good. It may or may not look that good now. There might be other styles that will or won't look good. Your long hair looks good. But it doesn't matter what I think looks good.
I only want you to find what you like. I know you as Sarah-Jane who participates on a message board. I don't know you as gay, straight, or anything else otherwise. And unless you share that information on your own you'll never have to be anything else.
trophywife
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Thanks for that, Kureneko, an interesting perspective. So it does seem as though all these ideas of judging people by their choice of hairstyle, or other aspects of their physical appearance, ARE totally outmoded and nothing more than stereotypical.
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
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I'm kinda antisocial IRL, so I may not have as wide an experience as some people. But the lesbians I've known often had long hair (either consistently, or more often than not), even the ones who identified themselves as "butch" or played the dominant role in relationships.
Also, I am a lesbian with short hair who generally wears pants and seldom any make-up, yet the majority of people seem to assume I'm straight unless told otherwise. Although once, when I was trying to tell a hairstylist I wanted more androgynous hair, he did ask whether I was a lesbian. . . but I think that was the only time I can remember anyone ever questioning me on orientation based on my hair. *shrugs*
trophywife wrote:
It is an interesting point that Rosalie mentions. Are the majority of women with very short hair (i.e. like traditional "boy" hair) lesbians? Or perceived to be so by onlookers? Or is that too stereotypical an approach?
I only have one close female friend who has properly short hair so it's difficult to know.
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