Cut & Perm?

Hi, my name is Anna, I`m 37 years old and live in Southern England. I have reasonably long hair that reaches my bra strap.

My Great Gran is not a fan of long hair and as a result has been nagging me for years to have my hair cut short and permed. Her view is that now I`m a married adult woman, I should lose the "little girl" long hair and adopt a more mature short & curly style.

Although her nagging has always been in fun and she has never been nasty or put me under pressure, about 10 years ago I conceeded that one day she might get her wish and I promised that if she reached a 100 years old, I would attend her birthday party looking very respectable with short curly hair.

Unfortunately, due to poor health, it looks highly unlikely that we will be throwing that birthday party and I`m now in a quandry. We are travelling to London to visit my Great Gran at the weekend to celebrate her 98th birthday and I`m wondering if it might be nice if I had my hair done. My "Nana" has been the most wonderful person in the world to me and I would love to bring a great big smile to her face by presenting myself to her with as she`d describe "a neat little head of short curly hair". Although it would have been really scary, I would have kept my promise and done it for her 100th, but should I do it for her 98th?

I have spoken to my husband and although he thinks the style that I would go for is very conservative and would probably make me look a little plain, he says that he supports me in what I want to do. I am 98% sure that I should do it, but would really appreciate peoples comments on what I should do and what the experience is likely to be for me as I`ve never had my hair cut short or had it curly.

Hi,

I just wanted to say a big thank you to you all for your help and advice.
I’m afraid that I went against most people’s advice and yesterday went and had my hair done!
After much thought I concluded that as my Nana doesn’t have a great length of time left I’d better act quickly. As if I were to say my last goodbye to her with my long hair in tact I would feel that I had let my Nana and myself down. By then it would be too late and rather than possibly regretting having cut my hair, I would end up definitely regretting that I had not cut my long hair off. This would be terrible and would probably lead to me disliking myself AND my hair.
With these thoughts in mind, my quandary was over and it was off to the hairdressers! I wasn’t scared in the slightest as I entered the hairdressers with my long hair (although you’d think I would be) as by this time I no longer wanted my hair, it was strange because although I loved my long hair, I just wanted it gone! I explained to the hairdresser about my promise and that I wanted a style that would be considered conservative and respectable by my Nana. The hairdresser was very good, she didn’t try to talk me out of it but merely commenced cutting off and then perming my hair into a style my Nana would approve of.
I left the salon looking very different to the way I entered. I felt quite naked as I faced the world for the first time minus my long locks, which had been replaced with my now very conservative short curly hairstyle. The fashionable long haired me was no more, she had been replaced with the new prim and proper me, I definitely had a “neat little head of hair”, just as my Nana had wanted.
I can’t say that I like my new look. I definitely miss my long hair and I don’t look or feel as pretty without it. I think I look older and having been given such a conservative style, I do feel like I’ve become rather plain and dowdy. That said, my husband has been really supportive and my mum loves it. Most of importantly, the smile that I received from my Nana as I presented myself to her with “my neat little head of short curly hair” was the most wonderful smile I’ve ever received and confirmed to me that I’d done the right thing. Do I miss my long hair? Yes. Do I regret having it cut short and permed? No. Do I like looking and feeling like a Plane Jane? Not really, but right now I wouldn’t want to look any other way and I will retain my conservative short curly hairstyle until I’ve said my final goodbye to my Nana, which I hope won’t happen for a very long time, by which time I may have got used to it and decided that I like it. Thanks for reading and your support, Anna.

What we will not do for the name of love

Fifteen years ago my father was told that he only had six month to a year to live. All he wanted was to be a grandfather. Being in a marriage for five years at the time I purposely rushed to get pregnant hoping that the news would encourage my father to live and fight for his life. When I announced within two months that he was going to be a grandfather he died within two weeks from that time. He held my hands moments before dying and said "take care of my grandchild `"

I know how you feel Anna. Play with your hair, try something diffirent, talk to your grandmother and explain your feelings. She will understand your love and the gesture.

I have just read your thread and must say that I am deeply touched by your generous act, your courage and your selflessness. From what you have said, I am sure that not only have you made your Nana very happy and proud, but you’ve also done the right thing by yourself. From the sounds of things, if you had not had your hair done, you would probably regret that you’d allowed the chance to pass you buy, which could have led to you resenting your long hair for a very long time. At least now, when the time is right, you can grow your hair long again and be happy with your long locks rather than be resentful of them. On a curious note, it must be 2 weeks or so since you had your hair done and I was wondering how you’ve been coping with what must be a big change in life. I’m sure that many things have changed, some for the better, some for the worse. I was wondering if you would share your experiences of being a curly head, the way that people have reacted to you, the way you feel about yourself and your appearance. There must be huge differences e.g. you can no longer use your opening statement of “Hi, my name is Anna, I`m 37 years old and live in Southern England. I have reasonably long hair that reaches my bra strap”, how does this feel and how would you now open? I really would like to hear your views and experiences. Congratulations again on your selfless gesture and thank you for sharing it with us.
Mark

Hello Mark, thank you for your kind messages and for taking an interest in my situation. I am very happy to answer your questions and share my experiences, so here goes:- MARK, you are right, things have changed quite dramatically and if I were to open a new thread, it would probably go like this; “Hi, my name is Anna and I have short, tight curly hair”. There have been too many experiences to list, but here are a few. I have had a really good reaction from my friends and colleagues, although everybody was shocked at my transformation, when I explained why I did it, I think most were touched and very supportive. Surprisingly, a fair number of people have said that they like my new look and a few have gone as far as to say that they prefer the new me, Steve, my husband included! One thing I hadn’t taken into consideration was that it wasn’t just going to be my hair that was to change. As a result of my hair becoming quite conservative in style, I have been forced to tone down the rest of my appearance; such as clothes, makeup and jewellery. Whereas I used to feel completely comfortable wearing dressy jewellery, short skirts and cropped tops, now it makes me feel uncomfortable. I now feel more relaxed with just a touch of makeup, simple jewellery and longer, fuller skirts and tops. It seems that my whole persona and body language has changed, according to a close friend of mine, I no longer seem to be the brash “in your face” type person of old and although I am still confident, my appearance and body language has become that of a more basic, mature, gentle and caring person, which I guess is no bad thing. I must admit, I do feel that my body language has changed, I don’t feel sheepish, but I do feel more gentle with regard to the way that I hold myself and with regard to how I treat others. I no longer feel that I’m the centre of attention and the life and soul of the party, but I do feel that my natural personality is shining through. There have been lot’s of positive benefits. On a practical note, I have never felt more neat, tidy and presentable. I spend a tenth of the time I used to spend on hair and makeup and without a doubt look far more presentable than I ever did. I know that I now look “plain & respectable” in comparison to “pretty and sassy”, and although I am still very surprised to say this, but when I look in the mirror, I very much prefer the reflection of the neat and tidy presentable woman I have become, it feels more natural and I feel so much more comfortable. I also, without a doubt, love the fact that I am much quicker in getting ready, and so does Steve! Although it is strange for someone who has been used to being the centre of attention to say this, but I love walking down the street and no one taking any notice of me. There is a major construction site up the road from where I work and before I had my hair done, you could guarantee that I’d get at least one wolf whistle everyday. Since I’ve had my hair done I haven’t received one whistle, people must now view me to be an ordinary, plain and simple person and that, feels really good! On a practical note, I very much like sport and love to swim and do aerobics. A huge benefit for me now is that I can go swimming during my lunch hour, I could never do this before because it used to take so long to dry my hair and I’d return to work looking a complete mess. However, with my poodle/bubble cut, I can swim for most of my lunchtime, and not worry about my hair because I know that by the time I’ve walked back to work it will have dried naturally and whether I like it or not, I will be looking neat and tidy with “my neat little head of hair”. With regard to work, my “new” haircut and change of appearance has gone down really well. I work for a bank as a customer adviser, and I’ve just been promoted to Senior status, looking after the portfolio’s of our more mature clients. Although I am not completely sure that my changed appearance had anything to do with my promotion, I must say that I feel far more comfortable dealing with these client’s as I look now than I would have done had my hair still been long. Although most experiences have been positive, there have been a few negatives, for example, last Wednesday we were going to visit my Nana straight after work. I wanted to have my hair set for her, but the only chance to do it was my lunch hour. So, I returned to work that afternoon with my hair neatly set into a very mature style. I must admit I did feel a little uncomfortable as I entered the office, but I didn’t expect the reaction from one young man, who didn’t just tease me, he was cruel and insulting and I must admit he did upset me. That said, my colleagues rallied around me and in no time at all had not only cheered me up and restored my confidence, but had convinced me that I did look nice, that it was nice to have a variety of hairstyle and that there was no reason why I shouldn’t have my hair set more often as it really suited the new me. With my confidence regained I very much enjoyed my evening with Nana and the next morning, rather than wash my hair so it returned to the poodle/bubble cut style, I arrived at work feeling very proud whilst still sporting my neatly set hair. This was a real changing moment, because not only did it feel right, but several of my colleagues said to me that they were so glad that I had stuck with the shampoo and set because it really did look nice, it didn’t look silly and although it was quite a mature style, it really did suit me and I carried it off well. This meant that I now had variety of style and sent my self-belief into overdrive and I’ve had great pleasure in attending work with my hair neatly set on several occasions since and have only had good reactions. Another negative was no longer feeling comfortable with my clothes, a visit to Marks & Spencer sorted out that little problem, I now have a conservative wardrobe which I feel far more comfortable with, but a seriously dented bank balance. There again, Steve was very supportive and the charity shop had a nice surprise when I presented them with my old clothes. Another strange experience was going to a night club/disco with my girlfriend’s, this was when I realised that I definitely felt uncomfortable in “sassy” clothes. I made a great effort to dress myself up and made an attempt to blow-dry my hair so it would be less “poodle” and a more wavy/off the face style. The blow-drying wasn’t a great success, but it did look a little less curly and a bit more styled as I had managed to give myself a side parting. Even though I’d managed to tone down my curls a little, I still felt a little awkward in my tight trousers and cropped top, so, after a quick change into a skirt and blouse, I set off for a “funky” night out looking rather plain and dowdy. It was the first time ever that I’d not dressed up in “sassy” clothes for a party, I looked completely different, but at least I felt comfortable. My decision to change was definitely the right one, because on the way to the club, the heavens opened and I got absolutely soaked. My hair having become wet, proceeded to dry back into it’s now natural style and I ended up entering the disco, sporting my very respectable poodle cut. I was so relieved that I had changed into more conservative clothes, because had I not, I would definitely have ended up feeling and looking like “mutton dressed as lamb”, it was a lesson learned for sure! Once in the club, I had a great time, I didn’t feel awkward in the slightest and although I wasn’t the life and soul, nor the centre of attention, it was wonderful to just relax and dance without the fear of guys hitting on me. In summary, yes there has been great change and many experiences, some bad, but mostly nice. People’s reaction to me with short curly hair is most certainly different to when my hair was long. I asked a friend of mine to describe how she viewed me now in comparison to before. She said that she considered me to be a respectable looking woman with no “airs or graces” who’s neat and tidy short curly hair and conservative dress give the impression that I am a gentle, caring, considerate and reliable person. When I asked if she thought I looked plain and dowdy in comparison to before, she replied that I definitely appeared to be more prim and proper than before and although I had adopted a more plain and simple appearance, she actually preferred the new me, because although some would consider that I’ve lost my looks, I seem to be far more relaxed and at peace with myself which in turn makes me a more attractive person. I hope this answers your questions, thanks again for your interest, Anna.

TROLL, TROLL, TROLL!!!

an eleborate, well concieved ruse

But still a fake post!!!

Yeah, I`m starting to think this might be a troll post, if only because it doesn`t make much sense to be getting a wash and set so often if you have a tight perm.

I really wish people would stop posting stuff like this. It`s inappropriate to say the least.

Erin

Okay Anna can you please explain to me why you have to set your hair when you had a perm which is suppose to last at least six months? Are we understanding what a set is?

Secondly what is this feeling about feeling plain and you were the center of attention when you had long hair? I don`t understand what is the meaning of your words.

Hello again,

Are rollers involve in having this more mature look?

I certainly hope that you find comfort with your style. There is no reasons why you can`t acheive feeling trendy with short hair.

Hal, I refer you to my posting of 11th July 2002! All I can say is that it must be so sad for you living in such a cynical world. If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all!!!!!! Anna