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Having my boyfriend's hair done: Suggestions?

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Originally posted by Traci_cheer07 Traci_cheer07 wrote:

 I think you mean my son Blair – Nathan is Jenny-B's boyfriend. 

 

Hi Traci,

 
I WAS actually referring to Jenny-B's boyfriend, but I think it is kinda cool that you have that kind of fun with your son as well.  I can understand his lack of eagerness on being in 'public'/salon in rollers, but I could probably get through it with a bit of fear of embarassment.  I kind of felt that way when my wife took me into a salon the first time for highlights.  I can only imagine that curlers would be even more intense.
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Hi Jenny-B, thanks for your interest.

 

My original post is  on this page:

 

http://talk.hairboutique.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=44251

 

Scroll down about 2/3 of the way.

 

Yes, I do have a unique relationship with my son, and I'll admit I love  doing his hair and having him be somewhat feminine (tho not effeminate, if you see what I mean). His sisters are pretty blasé  about the whole thing to tell you the truth – when they have friends over and Blair's hair is in braids or whatever ( like I said he's still pretty shy about being seen in rollers ) they just kind of roll their eyes and say 'Oh that's just my gay little brother.' The fact is they love him and we've talked about supporting this part of his exploration. (Naturally they're extremely picky about him not using their hair accessories etc. so I've made sure he has his own rollers and headbands and so on.)

 

His middle sister is a cheerleader (& as you can tell by my username I'm a former cheerleader  myself, I spent my summers in college teaching at cheer camps) and Blair is now VERY interested in cheering himself at some point – there's a cheer clinic at a gym this summer for girls who are thinking of trying out and we're considering letting him sign up (I've talked to the director and she said he'd be welcome, they've had one or 2 boys go through the clinic before. He would have to wear the same outfit as the girls: cheer T-shirt, gym shorts, high ponytail, pompoms and sneakers). I don't know if this is just a phase or not – I suspect he'll be either gay or a crossdresser to some extent but I try not to worry about it. Some of my friends who are mothers think I'm nuts but I've consulted a couple of therapists and they say I should just let him be who he is, while trying to caution him and keep him from getting  his feelings hurt. Frankly I worry more about the next few years when he's in middle school – right now he's pretty much accepted at school from what I can tell.

 

I think it's super that you managed to get your BF in hot rollers! I'm glad you (& he, I take it) loved his curls. Yay! Tongue Like I said, once he gets used to regular roller sets I think you'll find he enjoys them. Most men secretly love to be pampered & have their hair and nails done and I think it's really important to let them show that side of their personality.

 

(Oh yeah, my stylist: Jessica has been really terrific through this whole process with Blair experimenting w/his hairdos, and he gets fussed over and encouraged so much when he goes to the salon that he loves going. It's another thing I get to share with him!)

 
Please keep us posted,
 
Traci
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Originally posted by Jenny-B Jenny-B wrote:

 
(Don't worry, I didn't make him suffer through facials or talk about boys or anything like that, but he is avoiding sandals right now after his pedicure and I'm not letting him take off the polish!!) 
 
 
Thanks Jenny-B.  I had to laugh.  My wife dragged me into a nail salon for dual pedicures once, but I did not leave with nail polish on.  Although, I had to admit later that the spa treatment, massage, and stuff was definitely worth the risk of embarrassment.  I think my wife subconsiously would like to do more things like you and your boyfriend, but we both come from very conservative backgrounds.
 
 
Quote
The good news is that he actually seemed to enjoy it sort of.   
 
It sounds to me like he probably does enjoy it.  I think guys run the full spectrum on this, where some guys wouldn't want anything close to that sort of thing, and I think there are probably many that would complain some because they don't think society would approve.  But I think it might be suprising on how many would willing accept and even enjoy being fussed over by thier girlfriend.  Although I completely understand the guy code and the fear of what a guy's friends might think.
 
Quote But maybe if she thinks you might look good with longer hair, she won't mind you giving it a try and then see if she warms up to it. 
 
I have actually been letting my hair grow out since really January, from the clipped in the back and above the ears look that most guys have.  My hair grows very quickly.  I had to get it trimmed when my wife thought I started to look like a sheepdog, but it is probably longer now than when I last got it trimmed.  And it was only in the last couple of weeks that she thought that I might actually look good with longer hair.  My challenge, as the shagginess returns, is finding a style that I can get it trimmed to that she might think looks good as well as keep letting it grow out.  Her biggest concern seemed to be that it was too shaggy.  Do I keep trimming it like a bob as the layers grow out, or just let it keep growing?  Any suggestions on a style? It is currently about 4 inches on top and 2.5 inches around the bottom, just below the collar in the back.  And it is fairly full, but more fine than thick, straight hair.
 
Quote But watch out--it's addictive!!  You may find yourself with a head full of curlers if you're not careful. 
 
Lol.  I could think of worse things.  But, I will keep my eyes peeled.


Edited by mystic - May 16 2007 at 7:17am
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hai friends
 
this is vivek. last week myself and my wife went to our sons pre-school , where i won a lot of admiration for my long hair from both men and women. And at the end of the inaugural function, my wife requested , whethere she could dress my hair up for the day. I agreed to it as i love someone setting my hair . she is actually very good in that.  She washed my hair with shampoo. Since my hair is quite long( 32 inches ) with good volume, it requires a lot of patience. She then applied oil and then said that she would like to see my hair in plaits /braids. I said yes but not in public. I usually sport a long pony tail or a highbun as i had to keep the hair secure because of my dayjob. She applied french braids and then ringlets and she really enjoyed it , i also too. So i think that it all depends on the individual and not the gender. I have always felt that if you  r confidemt u can have ur way in any style
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Hey guys.  I was directed back to this thread when I got a reply notification and then I realized that mystic asked a couple of questions that I never replied to.  Sorry mystic!!
 
So he asked....
 
Originally posted by mystic mystic wrote:

Do I keep trimming it like a bob as the layers grow out, or just let it keep growing?  Any suggestions on a style? It is currently about 4 inches on top and 2.5 inches around the bottom, just below the collar in the back.  And it is fairly full, but more fine than thick, straight hair. 
 
It's hard to give a really informed answer without knowing what your hair looks like exactly, but I'd say that since your wife sounds more worried about your hair being shaggy than it being long, you couldn't go wrong with the bob as your hair contiues to grow.  Long bobs are one of the few styles that are really unisex.  They are neat and simple and, for the most part, "acceptable" for males in western society except with the most conservative of folks.  But long bobs can also be very pretty and can be dressed up with curls, braids, clips, or other hair ornaments. 
 
I heartily advocate bobs.  I've been wearing them for the last several years myself, though the exact length and style have fluctuated considerably. 
 
So how is the hair growing going mystic?  Is your wife warming up to it at all?  If your wife has dragged you with her for pedicures and the spa treatment, I'd be surprised if she wouldn't appreciate you having longer, prettier hair.  It's a good thing I don't know your wife.  I'd tell her that next time she drags you out for a pedicure that she needs to make sure that you come back with those toesies polished !!Wink
 
Originally posted by vivek vivek wrote:

 
this is vivek. last week myself and my wife went to our sons pre-school , where i won a lot of admiration for my long hair from both men and women. And at the end of the inaugural function, my wife requested , whethere she could dress my hair up for the day. I agreed to it as i love someone setting my hair . she is actually very good in that.  She washed my hair with shampoo. Since my hair is quite long( 32 inches ) with good volume, it requires a lot of patience. She then applied oil and then said that she would like to see my hair in plaits /braids. I said yes but not in public. I usually sport a long pony tail or a highbun as i had to keep the hair secure because of my dayjob. She applied french braids and then ringlets and she really enjoyed it , i also too. So i think that it all depends on the individual and not the gender. I have always felt that if you  r confidemt u can have ur way in any style
 
Thanks for the story vivek.  Sounds like you have lovely hair and both you and your wife understand how much fun your hair can be for both of you.  Keep challenging those gender-norms!!  The world will be a better place when everyone just learns to realax a little and enjoy themselves.
 


Edited by Jenny-B - June 18 2007 at 1:42pm
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Originally posted by Jenny B Jenny B wrote:

 
So how is the hair growing going mystic?  Is your wife warming up to it at all?  If your wife has dragged you with her for pedicures and the spa treatment, I'd be surprised if she wouldn't appreciate you having longer, prettier hair.  It's a good thing I don't know your wife.  I'd tell her that next time she drags you out for a pedicure that she needs to make sure that you come back with those toesies polished !!Wink
 
Thanks Jenny B for the reply.
 
The growing out is.....well going slowly.  My wife is kind of funny.  Some days she thinks I look good with the longer hair and is up for going to get pedicures and such, and then other days she just wants me to have the same spikey fade haircut I sported forever.  At her request, I got it trimmed 3-4 weeks ago more than I would have liked.  It was getting shaggy again and probably needed to be shaped a bit, but the stylist pretty much whacked off all of the hair around the sides and back.  I was ok with a little trim around the bottom, but I wanted to keep the length on the top and continue letting it grow out in a bob.  It was going fine, until she started "blending" it.  So I was not too happy leaving. 
 
Actually, my hair is about where it was before it was cut.  My bangs go down to about the middle of my nose, about 4 inches, and that is pretty consistent with the top of my head as well.  But, just above my ears and the nape have only recovered to about 1-1.5 inches.  I guess I didn't give they stylist a good idea about what I really wanted. 
 
I am completely gun shy of going in for a trim now, because all the stylists seem to want to keep the entire back short or "blended".   I guess maybe a picture would help? 
 
My hair is really straight and there are a lot of them.  The stylist said that my hairs have a lot of structure for whatever that means.  The hairs aren't that thick, they just like to go where they want to go.  My bangs pretty much fall down in my face despite any gel that I may use.  Without gel and drying my hair on a cool setting, my hair would pretty much look like a bowl cut.  I currently part it on the side.  I think that I look better with a side part.
 
Anyway, I hope to break the cycle of let it grow to shaggy, trim, and sadness because they trimmed to much.  Hopefully, I can break through and get the hair that I want.
 
But I will say, I feel pretty confident that there will be no painted toesies in the near future. LOL
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I know how you feel Mystic. I went for a 'trim' and next thing you know I could have joined the Marines. Seems like no matter what you tell them they have their preconcieved notions of how a guy should have his hair. i have read some awsome comments in here about women who enjoy helping their guy look the way they want. i just want to say that those guys need to thank their lucky stars that they found such a woman.
As far an a pedi is concerned, my wife says yes to it today  no tomorrow paints my toes the next day and instsits I take it off the next. I have been talking about getting an earring and that is just plain 'NO".
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thanks jenny for the reply. As u said we enjoy our hair even though there is no conscious effort to bend the gender rules. In fact, when my wife wanted to have my mousch and beard shaved off, i thought for a while and then said yes. This was when my son went to school and both of us were alone. She shaved my beard and mousch and experimented my hair with a lot of feminine styles. Initially i was a bit reluctant but then i took it sportingly and enjoyed the process too.  Imagine a guy with a long hair almost upto the waist and without mousch and beard and with all possible feminine hair dos. My goodness i could not beliieve the way by which i got transformed in my looks. The hairdos ranged from braids, ringlets, two pigtails and plaits. Actually i rarely use hair clips or hair pins, except in the week days to keep my hair secure because of my day job. But she experimented my hair with a variety of clips and actually to be honest i was more comfortable with the clips than without it. In fact i would also like to tell u that i dress her hair almost daily.
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Jenny-B,
 
I've had very long hair for several years now and have been thinking about  a change (but I still want to keep most of the length). Some of the styles you listed are great.
 
#17361 - That wouldn't be much different than the blunt cut he has now. It would look exactly the same in a pony. This would be a good gradual approach to later styles.
 
#3782 - I've always liked this picture. I think I could do something like that.
 
#7744 - I would love to have that cut and style! It would be great to actually have a style. I wonder what it would look like pulled back?
 
Here's another one you might want to consider for your BF. What do you think?
 
 
Besides the #3782 and #7744 above, I'd consider the following one for myself.
 
 
Have you at least had your stylist/friend come over to have fun with an updo? It sounds like you'd both have fun with it.
 
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Originally posted by Sunsailing Sunsailing wrote:

I've had very long hair for several years now and have been thinking about  a change (but I still want to keep most of the length). Some of the styles you listed are great.

 

Hey SS!  Thanks for the response.  Is that your hair in your signiture (I'm assuming that it is)?  Very lovely.  A girl like me would go crazy over that!  So you're thinking about some of these same styles huh?  Hey, more ammunition to use on the ol' bf Wink--at least one or two other guys are interested in having nice hair!

Originally posted by Sunsailing Sunsailing wrote:

#17361 - That wouldn't be much different than the blunt cut he has now. It would look exactly the same in a pony. This would be a good gradual approach to later styles.

#3782 - I've always liked this picture. I think I could do something like that.

#7744 - I would love to have that cut and style! It would be great to actually have a style. I wonder what it would look like pulled back?

Seems like we're of pretty much the same mind about those styles. The first two are pretty conservative layered styles that really won't be too different that his current cut and I could probably get him to go for that pretty easily.

#7744 is just simply lovely. I'd love to get him to do it. Actually, after looking at that picture again, I saw down at the bottom that the girl in the picture is JoJo--a teen pop star of sorts. I'd heard of her but didn't really know much about her (teen pop not really being my thing). But I looked up some pics of her on Google to see some of her hairstyles. Wow! She has some amazing hair in some of those pictures. And the thing is, her face shape seems to be similar to Nathan's so he'd probably look good in most of her styles. But I think telling Nathan that I'd be basing his hairstyles on a teen pop queen would patently not be a good idea. I'm thinking that I'll at least have to tell Kara (my friend and stylist extraordinaire!) about the JoJo thing. I'm sure she'll find that amusing and may find some good ideas if we ever do manage to talk my BF into getting a real style.

Originally posted by Sunsailing Sunsailing wrote:

Here's another one you might want to consider for your BF. What do you think?

http://www.prohairdesigner.com/images/2April%20May%202%20070016.jpg

Besides the #3782 and #7744 above, I'd consider the following one for myself.

http://www.prohairdesigner.com/images/Sammie%20after%201.jpg

 

I like both of those, though I think I like the first one better.  It sort of falls along that same long-layered theme.  Although one of the key elements to that first style are the great highlights and I'm pretty sure Nathan would not go for having his hair highlighted!  But both styles look sorta unisex and could look right on a stylish guy or be a nice girl's cut. Kind of reminds me of some of the 80's metal guys' hair whenver they didn't have it all teased out.

 

Originally posted by Sunsailing Sunsailing wrote:

Have you at least had your stylist/friend come over to have fun with an updo? It sounds like you'd both have fun with it. 

 

Nope.  Haven't done that either.  The only contact Kara and my BF's hair have had has been in the salon where she works and he hasn't really gotten more than a trim except for getting that blunt cut.  And the blunt cut has grown on me a bit.  It's very sleek and pretty when it's all brushed out.  However, Nathan and I did run into Kara at one of the bars that we go to pretty freuqently and ended up sitting with her for a while not too long ago.  I was hoping that maybe she would bring up the subject of doing Nathan's hair but the only comment she made about his hair was that he should take it out of the ponytail he was wearing b/c it was too pretty to not show off.  But that was it. 

 
I've done some updos on him myself a few times, but I'm not particularly skilled at the art of the updo.  So I can't manage much besides a French roll or just using the curling iron and then pinning parts of it up.  It's fun, but I'd like to see him with a real professional updo, like he was going to a prom or wedding or something (God, he die if he saw that last bit!). 
 
But I'll keep you guys posted.  I'm still confident that I can get him to go for a new style.  It's just that the momentum has sort of died down from when I initially sat down and began this thread.  Maybe it's time for me to put some pressure on again!!

 

 



Edited by Jenny-B - July 05 2007 at 9:11am
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Jenny-B,
I DEF think its time for you to start putting on the pressure again!!! Why dont you just bring it up and tell him that Kara brought it up and is interested in doing it.. Then start talking styles so you can at least get an idea of what he would be open to..
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Jenny-B
You definitely need to increase the pressure if you really want to do this.
Have you asked Kara over so she could do his hair in the privacy of your own home? Your boyfriend may be much more comfortable with that and let her do some updos.
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Well, nothing really interesting to report other than that I brought up the subject of Nathan having his hair done a couple of nights ago when we were hanging out.  The good news is that he seems cool with the idea of getting something a bit more stylish again.  As I mentioned at the beginning of this thread, he seemed pretty cool with the idea before--almost excited at some points in time--but the momentum sort of died out, mostly because I didn't want to weird him out, so I just sort of didn't bring it up for a while.  But it appears that I have some momentum again.......

So now I'm more or less back to my original question:  which style?  You guys have given me some good ideas and opinions (though I'm certainly open to new ideas!!) now the challenge is a) to pick the style, b) to get him to give it the OK, and c) to actually get him to sit down in front of the stylist. 
 
I also gave Kara (my stylist) a call and mentioned it to her again.  Actually, I really called her to set up an appointment to have my own hair cut next week, but I mentioned Nathan and she said that she was still pretty keen on working with his hair again so I think we're going to grab some coffee after she finishes my hair and talk about it.  I'm bringing my laptop and I'll show her some of the styles we've been bouncing around here.  I'm sure she'll also have some ideas of her own.  And I let her know about Nathan's rule about him being able to look like a normal guy with a ponytail, so she'll be picking some styles with that in mind.  Of course, she's made the comment a few times that his hair is too nice for the simple long, straight style he currently wears, so I'll have to make sure that she doesn't get carried away.  The blind leading the blind!!  LOL
 
Anyway, I guess the reason I posted this update was just to say that something will probably transpire soon.  And to see if anyone else had any suggestions for styles that I should bring to the conversation next week.  So if you have some good ideas, fire away!
 
And a couple of you have asked about the whole updo thing that I mentioned a couple of times.  Well, the quick answer is that I don't really think I'm going to pursue that.  The simple reason is that this hairstyle business is probably strange enough for my poor BF and I don't want to completely traumatize him.  While he lets me do a lot of things with his hair, he's been very wary about anyone else seeing him with a girlie do.  He's let a few of out friends braid his hair or put barrettes and clips in it.  He let me and my friend Amy do his hair one night recently when we were drinking at her house.  And then once when his stepsister came to visit (again some alcohol was involved) she said his hair would look great curled and I mentioned that I'd curled it a few times (understatement!) and then we both ganged up on him until he gave in and we attacked him with two curling irons at once.  But all of those situations have been pretty private with people we know really well.  So even if Kara would volunteer to come over to my house to do Nathan's hair, I'm not sure he'd be cool with the updo thing.  So I'm not going to push that issue. 
 
Anyway, I'll keep you updated.  And give me some ideas if you have them!!


Edited by Jenny-B - July 12 2007 at 1:00pm
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Hi Jenny B.
 
Have you seen Kate Mara's hairstyle?   I was watching the movie "Shooter" last night and thought you might like her hairstyle.  It seemed to me to be similar to the style #7744, which is still my favorite of your original suggestions. 
 
I looked at pictures of Kate Mara in the gallery here, but they really don't do her style justice compared to the look in the movie.  There are some screen captures at this website:  http://katemarafan.com/
 
And actually the pictures right at the homepage there look pretty good.
 
Just so you know, I had no idea who Kate Mara was before last night.  I actually had read the book by Stephen Hunter that the movie was based on.  Not a bad movie, really.
 
Keep us posted.
 
Mystic
 
 
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Hey Mystic.  Good to hear from you again.  How is your own hair-related saga going on?  Still growing out that hair and is your wife liking it?
 
Thanks for the style suggestion.  I wasn't familiar with that actress either but she does have great hair.  I checked out some of the pictures on the web site and it does seem to follow the long-layered theme I've been gravitating towards, although her cut seems like it may be less dramatic than #7744 (which could be a good thing).  She looks like she has her hair curled in most of the pictures I saw which obviously ups the feminine quotient quite a bit, but the bf could probably very easily sport the non-curly version in public without embarrassment.  A very good suggestion indeed.......


Edited by Jenny-B - July 16 2007 at 11:20pm
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Originally posted by Jenny-B Jenny-B wrote:

Hey Mystic.  Good to hear from you again.  How is your own hair-related saga going on?  Still growing out that hair and is your wife liking it?
 
 

Hi Jenny B,

 

Yes, I’m still letting the hair grow.  I haven’t had it trimmed since the last debacle about 8 weeks ago.  My wife hasn’t said much either way lately, but I think my hair is entering that awkward/shaggy stage.  My bangs are probably within a ˝” or less of the tip of my nose and are rather annoying when I am running or exercising.  But, I wish the rest were as long.  In the back, the crown probably still only comes down to slightly below the top of my ear and below that it is all about 2 inches with the nape looking a little scraggly, thanks to the last “trim”.  The sides (from the crown) are starting to creep over the ears, and if I squint real hard, I can almost imagine the beginnings of a bob.Wink  Actually, it could probably use a trim (very slight) and some styling, but I think I am going to hold out until the end of August if I can.  I would love to have it styled, but I fear the trimmer.boxer

 

My wife will likely get tired of it before the end of August.  Heck, when she lets her hair grow out, it seems like she gets it cut all the time just because she gets frustrated with it until she finally has that resolve to get through the bad hair days.  Hers is getting fairly long now.  Me going through bad hair days isn’t a concept she has had the resolve for yet, but you never know.  One day at a time.whistling

 

Until then, I eagerly await the results of Nathan’s new style.

 

Good luck and take care

 

Mystic

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SharonOl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 22 2007 at 2:34pm
Hi Traci,
 
I hope you are still checking in on this thread once in awhile. It's been a couple of months since you posted anything. I am new here and a latecomer, but was interested in your experiences with you son Blair.
 
You mentioned in your last post that he was planning on attending cheerleader camp. Did he do so and if so, how did it work out?
 
The main reason for my post is because of something you said in an earlier post. You described a very girlish updo that you had given your son and that he took part in his cousin's wedding wearing it. What role did he have and how was he dressed? How did it all work out?
 
 I am blessed with a wonderful son who just turned 12 and a delightful daughter who is nearing 14. Like your Blair, my son has long hair.It is a beautiful auburn coloer and extends past his shoulders. He likes wearing it long and doesn't mind taking the time care for it properly and the occasional teasing he gets about it. Like you, we have experimented with various styles, some of them rather feminine.
 
The reason I am curious about the wedding is that my kid sister is getting married in December. I am to be her Maid of Honor and she wants both of the kids in the wedding party. Both of them are very enthusiastic about being in their Aunties's wedding because she has been like a second mom to them. The problem is where should my son fit in? My sister would like them both to be in the bridal party with her to make it an all family affair. I don't think my son would have a problem with this, nor do I, but the question arises; how should he be dressed, especially with his long hair?
 
I would be very interested in your experience and any thoughts you might have.
 
Sincerely,
 
Sharon
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Hi Sharon, thanks for your interest. This will be a super-long reply, hope you don’t mind …. The cheerleading clinic went great! Blair really worked hard & made some friends. I think the girls just accept that he loves to cheer and he's not afraid of looking 'girly' and they actually enjoyed having a boy with them. They had an exhibition for the parents at the end of the clinic and the girls were asked to curl their hair and wear high curly ponytails with bows. I spoke to the director and she said Blair could just wear his usual ponytail or go with the girls' hairdo. The girls were encouraging him to do his hair like theirs & ultimately he decided to go along. I think he just wanted to blend in and be one of the cheerleaders if you see what I mean.Smile

 

He slept in curlers that night, and wore them until right before we had to leave for the gym. I did his ponytail with a white bow. I was so proud of him. My husband was there and he does a great job of being supportive even when other parents look at him oddly for having a boy cheerleader for a son. Next year he'll be old enough to try out so we'll see what happens then.

 

Anyway you asked about weddings. As it turns out Blair was in his second wedding over the July 4th weekend. The first one, a couple of years ago, was a cousin on his fathers' side and Blair was one of two "flower-children" – he and a girl dressed alike in sort of long loose-fitting smocks with tights, very unisexual, and he wore his hair done in the updo I described. He had lots of fun and got lots of support and compliments from the others in the wedding party.

 

This time, he was invited to be one of the bridesmaids. This was for another cousin, the oldest daughter of my older sister, and my sister came to me and asked if Blair along with his sisters would be willing to stand up in a bridesmaids' dress (I think they needed a sixth bridesmaid to make things match up). I said it was totally up to him. He thought about it for a long time but finally he said yes. I think the cheer clinic gave him a lot of confidence about his hair and clothing choices.

 

Anyway he got to go through the whole experience, the fittings and showers etc., including a roller set and manicure the day of the wedding. The bridesmaids all had long hair and they did "half-ponytails" pulled back with barrettes with cascading curls. Blair wore a simple baby blue sheath dress and low white pumps, with light makeup and soft rose nail polish and if you didn't know he was a boy you'd never have noticed. He was very nervous but he pulled it off gracefully and was very happy he went through with it. The bride was so grateful to him and he got to dance with the other bridesmaids at the reception.

 

To your question, I think it really depends on the family and the preferences of your son. These days there are lots of options for bridal parties. When we were thinking about the wedding I did some research, talked to some wedding consultants etc. and they said male bridesmaids, either dressed like the others or not, are more common than you'd think. I found the site below, on Atlanta Weddings, and I think reading the stories of other male bridesmaids will be very helpful for you and for your son.

 

http://www.atlantabridal.com/fashion/children/ringbearer.asp

 

My own opinion is that the most important things are: 1) the bride's feelings and preferences; 2) your son's feelings and preferences, and 3) how others in the wedding party will respond. If your son is comfortable dressing as a bridesmaid it could be a very fun and memorable experience.

 

Please let me know if you have other questions, and keep us posted on how things turn out!

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Dear Traci,
 
Thank you for your very interesting and thought provoking reply to my post. I apologize for not responding sooner.
 
Evidently your Blair is quite comfortable dressing and appearing as a girl. Does he do this often or has it been limited to the occasions you describe?
 
When I expressed my quandry about what to have my son wear in my sisters wedding, I was thinking in terms of a tuxedo or perhaps a jacket or shirt that matched the color of the bridemaid's dresses. I have to admit that my sister and I jokingly talked about having him wear a matching dress, but didn't seriously consider it.  Your post has changed that.
 
I showed it to my sister and we both looked at the Atlanta Bridal website you mentioned. I have some doubts about the authenticity of some of those posts, by the way. Anyway, my sis now thinks it would be a great idea to have my son as a bridesmaid in a dress. With his long hear she thinks he would be beautiful and I must admit that he probably would.
 
I haven't mentioned this to him and don't know what his reaction might be. He has dressed as a girl before for Halloween and played a girl's part in school plays (He goes to an all boy's school). Even if he would agree, I'm not sure I would go along with it.
 
I would be very interested to hear what the overall reaction was at the wedding. How did family and friends respond? Has there been any fallout since? How did your husband deal with this? You said that the bride and bridesmaids were very supportive, but how about the groom and his groomsmen, and his side of the aisle? I'm sure there were many photos taken both official wedding party photos and others. These will be around forever. Do you think this will be a source of embarrassment for Blair in the future? I'm considering all of these things before I even say anything to him about it.
 
I'll be interested to hear more.
 
Sincererly,
 
Sharon
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Hi Sharon, I'm glad my post was helpful. These are very personal choices and I think it's great that you are taking an open-minded approach. Again, it all comes down to what your son, and the bride, are comfortable with.

 

My husband grew up in a very repressive, homophobic environment in the South and he has always thought that for our children the choice of personal appearance is a right. He's not always comfortable with Blair's choices – applauding his son in a cheerleading outfit with a hairbow was tough on him, I know – but he's done a lot of soul-searching (and frankly talked to a few therapists as have I) and we've just decided the best thing is to go along for now while making it clear to Blair that unconventional choices, particularly gender-bending ones, could have serious consequences.

 

I re-read my post and it may sound like I'm pushing Blair to be girlish. I'm really not … when I said I was proud of him for doing his hair like the girls, or wearing a bridesmaid's dress, it was for believing in himself and doing what makes him happy without worrying too much what other people think.

 

As for Blair himself, he's truly enjoying exploring the feminine world and he doesn't really think about the longer-term consequences (that's our job). And the reactions he's gotten – at the cheer clinic and at the wedding -- have been about 90% positive. (You should have seen his sisters and the other bridesmaids "taking care of him" at the salon and at the wedding – it was so sweet!)

 

I think there were some snide comments from a groomsman or 2, but the one who got to escort Blair up the aisle was very gracious. I'd say less than half of the attendees (about 200) knew he was a boy. We just didn't make a big deal out of it. Frankly just about everyone in our family is used to it.

 

Since the wedding, I've noticed Blair has been pretty 'subdued' in his hairstyle-and-clothing choices. He has a couple of hand-me-down skirts from his sisters that he likes to wear around the house, but he hasn't put one on in the last few weeks, and he got his hair trimmed significantly (it's now in a chinlength bob that's just adorable). I've asked if he'd like me to put his hair in rollers a couple of times and he's said "No thanks." We're going to pick out his clothes for the fall this weekend and I'll be interested to see what he picks out!

 

I'd say that having your son wear a dress in the wedding would be hard if he hasn't crossdressed before. You might want to let him try out a few things (like having his hair done) first and see if he's comfortable. Blair had never gone out in public in a skirt, much less a dress, before, but I know if he hadn't already gotten used to girls' things and having his hair done in rollers (and if he didn’t have such supportive sisters Smile) he wouldn't have been ready to do the bridesmaid thing.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

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