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Men Forbidding Their wives....

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Holly View Drop Down
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    Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:39pm
Hi Everyone,Just wanted to post a thought, which came about from reading a few posts from women saying their husbandsdon't want them growing their hair long. It seems to me that the reason behind this is obvious. I don't think it's because they think it looks unkempt or any of the other reasons they say-it's because they ARE INSECURE! They do not want you looking even more attractive-it's like a threat because men usually love long hair and these husbands know it, so they are threatened if their mate will be getting more attention. I have had experience with this type of thing-not with my hair so much-I've been fortunate there to have only admirable comments about its long length from men (and lot of women, too). Maybe there are some who really feel like they don't like long hair, but I remember a couple of guys I had relationships with (and one was my ex-husband)who would say things to me like "life isn't a fashion show" (ex's remark) and the other guy I dated just wanted to be the star and get all of the attention (he was into hair as well as body building) and did not like it when I received all of the attention! Thankfully my now Husband is very supporting of me and loves long hair-in fact it's how we met! I get sick of these men AND women who are just obviously jealous of long hair and make tacky remarks because of it! One horrible example of women's jealousy is something that happenned to my Mother when she was in high school. She had (and has!) incredibly thick hair, and at this time it was down to her hips and very smooth and shiny with cute bangs. People always wanted to "pet" her hair. Her "friends"(????) kept saying to her "why don't you cut it" Well, she finally gave in and cut it..guess what they said to her? "Oh! Why did you cut it?".Lucky for her, she has FAST growing hair!!:)) Well, I've had my dealings with women's jealousy as well, but men's jealousy is just as much a fact, too, just maybe for different reasons. Well, thanks for letting me vent!
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Erica View Drop Down
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You have a very interesting view on the long hair dilemna--thank you for your comments! I'm not so sure that jealousy is my husband's problem though. He loves when I get attention because he always tells me that he is proud that he is my husband when it happens. If that makes sense at all. But he has been very resistent for me to have hair that is waist-length or longer. My hair has always been long (at least bra-strap length) since we've known each other--but its only recently that I've been letting it grow out waist-length. I'm sorry that I am going to be so blunt, but I think my husband equates hair that is "too" long with "trailer trash." Therefore he is hiding behind the excuse that long hair is "unprofessional" and "unbusinesslike" but I'm afraid that I know my dear husband too well. He is afraid that my long hair is going to make me look trashy. It's almost a snobby attitude thing. It's weird though because he is not a snobby person in any other way, shape or form. I'm clueless.I must add that he has been SLOWLY coming around lately. Last night we were watching tv and he actually wanted to take out my pony tail to see my hair. Since he can see that I still brush/wash/style my hair despite its length, and I'm not going to give up my hygiene and my taste in fixing & styling my hair, he is becoming more and more accepting. It is strange, what goes on in a husband's mind sometimes.... Plus it didn't hurt when we did our grocery shopping Friday, the girl at the register kept gushing about how pretty my hair was and she loved the length. Definately a boost for the husband's attitude! And me too! :)
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Dave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:40pm
The WORST thing that somebody with long hair could do to helpsomebody who has such insecurities would be to cut their hair.We don't help such people by feeding their insecurities. Wehelp them by addressing their TRUE concerns -- not the thingsthat they feel are symbolic of their concerns.All of this requires open, honest, and thoughtful communication.The kind that is very much achievable in a good interpersonalrelationship. Barring said hospitable environment, it is notsurprising that such "incidents" leave a bad taste in the mouthof the "target" of the criticism.Erica, I'm happy for you to hear that you feel that your husbandis "coming around," and that you had a positive experience at thegrocery store, shared with your husband. I have a crazy idea foryou (try this some day when you're feeling spunky)... maybe yourhusband would be even more convinced to favor your growing yourhair longer if you put on an act for him... dressing up very"professionally," while wearing your long hair down and loose --and treat him in a strict and professional manner. That oughtaget him going :-) Just a thought. Enjoy.Dave
David M Squires
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andy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote andy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:43pm
If you were my wife, I would have shaved your head BALD!!! I wouldn't even let you grow a hair on your head!!!
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Holly View Drop Down
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Thank goodness I'm NOT MARRIED to you, Andy!By the way, did you like Demi moore in G.I. Jane? Just curious.
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Sherry View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sherry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:43pm
Andy, Andy, Andy,...I can't even find the WORDS to comment! No, I can. You just PROVED that everything that Holly said was right! Are you bald? Are you jealous?I would love to see you wrapped in Jane Seymour's hair-- but I must remind myself that everyone has his/her own opinion! But shave your wife bald?.... c'mon! How old are you by the way?Sherry> If you were my wife, I would have shaved your head> BALD!!! I wouldn't even let you grow a hair on your> head!!!
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theresa View Drop Down
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Hi everyone. I am doing something I have never done. I am turning 50 years old this year and I have decided to let my hair grow long!!! I can't believe me!!! I have had very short hair ALL MY LIFE. I am a very short woman. Just 4feet 10 inches tall. I have a somewhat round face. These are the reasons I always beleived I should have short hair. But I long for long hair. I dream about it in my sleep. I really do! My husband knows how much I want long hair so he is going along with me on this. He has forbidden two things. No bows, no pony tails. Fifty is too old for that he says, I agree. Also it must look healthy and I must never bleach it blonde. His ex wife had blonde hair.I plan to keep my hair pinned up. French twist or French braid. No tendrils in the back, long half bang in the front. That way it will appear short, yet still be long. My question to the list folks is, Do you think pinned up hair is commonly thought of as an old ladies hair style? I have a rather youthfull appearance for my age, on a good day, I might pass for very late 30's. I have very healthy medium auburn hair. I am going to have long hair at least once in my life. but I do have misgivings about it looking too old. Already I can pin it up, but it is pretty tight in the back. Looks a little severe. I think when it grows and looks loose and relaxed it will be soft and youthful looking.
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Jade21 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jade21 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:43pm
>Hi, Theresa!It sounds like turning 50 will be your independence day, at least as far as your hair is concerned.First, I am a little confused about your husband forbidding the bows and ponytails and your going along with it. That should be your choice. I can understand it if he just generally doesn't prefer these things, but I can never go along with the forbidding thing from anyone. Similarly, the color blonde--it's really up to you.Second, I don't believe in the age and length of hair taboo. Honestly, I think that's an individual choice. Most of all, from your questions, I think that you will be able to decide which length looks best on you. I went to school with a girl who was about your height and she had long blonde hair to nearly her knees. She got tired of it and trimmed it up to about derriere length. Personally, I liked it at that length best because she could style it proportionately to her height and features.Third, the chignon, French braid, French twist, etc. It really depends on how you pin up your hair as to whether you look "old-ladyish." I have seen many women on the street in my age group (20's) who frankly look rather hard with the way that they style their bun. I like to wear a chignon in the summer when it is very warm, but always try to bring some hair out to frame my face. Doing this can make one look warm and friendly. The same can be said of a French braid.I know a lady who I love to tell people about because of her beautiful hair and skin. She is in her 80's and her hair is completely white. Her skin is as soft as butter and her long hair is utterly gorgeous. It is extremely fine, but the lady has a pile of hair. No pun intended, but she piles her hair on her head and uses a couple of subtle, decorative pins in just the right places to hold her coif in place. Her hair always looks in perfect balance in terms of condition and health--just like her skin. I have seen her hair in several styles, but I like it best when she piles it on her head. It looks so natural and compliments her beautiful complexion. I would never think of this woman as an old lady because of how she wore her hair. I think she is simply a beautiful,elegant and classy woman.One last thing. I would really like to know when this cutting with aging started.Good luck to you and happy growing. I know that you will have quite an experience.All the Best,Jade21Hi everyone. I am doing something I have never done. I> am turning 50 years old this year and I have decided> to let my hair grow long!!! I can't believe me!!! I> have had very short hair ALL MY LIFE. I am a very> short woman. Just 4feet 10 inches tall. I have a> somewhat round face. These are the reasons I always> beleived I should have short hair. But I long for long> hair. I dream about it in my sleep. I really do! My> husband knows how much I want long hair so he is going> along with me on this. He has forbidden two things. No> bows, no pony tails. Fifty is too old for that he> says, I agree. Also it must look healthy and I must> never bleach it blonde. His ex wife had blonde hair.> I plan to keep my hair pinned up. French twist or> French braid. No tendrils in the back, long half bang> in the front. That way it will appear short, yet still> be long. My question to the list folks is, Do you> think pinned up hair is commonly thought of as an old> ladies hair style? I have a rather youthfull> appearance for my age, on a good day, I might pass for> very late 30's. I have very healthy medium auburn> hair. I am going to have long hair at least once in my> life. but I do have misgivings about it looking too> old. Already I can pin it up, but it is pretty tight> in the back. Looks a little severe. I think when it> grows and looks loose and relaxed it will be soft and> youthful looking.
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theresa View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote theresa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:43pm
Hi Jade:It was sure nice of you to respond to my post. Right, I do plan and in fact I am already framing my face with a shallow shorter bang on the left side and a longer deeper one on right. The center of my forehead has no bangs but is just combed back. Also I do have good height on the top and some fullness on the sides, with "fringey" sideburns. It's just servere in the back as it's not long enough to relax a little before it's pulled up.I agree that hair that is just slicked back tight in a bun is servere on any age woman. It looks like you did not want to take the time. But you know the main thing that makes any age woman look old is dull out of conditon hair regardless of the style. Like you, I question the mantra that after 40 women should have short hair. Does that mean that before 40 women should have long hair? Why does long hair make an older woman look older while it makes a young woman look younger? It makes no sense. I wonder if it's an old rule that goes back to the days when there were far less hair care products on the market and styles were limited to curling with bobby pins.I just realised why I want long hair so much. I want to feel more feminine!! And after growing my hair for just three months I already feel more feminine. I am just sick of short sporty hair. You said: "I would never think of this woman as an old lady because of how she wore her hair. I think she is simply a beautiful,elegant and classy woman."Wow. That's my goal. Away with sporty, hello elegant. And may I say, I do get compliments on my complexion quite often. Maybe I can be like that lady too....as I grow into my old age. (grin) Thanks for writting Jade.
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Dave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:43pm
Theresa,Congratulations on making a decision to get the hair you have alwayswanted. The conventional "wisdom" (an oxymoron, really) would havevirtually all women believe that long hair is not "right" for them.And that includes stereotypes about any particular style for a givenlength (such as bows, pony tails, being pinned up, etc). What mattersmost is not whether you fit any of these guidelines, but what YOU want.Enjoy the process, and feel good knowing that each day that passes,you get one day closer to achieving your goal of having long hair.Dave
David M Squires
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Holly View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Holly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 8:44pm
Theresa,Congratulations on your decision! I think it's exciting because you never had long hair before. I think you'll enjoy it very much. I agree with everything Jade said,(Hi Jade!) and you might have something there with how this age thing came about..it makes sense. I don't agree with your husband telling you how to wear your hair, or how to color it, although in my own opinion I guess you do have to take into consideration how bows look -to be honest, I don't like them on any adult woman, regardless of age. I just think teenagers are the oldest who can get away with it. That's just my opinion. Anyhow, happy hair growing!Holly
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