What to do?

Since your daughter doesn't appear to take very good care of her hair, why is her grandmother encouraging her to grow it longer?This is a potentially awkward situation, but here's what I would do. Tell her your daughter she may keep her hair longer *if* she takes care of it. You will help her put it up in braids, pigtails, or something else if she will be active, but at the very minimum, it needs to be combed at least twice a day and washed (you determine the minimum -- in summer, my 9-year-old daughter's hair is a bit oily and is washed 5-6 times a week). Taking care of it also means she has to have trims (only a tiny bit) at regular intervals 8-12 weeks apart.Therefore, you are putting the responsibility on her -- where it should be. If she really wants long hair as badly as she says she does, then she will take care of it. If she doesn't take care of it, that means she either doesn't want the long hair or she is too young to properly take care of it -- and then you would be acting appropriately to keep it shorter. Not a drastic cut! But up to the shoulders would allow it to have some length, yet not look like a rat's nest.A child her age is old enough to have some responsibility. If she asks for help with her hair, I'd certainly offer it. But if she completely ignores it, then she really doesn't care and is most likely only being egged on by her grandmother or is just being stubborn. You are the parent and should not put up with catering to whims like this. It produces spoiled children, and you're doing no one a favor.Best wishes!

Dear Alex,I am glad that you are a concerned father:)I want to tell you that I do not have children, but at the very least, as her father, I think that you can insist that your daughter keep her hair clean and not in total disarray.I think at age 10 it is more than reasonable that your daughter assume a substantial portion of the care for her hair. Like your mother-in-law, my mother had no problem with long hair, but she insisted what I have advocated. Personally, at age 10, it is more than time to deal with personal hygiene, of which hair is a part.I also think that you could help in terms of different styles to avoid the unkempt look. Things like braids, ponytails and the like are wonderful for longer hair and keep it rid of tangles.From what you've written, I sense that you feel a bit caught in the middle. Be firm:) I do think there is middle ground your daughter's lack of care for the hair and your mother-in-law's free form approach.Bye for now,Jade21I have a problem and need some advice. In light of> recent comments, I am even more confused on what to> do. My daughter 10, has long blonde hair(7-8"> past her shoulders). She is not a real neat person,> and her hair usually looks unkempt at best. To make> matters worse, she is letting her bangs grow out which> adds to her look. Her Gramdmother, My mother-in-law> lives across the street, has urged her to let her hair> grow out. In the past I was sucessful in keeping her> hair trimmed up(nothing drastic, 2-3"past her> shoulders). But, I feel with her Nanny's comments, she> is against have her haircut at all. Im not into> forcing her to cut her hair, and part of me wants to> stand back and hope she starts to take better care of> her hair. I have mentioned to her about keeping her> hair brushed etc...So am I doing the right thing by> not saying any more than I do or does anyone have any> suggestions. Any insight is welcome, thank you.

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