Need some feedback in a hurry!!!

Hi Ann,It sounds like you are making a big decision. My advice is to really think about it. What are the reasons for cutting it? What are the reasons for keeping it? Do you like having very long hair? How does it make you feel? Do you like other people's reactions?I'm twenty-six and have had knee length hair for about three years now. About two years ago I had reached the point that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my hair. I had reached my goal of knee length and didn't know what to do next. Then I found the TLHS web site and this web site. It made me realize that there are a lot of people out there who really like and admire very long hair. It is an accomplishment that not everyone can acheive. Reading the various debates and opinions over the months made me really stop and think about my reasons for having long hair and what I wanted to do.For me having long hair is something I very much enjoy. I enjoy the way that it feels when it brushes against my back and legs. I find the weight of it to be comforting. I also find that brushing it can help calm and relax me at the end of a long and stressful day. I also enjoy the variety of styles that are possible. And it is something that sets me aside and makes me visably different from most people. Also, fortunately for me, I'm surrounded by friends and acquaintances (and sometimes even strangers) who really like my hair and aren't shy about giving compliments. I even have a couple of acquaintances who can't see me without touching it.So, my advice is to think about what your hair means to you. Is it something that holds a deeper meaning than just "long hair"? Or is it something you would rather not take the time and energy to deal with? Does it make you happy? Or sad? What do you feel when you think about cutting it?It's a big step, and will take a long time to grow out if you decide to cut it off and then don't like it. If you do cut, perhaps you might want to consider a series of cuts taking six to twelve inches off over several months. That way you can always stop and decide not to get any more cut off if you don't like your new length.Another suggestion is to post your message on the Original Hair Talk or the Hair Politics message boards. They usually have a much larger audience. You might even get some responses from the several ladies over forty with knee length hair who usually post here.Best wishes on reaching a happy decision,Teresa

> Hi Ann,> It sounds like you are making a big decision. My> advice is to really think about it. What are the> reasons for cutting it? What are the reasons for> keeping it? Do you like having very long hair? How> does it make you feel? Do you like other people's> reactions?> I'm twenty-six and have had knee length hair for about> three years now. About two years ago I had reached the> point that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my> hair. I had reached my goal of knee length and didn't> know what to do next. Then I found the TLHS web site> and this web site. It made me realize that there are a> lot of people out there who really like and admire> very long hair. It is an accomplishment that not> everyone can acheive. Reading the various debates and> opinions over the months made me really stop and think> about my reasons for having long hair and what I> wanted to do.> For me having long hair is something I very much> enjoy. I enjoy the way that it feels when it brushes> against my back and legs. I find the weight of it to> be comforting. I also find that brushing it can help> calm and relax me at the end of a long and stressful> day. I also enjoy the variety of styles that are> possible. And it is something that sets me aside and> makes me visably different from most people. Also,> fortunately for me, I'm surrounded by friends and> acquaintances (and sometimes even strangers) who> really like my hair and aren't shy about giving> compliments. I even have a couple of acquaintances who> can't see me without touching it.> So, my advice is to think about what your hair means> to you. Is it something that holds a deeper meaning> than just "long hair"? Or is it something> you would rather not take the time and energy to deal> with? Does it make you happy? Or sad? What do you feel> when you think about cutting it?> It's a big step, and will take a long time to grow out> if you decide to cut it off and then don't like it. If> you do cut, perhaps you might want to consider a> series of cuts taking six to twelve inches off over> several months. That way you can always stop and> decide not to get any more cut off if you don't like> your new length.> Another suggestion is to post your message on the> Original Hair Talk or the Hair Politics message> boards. They usually have a much larger audience. You> might even get some responses from the several ladies> over forty with knee length hair who usually post> here.> Best wishes on reaching a happy decision,> TeresaTeresa - thanks for the info and advice. You're right it is a big decision but you know.... it's something I've thought about for many years. On the downside, it takes forever to wash and dry and de-tangle. I had planned on cutting it myself cuz you know how it is when you go into a salon and they see all that hair -- it's like every pair of scissors appears and they just HOPE you will cut it instead of that little TRIM that most people get. Also, I hate sitting on it !!! OUCH But you also have a good point in that it sets you apart from the rest. My friends stand behind whatever I want to do and my fiance' as well. And if and when I do cut it... I am donating the hair to make wigs for kids w/ cancer and such. Check out the website http://www.locksoflove.com (I think that is what it is called) If you read the info they are looking for hair 12" and longer and I certainly have that.Thanks again... at least I am still thinking about it and not regretting it.By the way, I have been on the web site you mentioned. The only thing is that I notice the same thing on all of the photos... all of their hair just seems to be hanging there and that's what I don't like about mine -- it's so heavy that it has no uuummmppphh and forget about curling it! It doesn't stay in.

Ann:DON'T DO IT!...I am 54 years old now, and I would KILL to have hair as long as yours. The last time I seriously cut mine was about 15 years ago. I've regretted it ever since, and except for trims, I've been letting it grow ever since. It's at about the "mid-back" point now because it grows rather slowly, but with any luck, it will continue to grow down to waist-length or longer.My mom gives me the same thing every time I go home: "When are you going to do something with your hair?". My last response was, "I AM doing something with it, Mom...I'm letting it get longer!"All kidding aside, I solve the daily problem by wearing it up a lot, but regardless, I'm not wearing my hair for my mom, I'm wearing it for me! You should wear it the way YOU want it!...Not the way everybody else tells you to! And forget that stinking myth that all older women should cut their hair...That was started by the Stylists to keep you coming back.Good luck in your decision, whatever it may be.Brandy

Hello again Ann.Thanks for taking the time to read what I wrote earlier. I feel that it's important that you make your decision for the right reasons and are happy with it.Yes, it does take a while to wash and a long time to dry. Mine usually doesn't take very long to detangle any more though. Before I found ways to pamper my hair a bit the ends were always dry and tangled easily. That's no longer a problem. Also, I try to only detangle when it is dry or almost dry.(It takes Much less time than when it's wet and all wants to cling together.) I wash it at night after thouroughly detangling. Then I leave it alone until morning when I comb or brush it out.As to the pictures at TLHS, yes most of them do just show the hair hanging down. I think this is mostly just to show the length. I almost never wear my hair down when going out anywhere; it's just too easy for it to get caught on things or to tangle a lot. I admit that there are only a few styles that I wear with great frequency, but that's mostly due to laziness on my part. I hate mornings, so anything that lets me sleep in just a bit later is better. So, most mornings when I have to go to work I just wear a bun or a simple braid. There are lots of other styles that I use occasionally though, when I have more time that I'm willing to spend.I too used to want curls. My mother has naturally curly hair, the kind that makes beautiful ringlets. I now realize that my hair will never do this though. Even when it was shoulder length and layered it wouldn't hold a curl. It's just the type of hair I have, very straight, and slick. The hair shafts are very round and slightly coarse.It does sound like you may be tired of your current style. Have you ever considered cutting bangs or a few layers that frame your face? These would give you something to play with and style without removing all of the length. Karen, one of the web masters of this site, has a similar style with hair that is somewhat past waist length. She has some pictures on the site that you may want to look at too.Well, I wish you luck in making your decision. Giving the hair to the group that makes wigs for kids with cancer sounds like a great idea.Best wishes,Teresa

> Hello Ann.. I am a 40 year old woman who is in the> process of letting her hair grow long. I am also a> member of the TLHS. Yes, that site shows women with> their hair just hanging but that's the reason they> choose to show their photos.. to show off the length> of hair they have so patiently grown. You are very> lucky to have your hair at such an unique length. I> have had both very long hair and hair above my> shoulders. I know both sides of the coin. I have cut> my long hair off and let it grow it back a few times> then I also lost some length due to water damage. I> can tell you that when your hair is short, you can't> do much with it. You are kind of stuck in that> hairstyle which by the way..you are cloned to look> like hundreds out there. I have had permed hair,> layered hair and hair that hung down to my legs. By> far the most interesting style is the long look. My> hair is finally getting to a length now where I can> make large buns or do a frenchbraid. When my hair was> collarbone length, I couldn't do anything with it but> use a scrunchie to hold it back then the sides that> were layered would fall in my face...ugh My hair is> mid back length now..(27") I feel like I am in> between somewhere.. not quite long but not short. But> I can at least do more styles with it than when it was> above shoulder length. I have been growing my hair> since Feb. of 98 from a collarbone length, layered> style. That Feb I turned 39 and we were all at a> restaurant when one of my husband's former co workers> came in. I had seen her before but not at the> advantage point I had that night. For over an hour I> got to see her seated across from me with her lower> calf length hair. WOW what an impression she made on> me.. Before then everytime I had seen a lady with long> hair I would feel envy and want to grow my hair again.> But I had lost over 3ft of hair to water damage and> had kept my hair at what I had thought was an> appropriate length for me in my late 30's. I was> caught up in the whirl of salons and haircuts. This> lady made a huge impression on me. It registered in my> brain how cloned I looked. This woman stood out in a> crowd. I looked like I was stamped out on a press.> There were hundreds out there that looked like me. I> decided that night to let my hair grow again.I have> always wanted knee length hair and felt it was now or> never. About that time I found the TLHS. I joined the> email list and found the encouragement from other> ladies who were also pushing 40 or older and had long> hair. Some with knee length hair and longer. It was> just what I needed ...kind of a support group. I can> now do my hair in more styles than I could before and> feel a rush of enjoyment when I feel my hair swish on> my back. I have learned about new products that have> my hair in super condition. I think you are in a rut> with your hair. Maybe learning new ideas of hairstyles> and also new haircare products to enhance the> condition of your hair would change your outlook. Of> course in the end you will do what pleases you and> this is the way it should be but remember how quick> the cut happens and how long it would take to get it> back! You are smart to take some time to get some> feedback from other people. I know after keeping my> hair shoulder length for 3 years, the patience it is> taking to grow it again is staggering for me. I relish> each inch I gain and can't wait for it to be at the> length you have. I wish you luck in whatever decision> you make. Keep us informed and let us know what you> decide and how it impacts you.> best regards.. Cher~First of all I have to say the response has been pretty one-sided and believe me I know what a treasure I have...Yeah, I am kinda bored w/ it... but let me emphasize that I would NEVER EVER cut my hair short - for one thing, I don't have the face for it. My age isn't a big consideration... I don't do a lot of things you are "supposed" to do when you hit 40. I intend to make changes very gradually IF I decide to go that route. I know the way men look at women w/ long hair... I didn't mean any offense by saying our hair "just hangs there" and I intend to leave myself several options for styling purposes... But you, being a person w/ long hair, knows this as well as I do that when your hair gets that long... at the ends it gets all whispy. Yeah, my hair is down to my knees...but it isn't ALL there...there is a difference of several inches in places from being sucked into the blow drier and other such mishaps. That's what prompted the thought in the first place....Speaking of thoughts... did you see the thing on the ANNOUNCEMENT page where the man in NY is offering to rid us of our burden of long hair. I think it said something like cut if off in 99... I don't think I exactly liked the way he phrased his little clip... and he has no responses. I appreciate the feedback from everyone and I am still contemplating what to do...Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know what you thought....I'm out of town and computerless for a few days so I'll be anxious to see what's posted when I return..

Dear Ann,My advice would be to think aboutit very carefully and just trim a little bit at a time. I have been going thru the same dilemna as you. I had waist lenght hair a couple of years ago but had to cut off damaged ends and have trimmed it shorter ever since. It is now about 5" below my shoulders and this is short hair for me. I am sorry I didn't stay at mid back lenght or a little longer. I was going thru this urge to cut it off. I have never had short hair and wonder at times if I would like it. I found a website , Laura Jane's Page. She answered me personlly and encouraged my to wait. She was so supportive of women with long hair. I don't think we women in our 40's and beyond, I am 49, get much encouragement to keep our hair long. I am very glad to have found web sites for long hair and have re-newed my resolve to grow it back. I needed reminding of better hair care techniques and new products and accessories. I think I am at a point, and maybe you are too, where I am feeling out of sorts with my appearance and feel the need to do something. This past week I went to a Claire's Boutique and got a bunch of accessories, hair sticks and some stretchy headbands, I got my ears pierced a second time so I can wear hoops and a cute pair of studs, and got some new make up and a couple of new outfits that are more sophisticated than my usual T shirts and jeans. I feel a whole lot better and am staying away from the scissors. I would also say to just trim a little at a time. A while back there was a feature in Glamour that showed going from waist length to very short. I am not recomminding the very short but the first stage was nice. The woman had about 3" trimmed and light layers up about 2 or 3 " and some angling on the sides. I thought it was very pretty. I remember she said she went from 2 hours drying time to about 45 minutes with hair just a little shorter. I fully understand what you are feeling and would advise you to think carefully and make small changes. Good luck. Carolyn

> Ok this is make it or break it time and I need> feedback before I do something drastic or make a big> mistake.> I just turned 40 and my hair is down to my knees...> moderately healthy. I've had people tell me to cut it,> others say keep it.... I'm perplexed. My mom always> tells me -- do something w/ your hair! So since today> is Mom's day, I almost did.... I'm only 5'5" so> having hair this long does not make me look any> taller. I have a young face but hey I don't look 18> any more either.> I thought about cutting it to a length in between bra> length and mid back but still that's a lot of hair to> cut off...> Some decision making advise please --- the big day for> my decision is next Saturday.> I'd like feedback from both guys and gals and please> let me know how old you are too so I can get some type> of an idea. I do realize the ultimate decision is mine> but outside opinions ALWAYS help.Yes, you have got a big decision to make, but thought out sincerely, I would think you will make the right choice. I'm a few years older than you, and I have seen several women do what your going to do, but not one has regretted their decision, and I, like very long hair and hate to someone cut their's. But please do me a favor if you decide to do this, contact me first, for I would like to ask you something before things are done.

> Dear Ann,> My advice would be to think aboutit very carefully and> just trim a little bit at a time. I have been going> thru the same dilemna as you. I had waist lenght hair> a couple of years ago but had to cut off damaged ends> and have trimmed it shorter ever since. It is now> about 5" below my shoulders and this is short> hair for me. I am sorry I didn't stay at mid back> lenght or a little longer. I was going thru this urge> to cut it off. I have never had short hair and wonder> at times if I would like it. I found a website , Laura> Jane's Page. She answered me personlly and encouraged> my to wait. She was so supportive of women with long> hair. I don't think we women in our 40's and beyond, I> am 49, get much encouragement to keep our hair long. I> am very glad to have found web sites for long hair and> have re-newed my resolve to grow it back. I needed> reminding of better hair care techniques and new> products and accessories. I think I am at a point, and> maybe you are too, where I am feeling out of sorts> with my appearance and feel the need to do something.> This past week I went to a Claire's Boutique and got a> bunch of accessories, hair sticks and some stretchy> headbands, I got my ears pierced a second time so I> can wear hoops and a cute pair of studs, and got some> new make up and a couple of new outfits that are more> sophisticated than my usual T shirts and jeans. I feel> a whole lot better and am staying away from the> scissors. I would also say to just trim a little at a> time. A while back there was a feature in Glamour that> showed going from waist length to very short. I am not> recomminding the very short but the first stage was> nice. The woman had about 3" trimmed and light> layers up about 2 or 3 " and some angling on the> sides. I thought it was very pretty. I remember she> said she went from 2 hours drying time to about 45> minutes with hair just a little shorter. I fully> understand what you are feeling and would advise you> to think carefully and make small changes. Good luck.> Carolyn11/5/99Dear AnnI tend to be a bit late on things (busy) which can have some advantages :-)Go along with all our tlhs group.I guess I have two questions really :-)1) . If you can remember that far back (10 years + ?) what made you decide to grow it in the first place ? Your own decision or a friend or what ? In other words that original quest or powerful urge has now become diluted or gone completely ?One of the main reasons I believe behind the fun we all get out of tlhs is the freedom to discuss everything about our favourite subject, which perhaps above all is represented by mutual support and encouragement - whatever the length or goals desired. I'ts a great feeling for both females and males alike too :-> .What if you were say to join in the discussions yourself beforehand ? - unload as they say - this could perhaps go a long way to helping you make the final decision a lot easier with hopefully fewer regrets later. Obviously i'ts always a good thing to talk it through as much as possible first, and from what I can tell you sound as though it is all getting a bit rushed ? ? ?"The worst decisions are the rushed ones" - or similar. Might have been said by Caesar to Brutus, or by Archimedes or one of them ! ! :-) Whatever ! So if it has or has'nt been said before by others (?), why not log on to tlhs for a while and get the frustrations out FAR more slowly (4/5 weeks more after such a long devoted effort is not too much to ask is it - ??) - then see how you feel etc.2). Finally read somewhere once that a lady faced with the same problem bought several wigs of different lengths, and wore a different one for a while each day to see everyone's and her own reactions. However with summer coming on, evenings would perhaps be more practical :-) . The point is at least you'd know in advance - "for free".So there's my pennyworth - hope you join us soon,Best wishesPeter

Me again:)I just wanted to also say that the idea of wearing wigs was a great idea to see if this is what you really want to do. I certainly don't want you to do anything hasty with your hair and then be regretfull, but I do think you should have another opinion other than "stay with it or else you'll be losing something grand" attitude. I think derriere length or even waist length is still very grand but tasteful as well. O>k., 'nuff said. :))Holly

Hi Ann,After reading the torrent of comments, I have only a couple of things to add to the discourse.1. There are always people saying "cut" or "Don't cut", so I suggest you continue to think about what you want, listen to the input you have solicited and make a thoughtful decision. This is not a time to get in a hurry.2. Think about why you grew your prodigous mane, perhaps the reason remains the same or maybe not, either way you will have more information to use in making your decision.3. You hair is "moderately healthy" according to your post. Is that part of the reason why you are considering a change? If so, perhaps minor changes in your hair care routine, coupled with corrective trimming can move your hair from moderately healthy to very healthy while lessening the tangling and other problems noted in your followup posts. This site is a cornucopia of ideas and solutions for hair care issues. Karen is always available to offer help, encouragement and ideas.4. Should you decide to cut your hair, the locks of love program is a deserving group. I have had dealings with Bill and a couple of others who are involved in the program. (However, I believe their largest needs at the present are cash to pay for making wigs with the large amount of hair that has been donated to date.)5. Finally, careful consideration and lack of haste are most important. It only takes a couple of minutes to cut it off, but years to regrow. Take it from a 41 year old stylist who has been there to see the tears and regrets of recently shorn women (and men), including my wife, too many times.Best of luck in your deliberations.Mike> Ok this is make it or break it time and I need> feedback before I do something drastic or make a big> mistake.> I just turned 40 and my hair is down to my knees...> moderately healthy. I've had people tell me to cut it,> others say keep it.... I'm perplexed. My mom always> tells me -- do something w/ your hair! So since today> is Mom's day, I almost did.... I'm only 5'5" so> having hair this long does not make me look any> taller. I have a young face but hey I don't look 18> any more either.> I thought about cutting it to a length in between bra> length and mid back but still that's a lot of hair to> cut off...> Some decision making advise please --- the big day for> my decision is next Saturday.> I'd like feedback from both guys and gals and please> let me know how old you are too so I can get some type> of an idea. I do realize the ultimate decision is mine> but outside opinions ALWAYS help.