Struggling the result

> I'm also curious as to why a haircut would provide a> self-esteem boost. Cutting one's hair doesn't help a> woman lose either excess weight or stretch marks!> HI Dave:I couldn't resist the temptation of teasing you.I remember when I had my first child that I felt like hell.It didn't matter how much I brush that hair and it really didn't matter if I bought new clothes or new makeup I really felt like hell.Then I got a haircut and a perm and I felt much better.Something new, something exciting , something fresh etc.

Hi Jena,Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject. I'd like to make a few points of observation (not directed at you specifically, but just things that make me wonder "why?").Comments welcome!> I think there are various reasons why women cut their> hair after they have kids. Often pregnancy and> childbirth leave us with stretch marks or a few extra> pounds which can detract from our feeling feminine and> sexy. To many, a new haircut is a quick way for a> boost in self-esteem or feeling good about ourselves.Curious, because I've heard one of the reasons women GROW their hair long is as an expression of femininity and as a way to feel more sexy.I'm also curious as to why a haircut would provide a self-esteem boost. Cutting one's hair doesn't help a woman lose either excess weight or stretch marks!> Another reason is that due to hormones, our hair> becomes thinner about six months postpartum. I wish> someone would have told me before that happened, as I> was concerned when my hair started getting thinner!I've heard that during pregnancy that the natural rate of hair fallout decreases (giving the accurate impression that one's hair becomes thicker during pregnancy). So the post-partum hair loss is just a matter of the scalp "making up for lost time," so to speak. I would hypothesize that the net result two years after initially becoming pregnant is that there would be no change in the amount of hairs.So it seems to me that women who cut their hair when its rate of fallout increases during the post-partum period are unnecessarily panicking/obsessing over a return to the normal number of hairs.> So, with thinner hair, often women look and feel> better with shorter hair.But when the excessive rate of hair fallout ceases, the hair's thickness is the same as it was before pregnancy -- yet many (most?) women at that point will have chosen to have shorter hair than at the time they got pregnant. The hair is only thinner in relation to the unusually-thick quantity of hair during pregnancy.> Anyone with a 6-12 month-old can tell you -- no> dangling earrings! Babies are fascinated with dangling> earrings and long hair. Instead of having to> constantly tie the hair back, many women feel it's> just easier to have short hair."Constantly tie the hair back..." Hmmm... tie the hair back once, done for the day. Not *really* difficult or time-consuming.My point is that this situation is easily resolved (virtually to the point of being a non-issue) if the mother of a newborn wishes to keep her hair long.> Another reason might be that cutting her hair makes a> woman feel older and more mature, since she's now a> mother.If HAVING a baby makes a woman feel "older and more mature," then why is a haircut necessary to assist in that self-perception?This explanation also seems odd because the lament of longing for a more youthful appearance is so frequently expressed.> Many view long hair as something for young> girls, not mothers. (Please understand that I'm not> agreeing or saying any of these are right, but they> are possible explanations of why women cut their hair> after giving birth)Indeed, this notion also seems very peculiar. Such a rigid (and fallacious) social rule with no apparent purpose or benefit.> Another reason is the time factor. Although many women> here with very long hair find they spend very little> time on their hair, other women with long hair do> spend a lot of time with it.It seems to be a matter of choice as to how much time one wants to spend on their hair. No matter what a person's hair length, they can choose to either spend a small amount of time on it, or a lot of time on it. It all depends on the extent they wish to "force it" into a style.> And when the baby comes,> the time goes! Some women just feel it's more> practical to have short hair that dries quickly so> they can run out the door sooner than having to wait> for the hair to dry naturally or to take the time> using a hair dryer.So much preoccupation with having dry hair...> And having a baby is a new milestone in our lives.> Sometimes getting a short haircut is just a way to> celebrate the milestoneWow. A short haircut as celebration? This notion is completely mystifying. "Hey, I just _______! (fill in the blank with whichever achievement/contest won/etc.) Let's go celebrate with a haircut!"> or a way to acknowledge that> as our lives change, so does our hair.The idea that one's hair "ought to" change BECAUSE some other *unrelated* factor in our lives has changed seems very peculiar.> And there could be some peer pressure involved, as> well. As you noticed, most "moms" don't have> long hair, so a woman may cut her hair to feel a need> to fit in.Doesn't the woman who HAS CHILDREN "fit into" the category called "mothers?" (in other words, why should a woman feel compelled to cut her hair in order to LOOK LIKE other women who are mothers?")> I personally loved my long hair and didn't> mind at all being the unique mom with a short haircut!I think you meant to say that you didn't mind being the unique mom with the long hair?> So again, I'm not saying these reasons are right, but> I think for some women, they may explain the actions> of a new short cut after becoming moms. :-)Thanks Jena for sharing these possible explanations. It has sure left me shaking my head in disbelief!Dave

I have three children and had long hair all their lives (until ~5 months ago). The longest my hair ever is a couple of inches above my waist. I wanted it longer but that's about as long as it would grow!I think there are various reasons why women cut their hair after they have kids. Often pregnancy and childbirth leave us with stretch marks or a few extra pounds which can detract from our feeling feminine and sexy. To many, a new haircut is a quick way for a boost in self-esteem or feeling good about ourselves. (Though I never felt a short haircut would do that for me!)Another reason is that due to hormones, our hair becomes thinner about six months postpartum. I wish someone would have told me before that happened, as I was concerned when my hair started getting thinner! So, with thinner hair, often women look and feel better with shorter hair.Anyone with a 6-12 month-old can tell you -- no dangling earrings! Babies are fascinated with dangling earrings and long hair. Instead of having to constantly tie the hair back, many women feel it's just easier to have short hair.Another reason might be that cutting her hair makes a woman feel older and more mature, since she's now a mother. Many view long hair as something for young girls, not mothers. (Please understand that I'm not agreeing or saying any of these are right, but they are possible explanations of why women cut their hair after giving birth)Another reason is the time factor. Although many women here with very long hair find they spend very little time on their hair, other women with long hair do spend a lot of time with it. And when the baby comes, the time goes! Some women just feel it's more practical to have short hair that dries quickly so they can run out the door sooner than having to wait for the hair to dry naturally or to take the time using a hair dryer.And having a baby is a new milestone in our lives. Sometimes getting a short haircut is just a way to celebrate the milestone or a way to acknowledge that as our lives change, so does our hair.And there could be some peer pressure involved, as well. As you noticed, most "moms" don't have long hair, so a woman may cut her hair to feel a need to fit in. I personally loved my long hair and didn't mind at all being the unique mom with a short haircut! So again, I'm not saying these reasons are right, but I think for some women, they may explain the actions of a new short cut after becoming moms. :-)

> I struggle with this kind of thing, because it seems> like long hair attracts husbands, but then the wives> cut it all off once they get their men. Sorry if this> sounds judgmental; I don't mean it to sound that way,> but it's something I've observed women do for over a> decade,Don't struggle with this, Jennifer. It's a fact that long hair attracts husbands, and I like the attention it attracts. (Insert smile here!)Seriously, I have noticed this, but the time frame in my area may be a little longer. It don't seem that we "give up" our long hair when we get married, but more so, when we have our first baby. Someone with very long hair around here is assumed to be childless. Some examples:Many times a young mother will be at the school, and notice my hair, if it's down. She might make a comment of how nice it looks, and then follow it by "You must not have children."Or, " I used to have long hair, too. But then the kids..."Thier assumption may be right, because in eight years here, I can't remember a young mom with hair past her waist.Maybe someone reading this could shed more light on this subject. Has anyone with very long hair raised young children?

I can't believe anyone is actually having an argument on whether or not a married woman's hair belongs to herself or if it is a piece of property jointly owned by her husband.Gimme a break-- if someone, male or female, wants to cut their hair, why should it be such a big deal? If my boyfriend/husband wanted to do something with his hair whether it be growing it out or chopping it off, I wouldn't give him the cold shoulder or tell him that his hair "belongs to me, too". It seems to me that people who try to push their spouses/lovers in to changing their bodies by using emotional manipulation are control freaks. Off the subject, what's with this idea that women were better off in the Middle Ages, anyway? Give me a break! They wore chastity belts back then and couldn't inherit property, etc.-- so don't tell me women had it good back then.Hair is a personal thing. If a person finds that their long hair is annoying, they have every right to cut it off. Some people can't grow their hair long without it turning into a mess of split ends anyway... I question any guy who tells me what to do with my hair, physical appearance-- nobody owns me! If a guy pursues women completely based on how nice their hair is has a problem.

This is a generalization, but I think it's true often enough to be called a trend:When men and women marry, two things happen. Men expecttheir wives to stay the same, which does not occur. Womenexpect their husbands to change, which does not occur.I'm still curious to hear from Katie about what her hair was like when they were dating. Either her opinion about having long hair changed since then or else her then-boyfriend wasn't clear about his strong desire for her to have long hair. Often conflicts are rooted in the dating process, but people are blinded by puppy love and ignore potential problems!

I guess you can't be surprised that he's shocked, but then he shouldn't have been surprised you cut it, either.I'm writing from a slightly uninformed point of view, not having read your earlier post, but only from what I read here. It sounds like at one time you had long hair. Was it before you were married, and then you cut it after marriage?I struggle with this kind of thing, because it seems like long hair attracts husbands, but then the wives cut it all off once they get their men. Sorry if this sounds judgmental; I don't mean it to sound that way, but it's something I've observed women do for over a decade, as I've grown out my hair. It's also an issue recently brought up at another hair site, so it's fresh in my mind, and I'm right now speaking less to you directly than to the issue as a whole. Like I said, I don't know your case in specific, but even if it's not your case, I still feel this way, that long hair is so often used as a tool for catching a man. He trusts that it is a part of her, so when she cuts it off, he feels betrayed. By the time a couple actually weds, one would have to assume they've discussed hair, and he's told her what hers means to him.But I struggle, like I said, because a woman's hair belongs to her alone, and no one has the right to tell her what to do with it. Marriage isn't slavery. If you want it cut short, more power to you, and it sure sounds like you prefer it that way. He has to realize this! Did you tell him first? That would seem to be a respectful thing to do, anyway, to prepare him for the drastic change.As for your husband, sure, he feels betrayed. It would have been better to never have discussed the issue with him, if you weren't going to abide by a joint decision, because now he realizes that his sought-after opinion really meant very little, and he felt built up by your approaching him. He believed you would compromise, as just seeking his thoughts on the matter implied you would. But when push came to shove, you rejected all of that, and I bet he feels somewhat rejected by you, that you betrayed his trust in you. Every time he looks at you, he is reminded of this. Hair is so extremely visible; he can't help seeing it. This is tough on you both.Well, what can you do? Like others have suggested, find something else he is interested in and join him in that pursuit. Don't be surprised if he doesn't trust your genuine interest for a while, so keep at it. Another idea stems from your own words, that you were shocked at your new style's extreme shortness. Perhaps something in between, still a true short hairstyle (above chin length), but not only 2 inches, either? Maybe if there is some overall length, ie. several inches on the outside/top, short underneath?Just some ideas. I truly hope your husband comes around, and I hope you two can come to a true compromise on this.My best wishes to you both,Jennifer Eve

>FROM MARKRiver Rat you have the best solution on agreements abouthairstyles,between men and women. I hope all the ladieson the hair board will read,your message about agreementon ladies hair styles. It did not appear Katie,was willingto compromise. You are right River Rat,the hair styleissue on ladies does involve compromise.A lady could wear a long hair extension or she can weara long hair wig,if she does not like the new short hairstyle.

> When exactly was the middle age? I would like to know which period of the history you are refering to?

> I refuse to believe that you people are serious> talking about this contract thing?!> SandersDear Sanders:I am challenging Mark on this issue. You see I am a long hair female . I am a strong pro long hair for myself. I also believe that every woman has her choices in life as it is very personal and I couldn't resist challenging Mark on this issue because we are not items to be obtained. We are real people with real feelings and having long hair or short hair doesn't change how a female feels about herself as a woman.It is totally rideculous to think that hair has anything to do with being feminine or not. It would be like saying that men are not men unless they have a beard or a mustache.Okay I couldn't help myself. It was way to tempting to challenge Mark.