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Summer haircuts

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z View Drop Down
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    Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
My husband is in the Army and likes our sons (11 and 13) to wear their hair very short. The oldest started putting up a fuss so we made a comprise: they wear whatever style they chose during the school year but in the summer they get buzz cuts. Last week, after school was out, the oldest tried to get out of his summer haircut. It didn't work and he is very angry about it. My husband says this will go on until they are 16. Is this too long? Do other parents do this? My husband said he received summer haircuts until he graduatedhigh school. I'm very interested in anyone having any experiences similar to this and their advice. Thank you.
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john View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote john Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
> My husband is in the Army and likes our sons (11 and> 13) to wear their hair very short. The oldest started> putting up a fuss so we made a comprise: they wear> whatever style they chose during the school year but> in the summer they get buzz cuts. Last week, after> school was out, the oldest tried to get out of his> summer haircut. It didn't work and he is very angry> about it. My husband says this will go on until they> are 16. Is this too long? Do other parents do this? My> husband said he received summer haircuts until he> graduated> high school. I'm very interested in anyone having any> experiences similar to this and their advice. Thank> you.Hello,I think I can understand what your son is going thru. I too had a father who insisted on buzz cuts in the summer when I was little. About the time I was 13 the arguments began. 13 is a time when boys feel they are becoming a man(at least the think they are). To my luck my mother also agreed with this and a comprimise was reached allowing my brother and I to wear our hair a little longer in the summer. This was a man's cut not really much longer, just enough to comb the top down flat. The main thing to remember is that times have changed since we were young(as they always well). Everything that happened when we were children does not apply to the kids of today. The ultimate decision still is in you and your husbands court. Do not take me wrong when I say it sounds as if you are willing to work out a comprimise with your son. The final decision will of course be yours, but do talk with your husband and sons about this, believe me it makes for a lot less tension around the house. I do not know if this helps but good luck
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Dawn from RareGems View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dawn from RareGems Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
Wow, this is such a very personal family situation that has to do with deep issues regarding childrearing practices so I can only offer up my own experience with the caveat that there is no one way for everyone, only some ramifications to consider when deciding on a course of action.Children are essentially powerless in the world, subject to the rules, regulations and sometimes whims of their parents, society, school officials, ad infinitum. This can be very frustrating for kids and one of the few avenues of expression that they have is the kind of self determination that would allow them to choose what clothes or hairstyle they prefer. It is a symbolic thing, an often potent expression of their individuality and one of the few things in life they can control if allowed to. I can tell you that subjugating this desire, and your son is already showing you signs of this, can lead to resentment and hostility that may take a family years to recover from. As parents we very often have to "pick our fights" meaning, decide whether something is important enough to enforce parental authority without regard to the child expressed preferences. The kid isn't asking to pierce his tongue or wear his hair in a four foot orange mowhawk, he's just asking for a little bit of self determination and self control. This is actually healthy I think and shouldn't be viewed as an affront to your values, but a step toward independence that we all must take.When I was young my mother would force me, against my expressed and impassioned pleas otherwise, to have my hair cut into a monstrous pixie hairdo. I detested it beyond measure and I hated her for doing it to me without regard for my feelings. Since they were young enough to speak and express a personal preference I have allowed my sons to wear their hair as it pleases them and this small measure of consideration for them as thinking, feeling human beings rather than just as my offspring has created an environment where they feel empowered, engaged and in control of their own person. It has also engendered a great deal of respect from them because they can see that I value them enough to consider their desires worthy and important. Their hair has taught them lessons about the consequences of the personal choices we make in life (they are often referred to a girls and must deal with the occasional person who is unable to accept them for their choices) and on the whole made them more sensitive to allowing others their own personal preferences as well. My philosophy? Allow your kids the maximum amount of personal freedom you can without sacrificing their safety. If it doesn't hurt them or anyone else, why fight about it? Is it worth it to create this tension within the family unit over a haircut? Maybe one day your boy will join the armed forces too and want to be just like his dad, proudly shaving off all his hair as a symbol of that desire but the arbitrary imposition of authority can drive a wedge between parent and child that is often hard to heal.You didn't mention how the youngest deals with these enforced hair cuts. Is he upset about it too? I find myself imagining what kind of wonderful family experience it might be to just allow these kids to express themselves. They might surprise you and in a couple years choose buzz cuts of their own free will. Wouldn't that make you prouder than if it was just something they were forced to do?My brothers never really seemed to care one way or the other about their summer shearings and none ever went on to have very long hair later in life. But its really bothering your kid to have to do this so why not let it go? You don't have to say, "ok, I give up do whatever you want", use it, work it, explain that you've recognized that its important to him and you care about his feelings and believe me, you may find you get a lot more mileage out of the situation than just caving on a hairstyle. Just as it has created a rift, if turned around it can be used to forge a bond that will engender respect and consideration from your child. We get what we give.Hope it works out for you whatever you decide. The teen years can be tough. Hey, where's Cher, she probably has some insight into this as well just having survived the teen years with her own children.Let us know how you do!Very best wishes to all,Dawn> My husband is in the Army and likes our sons (11 and> 13) to wear their hair very short. The oldest started> putting up a fuss so we made a comprise: they wear> whatever style they chose during the school year but> in the summer they get buzz cuts. Last week, after> school was out, the oldest tried to get out of his> summer haircut. It didn't work and he is very angry> about it. My husband says this will go on until they> are 16. Is this too long? Do other parents do this? My> husband said he received summer haircuts until he> graduated> high school. I'm very interested in anyone having any> experiences similar to this and their advice. Thank> you.
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Jena View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jena Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
But I agree with you!! (I have to good naturedly tease you about this, you know)My question is why is it important to the father that the boys have these buzzcuts? If the boys wanted long hair and it was rarely combed and usually dirty, then I'd wholeheartedly agree that they need simple, short haircuts. Now, having said that, I must admit that I personally love super short haircuts on boys and men and think they are the ultimate in masculinity!I've personally found that children seem to be happiest living within boundaries but have adequate freedom within those boundaries. In other words, the child gets a choice but both or all choices are equally acceptable to the parents.A likely outcome is that when the boys leave home, they will indeed sport long, stringy, dirty locks of hair just for rebellion!> When I was young my mother would force me, against my> expressed and impassioned pleas otherwise, to have my> hair cut into a monstrous pixie hairdo. I detested it> beyond measure and I hated her for doing it to me> without regard for my feelings.Honest-to-God, me too! I have a feeling you were born in the 1960s, just like me. {grin} Maybe this was our mothers' way of rebelling against the "hippie" culture -- who knows? Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and most of the princesses had beautiful long locks. Hey, I wanted to be a princess with long beautiful hair, too! I made a pact with my best friend Valerie that when we grew up, we'd never cut our hair short. Until recently, I kept that pact! ;-)In essence, I think that as long as the haircut is relatively acceptable, it should be the child's choice, *as long as* he takes proper care of it. I would not find fault with a mother who insisted on a shorter style for a young girl who threw a fit every time her hair was washed or who couldn't sit still long enough to properly comb it.But there's a difference between deciding a haircut for a 3-year-old and enforcing one on a 13-year-old (an exception being the child wants a radical haircut, like 6" green spikes or something like that!).Two years ago, my then 7-year-old daughter had near waist-length hair and wanted it short. You may not believe this Dawn, but I was horrified! Her ultra thick hair took a long time to comb and got tangled and I think she just got tired of dealing with it. We talked about it for awhile, but when I saw that her desire wasn't just a whim, we cut it short. But I had a feeling she'd like it long again within the next year or two, so it was cut into a bob, which grew out very nicely, and she now enjoys and is better able to care for her almost-waist length hair. :-)Even though I loved her long hair the first time, I was afraid that if I didn't let her cut it that she might do something radically short with it as a teenager! So, she had her simpler haircut that she liked but as it grew, so did she, and it worked out perfectly!
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Jade21 View Drop Down
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Hi, Z.I am in my 20's and don't have any kids yet, but I thought that I would just give you an opinion.I don't know where you are from, but I wanted to say that I grew up in the Midwest and the practice of which you speak is so common. I think some of it is just generational habit and the other is convenience. In fact, I knew many boys who got not a buzz cut, but were shaved bald. Many hated it and others thought it made them feel cooler in the summer. However, I do have to say that the practice was terminated at an age of about 10. I think that was the time that parents wanted their kids to start learning about taking personal responsibility for their own grooming.Now, I live not to far from the Pentagon and many of the children of the officers are sporting shorter cuts, male and female. A neighbor of mine who wears a crewcut does not mandate the cutting because I think he gets sick of getting haircuts himself:)From what the other posters have said, I do agree that it is up to you and your husband in the end. However, I don't think that you should feel bound by a tradition. You can always make a new one:) Maybe, if you did give your sons the freedom to choose, you could mandate that they keep their hair in good condition--clean, untangled and trimmed. That might be great responsibility for them:)Take care...Bye for now,Jade21My husband is in the Army and likes our sons (11 and> 13) to wear their hair very short. The oldest started> putting up a fuss so we made a comprise: they wear> whatever style they chose during the school year but> in the summer they get buzz cuts. Last week, after> school was out, the oldest tried to get out of his> summer haircut. It didn't work and he is very angry> about it. My husband says this will go on until they> are 16. Is this too long? Do other parents do this? My> husband said he received summer haircuts until he> graduated> high school. I'm very interested in anyone having any> experiences similar to this and their advice. Thank> you.
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Carol View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Carol Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
Z,How is this for the opposite side:My sister is a very conservative Christian with a ten year old son and an 8 year old daughter.My nephew has had a lifelong love of anything to do with the military, and has frequently expressed his desire to get a buzz cut. My sister and her husband are very proud that he has continued to voice his desire to join the Army, but she is very hesitant about the buzz cut idea fearing that it is too close to the "skinhead" image. So far, she has not allowed him to do it.What a powerful statement a hairstyle can make! Both you and my sister want to make sure your sons make decisions that reflect your values. There is nothing wrong with that, thats just good parenting.13 is the age that is generally seen as when a child starts making decisions on his own, and starts to become an adult. There are many reinforcements to this: a bar/bat mitzvah in Judaism, a baptism in the Baptist church, confirmation in the Catholic church and (I think) parcipitation in the holy Ramadan fast in the Islamic faith. Not to mention the numeric indicator of "becoming a teenager."I would like to hazard a guess that many people think a hairstyle on a 13 year old is the child's choice. This forum is proof that, right or wrong, some people judge other people by their hairstyle. Your son will be judged on his hairstyle choice, by his friends, neighbors, coaches, and other members in the community. Your son, and not your husband, is the one that has to live with the consequences of that judgement. Since he has to live with that decision, it seems understandable that he wants greater hand in it.I called my sister, asking her if her decision would be different if her son were two years older. She said no, but then said that by the time he reached high-school age he could "do anything he wants except shave his head." I am guessing that Manic Panic hair dye probably won't qualify either.It sounds like you all have been able to have some good discussions about the issue. Hopefully, your son will continue to discuss his ideas and wishes and turn to you for guidance while he goes through this challenging stage of life.Best of luck,Carol
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ally Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
When I was a little girl, I suffered the same experience as Dawn. My mother forced me to keep my hair in a boyishly short, unflattering pixie. Every trip to the salon was like a torture session I dreaded. I'd leave feeling bullied, helpless, and humiliated.This had a dramatic impact on my self-esteem. It turned long hair into a fixation for me. To this day, I have nightmares about someone cutting my hair off. Melodramatic? Try being ashamed of the way you look throughout your formative years.Insisting that your children maintain a neat, groomed appearance is reasonable. But please don't force your son to "buzz" his hair if he hates it. "My parents made ME do it" is never a good reason for any parenting decision.Ally
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Dawn from RareGems View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dawn from RareGems Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
Hey, that was a warm and fuzzy, breakthrough kind of moment there wasn't it? Thank you both for sharing about your common experience!Is this a new thread? Ways that mothers can scar their daughters for life with humiliating hairdos in childhood?One of the greatest healing forces in my life has been having children and not treating them that way. Its like salvaging your own youth through their unfettered joy and complete lack of self loathing.An interesting thread!Very best wishes to all,Dawn> When I was a little girl, I suffered the same> experience as Dawn. My mother forced me to keep my> hair in a boyishly short, unflattering pixie. Every> trip to the salon was like a torture session I> dreaded. I'd leave feeling bullied, helpless, and> humiliated.> This had a dramatic impact on my self-esteem. It> turned long hair into a fixation for me. To this day,> I have nightmares about someone cutting my hair off.> Melodramatic? Try being ashamed of the way you look> throughout your formative years.> Insisting that your children maintain a neat, groomed> appearance is reasonable. But please don't force your> son to "buzz" his hair if he hates it.> "My parents made ME do it" is never a good> reason for any parenting decision.> Ally
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Diane from Canada View Drop Down
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>I knew a friend that practiced the same thing for the while and the other day I noticed that her 14 year old had a very nice haircut that he picked.I have a 12 year old and i have noticed this year that he wants to be more independent . IN my household I have allowed my son to pick his style and he ended up choosing a shaved look which is fine with me. I think when they turn 13 they spend more time in the bathroom taking care of their hair so next year he might want something diffirent that suits him better.
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Apparently that was the induction cut for entry into childhood for girls! I had one and hated it just as much as you guys did....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JM Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
I had one of those awful pixie cuts too! I hated it, and when I would come back from having my hair cut, I would take the scissors to my dolls's hair! I treasured my "Dawn" dolls though (remember those??). I am positive that always having that boyish cut when I was younger prompted me to love and have long hair to this day. (Gee, what would Freud say? ) :-)
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Ally View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ally Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
> Apparently that was the induction cut for entry into> childhood for girls! I had one and hated it just as> much as you guys did....** If all my friends had had them, I might have endured it better, but they all had long braids and ponytails. I felt like a tarantula on a slice of angel food cake.I don't know if I should attribute this to my childhood experiences or not, but I personally detest that haircut on anyone. Why do they even call it a pixie? In every depiction I've ever seen of pixies, they had long hair!Ally
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote z Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 11 2000 at 9:08pm
Thank you all so much for your responses and especially your personal experiences. I showed them to my husband this weekend and we talked about it quite a bit. Unlike me, he is not convinced that we should let the boys have their hair as they want (within reason).According to him, it has become a power struggle and he feels he has to hold his ground. The boys will wear the haircuts for the rest of the summer, but next year may be different. My son seems embarrassed to discuss it with me and his only point is that he should be able to do whatever he wants with his hair. That arguement alone is doing nothing to win over my husband. For those of you who had forced haircuts, what was the arguement that finally won your parents or parent over? When the short haircuts stopped, did they stop for good? Thanks again!Z
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Diane from Canada View Drop Down
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> Thank you all so much for your responses and> especially your personal experiences. I showed them to> my husband this weekend and we talked about it quite a> bit. Unlike me, he is not convinced that we should let> the boys have their hair as they want (within reason).> the most important thing is to let your children know you really love them and support them which it is very important.My husband died in January and believe me little things like giving the boys a bit of independence really ad to their self esterm. I have seen it in my sons when I gave them extra responsibility in making simple decisions. Mine are 12 and 8.( diane from Canada)
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