Is it wrong to curl my son's hair?

My daughter directed me to this thread and I thought my experience might be relevant. I've been curling my son's hair, and styling it in feminine ways, for almost 3 years now. Here's how it started:

I have two teenaged daughters, and Blair, my son, is now 11. My daughters and I are all "hair crazy" -- we love having long hair and use lots of styling products, hot rollers, curling irons, etc. Hardly a day goes by when at least one of us is not in curlers. I've always liked long hair on boys and pretty much let Blair grow his hair from when he was a toddler. His hair is brownish-blonde, shoulder-length (and gorgeous). He has never asked to have short hair.

When he was 9 Blair piped up one day and said "How come I can't curl my hair like the girls?" I was taken aback but after a moment said, "Well, you can honey." I explained to him what was involved in curling your hair -- heated rollers, wearing rollers while your hair dries, sitting under the dryer, and so on -- and he said, basically, when can I start?

I set his hair on hot rollers for the first time that weekend, and everybody, including Blair, loved the result. Even my husband admitted that the soft waves were "nice." Blair then asked to wear curls all the time.

I tried to explain to him that it was fine to wear his hair however he wants, and to use rollers and other hair accessories, but that some people might think it was funny or girlish. "I don't care," he said, and I have to say he has never shown much concern about what other people think. Since then I've been setting his hair a few times a week. He wears it in a high ponytail when it's not curled. Gradually he started asking for other styles, and I've gotten him some barrettes and some headbands. After I roll it he often wears his hair pulled back in barrettes or a girl's headband. I set his hair before school, or put it up in a ponytail, or in 2 braids. I'm pretty careful about not having him be seen by his friends in rollers (although a few times he's been out in public in them), but most of the family, including his cousins, have seem him in them.

I've asked the teachers if he gets a lot of teasing at school and they've said that, in general, the other kids have gotten used to it and just accept him. I have not noticed this "warping" Blair or turning him into a crossdresser (although recently, when his sister made the cheerleading squad, he began expressing interest in joining the Pep Squad, which is coed, when he gets to middle school). I have to admit I love it that he takes care of his appearance, and I very much enjoy doing his hair. He gets compliments, usually from women my age, often on his hair. He also gets mistaken for a girl sometimes, which he seems to kind of enjoy. I suspect that he'll turn out to be a crossdresser to some extent and I've talked to a couple of therapists & friends about his hairstyling adventures and, to one degree or another, they all say "Let him be himself."

I think as long as you're careful about separating your motives (enjoying feminine things with your son) from his, you'll be all right. Don't let the way other people think, including your mother, determine your son's personal-appearance choices.  

Good luck and please let us know what you decide,

Traci

As a man who's enjoyed having my hair set (and wearing the resulting styles) for years, I'd like to add my viewpoint: No. 1, obviously you should check in with your son first, and No. 2, if he's up for experimenting with his hairstyle, go for it. It's no more 'wrong' to curl your son's hair than it is to let him grow it out, or to use a blow dryer. They're just styling choices, and having him make moral judgments -- "guys who curl their hair are sissies" -- is far more destructive than letting him make his own choices about his personal appearance. Helping him see that however he chooses to do his hair is fine would be a wonderful thing -- and I can guarantee that you'll enjoy the time spent setting his hair, while he's in rollers, and styling it. 

My suggestion: on an upcoming evening tell him you'd like to have some fun and experiment with his hair, and ask him if he'd like to see how it looks with some body and curl. If he likes his stylist, let him know that she suggested it. Then make it a fun evening, maybe watch a movie together while he's in rollers (even better, roll your own hair too). See what his response is and act accordingly. Have fun!

I will be honest, I didnt read all of that however I think if he wants his hair curled why not? If the stylist has recommended it then she must feel it will look good. So yeah, if he wants it, go for it!