QuoteReplyTopic: Having my boyfriend's hair done: Suggestions? Posted: February 24 2007 at 2:38pm
Hi all! I've been reading this board off and on for a while, but I've never posted. But I have an interesting situation that's arisen, and I wanted to see if anyone has any suggestions. "Hair Politics" seems like kind of a weird place to post this, but I think that the topic is sort of in line with some of the others here. If anyone has ideas for a better forum, just let me know and I'll repost there.
Anyway, I started dating a guy about 6 months ago who has beautiful long hair that falls about 6 inches below his shoulders. It's straight and I guess you'd call the color honey blonde. As my presence on this board can attest, I've always loved hair and hair styling and when we first met, I was so in love with his hair (although I quickly introduced him to good conditioner which has made his hair even more gorgeous!). He has always let me play with and style his hair, even since our first date when he let me French Braid it before we went out to the movies. He's always been a good sport and lets me do braids, pigtails, curls, or even pin it up, just so long as I don't try and make him wear anything too girly out in public (though he will wear his hair braided!).
I should also add that he actually looks pretty good with feminine styles. He's a slender guy (but in good shape!) and his facial features aren't too hard. A few weeks ago he let me put eye makeup and lip gloss on him after I had curled his hair, and he actually looked pretty. But now I'm rambling.
The situation I mentioned is this: For a long time I've wanted to see what Nathan would look like with his hair cut in a nice style. I've also wanted to see what he would look like in a really fancy updo. Unfortunately, both of those things are really beyond my hairstyling skills. So I mentioned it to my stylist Kara who is also a pretty good friend to both Nathan and I. She thought that cutting and styling Nathan's hair sounded fun, but when I mentioned it to him, he said "no way" that it would be embarrassing to go to the salon. So Kara volunteered to come over to my apartment to do it. After a lot of convincing, Nathan has agreed to let Kara work her magic and she's going to come over either next weekend or the one after.
So now the question is, what to do with his hair? What I've been thinking of doing is a style with long tapered layers, keeping most of his length and having the layers angle from around his chin down to the length in back. I think his hair would look gorgeous like that! However, I don't want to give him a style that he can't pull back in a ponytail and pass off as a normal guy long-style. And I especially don't want him to think it's too girly and cut it off. Any advice on that? Or maybe suggestions for other styles that will look really pretty brushed out or curled but can pass of for "normal".
Also, Kara is going to style his hair after she does the cut, and I'm looking for a really pretty updo idea. Any suggestions?
I know it would probabably help to actually see his hair so I was trying to find a picture, but none of the pictures I have of him are really very informative with regard to his hair. Just a bunch of candids from bad angles. Not to mention, he'd probably not want me putting his picture out on the web in this context.
Thanks y'all,
Jenny
Jenny B.
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I agree with the long layers as you suggested. If you are thinking of an updo for Nathan, here are two styles that are partly up and down with curls that might appeal to you both. They are # 17423 and # 17134 from the this sites style gallery. You can do a search by the numbers.
Your boyfriend is certainly lucky to have a gf like you who wants to play with his hair. I would love that.
I love having my hair done at the salon although I can understand his nervousness.
julesyjul88
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I'm not sure there is a way for layers to not look "girly"....sorry but I'am just being honest. I think you'd be better off leaving it alone.He may feel really insecure if it gets messed up or not the way he wants it. Why you so obesessed with his hair? why not do fancy updos and layers to yours?
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Hey if you are both comfortable with it and are having fun, then go for it. You are both consenting adults. It's only hair. It grows back or it can be cut again.
Jenny-B
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I'm not sure there is a way for layers to not look "girly"....sorry but I'am just being honest. I think you'd be better off leaving it alone.He may feel really insecure if it gets messed up or not the way he wants it.
Yeah, I'm kind of afraid of that, i.e., it would be too girly Obviously I care about him and don't want him to be embarrassed about his hair. But he usually wears it in a ponytail anyway, so I thought I might be able to get away with some longer layers without it looking too feminine when pulled back.
julesyjul88 wrote:
Why you so obesessed with his hair? why not do fancy updos and layers to yours?
Those are fair questions I guess.
I do enjoy my own hair, but I tend towards shorter styles--a chin-length bob right now. Shorter styles look best on me I've found. So having a boyfriend with long hair is fun. And really, it's not just my obsession. Nathan enjoys the attention. I know he likes having his hair brushed and played with. It's something we can enjoy together while sitting around the house watching tv or a movie.
As to why I want to give him a more feminine cut..... Really, is there a such thing as a good "masculine" long hair style? His hair is just so beautiful that it screams for a good style rather than the boring mostly-one-length-but-not-quite look he has going now.
But I admit that I do kind of enjoy making him look feminine sometimes. I know that probably sounds weird to most people, but Nathan and I have such a healthy relationship. For me it's wonderful since I have a guy I can do all of those traditional boyfriend things with, but then I can do girl things with him too. And honestly, I think he likes doing girl things with me as long as I don't go overboard. But don't worry about Nathan--he'll put his foot down if he thinks I'm going to far.
So really, the issue at hand is that he's said he'll let me have his hair done in a nice style so long as it can still pass as reasonably normal guy hair when it's pulled back. So I'm looking for suggestions.........
Jenny B.
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That's all you had to say,LOL. You have short hair and have fun playing with his. I can relate.My husband grows his hair long and it is amazing too. I love running my fingers through it and brushing it,although that is as far as it goes. I think the macho long hair style would be the "unkept" look. Or the wild crazy look. I wasnt bashing ya,if you guys enjoy it and are happy,that's all that matters. I dont have any suggestions though...my husband just grows his mop out and it is wavy and thick and massive. There is a pic of him in my hair journal under jul's hair log. good luck with whatever you guys decide.
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So Jenny-B what did you and Nathan decide to do with his hair?
Well, the process isn't moving as fast as I was thinking it would. I haven't really decided exactly what to do yet, and we're having trouble finding a good time for the 3 of us to get together.
Actually, Nathan went and had Kara trim his hair this weekend. Nothing drastic, just a trim to keep it healthy and neaten it up a bit. Well, actually Kara did trim it really straight along the back which has made his hair much prettier already. She tried to talk him into letting her set his hair but he wouldn't go for it with other people in the salon. Too bad.
But he's still willing to get an even more dramatic style if I want him to. And I definitely do. It may just be several weeks before it happens yet. I've been checking out some styles here and have saved a few in a gallery. So here are some of the looks I'm thinking of, and I'd love anyone's opinion on them:
#17361--probably the most realistic of the ones I've picked out. His hair may not end up being quite as long after it's cut, but I like the basic idea, and it seems like it would be passable in a ponytail
#3782--another that seems realistic. A little more dramatic than the previous, but still could be passable. His hair would look sooooo good with layers like that.
#7744--I would LOVE to do this one, but the layers may be too much. It would be such fun to curl too!
#11382--I know this probably isn't realistic at all, but I so wish. His hair is probably thicker than the lady in the picture though.
#16277--obviously this one isn't even remotely possible, but a girl can dream! It would suit him perfectly, but he'd have to start wearing my dresses if I gave him that style.
#17272--I'd never want to cut all of his hair off, but if I did......
Edited by Jenny-B - March 05 2007 at 11:46am
Jenny B.
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Thanks Jenny B for the up-date. Of the styles you noted I like #7744 and #16277 although I'm not sure about the bangs on a guy. Like you, I think #17272 is an awesome short style. Also if he goes back to the salon, pick a time that is quiet to have his hair set. It is really fun to be fussed over like that.
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Hi Jenny, so nice to see you taking an active role in her boyfriend's hairstyle choices. I hope you can get your man into a cute style soon.
Here's a suggestion for a fun, easy updo that you can do at home. I've used this several times on both my daughters and my son for special occasions (seemy post under "Is it wrong to curl my son's hair?"). I call this a messy updo; it's basically just a high, cheerleader-style ponytail with tight curls.
Set his hair in sponge rollers overnight. Maybe get your stylist friend to help put the curlers in. Use a strong setting gel beforehand.
Wait as long as possible before taking the curlers out. If it's an evening event, have him spend the day in them. (this is also a great way to get him used to wearing his hair up in rollers)
Take the curlers out and, without brushing out any curl, put his hair up in a high tight ponytail at the crown of his head.
Spread out the curls so they cover the elastic. I use a few bobby pins tokeep the curls in place, but nothing too formal. Spray liberally.
Good luck and please keep us posted!
Jenny-B
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Thanks for the suggstion. Do you really do your son's hair like that? And he goes out in public wearing it? Does he enjoy that? I guess I'm just a little surprised. I don't have children myself, but I have a couple of nephews I'm pretty close to. One of them has longish hair and he's let me play with it a few times, just braiding it and stuff like that. But I think that if his mother or I ever tried to do anything like that to his hair, he'd flip out!! And I don't think that a team of horses could drag him out in public with hair like that.
As far as Nathan's hair goes, I've done a few things like you suggest with his hair before, but nothing too elaborate. As much as I love hair, I'm not a very talented stylist. And I doubt I'd ever get him to wear curlers overnight. He's a good sport about letting me curl his hair, but I doubt he'd do that.
And he definitely wouldn't wear a style like that out in public. He more or less lets me go wild when it's just the two of us, and he'll wear whatever style I give him for a while so long as no one else sees him. But he's not so daring in public. A French braid is about as far as he'll go normally (although the other night at my friend Amy's house he let us do double French braids then curl the loose ends with a curling iron!).
And that's really why choosing a style for him has been so tough. He's been willing to let me pick a hairstyle that's "pretty", but he doesn't want it to be too obviously feminine. And all of the styles that I really want for him (you can see some of the examples I posted above) would probably be too tough to disguise, even if he wears a ponytail in public most of the time. Besides, I think I may have missed my window of opportunity on this. For a while he was very willing to let me pick the style--he almost seemed excited in fact--but he's been less enthusiastic when I've mentioned it lately. But we'll see what happens. His hair is still long, beautiful, and growing. And Kara still wants to work her magic. Maybe we'll get him in her chair eventually!
Jenny B.
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Maybe you can find a quiet time for Nathan to go to the salon. Surely there is an evening or morning that isn't busy. Then Kara can work her magic on him. You could go to and have your hair done together.
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Yes, I've been setting my son's hair and doing it in feminine styles, at his request, for about 3 years. You can see my post under "Is itwrong to curl my son's hair?" for more. He'sonly worn the updo I describedacoupleof times, once last fall when he was in a cousin's wedding. But I do his hair in rollers a few times a week, and he likes to wearit in girlish styles on the weekends.
As for your bf I think the best thing to do is just be patient with him. Get him started going to your stylist so he's comfortable with her, and let him choose the styles he likes. If you make rollers in his hair no-big-deal, just a part of his routine, I think you'll find he starts exploring new hairdos himself. My son just has his hair all one length to just belowhis shoulders, though occasionally he'll have his bangs trimmed.So he can just pull it back in a regular "guy's" ponytail when he doesn’t feel like having a more "done" style.
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Your son is really lucky to have you help him explore his hair possibilities. When you go to the salon to get your hair and his sisters hair styled does Nathan come too and have his hair done?
BenBlaze
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Hey if you are both comfortable with it and are having fun, then go for it. You are both consenting adults. It's only hair. It grows back or it can be cut again.
Any update on getting Nathan's hair done? As a pretty conservative guy, I think it is very cool that you like to style your boyfriend's hair. My wife has been rather reluctant for me to have anything other than the typical short guy cut. But, if it were me I would go with the 7744 look. I like the look, and it seems like it would work in a ponytail just as easily as straight across the bottom. If that was too much, than I would definitely do 3782. I do think bangs are probably too much.
As for me, my wife has recently said I might look good with longer hair, so perhaps something around chin-length by the end of the year. Perhaps she will be as open-minded as you one day.
Good luck.
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I think you mean my son Blair – Nathan is Jenny-B's boyfriend. & yes, he goes to our salon and Jessica, who does my hair, has done his hair on rollers a couple of times. He usually just goes for trims. He's not all that eager to be seen in 'public,' even in a salon, in rollers. I'm pretty anti-perm cause of the damage it does to your hair ( I had a couple of bad experiences in my college days ) and we all like the flexibility of either curling or not curling our hair on any given day.
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No, not really. To be honest, I've kind of laid off asking him about it. I think maybe I was starting to bug him a bit by talking about it too much and I'm pretty sure he thought I was becoming a bit obsessive. Perhaps I was. And the most important thing is that he's comfortable--I don't want to goad him into anything he's not OK with. So I'm just letting it go for now.
The good news is that he's not thinking of cutting his hair off or anything. In fact, he seems pretty cool with the idea of continuing to grow it. Which is obviously fine with me. He's actually been getting a lot of positive comments on it lately (and it is beautiful) so I'm hoping that will encourage him. Maybe if I can't have his hair done in a really pretty style I can get him to grow it out super-long. It's really long already (close to mid-back) but I think it might be fun if it were longer.
Or maybe I can get him to grow it really long AND finally talk him into the style. Ahhh, a girl can dream
But I still have a great time with his hair. Actually, I have a pretty funny story from this past weekend. He'd kill me if he knew I were telling this but......well, internet anonymity is a great thing!!
Last Friday night we stayed in for the evening over at my house and just watched a couple of movies. A lot of times when we watch movies, he'll sit in the floor and I'll sit behind him and play with his hair. Just brushing or braiding and stuff. Well, one of the movies was pretty much a chick-flick (Under the Tuscan Sun--I don't recommend by the way) and I made a joke that this was like having a slumber party. Well, I kind of kept going with the slumber party joke and eventually talked him into letting me put his hair up in curlers since I told him that's what we do at slumber parties!! (Don't worry, I didn't make him suffer through facials or talk about boys or anything like that, but he is avoiding sandals right now after his pedicure and I'm not letting him take off the polish!!) Anyway, I dragged out my hot roller set that I haven't used in several years and went to work. He wore them until right before bed--I couldn't talk him into sleeping with them, and really, I can't blame him. When I took out the curlers, his hair looked amazing! Until now I've only curled his hair with a curling iron and this was soooo much better. Unfortunatley I didn't use spray or gel or anything--just dampened his hair a little--and his hair is pretty straight and doesn't really hold curl well. So by the next morning, all of those curls were pretty much destroyed
The good news is that he actually seemed to enjoy it sort of. Oh, he complained some but he probably felt like he needed to complain since 23 year old men aren't supposed to enjoy having their hair curled. But I think he secretly likes being fussed-over and I don't think he'll mind doing it again soon, and next time I'm going to make sure I get to enjoy those curls for a while.
As a pretty conservative guy, I think it is very cool that you like to style your boyfriend's hair.
Thanks for that. It makes me feel like he and I are a little less weird. But I enjoy his hair so much, and I think he does too. But the internet is really the only place I can talk about it. It's not like I can go around telling my friends--and especially not Nathan's!!!--things about me curling his hair this weekend. Actually, some of my friends would probably think it was cute or cool, but they also probably wouldn't keep it to themselves, and eventually it would end up embarrasing Nathan.
But, if it were me I would go with the 7744 look. I like the look, and it seems like it would work in a ponytail just as easily as straight across the bottom. If that was too much, than I would definitely do 3782. I do think bangs are probably too much.
Thanks for the suggestions. Yeah, I really, really like 7744. I think that it would be perfect for his face shape. But too feminine? Maybe you're right about it being pretty inconspicuous in a ponytail......
The bangs aren't really a serious possibility obviously. Actually, I'm not even sure he'd really look good with bangs. But I just love that look--long hair with wide, blunt bangs.
As for me, my wife has recently said I might look good with longer hair, so perhaps something around chin-length by the end of the year. Perhaps she will be as open-minded as you one day.
Good luck to you and your wife on this. Obviously you can do what you want with your hair, but the type of enjoyment Nathan and I get from his hair really only works when both people are into it. But maybe if she thinks you might look good with longer hair, she won't mind you giving it a try and then see if she warms up to it. But watch out--it's addictive!! You may find yourself with a head full of curlers if you're not careful.
Edited by Jenny-B - May 10 2007 at 9:38am
Jenny B.
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I think you mean my son Blair – Nathan is Jenny-B's boyfriend. & yes, he goes to our salon and Jessica, who does my hair, has done his hair on rollers a couple of times. He usually just goes for trims. He's not all that eager to be seen in 'public,' even in a salon, in rollers. I'm pretty anti-perm cause of the damage it does to your hair ( I had a couple of bad experiences in my college days ) and we all like the flexibility of either curling or not curling our hair on any given day.
Traci, you seem to have a very interesting relationship with your son.
I haven't looked at your other thread (didn't see it when I scrolled back through the old threads) so I don't know what you've said about it before. But, like I said before, I don't really know that many boys who are really into that. You didn't mention his age, but I'm guessing he's pretty young? While it's true that my boyfriend enjoys having his hair done most of the time, it's really only beacuse it's something he and I can do together. I don't think he's too into the actual styles themselves.
Do you think maybe it's just a phase your son is going through or something? Or maybe he's just young enough that he doesn't care about social norms? And I'm really curious how his sister feels about it. And actually, what about your stylist? I know my stylist would love to get her hands on Nathan's hair for more than just a trim, but we're all pretty good friends already so it's kind of a running joke between the three of us.
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