My problem

Hi again Monique,
Thanks for your response. Like you have surmised I am white, so I`ll go with whatever takes my fancy. The idea of permanent make-up around the eyes and eyebrow is something which appeals to me, I must say.
I wish you all the very best with your pregnancy, it`s something I have yet to experience - generally I find it helps if there is a man involved! lol
There would, I think be something, if not spiritual then certainly symmetrical about breastfeeding a bald child while having a bald head, I can certainly see how that would appeal. I`ll definitely do it, and in public too if I dare! Knowing my luck the baby would be really hairy.
Anyway Monique, I don`t know how far you have to go yet but I wish you all the best for a short and pain-free birth and above all a healthy baby.
Love,
Sandra

Dearest Monique,
After reading your piece I think that I should be renaming this thread, as maybe it isn`t such a "my problem" after all! You are obviously a deeply spritual person and I can see now from your experiences how it seems that to be a beautiful and bald woman was almost your fate! It must also have been fate that delivered you into the arms of a caring, loving man who appreciates you in all ways, I think you are very lucky. I too was born a Christian (Catholic) but sadly I drifted away from the religious ideal many years ago. I think our country is a bit more secular than the US, only 1 in 40 is a churchgoer and most people are apt to be a bit cynical. I really wish I had your faith, but am resigned to the fact it is not to be.
As regards looking your best bald, do you mind if I ask for a fashion tip. I`ve bought the large dangly earrings and they look great, in fact I would imagine they are almost compulsory for a bald woman, but what about make-up? I was considering using a high blusher to accentuate my cheekbones, but what about the eyes? Light or dark, which do you use? Lips - understated or overstated? I`m just trying to get a few ideas, as I`ve never really bothered with makeup much, whereas if I were to go out bare-headed then I think it would have to be accompanied by some sort of statement, if you know what I mean.
You idea of going permanently bald sounds great, I`m sure you would only take such a drastic step if you were really confident about it. But I must agree with Bald Jennifer about electrolysis. From what I`ve heard it`s painful and expensive enough when just treating a small area, to do a whole head would take years, hurt a great deal and may leave your head looking patchy, while laser treatment can scar. I wondered if there was some sort of depliatory oil could be used, something containing a chemical which would kill the roots off. I know it exists because there have been stories of women left bald by inexperienced hairdressers who use the wrong bottle! I imagine it probably smells awful and isn`t very pleasant but it might just be a less painful alternative to consider.
See how you have transformed me, Monique, this started off as "my problem" and now I`m giving advice on how to stay bald? You and Johan are wonderful people. Thank you.

Hello Sandra,

Sandra, I am Johan`s wife Monique. I usually don`t write on the computer but Johan asked me to write you.

As you know Johan loves bald women, which is fortunate for me because for many years I have had the desire to be bald. I have worn my hair very short since I was 15 and the shorter my hair was the better I liked it. And just as Johan has " a thing" for short haired and bald women, I have " a thing" for long haired men, and I have been this way since I was a girl. When Johan and I met each other, even before we got to know each other and fall in love, we had an immediate attraction to each other because he had very long hair(and it was clean and groomed well, unlike some long haired guys), and I had very short hair. He approached me one day at a coffeehouse and started a conversation( I was much too shy to approach him, although he must have seen me looking at him with interest!), and it just went from there. He is a very sweet, funny, warm, intelligent guy and handsome!, and I feel very fortunate to be married to him!

What I really wanted to say to you though Sandra, and this may be difficult for many people to understand, is that I have an actual craving to be bald. It actually started in my teens. I remember seeing the Star Trek movie on T.V. , and how the bald woman Lt.Illia was portraited in the movie as a supremely sexual/sensual woman who was very evolved and the men were extremely attracted to her. And I loved the idea of a woman who was an educated woman with professional skills who was from a highly evolved people, a liberated woman, yet so feminine and so bald!!!
It was also during my high school years that I was introduced to Zen Buddhism and the bald Buddhist nuns. I had dreamt for years about being a Catholic nun, I was an extremely shy girl for a variety of reasons that would take some time to explain here, but the Buddhist nuns not only played into my desire for a somewhat secluded and religious life but also into my bald girl/long haired guy sort of sex appeal ideas that I had. And of course it was around this time 14 or 15 years ago that bald women were becoming noticeable on the catwalks of Milan, Paris, London and New York, so it occured to me that shaving my head was just a matter of time.

When I was 22 I had my head shaved by a girlfriend of mine. It was one of the best experiences of my life, and to make a long story short(no pun intended), I have worn my hair very short or shaved bald ever since(I turned 29 this autumn).

In recent years my craving to be always bald has become increasingly strong. Because I don`t like shaving my head every day,( I don`t really like shaving my legs or underarms alot either although I do shave them), I usually wore my hair short. But at times, (like the other night), Johan would shave my head and then for awhile I would shave my head daily. At the moment, I am keeping my head shaved. It seems to me that eventually I will have to solve my problem of my overwhelming desire to be bald by having my hair head removed with laser and electrolysis. I have thought about this for some time and have had discussions with Johan about it, and he is , of course, fine with the idea, even delighted with the idea since he likes the "bald look" on me the best. But he isn`t pushing me at all to do it, it has to be my ultimate decision, and he will love me whether I do it or not.
At times Sandra, and this may also sound quite strange to some people, but at times I have even prayed to have complete alopecia so that I wouldn`t have to try to make this decision to have my hair removed, it would just be gone, I would be permanently bald. I have a choice Sandra, but I really don`t want the choice.

All I know Sandra is that my spirituality, my sensuality, my sexuality, my idea of being the ideal woman, even my ideal of femiminity and being the ideal wife for Johan, is deeply linked to my craving to be always bald. And as you may know I am pregnant and I even dream of being a bald mother breast feeding my baby! As the years have gone by I just identlfy at least a portion of my womanhood with complete baldness and smooth, very smooth skin. I am a Christian, not a Buddhist, but without a doubt, being bald is also very, very spiritual to me, I associate feminine baldness with sacrifice, service to others, modesty, humility, and giving myself to my husband and to God. Maybe you will never understand these feeling Sandra but I have described this the best I know how. And some of these ideas did come from reading about the Buddhist nuns, who in some ways are my role models.

My husband wanted me to explain my ideas and desires to you Sandra, or other bald women,( or women contemplating baldness)who read this. That I am one of those women that may eventually be a woman with "voluntary" alopecia totalis, that is a woman who has had all of her hair permanently removed. And then my dream will be complete.

I can`t even tell you Sandra how much I wish the best for you!
All of my love Sandra!

Monique

Also Sandy, my wife Monique wrote some interesting stuff on the general talk site on Julie`s thread that is titled "Hair and Spirituality". Both the woman Julie and my wife had some interesting things to say about hair, or the lack of hair, and how they feel about it, and some of their religious and spiritual ideas. I think you would find it very interesting.
Thanks,
Johan

Hello Sandy______ i`m one of the tribe, about as complete of an alopecia totalis person as you will ever meet, my head is so bald it shines! i have been this way since i was 15, now over 20 years later i don`t even think much about being bald, you get completely used to it, and you end up doing the same things every other woman does.
You are already over the worst sandy, the first couple of years are by far the worst, i had to take anti-depressant pills for a few years but it gets better, and you eventually end up with the same joys and problems every other woman has, more or less, we are just doing it bald! oh yes, i suppose you know by now to wear something on your head in the cool months of the year! if you think the u.k. is cold in the winter, try canada! not the best climate, for at least half the year, for us bald and beautiful types!
a big hug from an alop/total sister in toronto!

Hi again Sandy,

Those guys you were seeing Sandy sound like immature boys. A grown up man, a real man, would never say such stupid things to you, and would have more understanding. But I just know many good things are going to happen with you in your life.

Johan, do people in your city really give you a bad time about having long hair? Here in south Florida men can wear their hair how they like! Long haired guys are considered cool and sexy. I`m surprised because I always heard Minneapolis was a really progressive type of city!

My love to you both!!!!!

Dearest Linda & Heidi,
All this wonderful support is really helpful, thank you so much. You are of course so right that baldness is all a state of mind. I guess it takes time to actually convince yourself of this, of course. I`m still on a learning curve as far as that goes. The crunch will come when I do eventually meet a man with the qualties you have said - so far, no such luck! Baldness, it seems, brings out the shallowness in them.
One said he wouldn`t have anything to do with me unless I "did something about it" Like what, I wonder? Another thought there was some magic head cream I must be able to use. Not one of them so far has yet allowed to walk down the street "naked" with them - (and I only mean my head! lol. ) Confidence is one thing but it helps if someone else gives you some, and I mean more than just kind people on this message board but a real-life guy. Anyway I`ll take your words to heart, I really will, and hopefully some of your confidence will rub off on me, then inspire someone else to give me some more.
Anyway I must stop wallowing - lighten up Sandy!!

Hi Sandy,

I have been meaning to write you, I have been writing on the general talk board on Johan`s ultra-short hair thread!

I am bald by choice Sandy, but even in big cities in America most women don`t go in public bald, I wear a wig since shaving my head! But I think there is a sisterhood between bald women, whether bald by alopecia or by choice, and even a sisterhood with women with very short hair.I think Johan is right, it is a style, it should be viewed by people as a fashion style.

My guy loves me bald and I really want to stay bald, but unlike you, I have to shave everyday, which is a hassle, which is probably why I will eventually go to a short crewcut, I have already discussed that with my man and it is ok with him, but I would stay bald if I could. It is not only the look, but also my head feels so smooth, it feels so good when I take a shower, and it feels so good when I wrap a scarve around my head! there is just something about having smooth skin.And I think Johan is right, smooth skin, including on the head seems very feminine to some people, it is a good style for a woman!

I just wanted to write you something Sandy, nothing really important, just some of my ideas!

Love ya Sandy,

Bald Heidi

HI SANDRA, I saw on cable that same show about people on dates that Johan saw with the young bald woman and two other girls, I can`t remember if the show was on one of the music networks like MTV or VHI, or one of the cultural/ society type networks like A and E, or Lifetime, I guess it doesn`t matter. At any rate the bald woman was an artist and a secretary and the guy she was on a date with was a very handsome guy with long brown hair, he worked in the music industry and played music, too! And since they were both interested in the arts they got along real well, later in the show they both indicated they wanted to date each other again, it was very romantic! And they were so cute together, she had big brown eyes and looked sensational bald with a real nice black dress, beautiful earrings and perfect makeup, and the guy was a real gentleman, a fairly big guy who looked atheletic but very handsome with his hair back in a ponytail and a very pleasant personality, mild mannered, you know a gentleman. Their conversation was intelligent too, unlike some of these stupid dating shows! They had some nice long hugging and kissing at the end of the date too, instigated by the bald woman! If all dating shows were as good as that show I would watch dating shows more often, but those type of shows are usually stupid!
I also saw a show on cable about a woman in L.A. who had all of the hair on her head removed through laser and electrolysis! The show was about tatooing, piercing, head shaving, various stuff like that, some of the show was really weird, but some of the tattoos were nice, not trashy looking, and the woman who had her hair removed was probably in her thirties. There is a subcult of people that actually do that! ISN`T IT AMAZING! Here women with alopecia(or at least some women with alopecia, not me!) want to have hair, and other women are having their hair removed! What a world! All sorts, I guess!
Anyway Sandra, just had to write those thoughts after reading what Johan had written.
Best of luck sweetie, all of my love!!!!!

To all of you lovely people who have replied to my plight, thank you. I was quite amazed to see there was not only a BaldSandra but a Bald Linda, Bald Jennifer and a Bald Heidi as well. We should form the Bald Ladies Club! Seriously I am so pleased for you (and a bit envious) that you belong in a culture where women can go bald in public and no one turn a hair, so to speak. That isn`t the case in Backward Britain, I`m afraid, not yet anyway. But thinks for your support, it`s really nice to know that people care.