nephew's hair

My nephew has recently come to live with me. He is twelve years old and has a ponytail! I would desperately like to cut it off as I don't believe boys (or men for that matter) should have long hair. But I'm frightened that if I do make him have it cut he will hate me for it as he is very attaced to it. What should I do?

Hello DaveYes, I am his legal guardian and no, I don't think women should have long hair. I have long hair, I always have, and I don't intend to cut it. Having said that. I would not attempt to impose my will on an adult or a child who was not under my guardianship. However, my nephew, how he behaves and how he is percieved by others is my responcibilty.

Even though you are your nephew's legal guardian,there aresome things that are *his*, especially his long hair, ifthat's what he wants. It grows out of him. If he is growingout his hair for any other reason than that he enjoys itfor its own sake - eg., as a sign of rebellion, or givesrise to actual bad behaviour, - cutting his hair may be alegitimate means to bring him into line. If he is behavingwell, then he already has a reasonable level of humility.Cutting his hair in such a case, to standard short male styles may well result in the very rebellion that youwould hope would never come about.If antagonism develops between you and your nephew overhis long hair, you may wish to relinquish your role aslegal guardian for the sake of both of you, and arrangefor his placement in an environment which tolerates hislong hair as his as much amy other part of his body is his.Brian********************************************> Hello Dave> Yes, I am his legal guardian and no, I don't think> women should have long hair. I have long hair, I> always have, and I don't intend to cut it. Having said> that. I would not attempt to impose my will on an> adult or a child who was not under my guardianship.> However, my nephew, how he behaves and how he is> percieved by others is my responcibilty.

> From MarkThere has been a lot of discussion about locks of love.In my state,there has been an increase in synthetic hairwigs,which are replacing many human hair wigs. Synthetichair wigs are better than human hair wigs. Ladies that are bald in my area,are wearing Synthetic Hair Wigs. The ladies in my area DO NOT LIKE human hair wigs,because human hairwigs dry out. There are plenty of synthetic hair wigs,to go around,for all the ladies,that have hair loss.Synthetic wigs cost less money. There IS NOT any needfor any lady to cut off her locks,because many ladiesare wearing Synthetic Hair Wigs.

Since we are on the subject, what, excatly, do you think is wrong with a boy or a man deciding to wear his hair long?> My nephew has recently come to live with me. He is> twelve years old and has a ponytail! I would> desperately like to cut it off as I don't believe boys> (or men for that matter) should have long hair. But> I'm frightened that if I do make him have it cut he> will hate me for it as he is very attaced to it. What> should I do?

I agree with pretty much everything you wrote, Jena, except for the following:> And although a ponytail is extremely passe' for a guy,> it's better than purple spikes!Who cares what is supposedly "passe"? Are we slaves to fashion's whimsical dictates? Doesn't the person who consciously chooses to be different reveal more independence and individuality than others who cowtow to the likes of magazine ads? The way I see it is this: the one who resists the fad-of-the-week hairstyle reveals an inner core of self confidence that can't easily be taken away. This tells me this boy is actually set on more solid ground than most boys. It takes guts to be different.Jennifer Eve

> My nephew has recently come to live with me. He is> twelve years old and has a ponytail! I would> desperately like to cut it off as I don't believe boys> (or men for that matter) should have long hair. But> I'm frightened that if I do make him have it cut he> will hate me for it as he is very attaced to it. What> should I do?Jenny,Hairstyle is a personal choice. We should learn to become more tolerant to differences. We are becoming increasingly a global economy, and global community. We must accept diversity as a part of living in our increasingly diverse surroundings.However, young people's liberties are often diminished as parents and guardians decide many issues for them. Parents often decide not to allow their children to run around with children who influence them negatively, who are involved in the drug culture, or even criminal activities. We do this because it is the best thing for our children.Examine yourself. Do you believe men should not have long hair because of your upbringing, your cultural values? Do you see his long hair as a counter-cultural phenomena? Are you attempting to force your values and beliefs upon another? Or, do you see him as being ridiculed in school, others not accepting his counter--cultural values, and this causing him diffculty among the crowd he should be associating with?Would we give our child a poisonous serpent because he wanted it? Would we allow our child to use marijuana because all the other children are doing it? We do what is best for our children. Any decision made with the child's welfare being preeminient will be the best decision.Conformity is a lesson of childhood. We conform to the culture in which we are raised. Although this culture allows room for individual differences, we still learn that some behaviors are outside the acceptance of mainstream beliefs. Our failure to learn conformity will make future growing in maturity more difficult. Although many nonconformists have contributed greatly to the world, there are many who are the outcasts, misfits, and homeless people of the world.All that to say this, teach your nephew the need for conformity. Let him know that we all operate within boundaries. Through sensible (hopefully) discussion and rationale, jointly decide on acceptable boundaries for his hairstyle.Good luck for parenting is an art, not science.Cordially,Steve

You must have a really poor life, Jena. How not to be a lemming? think!"The way I see it is this: the one who resist> the fad-of-the-week hairstyle reveals an inner core of> self confidence that can't easily be taken away."> I have only one argument for that: Styles that have> recently gone out-of-fashion. Styles that aren't> "old" enough to be retro yet are still worn> unfortunately look like the person forgot to change> the year on his calendar! {grin}> Jena

> You must have a really poor life, Jena.You're right. I'm destitute. Please send money!!

> My nephew has recently come to live with me. He is> twelve years old and has a ponytail! I would> desperately like to cut it off as I don't believe boys> (or men for that matter) should have long hair. But> I'm frightened that if I do make him have it cut he> will hate me for it as he is very attaced to it. What> should I do?You are correct to worry you will damage your relationship. Hair is a very personal issue, since its not a possession but in fact a part of one's body which requires time and care to maintain.In the U.S. it is not as acceptible for men to have long hair, but around the world customs vary and in some cultures hair cutting is forbidden. Some other cultures allow hair cutting but see long hair as virile or masculine. That said, it is obviously still not customary where you live and your reservations are perfectly allowed.Your course of action should involve taking your nephew's feelings into account, which you already have by being willing to accept advice. It is admirable to recognise that perhaps your instincts and gut feelings need to be tempered a bit by a little help from the outside.I suggest discussing the matter with your nephew, raising the following points - that it makes you uncomfortable, but that you realise it is an integral part of him. Discuss maintainance and hygene, and suggest that as long as he keeps his hair clean and tidy, he can wear it however he likes. Do not leave anything unclear, decide together what defines clean and tidy -i.e. washing twice a week? every other day? These are acceptable in various households. Which hairstyles will you consider (together) to be tidy? A ponytail most of the time, but allowed to be down as long as it is brushed, for special occasions? Set some guidelines, but please be willing to give him a few slips here and there.My own parents allowed my brother to get his ear pierced at the age of 13, since that was the age i was allowed to have mine done. They made the rule early on that there would be no preferential treatment of either of us based on gender alone, and what was forbidden or allowed for one of us was extended to the other. We still respect them highly for that.