How I see a few things in the great long hair debate

If any of you slogged through the long response I made to Dave below and the equally long response he gave me back in the "TV promoting cutting long hair" thread below, you may have gathered some of what I'm braindumping here. I'll apologize for the stream of conciousness format ahead of time, but it's more or less a reality check for me (and maybe some other folks as well):1) Men's long hair vs. Women's long hair In Dave's posts, he is always an adamant defender (notice I didn't say "proponent", Dave?) of long hair. However, contrary to posts by most of the long haired women on the board (e.g., Jade, Holly, the Dianes, etc), he seems to approach the subject with a much more defensive perspective. This isn't a slam on Dave, but leads me to my point: Long hair on men and long hair on women are viewed COMPLETELY differently.Since, for better or worse, the societal standard for women is long hair and for men it's short hair, anything outside that norm draws attention. Women have a wide variety of hairstyles and length of hair usually only gets attention when it is in the extreme in one way or another (i.e., very long or very short). Men, however, will start getting noticed for their hair if it is very, VERY, short (e.g., buzzcut) or as soon as it gets significantly over the ears or collar. Guys like Dave or Jeff (one of our benevolent hosts) who sport impressive manes of hair are going to attract a lot of attention for it, whether they want it or not. Also, not that it's anyone else's business, they will attract more comments about cutting it since it so far exceeds the so-called societal norm.Women usually only get these comments if they have extremely long hair, opinionated friends, or a mother. The latter of these will hate it unless you cut it exactly like she says. :)So, my first reality check assumption would be that while comments to women with long hair would run about 50-50 pro vs. con (if not a bit higher pro), comments to men would be about 90% con. Am I right on this?2) Getting your long hair touched in public This would be just as bad as someone grabbing your hand to look at your nails. It's an uninvited violation of your personal space. I would suppose, the people that do it think they can get away with it simply because they weren't grabbing a breast of some other area that would obviously get them arrested for assault. Simply put, it isn't OK and the people doing it aren't right and should be reported. You don't have to put up with that.Second reality check would be that this isn't necessarily a comment on long hair as it is a comment on the insensitivity of some people or the belief in our responsibilty-free culture that your actions have no consequences. How close am I on this one?3) The media is anti-long hair Yes, I am tired of talking about this one now. Reading back through the other post, I think everyone saw my point but Dave, so I won't rehash it verbatim here. Essentially, makeover shows are for the audience and ratings first, the stylist second, and the makeover candidate third. If the candidate comes out with a look that they love, so much the better, but it obviously isn't a requirement as long as the audience and stylist like it. There are shows on haircare and the like, but they are fewer since they don't give the bang for the buck that makeover shows do.So, reality check number three would be that TV is about ratings and doesn't have and anti-long hair agenda. Plus you can't judge the average person by what happens on daytime TV talkshows. Heck, if TV is anti-long hair, how do you explain the success of Jane Seymour, Roma Downey, Jennifer Aniston, Lisa Kudrow (until she had the baby), Portia Di Rossi, etc.? Do you agree?That's pretty much it for now. I apologize for the length, but these are some things that I think most of us agree on, but somehow continue to rehash and argue constantly. If I'm wrong, here's your chance to tell me and the discussions can once again resume in earnest. Otherwise, it would just be nice to know that we were able to draw some conclusions from all of our posts thus far.Right, Dave? ;)As usual,JerkyFleaRelated Link:JerkyFlea's Celebrity Hair Spray

Hi JerkyFlea,How could I fail to respond? You've practically rolled out the redcarpet and delivered an invitation for my response on a silver platter:-) LOLThrough the course of many years I have seen many instances ofpressure -- "successfully" applied -- to myself, and to women, to cuttheir long hair when in the absence of such pressure I and they wouldnot have been inclined to do so.> Also, not that it's anyone else's business, they will attract more> comments about cutting it since it so far exceeds the so-called> societal norm.Yet people seem to want to make it their business. I speak againstthe insensitivity and rudeness in part because I feel that criticismdirected towards another person is hurtful. Life is tough enoughwithout others unnecessarily adding to the burden.> So, my first reality check assumption would be that... comments> to men would be about 90% con. Am I right on this?Aside from the nice folks here who have blessed me with "virtual"compliments, in real life I get very few compliments in real life thesedays. I guess I would say overall (for me) it's about 80% negative,20% positive.> 2) Getting your long hair touched in public This would be just as bad as> someone grabbing your hand to look at your nails. It's an uninvited violation of> your personal space. I would suppose, the people that do it think they can get> away with it simply because they weren't grabbing a breast of some other area> that would obviously get them arrested for assault. Simply put, it isn't OK and> the people doing it aren't right and should be reported. You don't have to put> up with that.Agreed.> Second reality check would be that this isn't necessarily a comment on long> hair as it is a comment on the insensitivity of some people or the belief in our> responsibilty-free culture that your actions have no consequences. How close> am I on this one?Right on. Some people seem to feel that they can say hurtful thingswith impunity. Although the public (person-to-person) forum isn't theonly place that this type of insensitivity is displayed.> 3) The media is anti-long hair Yes, I am tired of talking about this one now.> Reading back through the other post, I think everyone saw my point but Dave,> so I won't rehash it verbatim here. Essentially, makeover shows are for the> audience and ratings first, the stylist second, and the makeover candidate> third.I saw your point. I thought we had agreed that these types of makeovershows are done first and foremost for ratings. And I agree that thestylists also stand to (or at least, hope to) gain directly or indirectlyfrom the proceedings. One of the issues that outraged me about the Oprahshow in question, and that I touched on in an earlier post, was that thesister of the woman whose hair was cut admitted that she had begged hersister for 20 years to cut her hair. My question (buried deep in a longpost) was and remains, why was it so important to this woman that hersister cut her hair?> If the candidate comes out with a look that they love, so much the> better,Sure. But that clearly wasn't the case with the Oprah show in question.> but it obviously isn't a requirement as long as the audience and> stylist like it.(read the next sentence with dripping sarcasm as a lament on the humancondition...) Isn't it reassuring to know that we have our prioritiesstraight?The producers attitudes seem to be, "to heck with her feelings, as longas we make a buck!"> So, reality check number three would be that TV is about ratings and> doesn't have and anti-long hair agenda.The top three factors behind TV programming decisions is money, money,and money. Okay, I'm joking. It's "only" their single most importantissue.> Plus you can't judge the average person by what happens on daytime> TV talkshows. Heck, if TV is anti-long hair,Hang on... I never said that TV is anti-long hair. I said, and Iquote, "How many TV talks shows about hair do you ever see that promotelong hair? (No, they all promote haircuts)."I stand by my original statement as I have never once seen a TV talkshow promote long hair, when doing a feature on hair.And yes, there are some successful actresses (or is "actors" PC thesedays for women?) who have long hair on TV these days.Hope this answers your questions :-)Dave

> > .... the sister of the woman whose hair was cut admitted> > that she had begged her sister for 20 years to cut her> > hair. My question (buried deep in a long post) was and> > remains, why was it so important to this woman that her> > sister cut her hair?>> Maybe it goes back to when they were kids....who> knows? Maybe the "disaffected" sister was> insanely jealous of the one that formerly had the long> hair...who knows? Maybe the one who formerly had the> long hair stole the boyfriend of the> 'disaffected" sister long ago...who knows?Sorry I wasn't clear about what I was asking. Sure, any one of these reasons is plausible. What I'm really wondering about is why didn't the (begging) sister address (in her own mind) the source of her "need" to push her sister to action? I feel that the (formerly-long haired) sister paid the price for her sister's inability to resolve her own problematic issues, whatever they were.Anybody?

I'm sorry, Jerky, but despite the reasoned verbosity of your response, I don't really think you've illustrated the true issues of this debate at all. Its NOT about long vs short hair. It not about being an avid advocate of a given style. It not about tv propoganda. Its not about freaks on public transportation. Its about the negative, demeaning, insulting and generally derogatory phrases so often used to describe people who choose to wear their hair long. I have never heard a long haired person tell someone else something like "oh my that cut is so shockingly severe, what were you thinking?" or "gee isn't it time you gave up the helmet hair and got some character by growing it long?" And yet its perfectly acceptable for people to refer to me as insecure, defensive, emotionally retarded, fearful, stuck in the past, terrified to accept change as inevitable, clinging to a security blanket, etc., etc., ad nauseum. Are those of us with a preference not necessarily typical supposed to just accept these character judgments because others are unable or unwilling to understand or accept our loyal, and I think, quite noble, stable, commendable, commitment to our ideals? Certainly not.> 1) Men's long hair vs. Women's long hair In Dave's> posts, he is always an adamant defender (notice I> didn't say "proponent", Dave?) of long hair.> However, contrary to posts by most of the long haired> women on the board (e.g., Jade, Holly, the Dianes,> etc), he seems to approach the subject with a much> more defensive perspective. This isn't a slam on Dave,> but leads me to my point: Long hair on men and long> hair on women are viewed COMPLETELY differently.I have to disagree with this since I don't think Dave's posts are at all defensive. As far as I can tell they merely call into question the traditional myths about long hair and the people who wear it, requiring posters of ridiculous generalizations to put forth a reasonable rationale for their assumptions, something which they are never able to do. And while long hair on men and women is subject to separate and peculiar sets of prejudices I think the attacks on each sex can be equally damaging, for men its grow up you dirty hippie type, for women its, oh honey can't you see how it drags your face down, makes you look unprofessional, makes you look old, is so outdated, isn't right for your features or body type, etc., etc., the range of ludicrous arguments one hears on a regular basis.> Since, for better or worse, the societal standard for> women is long hair and for men it's short hair,> anything outside that norm draws attention. Women have> a wide variety of hairstyles and length of hair> usually only gets attention when it is in the extreme> in one way or another (i.e., very long or very short).> Men, however, will start getting noticed for their> hair if it is very, VERY, short (e.g., buzzcut) or as> soon as it gets significantly over the ears or collar.> Guys like Dave or Jeff (one of our benevolent hosts)> who sport impressive manes of hair are going to> attract a lot of attention for it, whether they want> it or not. Also, not that it's anyone else's business,> they will attract more comments about cutting it since> it so far exceeds the so-called societal norm.So? That doesn't make it right.> Women usually only get these comments if they have> extremely long hair, opinionated friends, or a mother.> The latter of these will hate it unless you cut it> exactly like she says. :)I don't think this is true, as evidenced by the numerous comments from women on this board who indicate that everyone from strangers in checkout lines to patients on hospital beds often vigorously and vehemently question their personal hairstyle choices and offer their own mundane suggestions.> So, my first reality check assumption would be that> while comments to women with long hair would run about> 50-50 pro vs. con (if not a bit higher pro), comments> to men would be about 90% con. Am I right on this?Again, what difference do the percentages make? The discussion and the issue is does someone have the right to publicly proclaim that long haired people are displaying latent insecurities and retarded emotional development by their perceived obsession with keeping their hair, just because they can comfortably say that for them, cutting their hair is not and never will be a desirable option.> So, reality check number three would be that TV is> about ratings and doesn't have and anti-long hair> agenda. Plus you can't judge the average person by> what happens on daytime TV talkshows. Heck, if TV is> anti-long hair, how do you explain the success of Jane> Seymour, Roma Downey, Jennifer Aniston, Lisa Kudrow> (until she had the baby), Portia Di Rossi, etc.? Do> you agree?Though I think its ridiculous to argue about the nature of television and its purpose, which is obviously to make money for sponsors, period, I would have to point out that the women you mention have just barely long hair, waist length at best, some longer than average, but not a lifetime of growing and if you check you'll see that they all cut their hair at some point didn't they to meet some unspoken guideline for how long, long can actually be. You won't find a woman with hair like mine on tv unless its on some show where they're trying to chop it off. I'm not saying that I care to see women with super long hair on tv, just that its a specious argument to say that because a couple people have hair past their shoulders long hair is represented in some appreciable form.> That's pretty much it for now. I apologize for the> length, but these are some things that I think most> of us agree on, but somehow continue to rehash and> argue constantly. If I'm wrong, here's your chance to> tell me and the discussions can once again resume in> earnest. Otherwise, it would just be nice to know that> we were able to draw some conclusions from all of our> posts thus far.As far as conclusions go, it would seem to me that the only real conclusion has been avoided completely, that being that it is inappropriate, offensive and rude to make comments and character assessments regarding people you don't know based on your assumptions about their choice in hairstyle. It is the height of arrogance to make pronouncements regarding someones spiritual, emotional, or intellectual development based on those same erroneous assumptions. I have some opinions about the mental stability of someone who on a whim, chops off their hair to a nub one day only to awaken the next regretting their impulsiveness and starts saving for the hair extensions that will somehow magically repair the damage of such a psychotic episode. I also have some strong opinions about people who think its fun to change, hair, job, house, religion, political affiliation, lifestyle choice, etc., every couple of years because "change is so very good for you" but you know what? You don't hear me making disparaging remarks about those people's personal choices or character or integrity or mental health do you? No, because I don't even have a right to an opinion about what someone else does with their own head. Knock yourself out, I say. But by the same token, no one has the right to tell me I am, delusional, insecure, fearful, immature, lacking forethought, unable to accept the inevitability of change, unhealthy in my obsessive attachments, etc., etc., just because they themselves have been forced to eat their words at some point in their lives when they were unwilling or unable to maintain the courage of their alleged convictions.I will NEVER cut my hair. I will NEVER betray or leave my husband. I will NEVER abandon my children. I will NEVER, of my own free will, wear pantyhose! I will NEVER live a life not true to the stirrings of my soul just because "change" is sure to bowl me over if I were only wise or aware enough to realize it. I can say NEVER without fear that I will be forced to betray that conviction because I'm not a 15 year old, and its the height of arrogance for someone to assume that my preferences, convictions, ideals, opinions and personal tastes are not ALREADY the product of a LIFETIME of introspection, intensive and poignant self analysis, widely varied social interaction, and deep philosophical pondering. My choices are born of thoughtful reasoning, cemented by many years of experience and retrospection, they are notfrivolous or meaningless or something I take lightly. Can those who would impinge my character or mental health say the same? Why are some so rabidly opposed to a person being comfortable with their choices in life? Are they so uncomfortablewith their own that they can't stand to see someone who doesn't constantly question theirs? In the inevitably changing fortunes of time the constancy of my choices provide me with dependable enjoyment, personal fullfillment and deep satisfaction. If a persons alternative choices offered them the same contentment, would they be so adamant about proving me wrong?You want some conclusion? Conclude that the long hairs who post are quite content to be who they are and quite happy to allow others the same freedom. Conclude that by constantly insisting that someone will, or HAS to change, people are not offering up pearls of universal wisdom they are displaying their own inability to understand the virtues of stability and conviction. Just because someone else has found need to reevaluate and overhaul their life on a regular basis doesn't mean I have to. How do they know I wasn't just thoughtful and clever enough to get it right the first time?The friction comes when we as long hair lovers are all too often relegated to the ranks of latent counterculture fools who cannot seem to fathom our own pathetic need for attention or our ever present "security blanket". Its beyond disrespectful and I hardly think that anyone could be expected to quietly witness such treatment without even attempting to counter such misguided propaganda. We who understand what it means to be judged would never treat others as shamefully as we are often treated, THAT is the crux issue of this debate.So. I await the assortment of diatribes regarding my emotional and mental health, safe and secure in the knowledge that they matter not a whit to my overall happiness and sense of fulfillment in life.But wait, oh no! They were all right and I've changed my mind! I don't like purple anymore! Gardening is a dirty pain in the butt! I never realized how annoying my spouse is! I need a new wardrobe, new job, new house, new kids, new car! No wait, maybe if I whack off 23 years growth of glorious hair I'll feel better about myself! Yea, that's it change everything! It'll be good for me!NOT. No way. NEVER.Very best wishes to all whatever your hair choices may be,Dawn

> Dear Dawn:Just wanted to say I admire you very much for your convictions, your strenght. YOu are certainly someone that is very true to yourself and true to the ones around you. You are very rare and not many people can follow that path of honesty, kindness,etc like you have. YOu have a backbone. It shows in your writing and everyone around you is certainly bless by having you around. I wish I knew you as a neighbor.You are like a tree that is very strong in a wicked storm and knows how to bend but not break. You are very kind and considerate toward others even when you don't know them personally like the internet etc. Thank you very much for putting it in the proper words. You are certainly gifted with knowing how to express yourself. As I read your words I totally agree with you as you spoke of the reality and the frustration of many long hair people have but when I reach the phrase of not wearing pantyhose I laughed because I used to be rep for Hanes pantyhose. The horror, the horror lolYes even I have often said who ever designed those things should be lock up for the crime.>>Diane from Canada>>>>>>

Dear Lurker:Dawn said she will stand by her values and her loved ones, and not change them just for the sake of change. She didn't say she is afraid of any change, or that she won't change anything in her life, just that she will stand by what she believes in and what is important to her. Since when is it considered better to discard what you value *just* for the sake of mindless change? Changes should be made because they are an overall improvement, considering all the ramifications, not just to satisfy a fetish for change.To suggest that this is mindless opposition to change is inaccurate, illogical, and unfair. Your inappropriate and insensitive hostility to such a principled, clearheaded, and ethical stand is a poor reflection on your own values and personal character.I think Dawn's post was an outstanding and passionate argument for standing up for one's own values rather than being a cloned sheep. Well done, Dawn!

> Dawn said she will stand by her values and her loved> ones, and not change them just for the sake of change.Give me a break!! a commitment to people you love is different from refusing to believe that someday you may change your mind about cutting your hair.> just that she> will stand by what she believes in and what is> important to her.but she's being close-minded by saying she'll never change! values are great to have and to stand by, but haircuts!?!?!?! get a grip. it's hair, for chrissake.Since when is it considered better> to discard what you value *just* for the sake of> mindless change?nobody said to change just for change. but saying that you refuse to change or that you know you will never change your hairstyle preference shows a real insecurity problem. maybe she won't change her mind about her haircut, but not even acknowleding that her opinions (NOT HER VALUES, which are different) may change shows a true lack of immaturity. you long-hair people need to get a grip on what is important in life, nobody says you have to cut your hair

lurker,You made an interesting comment below:>change shows a true lack of immaturity.The American Heritage Dictionary defines "immaturity" as: "1. Not fully grown or developed; unripe. 2. Marked by or suggesting a lack of normal maturity." and defines "lack" as: "1. A deficiency or absence; want: a lack of money. 2. Something that is needed." Might you want to rephrase your premise? As I read this you are saying that a person who will never consider changing their hair style is displaying maturity, since a double negative results in a positive.Just because a person believes at this time in their life that they will never change does not mean they are insecure or immature. That may just be where their mindset is at the time. Life changes can result in new perspectives, but until that happens a person may be resolute in their convictions. That is not necessarily a character flaw but just a state of mind.>you long-hair> people need to get a grip on what is important in> life, nobody says you have to cut your hairIt may be true that no one is suggesting we cut our hair, but the subtle pressure is still there. Yes, there are more important things in life, but to make a desire to have long hair as being inconsequential is to misunderstand human psychology.How about you? I would assume you wear your hair short. Would you ever consider a change?I respect your right to wear your hair as you wish. As for me, mine will be long. Thanks for the interaction.Kent

> I'm sorry, Jerky, but despite the reasoned verbosity> of your response, I don't really think you've> illustrated the true issues of this debate at all. Its> NOT about long vs short hair. It not about being an> avid advocate of a given style. It not about tv> propoganda. Its not about freaks on public> transportation. Its about the negative, demeaning,> insulting and generally derogatory phrases so often> used to describe people who choose to wear their hair> long. I have never heard a long haired person tell> someone else something like "oh my that cut is so> shockingly severe, what were you thinking?" or> "gee isn't it time you gave up the helmet hair> and got some character by growing it long?" And> yet its perfectly acceptable for people to refer to me> as insecure, defensive, emotionally retarded, fearful,> stuck in the past, terrified to accept change as> inevitable, clinging to a security blanket, etc.,> etc., ad nauseum. Are those of us with a preference> not necessarily typical supposed to just accept these> character judgments because others are unable or> unwilling to understand or accept our loyal, and I> think, quite noble, stable, commendable, commitment to> our ideals? Certainly not.> I have to disagree with this since I don't think> Dave's posts are at all defensive. As far as I can> tell they merely call into question the traditional> myths about long hair and the people who wear it,> requiring posters of ridiculous generalizations to put> forth a reasonable rationale for their assumptions,> something which they are never able to do. And while> long hair on men and women is subject to separate and> peculiar sets of prejudices I think the attacks on> each sex can be equally damaging, for men its grow up> you dirty hippie type, for women its, oh honey can't> you see how it drags your face down, makes you look> unprofessional, makes you look old, is so outdated,> isn't right for your features or body type, etc.,> etc., the range of ludicrous arguments one hears on a> regular basis.> So? That doesn't make it right.> I don't think this is true, as evidenced by the> numerous comments from women on this board who> indicate that everyone from strangers in checkout> lines to patients on hospital beds often vigorously> and vehemently question their personal hairstyle> choices and offer their own mundane suggestions.> Again, what difference do the percentages make? The> discussion and the issue is does someone have the> right to publicly proclaim that long haired people are> displaying latent insecurities and retarded emotional> development by their perceived obsession with keeping> their hair, just because they can comfortably say that> for them, cutting their hair is not and never will be> a desirable option.> Though I think its ridiculous to argue about the> nature of television and its purpose, which is> obviously to make money for sponsors, period, I would> have to point out that the women you mention have just> barely long hair, waist length at best, some longer> than average, but not a lifetime of growing and if you> check you'll see that they all cut their hair at some> point didn't they to meet some unspoken guideline for> how long, long can actually be. You won't find a woman> with hair like mine on tv unless its on some show> where they're trying to chop it off. I'm not saying> that I care to see women with super long hair on tv,> just that its a specious argument to say that because> a couple people have hair past their shoulders long> hair is represented in some appreciable form.> As far as conclusions go, it would seem to me that the> only real conclusion has been avoided completely, that> being that it is inappropriate, offensive and rude to> make comments and character assessments regarding> people you don't know based on your assumptions about> their choice in hairstyle. It is the height of> arrogance to make pronouncements regarding someones> spiritual, emotional, or intellectual development> based on those same erroneous assumptions. I have some> opinions about the mental stability of someone who on> a whim, chops off their hair to a nub one day only to> awaken the next regretting their impulsiveness and> starts saving for the hair extensions that will> somehow magically repair the damage of such a> psychotic episode. I also have some strong opinions> about people who think its fun to change, hair, job,> house, religion, political affiliation, lifestyle> choice, etc., every couple of years because> "change is so very good for you" but you> know what? You don't hear me making disparaging> remarks about those people's personal choices or> character or integrity or mental health do you? No,> because I don't even have a right to an opinion about> what someone else does with their own head. Knock> yourself out, I say. But by the same token, no one has> the right to tell me I am, delusional, insecure,> fearful, immature, lacking forethought, unable to> accept the inevitability of change, unhealthy in my> obsessive attachments, etc., etc., just because they> themselves have been forced to eat their words at some> point in their lives when they were unwilling or> unable to maintain the courage of their alleged> convictions.> I will NEVER cut my hair. I will NEVER betray or leave> my husband. I will NEVER abandon my children. I will> NEVER, of my own free will, wear pantyhose! I will> NEVER live a life not true to the stirrings of my soul> just because "change" is sure to bowl me> over if I were only wise or aware enough to realize> it. I can say NEVER without fear that I will be forced> to betray that conviction because I'm not a 15 year> old, and its the height of arrogance for someone to> assume that my preferences, convictions, ideals,> opinions and personal tastes are not ALREADY the> product of a LIFETIME of introspection, intensive and> poignant self analysis, widely varied social> interaction, and deep philosophical pondering. My> choices are born of thoughtful reasoning, cemented by> many years of experience and retrospection, they are> not> frivolous or meaningless or something I take lightly.> Can those who would impinge my character or mental> health say the same? Why are some so rabidly opposed> to a person being comfortable with their choices in> life? Are they so uncomfortable> with their own that they can't stand to see someone> who doesn't constantly question theirs? In the> inevitably changing fortunes of time the constancy of> my choices provide me with dependable enjoyment,> personal fullfillment and deep satisfaction. If a> persons alternative choices offered them the same> contentment, would they be so adamant about proving me> wrong?> You want some conclusion? Conclude that the long hairs> who post are quite content to be who they are and> quite happy to allow others the same freedom. Conclude> that by constantly insisting that someone will, or HAS> to change, people are not offering up pearls of> universal wisdom they are displaying their own> inability to understand the virtues of stability and> conviction. Just because someone else has found need> to reevaluate and overhaul their life on a regular> basis doesn't mean I have to. How do they know I> wasn't just thoughtful and clever enough to get it> right the first time?> The friction comes when we as long hair lovers are all> too often relegated to the ranks of latent> counterculture fools who cannot seem to fathom our own> pathetic need for attention or our ever present> "security blanket". Its beyond disrespectful> and I hardly think that anyone could be expected to> quietly witness such treatment without even attempting> to counter such misguided propaganda. We who> understand what it means to be judged would never> treat others as shamefully as we are often treated,> THAT is the crux issue of this debate.> So. I await the assortment of diatribes regarding my> emotional and mental health, safe and secure in the> knowledge that they matter not a whit to my overall> happiness and sense of fulfillment in life.> But wait, oh no! They were all right and I've changed> my mind! I don't like purple anymore! Gardening is a> dirty pain in the butt! I never realized how annoying> my spouse is! I need a new wardrobe, new job, new> house, new kids, new car! No wait, maybe if I whack> off 23 years growth of glorious hair I'll feel better> about myself! Yea, that's it change everything! It'll> be good for me!> NOT. No way. NEVER.> Very best wishes to all whatever your hair choices may> be,> Dawn

Hi Dawn,Quite the impressive missive here in response. I guess I should be pleased that inspired you to such a intense and passionate post. Since it is so in depth, I'll try to answer the few points directed at me and maybe a couple of others...> I'm sorry, Jerky, but despite the reasoned verbosity> of your response, I don't really think you've> illustrated the true issues of this debate at all...Wasn't trying to hit all of the issues. Just trying to summarize my thoughts on a few points that have spawned rather large threads on the board.> Are those of us with a preference> not necessarily typical supposed to just accept these> character judgments because others are unable or> unwilling to understand or accept our loyal, and I> think, quite noble, stable, commendable, commitment to> our ideals? Certainly not.Never said you were. If a complete stranger criticizes what I happen to be wearing because they don't like it, that doesn't make them right, just rude. As I stated in a post to Dave below, the people making the comments are those that you make uncomfortable due to your personal statement through your appearance. Which is entirely their problem. Most of thos folks would also disapprove of your average pierced, tattooed skateboarder...but are too chicken to say anything directly to them. ;)> I have to disagree with this since I don't think> Dave's posts are at all defensive.I'll hit this in the "Dave as Defensive" thread above.> I don't think this is true, as evidenced by the> numerous comments from women on this board who> indicate that everyone from strangers in checkout> lines to patients on hospital beds often vigorously> and vehemently question their personal hairstyle> choices and offer their own mundane suggestions.Uh...the mother line was a joke. My point was along the lines of the "defenders of societal norms" that long haired folks make uncomfortable and how familiarity of family or friends makes them more likely to comment.> Again, what difference do the percentages make? The> discussion and the issue is does someone have the> right to publicly proclaim that long haired people are> displaying latent insecurities and retarded emotional> development by their perceived obsession with keeping> their hair, just because they can comfortably say that> for them, cutting their hair is not and never will be> a desirable option.Like I said, everyone has a choice on how they look and it is no one's business but their own. Unfortunately, society doesn't work that way, and there will always be folks there to remind you that you look different.>...I would> have to point out that the women you mention have just> barely long hair, waist length at best, some longer> than average, but not a lifetime of growing and if you> check you'll see that they all cut their hair at some> point didn't they to meet some unspoken guideline for> how long, long can actually be. You won't find a woman> with hair like mine on tv unless its on some show> where they're trying to chop it off. I'm not saying> that I care to see women with super long hair on tv,> just that its a specious argument to say that because> a couple people have hair past their shoulders long> hair is represented in some appreciable form.Ok, I have to disagree with you here. You are now defining long hair as only REALLY long hair. As you are well aware, there aren't that many women out there with hair as long as yours. Few of those are actresses. To have someone like Roma Downey (who's hair is approaching tush length), Jane Seymour, and, back in the 80s, Kathleen Beller on TV AT ALL goes a long way in representing the percentage of women who have made the investment you have in your hair.> As far as conclusions go, it would seem to me that the> only real conclusion has been avoided completely, that> being that it is inappropriate, offensive and rude to> make comments and character assessments regarding> people you don't know based on your assumptions about> their choice in hairstyle.I cut this off here only because the rest of your post very eloquently expands upon this very simple and true point. As I said above, no one really has the right to criticize you for what you wear, how you look, what your religious preference is, etc. Unfortunately, except for a few laws such as those governing sexual harassment, there isn't much you can do about the cretins who feel they were put on this earth to make sure everyone looks like they think they should.> You want some conclusion? Conclude that the long hairs> who post are quite content to be who they are and> quite happy to allow others the same freedom. Conclude> that by constantly insisting that someone will, or HAS> to change, people are not offering up pearls of> universal wisdom they are displaying their own> inability to understand the virtues of stability and> conviction. Just because someone else has found need> to reevaluate and overhaul their life on a regular> basis doesn't mean I have to. How do they know I> wasn't just thoughtful and clever enough to get it> right the first time?I have no doubt that you are contented in your life and with the choices you have made and I commend you for it. You're waiting for the "but" aren't you? :) Not gonna get one.> We who> understand what it means to be judged would never> treat others as shamefully as we are often treated,> THAT is the crux issue of this debate.Very true. We shouldn't judge others...unless, of course, we write a column... =)Later,JFRelated Link:JerkyFlea's Celebrity Hair Spray