Obsession?

A friend of mine jokingly told me I have a hair obsession tonight when I made comments about liking someone's newhairdo. Although she was joking, since I never evendiscuss hair w/ her, it made me think: Are any/all of the posters on hair politics obsessed? How does one know ifhe/she has an abnormal fixation w/ hair?DawnRelated Link:Dawn's Secret Garden

> A friend of mine jokingly told me I have a hair> obsession tonight when I made comments about liking> someone's new> hairdo. Although she was joking, since I never even> discuss hair w/ her, it made me think: Are any/all of> the posters on hair politics obsessed? How does one> know if> he/she has an abnormal fixation w/ hair?> DawnAm I obsessed with hair? You betcha. My wife's especially. Think about it constantly. Have tried therapy to understand it. Do I have an "abnormal fixation?" Who cares! I have felt this way for over thirty years. For the first fifteen, I mentioned it to nobody. In the second fifteen, I can count on my fingers the number of people I have told about it (and I'm a guy who tells his life story to total strangers, much to their chagrin!) ;~)I'll go you one further. The only thing in the world sexier than my wife's long hair, is the thought of her getting it cut short. Or if it short, growing it long. She has been through the long-short-long cycle a few times since we've been married. I never asked her the first time... she volunteered. Of course, I've asked constantly ever since. And within a month of her next short haircut, I'll be suggesting that she grow it again. I know it, she knows it. It's part of the fun. If it wasn't fun for her too, I would never ask.We've talked seriously about a "what if" scenario where I was no lonnger obsessed. You know what? I'd miss it. I get a secret pleasure out of something that many people don't even see. What could be better than that?Anyway that is my experience. I'm sure that others have very different ones, and I'd love to hear about them.Enjoy,David

Well, everyone is quite focused on their hair. I mean, ask your girlfriend how long she's spent this week caring for, primping, styling, or otherwise paying attention to her hair and she'll probably have to admit that its quite a bit of time. Celebrities can start fashion trends with a new hairdo. Look at how much attention is paid to something as stupid as how the first lady is wearing her hair on any given day. We judge people's political leanings (oh he's just a long haired liberal), social acceptability (the dirty hippie or dangerous biker label), intelligence (she's just a dumb blonde) personality (she's a mousy brown or fiery redhead) and general aesthetic appeal (her forehead is too high for her to not wear bangs, that long hair drags down her face, those wild unruly curls are just too much, her face is too round for that short bob, poor man that combover is so pathetic, etc., etc., etc.,) so in those terms EVERYONE is deeply concerned with hair and its many ramifications. Obsession? Well the dictionary calls that a "persistant idea, desire, emotion, etc., that cannot be got rid of by reasoning". So I suppose one would have to search their own self and ask whether their hair overwhelms their ability to reason as in, if I go bald no woman will want me,.. if I don't follow the fashion rules about how hair is to be worn I'll be considered foolish and tasteless,.. or whether its just another aspect of a varied and interesting whole person.I fuss over my hair about as much as I do my fingernails or makeup, that being, not at all, but hair is often the first thing one notices about a person and so naturally its a topic of interest.Like so many words, obsession is often overused to the point of being meaningless, its true definition obscured by inaccurate connotation.But maybe a board solely dedicated to the discussion of hair isn't the best place to find objective observation on this matter!Very best wishes to all,Dawn> A friend of mine jokingly told me I have a hair> obsession tonight when I made comments about liking> someone's new> hairdo. Although she was joking, since I never even> discuss hair w/ her, it made me think: Are any/all of> the posters on hair politics obsessed? How does one> know if> he/she has an abnormal fixation w/ hair?> Dawn

> Am I obsessed with hair? You betcha. My wife's> especially. Think about it constantly. Have tried> therapy to understand it. Do I have an "abnormal> fixation?" Who cares! I have felt this way for> over thirty years.> I'll go you one further. The only thing in the world> sexier than my wife's long hair, is the thought of her> getting it cut short. Or if it short, growing it long.> She has been through the long-short-long cycle a few> times since we've been married. I never asked her the> first time... she volunteered. Of course, I've asked> constantly ever since.You and I have a lot in common. Amazing. I could have written all of this post myself, every last line of it.Cool.BTW, did you see my account of my wife's major makeover at the Vidal Sassoon salon in Atlanta? I posted it a few months back.....mid-back to short geometric bob all at once. It was totally cool 'cause I got to watch! I posted by the handle of "Lurker" back then.Zorak

> You and I have a lot in common. Amazing. I could have> written all of this post myself, every last line of> it.Hey why didn't you? I'm sure you have something to add, at least.> Cool.> BTW, did you see my account of my wife's major> makeover at the Vidal Sassoon salon in Atlanta? I> posted it a few months back.....mid-back to short> geometric bob all at once. It was totally cool 'cause> I got to watch! I posted by the handle of> "Lurker" back then.Didn't see it. But I would love to if you care to post the pics...Enjoy,David

> Yup. The hair industry (salons, shampoos, accessories,> chemicals, etc) is multi-billions of dollars in the> USA alone each year.> Conclusion: people think a lot about their hair and> spend an awful amount of time and money on it.> Yup. People do often obsess a gosh darn lot about> hair.Hey, were you agreeing with me?!! Is that allowed?!!> Excuse me? Anyone who has made a commitment to have> long hair is obsessed! Dawn, don't kid yourself, you> defintely fit the description. Nothing wrong with> that, just be OK with it.Well, ok, I don't want to ruin the warm fuzzy feeling we've got going so I'll happily allow for the notion that it might APPEAR to some people that folks with ultra long hair are "obsessed" (I don't like the word, but for lack of a better one), but this seems like a good time to share a bit about the inner workings of someone with such hair so I'll let you inside for a moment and tell you that while I do indeed treasure my hair (I won't go into the whole psychology of it, suffice it to say that I couldn't have hated my fine, pin straight hair more when it was short, flyaway and unmanageable) I think there are some serious misconceptions about having really long hair. Its actually NOT obsessive at all. Other than to discuss the social ramifications of having it, I don't really think about it much. It grows, I let it. I wash it in the shower, maybe add an extra dose of conditioner while enjoying a facial scrub, towel off, throw it up over the pillow for the night to dry, brush it in the morning, braid it, gussy it up with some hair jewelry and thats about it. I get all the variety and spice I care to have from moving the braid around, making new hair stuff that no one else has, altering the way I pull it up or back, whatever. But I've known women with other lengths of hair, friends, relatives, et. al. for whom their hair is a major issue on a daily basis as in, is this curl rolling the right way, I can't get it straight enough, my curls wont hold, my perm is too tight or too loose, should I go a color lighter for some pizzaz, do I need a haircut, are my ends ok, is my hairspray holding right, does my hair feel soft when my boyfriend touches it, will my set hold through the evening or do I need to go to the ladies room three, four, five, ten times a day to re-babe it, are my roots showing, should I grow out my layers, is my face the right shape for this cut, do I need bangs, do I hate my bangs, well, you get my drift, fill in your own hair experiences. Its just a lot of time spent thinking about hair. For me, none of these things are issues. My sister spends a good hour in the morning endlessly tinkering, blowdrying, moussing, primping, manipulating, whatever, and when she comes out of the bathroom shes still rarely happy with the results and constantly throughout the day keeps checking to see if everything is still at least barely acceptable on the hair front. That sounds more like obsession to me. Now don't read into any of that that I think there's anything WRONG with such activities. They are the reality of most peoples lives and not my place to judge. Work that hair for all its worth, thats everyone's perogative. But for me, my hair is just a constant, its always the same, no obsessing, primping, pondering needed and that's just the way I like it. Such boring consistancy would probably drive most people crazy. But for me at least, the hair I have feels more like the antithesis of obsessing over it. I don't have the time or inclination to do any of the aforementioned hair manipulations, so for me, long hair is absolute freedom from all that. No more fussing, no more bad hair days, ever. You see?I hope that sheds some light for you on the inner life of a longhair and maybe illustrates just a bit why some comments about our motivations or psyche can feel so offensive. We're not freaks, we're not crying out for attention, we're not hiding from some inner angst, our hair grows, we let it, its really just that boringly simple and straightforward. Mainly its just this very personal thing that we do for ourselves or a loved one and its a bit frustrating at times to have it so wildly misunderstood which is why the often contentious posts on this board.I'm enjoying this newfound comradiere so please don't take any of this post the wrong way, I just thought you might like to know.Very best wishes to all,Dawn

How on earth did you manage to conclude that you were being referred to in that post? It was just a little tidbit for Zorak, a quick olive branch of insight not meant as an allusion back to anything or anyone for pities sake. Your past posts, apologetic or otherwise, never even crossed my mind quite frankly. Sorry.Very best wishes to all,Dawn> Hi Dawn,> Although I've apologized AD NAUSEUM for my remarks, it> looks like it's being referred to here once again (at> least it's being referred to on the right discussion> board, not another board on another site), so I want> to clarify something (even if this doesn't refer to me> only-and I'm sure it probably doesn't-I still would> like to say this):> I DID NOT say that the people who grow there hair this> long> ARE freaks. I said, it LOOKS freaky to me-there IS a> difference. I have seen where Jade posted to my> apology a post titled "Glad to see it-No Freaks> Here". I let it go without a reply, because I> wanted to just let the matter drop. Now that it's (I> feel) being referred to again, I just wanted to make> this clear, because it looks like my words are getting> misconstrued -a common happenning on this board and> I'm sure many boards. That's just something that> happenns-for one reason as a result of not being able> to actually hear how the voice is actually toned when> speaking out on a subject. Of course, it's not the> only reason-sometimes it's on purpose (not accussing> ANYONE-just trying to be diplomatic).> As far as the rest of your description of why people> have questions about why you choose to wear your hair> that long, none of those came to mind as far as my> posts (not saying your accussing me of insinuating> those descriptions, I don't think you are really. I> just want to make sure that the rest of those remarks> aren't attributed to me by anyone else to my past> posts on this subject).> People with this long of hair are often said by others> to possess gracefulness. Yes, I used too strong of> words, but I hope that my apology is now accepted by> all I have offended and references to it are finally> ceased. I can understand why it was brought up here in> this post, but there isn't really much more I can say> about it in the future, because it's all been covered.> I don't know what more I can do, except retract my> opinion and change it to "I love this type of> hair". I don't think you or anyone here wants> that kind of phoniness-and the debates are what this> board is all about, and we've all acknowledge that> here on this thread. Alright, I'm leaving it at this> hoping now I haven't started any new arguments about> what is now an old tired subject (in my view, anyway),> I just wanted to set the record straight once and for> all.> Thanks,> Holly

> No can do: my wife would not be happy; she is a very> private person, and I agree with her that the internet> is often not a place for personal stuff to be> displayed. Sorry.Sounds like conversations that we (spouse and I) have had... how to manage that thin boundary between the sharing of ideas between like minded folks, and the intrusion into what is really a *very* private part of a partner's life (where that partner is very tolerant of, though not necessarily sharing in, the spousal obsession...)> BTW, how astute of you to assume (correctly) that I> did take before and after pics; however, she drew the> line at letting me take the camera into the salon!> That will be something that I just have to recall> fondly from memory....Sitting on my desk in front of me is a photo of her with her shortest-ever cut, and in the folio that I carry are pictures both long and short...> BTW, the best part of her haircut was when the stylist> had finished one side an let her long hair down on the> uncut side: the difference was quite amazing!Since this is turning into a conversation between the two of us, perhaps we should move to e-mail. To fool the spambots I will say simply that I can be found at dshiNOSPAMffman at sprynet dot com, with the obvious removals and adjustments. Any other lurkers interested in joining the conversation are also welcome.Enjoy,David> Zorak

> Most people that I know that have long hair are very natural people. I wear makeup at work only and spend all my space time without makeup.I enjoy wearing beautiful clothes when I am wearing makeup.