Pressure to cut your hair after 30... or is it 40?

Where I grew up (in a village in Guatemala), it was considered shameful for a woman to have short hair. I'm referring specifically to the Mayan people, who constituted the great majority of people there. The Ladinos (people who had taken on the hispanic culture) did not feel the same way, and sometimes had shorter or more "modern" hair styles. They also abandoned the traditional dress and changed to typical western dress. They also abandoned the Mayan language in favor of Spanish and usually switched from the Mayan religion (they call it the religion of the cross) to Roman Catholicism.Anyway, almost all women wore their hair to terminal length, wearing it in a single braid tied with a ribbon. Dressing up consisted of using a bigger, brighter ribbon. There was one woman, however, who was sort of the town crazy person. She was homeless, I guess, always sleeping in the town square. She is the only woman I can remember with short hair, other than gringos and ladinos.Related Link:Click here for more on the House of David Baseball Team

Hi,Yes...I agree. You would think a company would love creative people. I guess things are changing from the way they used to be...but aren't quite there yet.What really amazes me is how some companies that seem to be in total chaos seem to do so well in the business world. That really shocks me. Oh well. I have learned not to be shocked by much of anything these days. :-)Karen> I would think that a company would be thrilled to have> somebody who doesn't fit into the given mold (a phrase> that can mean so many different things, but generally> referring to something STAGNANT!). . .it shows an> individuality that speaks well of other qualities.> Then again, people such as this are generally more> difficult to control, which can be an undesirable> trait in some areas of corporate America!!! :)

Gigi,I couldn't agree more!!!! I personally think that this way of thinking is on the decline, but there will, for the time being, be those small minded people who think like that out there. Thankfully, there are many who don't think it's a threat as well, and applaud long hair on women over 40.Holly

Karen,Just wanted to say that it made me feel for you when you stated that you weren't sent to college because you weren't a man..I know of other people that had the same thing said to them! I give you so much credit for making it on your own! I can't really say more than what all these other people have advised, but know that my hubby Paul is probably going to have to face the same thing when he gets back to working in England..in France they don't have the same outlook-fashionwise, so for now he can let it grow and experiment.Just please don't cut your hair for any other reason than FOR YOURSELF! Take care.Holly

Hi Arthur,I actually do spend a lot of time in California on business. I will be there 3x in the next few months. So I will definitely wear my hair down then. :-)Best wishes,Karen> Hi Karen,> Victory is much sweeter when achieve without> compromise.> You should come out to California to do business.> There> are high power executives wearing earrings and> whatnots> out here in the left coast :-)> Best wishes,> Arthur

Hi,Thank you so much for your great response. I have decided that I will only "hide my hair" in the most formal of places. I have a great French Twist that I can do that allows me to just "cheat" a little. No new horns...I promise. :-)Thanks for the support. I do understand what your boyfriend went through though. My business partner has short hair, but a diamond earring and he got discriminated in his previous job even though he is a brilliant engineer. People would be very critical of the fact that he had an earring. Too bizarre.I found this great quote on another web site and I printed it out and posted it on my PC to remind me of many things, including being true to myself. :-) Long hair and ALL.Check it out...I think it is pretty great:ENDURANCE ~ FIDELITY ~ INTELLIGENCE"Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go much further than people with vastly superior talent."~ Sophia Loren ~Thanks again. Your boyfriend is lucky to have you.Best wishes,Karen> Good grief, Karen, you are such an accomplished> woman!!! Don't let this corporate crap get you down> now -- and try not to sprout another "horn,"> as you put, over it. :) It's not that you don't have> the right image, it's that the person telling you that> has a narrow mind. This really infuriates me, because> if Hollywood isn't trying to dictate *personal* style,> then employers are. Forget it! You've worked so hard> to grow out your hair and keep it healthy -- why> diminish this particular accomplishment? It's an> extension of yourself, and it's up to *you* as to how> you wear it. Buck the trend, indeed!> Just so you know, my boyfriend and some other male> friends -- all of whom are professionals -- go through> this same BS. My guy has long hair, and until he> started working in an "alternative" type of> architecture firm, he wasn't taken very seriously.> Suddenly they realized, "Wow -- he may not fit> into the cookie cutter image of his profession, but he> has a brilliant brain!" My other male friends> with long hair have actually been approached by a> woman who had locked herself out of her car, and said,> "I'm sure you all know how to break into a car,> so could you please help me?" All of these> stereotypes over HAIR! To which I reply, "Well,> people like Jesus had long hair. . .would you have> discriminated against him? Probably!"> Hang in there!!! If you don't cut your hair (and you> said you wouldn't, and we're all praying you won't,> because you're such an inspiration!), are you going to> wear it up?> One more thing to keep in mind: if an employer was to> make a remark about image/hair to members of several> American Indian tribes, he could be hauled into court> for a discrimination lawsuit (with a few others thrown> in!), since their religious beliefs forbid them from> cutting their hair. Just something to think about.

Hi Karen,Having long hair myself, and working in the corporate world, I can appreciateyour concern....It is sad that so many other women, upon receiving advice to "present the 'right'image' and to "change their hairstyle" to look more professional, have interpretedthat as a recommendation to cut their hair shorter. So at the very least, you arefortunate in that you recognize that cutting your hair is not necessary to thepresentation of a "professional" image.In this respect, you have won 99% of the battle. At least you know you CANsimultaneously have long hair and be perceived as presenting a professional image.Deciding to "hide your hair a little" is not really a sell-out. Cutting it wouldbe a sell-out, given that you love yours long.We make many types and magnitudes of sacrifices for our jobs and our careers."Hiding your hair a little bit" could be seen as a tiny concession, because whenyou are not at work, you can wear your hair 100% the way you want it.I'd like to add that IMHO, Having a "professional-looking" hairstyle is much more amatter of how the hair is styled than it is of its length. For instance (to give anextreme example), short hair that has been spiked up with gel would probably be seenas unprofessional in most office settings.To me, professionalism has much, much more to do with one's words and actions, thanit does with a person's appearance. A woman whose appearance is considered classicallyfeminine who treats others with respect IS professional, whereas the man who wears asuit and tie but who is even slightly disrespectful of those whose appearance he dislikesis being UNprofessional.Hope you find my words to be of some comfort.Take care,Dave

Who now, should be Whoa now. Your own rules, should be their own rules. Sorry for imposing my lack of attention on you all.

Good grief, Karen, you are such an accomplished woman!!! Don't let this corporate crap get you down now -- and try not to sprout another "horn," as you put, over it. :) It's not that you don't have the right image, it's that the person telling you that has a narrow mind. This really infuriates me, because if Hollywood isn't trying to dictate *personal* style, then employers are. Forget it! You've worked so hard to grow out your hair and keep it healthy -- why diminish this particular accomplishment? It's an extension of yourself, and it's up to *you* as to how you wear it. Buck the trend, indeed!Just so you know, my boyfriend and some other male friends -- all of whom are professionals -- go through this same BS. My guy has long hair, and until he started working in an "alternative" type of architecture firm, he wasn't taken very seriously. Suddenly they realized, "Wow -- he may not fit into the cookie cutter image of his profession, but he has a brilliant brain!" My other male friends with long hair have actually been approached by a woman who had locked herself out of her car, and said, "I'm sure you all know how to break into a car, so could you please help me?" All of these stereotypes over HAIR! To which I reply, "Well, people like Jesus had long hair. . .would you have discriminated against him? Probably!"Hang in there!!! If you don't cut your hair (and you said you wouldn't, and we're all praying you won't, because you're such an inspiration!), are you going to wear it up?One more thing to keep in mind: if an employer was to make a remark about image/hair to members of several American Indian tribes, he could be hauled into court for a discrimination lawsuit (with a few others thrown in!), since their religious beliefs forbid them from cutting their hair. Just something to think about.

> Karen--> Don't let "Corporate America" dictate your> look! Its standards are not only sexist ("Don't> look too pretty or sexy, or men won't take you> seriously!"), they're confining and superficial.> The more we refuse to acknowledge these> "professional attire guidelines," the less> "standard" they'll become.> Executives in a lot of cutting-edge companies are> wearing bright-colored hair, mohawks, and body> piercings. Stodgy traditionalists will eventually have> to recognize that a prim and conventional buttoned-up> look does NOT necessarily equal good service.> Please stick it out. Wear your hair as you like it.> AllyHi Ally,I will try and be brave. It is just so hard when you are trying to gain a reputation. I have so many bumps on my head from hitting it against glass ceilings that I sometime am mistaken for a unicorn with multiple horns. :-)I grew up in a family where my parents refused to let me go to college "because it only made sense to send the boys". Needless to say, I paid my way through every single degree that I got...and I got three of them.Even then I was banging my head with sexist graduate school professors who didn't understand why women wanted to study engineering or software.My entire career I have had to kick and scream and fight and be 5x better and accept a lot less pay. You know the old song and dance.I guess I am a 1 part wimp because I am almost where I want to be after 20 years of business hell and so I don't want my hair to get in the way.On one hand I don't want to sell out...on the other hand....once I get to my personal finish line I think I would even be willing to wear a mohawk to meet with the lawyers.I guess if I had already done what Bill Gates had...it would be easier.Very recently (too recent to not still sting) I had a boss tell me that I would never go where I wanted in corporate America "because I did not have the RIGHT image". Again the hair thing.Unfortunately I have not yet met a male CEO that had an earring. My industry....software & telecom....is still very conservative. Only the hard core software gurus are showing up in flowered shirts and Birkenstocks....at least here in Dallas.I want to know where those trendsetter executives are so I can call them up and do business with them. :-) It would be refreshing and liberating to negotiate a contract with a CEO with a Mohawk.I will try to be brave, but I will need help and encouragement to hang in there.I am definitely not thinking of cutting my hair. Just hiding it a little.Thanks for your encouragement Ally. It meant a lot.Best wishes,Karen