"Angry commentary of the blond persuasion," or Why Guys Suck

I'm a gay male, 17 years old( in february." HAPPY BIRTHDAY"), who recently went blond. Hi.

Barring the massive expense of an at-home deep conditioning treatment for life-threatening bleach damage, I have joined the ranks of fabuluous people all over the world and tinted my hair a lovely pale champagne blond. And so my adventure into the world of flaxen-haired glamour began.

What was I thinking?

In spite of making "an absoulutely stunning blond" as my family and boyfriend put it, I seemed to have received a great deal of attention from more boys my age. That would have been paradise if not for one fact:

Most guys my age are like five year olds with a sex drive.

Do allllll these guys who have been asking me out REALLY think I wont notice that while I had brown, red, green, blue, purple, and pink hair, they wouldn't give me the time of day, but now that I'm blond the same guys are practically forming a line?
No matter how politely I refuse their advances, which are frequently explicit, I invariably get called a"*****" and a "Tease". I cant say I can really fault them for their sound logic that just because they have a penis, everybody should get in line to service it. Words to live by, eh? Despite my defenslessness in the face of such an unassailable arguement that blondes are scientifically proven to be promiscuous, I persist in the delsusion that the Powers That Be(TM) will not smite all of humanity for my insolence in behaving as if the peroxide didn't seep through my skull and melt my brain. In any event, the prospect of dating someone who only desires my company for the color of my hair and the sterotype that follow shockingly does not appeal to me.

(A shocked silence falls over the audiance)

Beleive it or not, I did not dye my hair blonde to garner attention. I stripped the blue-green color out of my already light hair and the result was a light beige blonde. I personally liked the way that looked, so I went to the drugstore and bought a box of blond hair coloring. After rinsing it out ov my hair, viola! I was born again as a Garnier Nutrisse Champagne Fizz blond. A facinating story, no?

That explained, I think I should just give up on the human race and buy an adult toy.