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New experience as a long-haired lady

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Diane from Canada View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane from Canada Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:05pm
> You know, lurker and Zorak, have been cute names, but> I think you should call yourself Troll.> Very best wishes to all!> DawnI agree with you and in fact I wish that Karen and Jeff would make it a rule that we all need to show our email address so that way it would prevent people from pretending they are more than one person .
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Dave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:05pm
> My point is that strangers' observations, even when> cruel and unsolicited, tend to be honest. Their> rudeness might be unforgivable, but if someone mutters> that your hair looks awful, you should assume that> that is their real opinion--not that they are jealous> and bitter. Moreover, I suggest that Jena has> experienced a day in the life of someone with BAD long> hair, not someone with long hair.> I do not believe there are many people out there who> harbor animosity toward long hair in general. It's> usually /unflattering/ long hair that is the subject> of derision. Unfortunately, I see a lot of women> walking around with hair that is too thin or damaged> to look good at its current lengthHi Ally,The REAL point is not whether or not a person likes or dislikes someone else's hair. The point is that it is impolite, rude, and thoughtless to (negatively) criticizeanybody else's style to their face -- unless they specifically ask for an opinion! Feel free to compliment all you want -- but be very cautious about criticizing.> or that simply> does not become them. (On the wrong person, even the> nicest long hair looks like a dead animal slung over> the shoulders. It can drag down a pretty face and make> an average neck look non-existent. It may also add> pounds and years.)I wonder if this is more a criticism of the other person's physique/face/etc than it is of their hair?> One final note: When I say "disparaging> comments," I mean along the lines of "ugly> mess." I am not talking about those fashion> clones who insist that longer hair is not in vogue. In> most cases, they only want to help you to be chic, and> will not try to make you feel BAD about yourself.Of course they only want to "help." The hidden message behind such "helpful" advice is essentially that the target is somehow lacking or not good enough -- unless they "hurry up and get with it." It's a veiled form of criticism of one's present state because it presumes that the target does not have eyes and cannot choose for themselves whether or not to follow the trend.Dave
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:05pm
> Now about two years ago I cut my hair from mid back to> 1/2 inch all around (a real pixie cut). Everone at> work as well as all of my closest friends and family> loved it and the comments that I heard most were> "It's good to see that you have finally grown> up" and "Thank God you finally cut your hair> off." I hated it and decided right away to grow> it back. (That's when I found this site!)Hi Kira,It's interesting to note that despite appearing to be compliments on the surface, they actually seem to be less of a praise of the appearance of the hairstyle than as a put-down of your former choice. In other words, the first comment, "It's good to see that you have finally grown up" implies that somehow your haircut equated to a maturing (which makes no sense to me). And the second comment seems rather nasty, as if what they didn't say was "Thank you for no longer punishing me with the sight of your long hair."Dave
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:05pm
> I agree with you and in fact I wish that Karen and> Jeff would make it a rule that we all need to show our> email address so that way it would prevent people from> pretending they are more than one person .I agree with both of you. I think a particular individual is beginning to assume a number of identities today...
David M Squires
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Ally View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ally Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:05pm
> Hi Ally,> The REAL point is not whether or not a person likes or> dislikes someone else's hair. The point is that it is> impolite, rude, and thoughtless to (negatively)> criticize> anybody else's style to their face -- unless they> specifically ask for an opinion! Feel free to> compliment all you want -- but be very cautious about> criticizing.** EXACTLY! So Jena's post is /really/ about rude and critical people, or perhaps the response of rude and critical people to hairstyles they don't like. It has little to do with "The Plight of the Long-Haired."When my hair looked like cotton candy a few years ago from overprocessing, I got my share of snide remarks and "helpful" suggestions to cut it. It was just below chin-length.> I wonder if this is more a criticism of the other> person's physique/face/etc than it is of their hair?** Yes and no. My best friend is very beautiful, but the color pink does not look good on her. If I advise her (when she asks me) not to wear pink, I am not suggesting that she is not /beautiful/ enough to wear pink. It simply doesn't flatter her.That being said, I will admit that long hair is a stand-out and an attention getter. Much like a large and flamboyant hat, it requires a certain "something" to be pulled off. A person who lacks that "something," whether it be confidence, a suitable build, or an appropriate wardrobe, will look silly.And I'll be brutally honest here: If a person is also overweight or poorly dressed, the long hair is going to make them an especial object of ridicule, because it looks like they're trying to compensate for one with the other. Or the long hair looks like an ignorant mistake instead of a fashion statement.Now, let us take the case of Jena. Since she has already stated she looks like me, we must assume that Jena is a sleek and stunning creature who dresses impeccably. But the wig she had on was unbelievably blonde and unbelievably thick. These people were criticizing her /hair/. And they probably found it especially ironic because hair like that requires a lot of effort to maintain. So this woman is TRYING to look that way.> Of course they only want to "help." The> hidden message behind such "helpful" advice> is essentially that the target is somehow lacking or> not good enough -- unless they "hurry up and get> with it." It's a veiled form of criticism of> one's present state because it presumes that the> target does not have eyes and cannot choose for> themselves whether or not to follow the trend.** But Dave, criticism--when offered appropriately--is a GOOD thing! If my mini skirt makes my hips look big, I WANT my friend to tell me. That's what she's there for. And if someone is trying very hard to be attractive, and her hairstyle is detracting from her overall appearance, she might appreciate knowing. /I/ certainly would. We can't always see ourselves the way others do. We look in the mirror and see what we /want/ to look like. Or what we /hope/ to look like in six months when the last of that bad bleach job grows out.Ally
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> You've completely missed the point.No I did not, I merely pointed out that you failed to see how what you said can apply so aptly to thelong-haired people on this board who constantly rush in when they needpropping up. It kind of reminds me of an AA meeting, were everyone getstogether to help their buddies "over the hump" to not take a drink. But, aroundhere it is "oh, don't get a HAIRCUT ".> I said that a person who encourages others to cut> their hair short to feel better about their action isn't> truly confident in their choice to have cut their hair.And I have merely pointed out that what you said can also apply to people whopost here to support each other about NOT cutting their hair.> We certainly know now, despite some rumors, that you> AREN'T one of those malcontent infiltrators "lurking"> around within the LHC! :-)Si senior, no malcontent here.Z.
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> ..........I wish that Karen and> Jeff would make it a rule that we all need to show our> email address so that way it would prevent people from> pretending they are more than one person.First, if I did put my e-mail address up, it would get my inbox flooded with hate mail.Second, the way this board is set up, anyone can use any fake e-mail address, and in fact can change it at will, even posting a different e-mail address with each message! (for an example, see above)Third, I have been Lurker (with a capital "L"), and I am now Zorak. But, I have never been lurker (with a lower-case "l"), and I am not in any way pretending to be more than one person.Zorak
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> And I'll be brutally honest here: If a person is also> overweight or poorly dressed, the long hair is going> to make them an especial object of ridicule, because> it looks like they're trying to compensate for one> with the other. Or the long hair looks like an> ignorant mistake instead of a fashion statement.I have to agree -- you're absolutely right. Long hair by itself doesn't mean that other facets of grooming and attire should be ignored. Unfortunately, I've seen a few people like this. In fact, last night I saw an extremely thin man, probably in his 20s or 30s with hair down to his rear. However, it was very thin and most importantly it looked horribly greasy and dirty! It would look just as bad if he had short hair, but the long hair just stands out more.> ** But Dave, criticism--when offered appropriately--is> a GOOD thing! If my mini skirt makes my hips look big,> I WANT my friend to tell me. That's what she's there> for.I agree, but hearing words like that from a friend who has the intent of helping is an awfully lot different from hearing them from total strangers. I personally find blue eyeshadow repugnant. But I'd *never* tell a stranger that she looks like a cheap tramp with it on! If she truly feels her best wearing it, then she should.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zorak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:05pm
> How long did your hair grow during the first year? The> standard answer I've heard is that hair grows> 1/2" per month, but a new acquaintance of mine> who is a stylist, says it's definitely more like> 1/4". That doesn't sound like much of a> difference, but over the course of a year, it's> 6" compared to 3"!!Jena, I can tell you this: the best thing in the world for my wife's hair has been.....pregnancy! I am not joking here at all; both times my wife has been pregnant, it has just done wonders for her hair...it doubled the growth and it was so thick and shiny.Oh, the downside is that when the baby is born, she sheds a LOT of hair in a matter of weeks.Oh well....Zorak
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> I agree with both of you. I think a particular> individual is beginning to assume a number of> identities today...I only have 2 things to say:1: Mutual aid society sign me up.2: To Dave,Diane,Dawn and Jade - game set matchThanks I enjoyed this one today John
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> First, if I did put my e-mail address up, it would get> my inbox flooded with hate mail.>Well think about it. What exactly are you doing that is so wrong that would fill your inbox with hate mail? (Diane)> Third, I have been Lurker (with a capital> "L"), and I am now Zorak. But, I have never> been lurker (with a lower-case "l"), and I> am not in any way pretending to be more than one> person.Then for goodness sakes post your real email address !
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I've been there! However, I think that midwives and doctors should tell pregnant women to expect some hair loss in the months following postpartum. It scares a lot of women when they lose their hair because they don't realize it's only temporary. But during pregnancy....oh what absolutely perfectly beautiful skin and hair we have!
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Jena,I'm going to stick my two cents worth into this conversation. Hope it helps.> How long did your hair grow during the first year? The> standard answer I've heard is that hair grows> 1/2" per month, but a new acquaintance of mine> who is a stylist, says it's definitely more like> 1/4". That doesn't sound like much of a> difference, but over the course of a year, it's> 6" compared to 3"!!Where did your stylist get the 1/4" per year statistic? Everything I have read indicate most people's hair grows about 6 inches a year (this can vary with individuals). I have been growing my hair since March 1, 1996 (three years, three plus months). My hair is to the middle of my back and has grown AT THE LEAST six inches per year.There is no doubt it is a VERY SLOW process, but if long hair is what you want, go for it. You will learn patience, endurance, and a lot of other positive things about yourself along the way.Good luck!Kent
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Heh. I am also 6 feet tall--well, 5'11", my license says-- with a fit body and good facial features. This IS odd, Jena!Ally
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JerkyFlea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:05pm
> Then for goodness sakes post your real email address !First, as Zorak pointed out, you could put anything in as an email address and it wouldn't get rejected. Second, many folks have multiple email addresses between various home and work ISPs, business email, and the multiple free email sites now. But, simply put, what the heck does it matter?I mean, are you demanding email so that you can confirm that he isn't posting as more than one person? Why not ask for his full name and address so you can run a background check? Furthermore, how do I know that Dawn and Diane from Canada aren't the same person? Or that it's just Dave additionally posting as two women? I don't, but I DO recognize that it would be highly improbable.Heck, you haven't accused Ally and Jena of being the same person and they sound as though they could be twin sisters! Are you just suspicious of those that are offering a dissenting opinion?Lighten up and let it go, for Pete's sake.As usual,JFRelated Link:JerkyFlea's Celebrity Hair Spray
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:05pm
> ** EXACTLY! So Jena's post is /really/ about rude and> critical people, or perhaps the response of rude and> critical people to hairstyles they don't like. It has> little to do with "The Plight of the> Long-Haired."> When my hair looked like cotton candy a few years ago> from overprocessing, I got my share of snide remarks> and "helpful" suggestions to cut it. It was> just below chin-length.> ** Yes and no. My best friend is very beautiful, but> the color pink does not look good on her. If I advise> her (when she asks me) not to wear pink, I am not> suggesting that she is not /beautiful/ enough to wear> pink. It simply doesn't flatter her.I'm hearing you say that there can be two different bases for criticism;one having to do with an objective assessment of the hair's condition,the other having to do with subjective assessments of the "suitability"of the style/length and the extent to which it "flatters" the wearer.Assuming of course that a person has solicited other's opinions, criticismof the former might be more worthy of consideration than the latter. Forexample, the end of an individual hair is either split, or it is not split.And anyone's hair is, to a measureable and comparable degree, healthy ordamaged or somewhere in-between. (It's worth noting that the solutionsto these and other problems vary, and there can be different solutionsfor a given problem). However, assessments of "suitability" should beviewed as a subjective determination which may not be shared by severalor many others, and are also subject to other (what I claim are completelyirrelevant) considerations such as whether or not a given look is "in style."> That being said, I will admit that long hair is a> stand-out and an attention getter. Much like a large> and flamboyant hat, it requires a certain> "something" to be pulled off.IMHO, when other characteristics are "in place," long hair is theultimate complement.> A person who> lacks that "something," whether it be> confidence, a suitable build, or an appropriate> wardrobe, will look silly.> And I'll be brutally honest here: If a person is also> overweight or poorly dressed, the long hair is going> to make them an especial object of ridicule, because> it looks like they're trying to compensate for one> with the other. Or the long hair looks like an> ignorant mistake instead of a fashion statement."Silly" could be seen as an objectionable comment to some people.Though if, as you say, something else is "lacking" (and it isn't thehair), why should the hair be seen as holding any responsibility forthat other characteristic's perceived shortcomings?> Now, let us take the case of Jena. Since she has> already stated she looks like me, we must assume that> Jena is a sleek and stunning creature who dresses> impeccably.I am happy for you to hear that you are happy with your looks.> But the wig she had on was unbelievably> blonde and unbelievably thick. These people were> criticizing her /hair/. And they probably found it> especially ironic because hair like that requires a> lot of effort to maintain. So this woman is TRYING to> look that way.So what's wrong with that? Why should anybody discourage someone elsefrom their effforts?> ** But Dave, criticism--when offered appropriately--is> a GOOD thing! If my mini skirt makes my hips look big,> I WANT my friend to tell me. That's what she's there> for.But such appraisals are (a) subjective, and (b) from the perspective ofonly one or several other people.> And if someone is trying very hard to be> attractive, and her hairstyle is detracting from her> overall appearance, she might appreciate knowing. /I/> certainly would.Presumably these friends providing the "helpful" advice are also women... right?Then to whom is she trying to appear to be attractive -- in the eyes and mindsof the other women? Or to men? And if she wants to attract men, why shouldshe not look the way she wants, and allow the men that like that chosen lookto find her attractive as she is and as she chooses to be?> We can't always see ourselves the way> others do. We look in the mirror and see what we> /want/ to look like. Or what we /hope/ to look like in> six months when the last of that bad bleach job grows> out.Okay, I can understand about trying to look past the present and towardsa (hopefully) better future, but it seems as though one should be able toacknowledge the current state of reality, and be able to differentiatebetween that and one's hopes. An inability to do so is, well, possiblydelusional.Dave
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:06pm
> I have to agree -- you're absolutely right. Long hair> by itself doesn't mean that other facets of grooming> and attire should be ignored.I definitely agree. Having long hair in and of itself is IMHO not abasis upon which to disregard a need to otherwise take care of one's self!> Unfortunately, I've seen> a few people like this. In fact, last night I saw an> extremely thin man, probably in his 20s or 30s with> hair down to his rear. However, it was very thin and> most importantly it looked horribly greasy and dirty!> It would look just as bad if he had short hair, but> the long hair just stands out more.Okay, but the (fair) criticism is with his general cleanlinesshabits -- or lack thereof. (ewww)> I agree, but hearing words like that from a friend who> has the intent of helping is an awfully lot different> from hearing them from total strangers.Agreed. There is a BIG difference.> I personally> find blue eyeshadow repugnant. But I'd *never* tell a> stranger that she looks like a cheap tramp with it on!> If she truly feels her best wearing it, then she> should.Absolutely. Who am *I* to go up to a stranger and tell them how muchI dislike their blue eyeshadow or whatever? I also would never do thatbecause doing so would reflect more poorly on MY manners than on HERsense of style!Dave
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> No I did not, I merely pointed out that you failed to> see how what you said can apply so aptly to the> long-haired people on this board who constantly rush> in when they need> propping up. It kind of reminds me of an AA meeting,> were everyone gets> together to help their buddies "over the> hump" to not take a drink. But, around> here it is "oh, don't get a HAIRCUT ".Gee, you have so professed your love of change that I am surprisedthat you would gauge the timeliness of responses to a subject(of which you apparently disapprove) as being "rushed."And who are you to criticize -- and, in effect, minimize -- thetopical thoughts and shared experiences of others along the linesof a "Hair Politics" subject thread?Tell me something. Some time ago you ranted about how some people"need to get a backbone." So if part of the process of developingthat backbone is seeking affirmation of their choice (and if indeedthat is what some are seeking here), why then would you condescendthat effort?Unlike you, I don't perceive any such "rush" to "prop up" those whoare wavering. On the contrary, I see calm, thoughtful, and rationaldiscourse, oftentimes backed up with anecdotal experience.When a person posts saying that they are thinking about cutting theirlong hair, what I see from others is (a) stories shared by others whowere also considering the same, and who did it (and from what I havegleaned, the majority have said that they later regretted it), and(b) advice to think carefully about the decision, and if a decisionis made to cut, to go about the length changes gradually, which, tome, sounds like very sound advice.I don't ever recall anybody on this board ever telling anybody elseoutright to NOT get a haircut. But certainly, many long-haired peoplewho participate on this board HAVE been told at various times (in reallife) by others to GET a haircut.What do I see? I see the people on this board providing a fairlybalanced point of view -- certainly far more balanced than the peoplethey have encountered in real life who exhort them to "just cut that hair."-----------I previously said: "I said that a person who encourages others to cuttheir hair short to feel better about their action isn't truly confidentin their choice to have cut their hair."Your response:> And I have merely pointed out that what you said can> also apply to people who> post here to support each other about NOT cutting> their hair.Nope. You are making an assumption (the validity of which I seriouslydoubt) that advice given to think carefully about the decision (andstories of shared experiences) constitutes a basis of support for theadvice giver's choice to wear long hair (a fair number of whom do notnow have long hair). I see no evidence to support your assumptionfrom other's participation here, and it certainly does not apply to me.Good day.
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It's really hard to say how fast my hair has grown. The initial growing out was easy. My hair just became very funky messy looking (stylish bed-head with a hair band or sleepers). Then the back was as long as the base of my neck and the sides were as long as the bottom of my ear lobes. Then I started cutting it to match up the sides and the back. The backs and sides still aren't the same length. I wear my hair in a semi-blunt cut with layered sides. I could and want to wear it blunt, but don't want to sacrifice the length yet for a blunt cut (I will when it reaches my waist). With all of the cuts according to my ruler my hair has grown about 10 inches. I find that it grows more in the late spring to early fall and less in the colder months. I don't know whether it's because of the cold weather or the fact that my hair is stuffed in a touque for most of the winter. Right now my hair is growing like crazy. The weather is warmer and I have really been craving (and eating) tons of fish so maybe the extra protein is encouraging more hair growth.Hope that helps a bit.
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> It's really hard to say how fast my hair has grown.> The initial growing out was easy. My hair just became> very funky messy looking (stylish bed-head with a hair> band or sleepers). Then the back was as long as the> base of my neck and the sides were as long as the> bottom of my ear lobes. Then I started cutting it to> match up the sides and the back. The backs and sides> still aren't the same length. I wear my hair in a> semi-blunt cut with layered sides. I could and want to> wear it blunt, but don't want to sacrifice the length> yet for a blunt cut (I will when it reaches my waist).> With all of the cuts according to my ruler my hair has> grown about 10 inches. I find that it grows more in> the late spring to early fall and less in the colder> months. I don't know whether it's because of the cold> weather or the fact that my hair is stuffed in a> touque for most of the winter. Right now my hair is> growing like crazy. The weather is warmer and I have> really been craving (and eating) tons of fish so maybe> the extra protein is encouraging more hair growth.> Hope that helps a bit.From what I have read and been told by different hairdressers hair does seem to grow faster in the warmer months. Something to do with the heat and humidity. The fish does not hurt either. Nice way of growing it out. Good Luck
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